4 Year Old Won't Sleep Through Night Anymore!

I'm sorry you're getting so little sleep! I'd go crazy. Maybe you can get a couple of fans to help drown out his noise and let him cry it out. Also, (and I know this sounds a little mean, but it's about not giving the kids an option to get out of the room when they're supposed to be settling down and not playing) you could get those door knob locks and put it on the inside of his door so he can get out and wake you and the rest of the family up. It might not need to last more than a week. Just an idea. Hope you get the rest you need to be a sane happy mom. Take care.

Hi K.,

The adjustment with a new baby can really be tough for all. Your son is regressing to a time when he felt safe and the center of attention. It's totally normal and important to let him go through his own type of adjustment, even though it can be really hard on Mom. Just be loving and understanding as I know you are. Your 4 month old may not sleep through the night for a while. I know mothers are always proud when their very young child sleeps through the night but some babies take longer and it's not "bad". Also, if she has been sick that could be waking her up.

You should take naps, yourself, whenever you get the chance, to see you through this rough time. In other words, the housecleaning will always be there but you need to take care of yourself right now.

V.

V.

I can't comment on your older son, but sleeping "through the night" is considered 6 hours. So if your daughter is sleeping 4-5 hours, she's almost there. My son is almost 5 months old. We put him to sleep about 8pm (nursing starts around 7:30pm). He usually wakes to nurse around 10pm, 1am, 4am, and 6am. I nurse him on demand, not on a schedule, but this is pretty much the way he goes with some variance. I have another friend whose son is one day younger than mine and her son has been sleeping through the night since 2 months. They're all individuals and a mystery to me...LOL. Congratulations on your new daughter.

You must be just totally exhausted. This is no job for sissies! If you can find someone to help you out, you need some rest every day, maybe just a teen girl in the neighborhood could stop in for an hour or two in the afternoons. I would suggest maybe try to get the son more involved in helping with the baby. Of course, he feels a little displaced and is too young to understand his feelings. He needs a new identity, he's not the baby anymore. He's the big brother, which is way cooler!

Hi K. -

I guess I don't really have much new to say, but I do want to add my voice to those who are saying how hard a transition time this is for a family. Your 4 year old has had his little world rocked quite a bit. No matter how excited he may have been about a new baby coming, reality is now he must share you, and he's anxious about all this change and trying to figure out where he fits in the new family arrangement. I believe most children slip back into babyness, whatever that form that takes for them, when a new baby arrives. I've observed many 4 year olds do the baby thing even when there isn't a baby in the home; it's just a time when that happens; maybe it's even part of development.

LOTS of reassurance is called for, and it may mean you'll feel like your spoiling your son, but once he feels he has what he NEEDS to feel SAFE, he'll calm down. Urge him to get close to the baby (safety in mind) and perhaps get him involved with helping you to care for her.

Behavior that feels difficult to us adults comes out of real need and its our job to figure out what that is, and help them understand what's up. He's old enough to discuss all of this with him, in a simple way. He may not always be able to control his own actions, and he may still need some extra mommying, but this won't last forever. You'll all be on to something else very soon.

I'm a big advocate for family bed, for what it's worth to you -- everyone gets a lot more sleep that way. Little babies can be in a bassinette beside the bed until their sturdy enough for the other bodies' movements. Just a thought. I realize it's not for everyone.

And of course, nap all you can, whenever you can.

All the best,
Colleen

As for the milk, slowly water it down over the course of a week or two. Pretty soon it will just be warm water...

As for sleeping, he is defintiely old enough to be talked to about it. You could say "at bedtime, I will sit with you for five minutes" (have a clock nearby and show him what the hand will look like when 5 mins is up), then I am going to bed". "I will not come back in your room again." Talk to him about it all the time, quiz him on it. And then.... BE CONSISTANT! That is the most important thing. He is also old enough in my opinion to cry it out. And maybe it will turn to that after the "5 mins" is up and you leave the room. Whatever you decide to do, follow thru, dont cave. I also, really like the super nanny's sleep suggestions. I think for a 4 year old, it would just be as simple as going in and putting him back in bed over and over (like a robot, not talking , no discussion etc.) until he falls alseep. If he is getting out of the bed that is. Good luck, Im sure you will get some great suggestions here.

It sounds like your son needs more one on one attention from you. He is getting it at night from you and so this has created your problem. My suggestion would be to set aside some time daily that is just for you and him, maybe when the baby is napping? Ignore the dirty dishes or unanswered email and focus on him for an hour or so. This should really help. Also try to go out with him once a week, just mommy and him, to the park or for lunch ect. And stop giving him night time milk, cold turkey. He is 4 years old!

