I had to switch daycares abruptly two weeks ago. The first week at the new daycare was great. The second week not so great. Both girls (2 years and 5 years) cry when they are dropped off. The 5 year old cries all day long and all night long until she cries herself to sleep - no exaggeration. Now the new school is excellent. They do so many cooking projects, art projects, field trips - I wish I went there instead of work. The only reason she gives me (as she is in a tantrum) is that she misses me. So today I took her to work with me which is in a very quiet office - very boring - hoping that she would get bored and beg to go back to school. One hour into it and she is bored but hasn't asked to go yet. By lunch I will have a teammate come and tell me in front of her it is against policy and she has to go. Meanwhile how do I handle this transition? The teachers are great and helping in everyway they can. She even got invited to a birthday party yesterday (which she is excited about). Do I just ignore her and let her cry it out? I too was shy when I was little so I feel her pain. Her father on the other hand has called her a "retard" and said her behavior is "ignorant". I'm at my wits end with him for sure and trying to help her adjust. Someone please help me.
Maybe this is rude, but the problem doesn't sound like it's about daycare, it's about a verbally abusive father. Your husband needs to shut his mouth and help his daughter not berate her. She's having a hard time because he's an a-hole. Excuse me but this is unacceptable behavior for a grown-up and offensive to people with a child who is mentally retarded.
Great supportive fathering, there. Sheesh.
I went to new daycare after my parents were divorced and we moved to a new state (age 4 or so), so lots of transitions, and I remember crying at dropoff for what seemed like months. The teachers were totally unsympathetic - made me sit in the corner because I wouldn't stop. Mocked me in front of the class for coloring my snowman green. Not that I'm scarred or anything, heh.
Anyway, the point of that trip down memory lane is that transitions are really hard for kids. It sounds like there is tension at home, and now this whole new daycare, which is all very stressful for a child. She has zero control over what happens in her life - she can't stop her parents from fighting (or whatever) and can't stop her daycare from changing. In your position, I would do whatever I could to help her feel a little bit in control. I'm not sure what your options are, but I think taking her to work with you for one day wasn't a bad idea to show that you're trying to help. Is this daycare just temporary until fall? If yes, would you consider a nanny for a few weeks, maybe a college student or something like that to help with the transition to kindergarten? Is there a family member who can help temporarily?
I can't say what the solution is, but I encourage you to keep trying for creative ideas; listen to her and try to get to the bottom of things. (and tell her father that YES SHE WILL HOLD IT AGAINST HIM LATER. ;-)
What about rewarding her for the days she goes to daycare without crying. I would say give her a chance to earn two stickers per day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. You can decide how many stickers she would need before a reward, but the reward can be special alone time with M.. I bet it would only take three to five reward "dates" for her to realize that her new daycare is not so bad after all!
I would talk with the daycare teachers for suggestions. Sometimes kids need something extra to help them adjust and teachers should be as accomodating as possible. Maybe bringing a favorite stuffed animal for a while might help? We allowed that at our daycare during adjustment period (then toys had to be kept in the cubby).
I also like the idea of them wearing a special bracelet or something. Perhaps you could all go out and get matching bracelets? Then you all wear your bracelets all day and whenever they want to send a kiss to you they just kiss the bracelet.
Your kids will adjust eventually. If the daycare is good they'll keep asking them to join in and one day they'll just decide to and have a blast! It's not uncommon for kids to take a month to adjust. Just keep having them go and supporting them with love and letting them know you'll be back. Perhaps you can give them "assignments" like "I'm going to work, will you make an art project for me while I'm gone?"
Good luck!
Hi There,
I run an inhome D. and your daughter most likely is just still needing some time to transistion. You said that it was an abrupt change and children react differently to change. Some it sinks in right away, other times not for a couple of weeks. I would just try to be as understanding as possible with her feelings. Dismissing them will most likely delay her adjustment.
You might consider asking her to wear a bracelet of yours during the day to remember you if she is feeling sad. I highly recommend the book "the kissing hand" It is a cute story about a little racoon who misses his mommy while at school and she would kiss his hand so he had a kiss from his mommy to hold all day. Very cute.
I am sure as the time goes on- she will begin to get comfortable. Hopefully she has a good D. provider who can help ease her anxiety when you leave and she can start to build a trust.
Hope it all gets better soon.
