Email from Kindergarten teacher...sad :(

We're going through the same thing here with my one twin. The one could have cared less when I dropped them off, but the older one got very emotional. I knew from my experiences working in a daycare that it was best for me to just give her hugs and kisses and leave and not make a big deal about things. She was crying pretty good when I left. I asked the teacher how things went and she said fairly well, but that we did get a bit emotional periodically. Tonight at dinner my older one said she was done with kdg because mommy's not there with her. It really tugs on the heartstrings...especially since I've been with them practically 24/7 every day for the last 5+ years.

When I went to kindergarten my mom knew I wouldn't adjust well so she made me a little doll and named it Katherine (her name). It helped me adjust well. I still have it and my son now plays with her.

I have been where you are and understand. My son was so excited to go to kindergarten and things seemed to go well. Then he started crying every day and would tell the teacher "I miss my mommy" and the teacher looked in his records and realized that I worked all day, so he would not be with me anyways. We realized that it was definitely a big change and I explained to him that while he was doing his "job" I had to do mine and then in the evenings, we could do things together. So we planned little things, like taking walks after dinner and talking about what happened at school or playing wiffle ball in the side yard. Anything for him to spend time with me. It worked for us! Good luck to you!!!

Oh yes, ask her about how she feels at school. It will make her feel better to be able to talk about it, if you are listening in an active, I hear you way. Don't let your own emotions get mixed up in it though. Simply saying, "That sounds really hard." or "It's very grown up of you to spend all day at school, I'm proud of you for being so brave." or "It can be hard getting used to being more grown up, but it you'll do great, I know."

You can't fix her feelings, but you can hear and respect her feelings and have faith in her ability to adjust.

Tough email to read I am sure. But give it several more days or weeks before you make any major decisions. For example, having her wait another year before starting K again. IMO that would send a negative message to her about quitting, trying new things, becoming independent.

Give your teacher a chance to work this out. I guarantee she's see it before and has some good tricks up her sleeve.

What can you do? Try to sneak her to bed a little earlier. Wake her up a little earlier and get a healthy unrushed breakfast in, maybe read a bit together before her days starts. Drop little notes (or pictures if she's not a reader) in her backpack. At the end of the day, encourage her to share the one thing that was the BEST part of the day and one thing that was NEW or HARD (don't refer to it as the worst or the saddest). If she can't think of anything good, be prepared to fill it in...Was recess the best part today? Did you get to play a cool instrument in music today? Did your teacher read out loud to the class today?

Wow, I hope you know and appreciate what an awesome teacher you have to let you know about this and to ask you to send in the picture. She could have just dealt with it and from the sounds of it you might not ever have known. Trust that your daughter is in GREAT hands!!!

Someone I know gave their child a bracelet or something that belonged to mommy to wear during the day that would remind them of mommy when they were sad. I would just ask her if anything makes her sad and just tell her how proud you are of her for going to kindergarten and reassure her that is will get easier and she will make friends. After a while she will adjust.

It was only her second day of school! Give her a few weeks to adjust, for goodness' sake! If she got off the bus happy, maybe she's actually fine, and is just getting tired by the end of the day in class. Could be low blood sugar and she needs a snack. I wouldn't go into great detail about it with her, just "Mrs. Smith says you were a little sad today. Can you think of why that was?" My daughter is in first grade, and last week she told me she was sad because she wanted to read Madeline and the Cats of Rome, however her teacher told her it was time to do math. I mean, this is the kind of stuff that sends kids into a tizzy at this age. It is what it is.

I'd just encourage her to be happy in class, and speak to the teacher about strategies she can employ with your child. You know your child best. If you feel the family photo will help, by all means send it. If you think it will make her worse, maybe you could do something else (a magic bracelet? invincible shoes?). She will make friends in the next few days, and a few weeks from now you'll forget she ever had trouble. I would give it some time.

