4Yr Old Son Wont Poop on Toilet

I feel for you, I am in the same boat my last child is 5 years old and she refuses to poop in the potty still. I have asked the doctor what to do, but only didit once. She gave me a stool softener but we never used it, as I told her my daughter never had problems pooping, she just didn't want to do it in the potty. We have bought her a potty seat, she uses when she has to pee only. She has pooped in the potty only 5 times. If she is not trained by the time she heads to first grade, there must something wrong. My other two potty trained late but all of them pooped and peed in the potty without any accidents. Any suggestions?

We had a similar issue with our daughter. We did three things... First, we did the sticker on the calendar thing, which she loved! Small stickers for #1 and big stickers for #2 was the plan, but we didn't hold to that.

Second, we put her back on the small potty seat as I had read something about children fearing the toilet and where the poop goes when it's flushed - or getting flushed themselves. It also helped her to be more comfortable and sit longer since her feet were on the floor. It might be harder with a four year old, but our daughter was only 2 1/2 at the time. Although, we have that same potty seat in our van for emergencies now and she seems able to use it without trouble.

Third, we noticed that when she did go, she was straining a lot and she said it hurt. We talked to her doctor and got a stool softener. It took some discussions to convince her that the "bum medicine" was going to make it so pooping wouldn't hurt, but it just took once. Then when she'd have a harder one, she'd tell us she needed more medicine. It's powder that mixes with milk or water or juice - no taste.

Between the three, she was going without a problem fairly soon. She's 4 now and hardly ever needs the softener anymore.

Elmo Potty Time DVD and a book about it at bedtime worked for us. Our daughter really responded to these, it helped her to understand it was normal and nothing to be afraid of. We bought "The Potty Book for girls", with a character named Hannah, they have one for boys too. The Elmo dvd was great because of the music and other toddlers in it. Good Luck!

I wouldn't get into a big fight with him or make him sit for a really long time, which is more likely to make him emotional than successful. Keep it light or it can turn into a big control struggle. I had great success with my son (also fearful for some reason) by getting something he loved (tiny containers of Play Doh) and putting it out of reach & telling him it was a "potty present" for when he pooped on the potty. And then, hold out - he can't have it at all unless he goes. I talked about it in very positive terms (like won't it be cool when you are ready to go on the potty - I'm sure it will be soon!!) There's a long time until kindergarten - don't get freaked out about that yet. --S. H.

How about a poop party?! Balloons, party favors from the dollar store, little army men, slinkys and those type of things. Make is so much fun with no negative input.
Does he have a step stool to put his feet on? That helps making him feel more secure.

My son had a similar problem. My dr told me that its the feeling of it coming out and its falling into the water that is the problem. When he goes in a pullup its still close to him where as on the potty he feels as though he is losing a part of him. I just let him run around naked to get the feeling of running to the potty everytime and that worked out great. It didnt take him long to get the sensation and once he went the first time he never had an accident. Just let him do what he wants, if you push him its going to be longer and it is well worth the wait!

I read an article from a family psychologist who writes a parenting column who said to tell the child that the DR. said he has to stay in the bathroom untill he poops, then leave him in the bathroom, gate him if you have to, but tell him that the DOCTOR is running the show and he can't come out untill he poops. I know it sounds kind of cruel but it's supposed to have very high sucess rate, with most kids completely toilet traned in 1 week. This is only for kids who "poop hold" and you should see the peditrician 1st to make sure there is no medical reason. John Rosemond is the writer, his email is www.rosemond.com/parenting, I'm sure if you write you could get the whole story, he just ran that article about a week ago, I read him all the time because his advice is usually right on, no frills, get the job done!.........Good luck....C., mom of 3.

I just read some of the other responses which are mostly positive rewards, which can work, but haven't as you mention. I guess with the approach I wrote, it takes the "bad guy" away from you (the parents) and puts it on the DOCTOR, so the power struggle is not supposed to be a problem, think back when you were a kid, if the Dr. told you to do something, you did it. Come to think of it, if you're PARENTS told you to do something, you did it!!

