How do you get 4 yr old girlfriends to stop telling on each other!!!?? And...how do you get them to stop saying..."you are hurting my feelings."Do they learn this in school? It's making my friend and I a bit crazy!
I always told my daughters and their friends, unless someone is bleeding, don't bother telling me about it. After repeating that a few times, they got the message.
we have a rule in our house.
unless it's dangerous, or someone is bleeding or something is broken I don't want to hear about it.
I tell my kids not to bother telling unless someone is hurt or doing something that cause them injury. After a few times they figured out that tattling would get them no where.
Say "are you telling because someone needs help or because you want to get someone in trouble?" say nothing else and listen to nothing but an answer to that question.
Perhaps the teacher taught "you're hurting my feelings" as an alternative to "You're not my friend " " I don't want to play with you" etc. Teach them to say more specific phrases by giving lots of choices You can say..... " I dont want to play that way" " I dont want to do it that way" "I dont want to play that game" "I dont like what you said" etc
Hi E.,
I had this problem with a group of students in an elementary class. I made a huge ear out of construction paper and hung it on the wall. I instructed the students to "tattle" to the ear unless someone was hurt, bleeding, or something was broken/unsafe. It took a while, but the kids did get it. To prompt them to tell the ear and not me, all I would do is point to the ear once they came to me with the run of the mill tattling. They all got a kick out of the huge ear and it turned out to be a great lesson for them. Good luck!
I would tell them you don't want to hear it unless someone is at risk of getting hurt. Then ignore them when they tattle.
In regard to "you are hurting my feelings" perhaps you can help them to verbalize what they really are saying. My guess is that they say that when they don't get their way, not really when feelings are hurt. Ask them questions when they say that......."What hurt your feelings?" "How does that make you feel bad?" Then take the opportunity to explain more about what it really means to have hurt feelings verses not wanting to share or compromise.
If their feelings are really hurt then WOW, you can teach them how to verbalize their feelings. How great is that!?
I taught my kids how to tell when it is tattling or not. If someone is hurt, you get an adult. If something is broken or damaged, you get an adult. Otherwise it is tattling and that is a very ugly habit just like lying or gossiping and Mommy isn't interested in hearing those things. So then when they come and tattle, i ask them the two questions and my kids learned it pretty quick. As for the you are hurting my feelings thing. I'm not sure cause I acrtually teach my kids to verbalize their feelings to help communicate how they are feeling rather than act them out & get physical. Hope this helps you a little.
Ugh, I have the same problem with my daughters, ages 6 and 7. You know what I did? I alternate weeks when they get the middle seat in the car... and whoever has the middle seat that week wins all the arguements. I don't want to hear it!! Oh, it's Madison's turn in the middle? Then yes Emmy, the sky is purple. I DON'T CARE!! It makes me want to run out of the house screaming and pulling my hair out sometimes. These kids need to learn to resolve conflict on their own.