If she knows you are sad about this, it will make her even sadder.
Talking to her about her day, etc, is a good thing. I did that every day with my kids.
Also, if I had a dime for every time my kids said they didn't want to go to school, I'd own a private island somewhere in the tropics.
Both of my kids went to preschool young and were ready for kindergarten both academically and socially. If my daughter had her way, I'd have worn a bag on my head and dropped her off 2 blocks from the school. She was a big girl, thank you, and didn't need my help getting to class.
My son was not so brazenly independent, although he LOVED his teacher and his class. I was surprised to hear that he'd gotten upset a few times, actually weeks into the school year, about missing me.
I talked to him about it and it turned out it wasn't so much missing me as it was him being afraid that I would be lonely without him.
Talk about tugging on your heart!
I let him know that I did miss him when he was at school and I wondered about what he was doing and if he was having fun, but I assured him that I wasn't lonely, that I was fine and that the best part of my day was when he came home. In between, I had work to do, just like he had work at school to do. I promised him I was okay and he didn't need to worry about me.

I drew the outline of my hand and inside I wrote:
"No matter how far away you go, my heart is always with you"

I put it in his lunch box and he found it the next day.
That started our tradition of me writing notes on his napkins in his lunch box.
I'm moving and you would faint if you knew how many of them I found. He saved them. He's 15 now.

Your daughter will be okay as long as she knows that you're okay. If the teacher suggested a photo, send one.
This is only the second day.
Your daughter will be fine and so will you.

Best wishes.

The picture is a great idea. Also, if she packs a lunch, what about a special little note or treat, just an I love you sort of thing. If she rides the bus, which will make her day longer, you could put a small toy in her bag for on the bus, something special that may help her feel close to you.

Something that helped my daughter being away, she would "borrow" something of mine each morning. A hair clip, a necklace, whatever so she took a piece of me with her.

Don't forget though, she is coming home happy, some kids just miss mom more than others. My 9 year old son went to camp for a week, he wanted to go more than anything, and had a great time, full of stories about how fun it was, but because i missed him, i emailed him every day, much to my husbands dismay. My son was THRILLED, he said he was the only kid that got mail every morning and that it made him feel special and loved and helped him have a good time (my husband thought I'd get him picked on).

There's a book called the kssing hand by Audrey Penn. Really cute. About a racoon going to school. Just keep talking to her. Maybe sit down and draw what she did during the day and then talk about it. Good luck. My 2 yo is going to mothers day out for 3 hours so I'm trying to break us both in a little at a time.

Getting a family picture is actually a very common way that teachers put up a connection for children. This way they can look at their pictures and tell the teacher or friends about them. I've used it in my classrooms from toddlers all the way up to school age. The only difference is that this was something we usually requested from the family from day one and made a family wall.

If your child is a bit young for kindergarten, holding her back or finding a half day program may not be a bad idea. In all likelihood, she'll adjust in a week or two though. This is just the teacher's way of helping her.

Your email broke my heart- my youngest is starting in two days! I would get the book the Kissing Hand to read to her. It's fantastic -about mothers love staying with you all thru school. and if you haven't already -some other books about starting school. First Day Jitters, Wemberly Worried, Chrysanthemum to see if she relates to anything and starts a conversation. Its only the second day-some teachers wouldn't have mentioned it to you yet.. How experienced is this teacher? and if she is smiling when she gets home...
good luck and dont forget to update us please!

That is a very long day. Are those the normal kindergarten hours? Ours is 2 and a half hours. I think that is plenty. I really wish you both luck.

WOW! That is a long day for her! Do what the teacher asked you to do and gently encourage her about things related to school and things to look forward to. Ask her to share things from her folder. Try to set up some play dates with new friends from her class. Be patient! I remember crying like that when my son came home after the first week and asked if he would ever have any "brown" kids in school with him (like him). I was devastated too. Sometimes it is harder for us! You can also plan special treats or activities with her after school as incentives to give her something to look forward to.
Good Luck and tell us what happens in a week!

It's true for any age - if you are determined to be miserable, you WILL be miserable. If you are open to having a good time and meeting new people, you allow yourself the possibility to have fun. It's only been 2 days. Give it a chance and give her some pep talks. Tell her it makes you happy if she is happy at school. She is not being disloyal if she has fun without you. She'll have friends to invite to birthday parties and they will invite her to parties, too. She'll be fine!

There is a book a friend gave me called "Oh My Baby, Little One". It's a story about a Mommy (duck) that talks about how she misses her child throughout the day. I think it's ok to let your daughter know that you miss her too. That she isn't the little baby you used to spend your days with. Then give her a chance to talk about how she feels at "big girl school" without you.

Tell her it's OK to feel a little sad. But know that no matter where she is, where she goes or how old she gets, you will always be thinking of her too.