Hey A., I had the same problem with my oldest daughter. Her doctor wasn't concerned either until we ended up in the emergency room with and obstructed colon from the poop, because she wouldn't go either. Let your son use a potty chair if you have one. If you do not, get the one that you can transfer to the toilet. I can't remember the name of it. But the seat part can clip onto the toilet. Most kids have issues with pooping in the toilet. It's because they feel that they are losing part of themselves in it. It's going to take some time and patience (and a strong stomach) But in time he will learn. Just make sure you do not empty the potty chair in front of him right now. Do this for about a month or two, and then slowly start having him dump it. He'll complain about the smell, but he'll catch on. Then you can attatch the potty seat to the toilet and that should help. It worked for us. Good luck. E.

I totally feel your pain! I think we have all had similair things happen with toilet training. I remember searching message boards w/help for my daughter! She started the potty with a bang, poop and pee. All it took was one "harder" stool to put the fear of god into her about pooping on the potty. She woud pee consistantly, but poop was a big time backwards step (screaming, holding it, dancing around, accidents, the whole 9) This lasted over 3 months, and I tried EVERYTHING you could think of to tempt her. But in the end, it was just precious TIME that prevailed. She just walked into the bathroom one day, did her business, and we have been poop stress free for months now!! HTH, it will not last forever...although it surely seems like it I'm sure! Good luck!!

hi A.,
Our son is turning four this Saturday. We had this problem for quite a while. More so, my son would hold it because he didn't want to poop and ended up constipated. We offered choc. chips (2) if he went on the potty. We worked to explain how the body works and that poop was all the foods the body didn't need anymore and it needed to go in the potty. There's also a book called "Everyone Poops" http://www.kanemiller.com/book.asp?sku=25&sc=1, but it sounds like your problem isn't so much getting him to poop as it is getting him to go on the toilet.

Rather than trying to force him, maybe use subtle reinforcement like "you know, someday your going to be a big boy who poops on the potty" might help. Then let him determine when he is ready to use the potty on his own. Using Kindergarten would be a great motivator, like "to go to kindergarten you need to poop in the toilet" and talk up how great kindergarten is going to be. Bodily functions typically are the only thing kids have control over that we don't, so he might be exercising his right to control the situation. Be patient, he will evetually come around. My son did finally and it was on his own terms.

My 3 year son wouldn't poop in the toilet but would pee in it. He would actually hold it to the point of discomfort. What worked for me and what my pediatrician told me to do was tell him that when he needed to poop to let me know and then put a diaper on him but otherwise, no diapers. He said not to make a big deal about it. I did that and when suddenly it wasn't a big deal or a lot of pressure whether he did it in the potty or not, he started to do it in the potty.

I took my daughter to a specialist when she wouldn't poop on the toilet at 5. She didn't have 'accidents' in school, she just held it. I was afraid of damage/stretching because she would hold it for longer and longer times. The doctor said some children believe they are losing a part of themselves when they go to the bathroom, and it frightens them. He had a book called 'everybody poops' - it reassures kids and helps them understand that everything and everyone goes through the 'potty process'. It worked.
I know doctors differ, but he discouraged 'rewarding' her, because he said it sends the message that it's not a 'normal' part of life... I think different things work for different kids, but we bought the book and used it with our other kids starting their first trip to the potty!

We have been having the same problem with my daughter. I think some children have a fear that pooping on the potty will hurt. I would suggest getting up a little earlier than your son for a few days and putting him on the potty if you happen to see him straining at all. I wouldn't even talk about it, just carry him to the bathroom while talking about something else like what you're doing that day. Maybe if he poops once on the potty (even if it's only the last part of the poop) he'll realize there's nothing to worry about.
We also have lollipops for poops on the potty. It doesn't really motivate her, but it's helps to have something special after the poop to celebrate our success. (:
Fortunately, fall is months away so you have some time. I've heard lots of other moms at work talking about having the same problem, so you are definitely not alone. Good luck!