I have 3 kids that are 4.5 years apart (10,5,and 1). I went through the sleep digression with both boys.My oldest is the most attached to me. He still asks me to lie down with him on occassion. One thing that worked, is not focus on the night as much as looking to see if you are spending any alone time with your 4 year old during the day. I don't know your situation, but even if you can find 1 hour to do something with your son and have someone else watch the baby, either go for a walk, go to the park or library, get a special treat. He wants your attention. I know how hard this is, everybody wants a piece of you. If you don't have anyone who can watch the baby, maybe let your son pick an activity you can take the baby with you in a stroller or front pack. We live near a lake and just taking a short walk and looking for bugs, etc was fun for my son.My older son wanted to sleep with us when we had the baby. We allowed him to bring in a sleeping bag and sleep on our floor, but told him he was not allowed to wake us up. Eventually, he stayed in his room. Regarding the milk. Maybe you can go out and buy a "special" water bottle (let him pick out a reuseable bottle) that he can keep by his bed. Just so you know, it does get better. All 3 kids are sleeping through the night (for the moment). Good Luck!!!

I have a 10 year old and an almost 5 year old. Both boys. I would say more then anything, your 4 year old just needs you right now. Give in for a while. Be there for him. For the last four years of his life, he was the center of your attention, and that changed when the little one came. I used to tote my infant around with me and the older one. That made the transition easier for the older one. Don't forget, bringing home a baby to a toddler, isn't all that exciting for them beyond the first 5 minutes. After the initial excitment, it's really just "in the way" for them. Making your older one "cry it out" at night could totally backfire for you. I have always found that when I'm the least patient is when my kids need me more. The second I give them the attention they are craving, it usually works in my favor. Good luck.

My children started having nightmares at 4 years old. I think it's a normal stage of development. The key for me was talking through it and giving a lot of comfort. I don't allow my kids to sleep with me and instead opt for comforting them in their own bed. Because of our christian faith, I share that God is always with us protecting us and made a glow-in-the-dark sign that hung next to the bed that says "God is always with Me". I also believe in not letting my children have milk after they've brushed their teeth at night. It promotes tooth decay and I refused to risk it. So, it was never an option for my children. It also sounds like there is a good possibility that your infant daughter may have had an impact on your son. He may be needing a little more emotional comfort from you. One of the things I did with my son when my daughter was born was schedule "dates" with my son. It gives us one-on-one time with just the two of us. Several years later, he still asks for "dates" and wants that one-on-one time. My daughter gets alot of time alone with me as she has yet to go to school full time. So, I have to make more of an effort to spend a little alone time with my son each day. We do this by talking about his day and reading before bed. It lengthens the bedtime routine, but is well worth the rewards. Just some thoughts. Parenting is not easy and we're always thrown curve balls. But, this too shall pass. Hang in there!

I thought I was reading about MY 4 year old when you were discussing yours.
It's called manipulation: the bad dreams, "needing" his sippy cup, having you lie with him, etc.
We were very firm with our son about what he may do once he's in bed. After prayers, I would ask him when he may get up and he had to reply: when the sun comes up; what do you do when your sister cries: close my eyes and go to sleep; what do you do when you have a bad dream: think of happy things;

It worked for us, but the key is consistency and firm consequences.
good luck

Hi K.,

I understand what you are going through, and how tough it can be. I have a two year old and a four month old (both girls) right now, and the sleeping patterns are a bit out of track for all of us in the house.

Two months before the new baby arrived, my oldest stopped sleeping through the night (putting her down was a challenge to say the least, and she would wake up two or three times in the middle of the night, and for good at 6.00 or 7.00am). By the time the new baby came we were exhausted parents already.

What worked for us (finally! and after a lot of trial and error!):

I created a "good sleeper rules and rewards" chart for her. I literally wrote the rules and we read them to her every night:

Good sleepers...
-Lie down in bed
-Close eyes
-Stay very still and sleep
-If they wake up and it's still dark, they sleep some more

Then we would lie down and do our nightly routine (milk, teeth, story, song, prayer, wrap in blanket, kiss). After that, I tell her that we are going to leave her door open, but mommy will be right outside the door. If she gets out of bed (she is out of the crib) the door closes a third of the way (2/3 the second time and completely the third time). So far it's bee door open all the way. She checks to see if I am there (she can see me from her bed if she stretches a bit) but no crying. The hope is that over time she will rely less on us waiting outside (and I do my yoga stretches while I wait :).

Every morning we talk about the good sleeping rules, and how she was a great sleeper. We put colorful shining stickers in her chart and make a big deal out of it. She was so proud the first few times she wanted to show her chart to everyone that came by. When she did wake up in the middle of the night I did not make a big deal out of it, but there was no sticker on that day's slot, and when she asked, I told her that she was not such a good sleeper that day, but we can try tonight and see if she gets a shining star the next day.

As for the baby, I am nursing, but the last meal of the day is a bottle of formula for our four month old. I know doctors say it does not work, but it gives this baby two extra hours of sleep vs. breast milk (it was not the case with my older daughter). I would suggest you try.

There is a book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I used some of the techniques in the book with both my kids and they worked. It may be helpful for you too. It has techniques for all ages too. Good luck.