I agree a little bracelet or something small for her to have of yours may help during this time of transition.

I know it's heartbreaking, but this is just a phase. Maybe you could set up a playdate with a friend from school so she has someone to look forward to seeing each day? Maybe she could bring in some stickers to share with a friend at lunch? Or a small book to "trade" with another friend. If she has something like that to look forward to each day, it may take her mind of missing you.

We include something we call "napkin notes" in the kids lunchboxes. They never know what they are going to get, or what it's going to say, but I've looked online and found cute ideas. It's written or drawn by me on their napkin. They always get a good laugh.

At my Daughter's school, a public school... when the Kinder kids start, everyone... is super observant of them and helpful.
They, have a Counselor, for the younger kids. And, if a child has a hard time adjusting (my daughter was one of them), then, the child meets with the Counselor... and what they do is not "Counseling" per say... but play. They let the child express themselves, anything under the sun, and they talk interactively about it and just play. The Counselor, 'helps' the child by being someone the child can go to for anything... even if just for a hug and compassion. Anytime during the day. The Counselor also then serves as a "Buddy" and someone the child can rely on... when they need extra solace, because their Mommy is not there. The Counselor also does fun activities and crafts projects with the child... it is the child's "special" time. JUST for her/him. The session is about 1/2 hour, daily. And it does not conflict with the classroom as it is held during an open period or during recess. The child sees the Counselor for about 1 month. Or longer if need be.

And NO, it is not a 'stigma' nor do other kids think bad of that child... in fact, most of the kids... also wanted to see the Counselor because it is so much fun... and so 'special.' My Daughter, felt "Special" going to her Counselor. It was looked at very positively, by herself and the other kids and Teachers. Because, teachers do not have 'time' to do this with each child themselves.

THIS totally helped my Daughter. Who went through what you are describing. She LOVED LOVED LOVED her Counselor. This Counselor is ONLY for the young children, the Kinder and 1st Graders Jr.K kids. AND she also actively visits the classrooms to observe the "new" Kinder kids.... to make sure the children are adjusting well.
The kids LOVE this program... and it helps them adjust, to school/Kinder.

What your daughter is going through is not unusual.
Talk with her Teacher, or school Counselor.
It is growing-pains for the child... and per their emotional maturity or ability to adapt. Each child being different.

But do talk with your girl. And let her tell you anything she feels about school or her Teacher... ESPECIALLY if there are problems/peer problems/kids not treating her nicely/bullying, etc. Because THOSE are the things... you can bring up with the Teacher. We as Moms, need to 'advocate' for our child, when problems occur.

I ALWAYS talk with my daughter about school/her friends/the Teacher/the interactions/recess time/who her friends are etc. We talk story... I don't make it an 'inquisition' but rather... make it a fun talk story time with her... and we also bond that way... and she knows as a result, that she CAN talk to me about school and her feelings on it... about anything... because I "allow" her to do that.... and a child needs to 'vent' too. And that is ALSO how I 'gauge' my daughter and her well-being, in school.

all the best,
Susan

Give her time to talk to you about it. Find out what her fears are and why she is so sad. Let her know that coming and talking to you about it will help. Give her time to act it out with her dolls or just listen to her talking to her toys as she pretends. Kids work a lot of stuff out this way. Also, work with the teacher. They are so great and I'm sure she will do the best she can to make your little girl feel good at school.
Many children have a hard time in kindergarten. It's a whole new place, it's bigger, they are not normally with their friends from preschool and there is more expected of them. I'm sure she is feeling all of this and missing summer! Hang in there momma! She will be fine!

Calm down!
As a former KG teacher, mother of 6 and grandmother of 11, just let her adjust on her own....it will happen...some children take several weeks.
She does have a very long day to be sure, so I am sure that she must be tired when she gets home.
I would just be matter of fact about anything to do with school.....don't press her about her feelings. It is good that she is participating so well.
If you want to inquire, just say something like, "What was the most fun at school today?" or "What did you have for lunch/snack today at school?"
Relax, Mom, I know it is a big thing for you too.

Don't let yourself get too upset over this...this is a whole new world for her and she is going to take some time to adjust. I would be willing to bet that at least half of the Moms and Dad's received emails from the teacher, saying that their child was having an issue with adjusting to the new routine.
I think the picture is a great idea...you could also think about doing something like writing little notes...I know...she can't read...but the teacher can read it to her. Something positive like ...."I know you are having a great day, I can't wait for you to get home and tell me all about your day"
When you talk to her at home about school, don't "interrogate" her...just let her talk, with neutral input from you...just look for information. Be positive, talk to her about the new friends she is making, the fun projects, what she is learning....let her talk to you about her adventure. You will be able to figure out what is making her less than comfortable and then you and the teacher can communicate and see how you can help her.
Kindergarten is SUCH a special time and it is so important that she learns to really LOVE school!!!

Mom, by any chance is your daugther young for kindergarten, or did she make the cut-off by a long time? if she is still 4 or just turned 5 then I may consider pulling her out asap and keeping her bk for one more year. If not you and she have to make the best of it. I do think the teacher is a little premature in sending you this e-mail, normally I would think she would give it at least 1-2 wks for your daughter to adjust to the new surroundings and teacher and classmates. I teach young children in Pre-K and this is not at all uncommon when a child begins a new school. Get the children's book called, The Kissing Hand, it s a cute book and may help. Talk you your daughter each day about school and encourage her to try to make some new friends at school, this will help put her at ease. Ask teacher next wk if there are any new friendships your daughther is developing then set up a play date, getting to know some girls in the class will help. Good luck to you and your little girl Mom.

The best thing you can do is keep it POSITIVE. It IS a HUGE adjustment for some kids but if she knows you're starting to cave, the problem is going to get worse. I think the photo idea is great and you may want to tell her that everytime she has a GOOD day at school, the two of you will do something special - even if it's read a special book together, that may help. Don't use huge things for bribery - maybe bake ready to bake cookies, or watch a dvd together or go to the park - after a while, the good days will become a habit.

Awwww.....this is tough, I know. Probably tougher on the moms.

Send in the family picture--what a great idea!

Have you read her The Kissing hand? Sweet book for just this kind of situation.

Also, never let her see you cry or be upset about her going. Some kids feel guilty having fun "away" from mom. I wouldn't go on and on about missing her or anything (not that you are but just sayin) and tell her to have fun and tell her it will be more fun each day.

It's a big adjustment. My second grader (2nd day today) is trying to weasel out of ever going back to school.....I think it's just the harsh reality of summer is over & school is here in his case.

What kind of kindergarten goes from 8:20 to 4:30? That's WAY too long for a kindergartener. It should be about 4 hours.

You need to find a normal kindergarten.

She will play into your emotions. If she believes you don't want her to go to school she wont want to go. She needs to hear how proud you are of her being a big girl. Be excited about her learning etc. Try not to let her see or feel your fears.

Wow that is a long day. WHat was she doing before this to prepare her for this? You do need to sit back and watch and encourage her and then see if she can handle this change. Some kids are not ready for kindergarten at 5. ( I think there are a lot more than parents are willing to admit) You need to keep ope3n conversation with the teacher and work with her to help the transition. Is there any way she can go for a shorter time? Working with the teacher you should be able to decide what is best for your child.

I cried just reading your post. So sorry to hear that your little one isn't adjusting well to kindergarten. I just sent my oldest off to kindergarten today and thankfully (she says) it was wonderful.
Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you but if it helps take comfort in knowing that I'm praying for you and you little girl tonight and for the next few weeks. I hope things get easier for her and for you now that you know the extent of the situation. Remeber this too shall pass and you'll wish for the day that she "misses her mommy."

Kindergarten is a new world for them and I think a family picture is a very good idea. Just be patient with her and she will adjust. It usually takes about 2-3 weeks and she will have made new friends and realized in some part of her mind that Kindergarten is fun.

Can you homeschool her? You don't have to commit for the rest of her life, but perhaps she just isn't ready? If you are home anyway, why not just keep her with you. You can easily and quickly teach her everything she needs to know. Let me know if you want ideas about this and I would be willing to point you in the direction for some helps.

My 2 yo started a new daycare on Monday, so I can relate to what you are going through. I guess she hasn't been to daycare so she is not used to being away from you? It will get better in time, and it is great that the teacher is letting you know about this, so you two can work together to help her adjust quicker.

I would also suggest the book "Llama llama misses mama"

That's a long school day! My daughter is going to K this year, too (but we're already in week #4!). She goes all day but our elementary school goes 8am-2:30am. My daughter just turned 5 in mid-July. She said she missed me a few times the first day or so but generally she liked it. She is >very< tired/grumpy/whiny when she comes home, though. That's getting better, but 4 weeks in and it's still there. It can take awhile to adjust. Your daughter will be adjust and be fine, too. It took my son a few weeks to adjust, too.

Does she have some friends in the classroom? If you haven't already gotten a class contact list, you could ask the teacher. Also ask if there's anyone in particular that she has been hanging out with or sitting with. Then call up that child(ren) parent(s), introduce yourself and invite them over to play after school or on a weekend. If she hasn't been gravitating toward anyone, just pick a random child on the phone list and call. Then keep making calls until you get someone to come over. And maybe your daughter won't really 'hit it off' with the first 2-3 kids you call... it may take some work but sometimes making (and keeping) friends takes work. If she's busy chatting and playing with friends it'll make her day go by faster.

Can you eat lunch with your daughter? Our school has a very open door policy and it's not unusual to see at least 1 or 2 parents in the cafeteria each day when the K kids are eating. Or volunteer. I volunteer in the cafeteria a couple times a month during the K kids lunch time. They have at least one parent volunteer for each grade (except 4th and 5th - just a teachers aide is ok for them) everyday and usually 4-5 for K kids. We do stuff like open drink cartons/pouches, food wrappers, hand out napkins to those who forgot them, give the OK to go back for seconds, etc. So while I"m not sitting there eating with my daughter, I do see her and can joke with her and her friends a bit. The kids LOVE it when they see their parent in the lunchroom.

Good luck! Remember kids pick up their cues from you so make sure you aren't sending any negative ones. Stay positive about all things school related. Keep encouraging her. Tell her she should be proud of herself for going. Encourage her. Send a picture. Give her 'downtown' when she gets home so she can decompress and not think about school. Save the questions for the dinner table. Like everything else, this will pass. :-)

School can be a very scary place regardless of age. All those kids and allthose kids is very different from preschool and child care. There may be many more children inher class than she is used to. The teachers idea was a good one about the family picture. I have known children who carried a small piece of a favorite blankie in their pocket so they could touch it if they needed to. I have also known Moms who drew a heart in the middle of the child's plam and kissed the heart so that the child could revisit the kiss when they needed. Two days is not terribly long for such an adjustment. Let your daughter know how proud of her you are and let her tell you what you can do to help or suggest a couple of things and let her choose. I think that the teacher was very wise to ask for your help early on and not let it wait and drag out. Stay calm and supportive as you move forward and good luck!

I didn't read all the responses, so I hope you didn't already receive this answer, but buy the book "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. It's a very age appropriate book about a little raccoon that is sad about leaving his mommy and going to school.

We've read it at different times with my oldest (4 1/2) and it really seems to help when she's having a hard time with separation anxiety. Good luck!

Try reading "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn with her. It is an adorable little story about a raccoon that doesn't want to go to school because he wants to stay with his mom. Mom tells him the secret of the kissing hand, so that they will always be together. Then make sure to kiss your little ones hand in the mornings and tell her you love her, miss her, and she will have a wonderful day.

Hope it helps a little. Good luck! You will get through this.

I am having a sad face for you!

If it makes you feel any better, my daughter has been going to daycare full time since she was 10 weeks old...and she STILL has some days like that three years later. Kids like to be with their moms...maybe there's something to that, huh? My daughter take at least a week to adjust to any change in a routine...maybe your daughter is the same.

I think the family picture is a great idea. I've always travelled for work and I actually made a little scrapbook for my daughter when she was going through a rough patch. It has picture of our dogs, lyrics to songs I've made up, all sorts of pictures, a map and a little story about where I am going.

Also, try to get her to talk about her day and focus on the things she seems excited about...remind her that she gets to do it again. If she brings up crying, just reassure her that it is okay to be sad. Be sure in the morning to very clearly say you'll be back and say remind her when you pick her up that you came to get her.

My daughter gets sad sometimes when she knows I am leaving, but she'll say "I no cry, mom. I a big girl. You aaaaalllwwaaaayssss come back."

My daughter is in the 7th grade and is still feeling homesick, wanting to be home with me, so I can relate to you. When she was in grade school and was homesick I used to cry as well whenever I got the dreaded e-mail or phone call.
Have you thought about taking her to school yourself? That is certainly a very long day for a 5 year old, and to have a stranger driving you to and from school could be hard. And if you were to do that she wouldn't be gone quite as long as she is now.
Also, how about a trinket to put in her pocket? I let my daughter pick out an item that reminded her of home and she would put it in her pocket every day. I told her that whenever she got sad or homesick all she had to do was stick her hand in her pocket and hold the ribbon (which is what she chose), and at that exact moment I would know to hold on to my ribbon, making us think of each other at the same time. Sounds silly but it worked!
Good luck to you and her.

I dont really have much advice for this..i just wanted to say that your post touched me and I hope everything works out for you and yours.I do think its great that the teacher made you aware of the problem :) The only thing i can think of is maybe you can make a phone call during the day to check on her or stop by.My daughters school will let you come and have lunch with the kids.Maybe you can set something like that up to help her adjust for a bit..Good luck with everything

Wow, that's a really long day! My daughters school starts at 8 and is out at 2:25 (She's in 1st grade now, she was half day in K). I like the teachers suggestion about taking in a picture. I think you should talk to her, ask her why she's sad. Be really encouraging when she tells you. Let her know she is going to learn so much, make lots of friends, etc. Always ask her about her day. If she says anything that makes you sad, don't let her see that. Keep a smile on your face and cry when she's not in the room. If she sees you upset, she'll be upset. She'll adjust soon.

Going a full day is pretty rough! Thank goodness my daughter is just a half day but she is kind of having a difficult time too. I can tell she is nervous still. So far she cries when I pick her up from school. Yesturday is was crying because she got in trouble for being "silly" when she wasn't supposed to.
She didn't go to preschool before either so this is all new to her. My daughter won't tell me about her day until she is home for a little while. Hopefully it won't take too long to adjust. Good luck!

you don't say how old your daughter is. but if she is on the really younger side of 5 (like just turned 5 in the last month or so) she may just not be ready emotionally for an all day kindergarten. if it goes on for long make an appointment and ask the teacher what her thoughts are.

My daughter had this sort of a problem in preschool last year. It broke my heart. Although, her teacher was always reassuring me that in time she would be ok.
For about a month and half she wasn't even really participating in things. For the first week/week in a half they would have to help hold the paint brush/crayon to get her to do anything. She too would come home relatively happy, yet would not really talk about school. But soon she made a friend....and that helped tremendously. Around Halloween we even scheduled a play date outside of school that strengthened their friendship. From that point on she excelled and only got better each day.

She is now in Kindergarten full days and has not shed a tear...and wakes up ready to go with excitement.

I think you just need to do what the teacher asks and work with the teacher on this issue. If she has a good teacher, which it sounds like she does, it will work out.

I'm so sorry. I know how sad and upset it makes a parent feel to know your child is unhappy. I feel for you. My son is in first grade and had a little issue the first week of school with another student and I felt so angry and upset for him, but tried not to show it. It was resolved, but it was tough. I think the best thing to do is not show your sadness to your daughter. If she thinks you're sad, this will make things worse. Just sit with her and explain she must go to school to learn and that you will always be there to pick her up at the end of the day. Her teacher sounds like a good one. She cares enough to inform you and to take steps to make her day better. It should make you feel good to know she has a teacher who cares. Like others have said, be positive when you talk about school. Things will get better. Just give it time.

You need to talk about this. Remind her that at the end of the day, she comes home, just like mommy and daddy come home from work at the end of the day. It's important that she understand she needs to go to school to make new friends, learn, etc. Tell her to try and learn to focus on what she is doing vs. the emotional part. (This too is a matter of growing up, yet there are plenty out there who still struggle w/ this as adults!)

I think the picture is a good idea. I used to teach pre-school (3's and 4's) and I just took that child one-on-one into an activity that took their mind off the emotional. I also reminded them when (showed them on the clock, too) that they were going to get to see their mom.

I think sometimes, they think they are there forever rather than a short period of time. It always helped. You can discuss this with her too, however, if all you have is a digital clock, that might be alot tougher.

At home, have her do activities - practicing letters, coloring, etc. too, on her own, maybe when you're in another room and give her the time to focus alone, yet you are close by. This should help the transition.

Find out WHY she doesn't want to go back and discuss whatever issues she may have, too.