Toddler Not Staying in Her Own Bed at Night

I would put her back in the crib with a crib tent. We use a tent, and we love it! When she's ready, she'll stay in a bed. Until then, use the crib a little longer. Maybe keep them both in her room, and let her tell you when she's ready?

Try to specifically find out why she is getting up and coming to your bed at night. Is she afraid? Does she want to cuddle? Why is the behavior happening? If you can find out why you will be able to determine how to handle the problem better. Really praise her in the morning if she spends a night in her room and give her something special, or do something special with her, tell her you are so proud that she stayed in bed last night. Positive reinforce her when she stays. Do not make a big deal of that she is coming to you at night, kinda ignore that behavior but talk about it in the morning.
Let her know that you know she is trying....if all else fails let her sleep by your bed but not in it, put her toddler bed in your room (at least you will all sleep)do not force the issue, all children grow out of these stages and she will want the independence of her own room as she matures. Or keep walking her back to her bed when she comes (but you get little sleep this way). My son slept on a futon in our room until he was 4, we needed to sleep and did not want to make an issue and he soon decided he wanted his own bed in his own room and that was that. Pick your battles....and get some sleep!

Hi J., you might think about putting up a baby gate at her door. It's normal for kids to enjoy the freedom of a bed and the autonomy/control it gives them - hey, I can get out, and go to moomy anytime I want! If you don't want this, you need to let her know that this is against the rules (2 1/2 isn't too young to start learning there are rules). But you need to do it right away, not let her come to your bed sometimes or for a few weeks and then change the rule, because she won't understand why it's sometimes okay, and then if you say it's not okay, she won't take you seriously and will keep trying. Good luck.

J.,

I think the baby gate the other mother's suggested is great. Or you may want to put bed rails on the bed. It may also just take some time. I know with my son it took about 8 weeks for home to completely adjust to the "big boy" bed for night time sleep and naps. He has been in the bed for a year now and never gets out of it with out my husband or I there (even at 3 am when he has to go to the bathroom). Good luck, this is a stage and it will pass.

I had the same problem when I took my twins out of their crib. I started by putting a baby lock on their door so they couldn't open it and I would let them cry, but one of my twins would cry for 3 or 4 hours at a time (I know, I know... how could I let him do that?!) Anyway... the pediatrician recommended that we put a baby gate on their door so they wouldn't be scared b/c they could see out but not GET out. Basically, the gate made the room like one big crib. They still cried a little at night so what I did was put a big blanket by their door. That way, if they stood at the gate and cried, they could simply lie down on the floor when they were done crying and go to sleep. It was too hard for them to put themselves back in their toddler beds and get covers on.
That did the trick. Strangely enough, they loved sleeping on the blanket on the floor so much that they STILL sleep there more than a year later! They will be 4 in July! They nap (when not in school) in their toddler beds, but at night, they sleep next to each other on the floor on their down blanket. Hey, I'm not complaining. They sleep 11 hours and don't wake me up!

I will tell you that at the beginning when they were crying all night, I called a sleep consultant (yes, someone has that job!) and she told me that until kids are 3, they don't have the impulse control to stay in bed so they recommend keeping kids in cribs until age 3. Obviously, that's not always possible. And with my singleton daughter, I put her in a toddler bed at 2 1/2 years old, and she was fine right away.

But you are right not to want her in the bed with you. Get the gate up and be prepared to let her cry it out a little.

I had similar problems, too. I moved my now 3 year old into a big bed at around 2.5 years old. In the beginning, she did not nap and would come out of her room. I would always bring her back to bed - I made sure she new I was serious and tried to be consistent. I would sometimes leave books in her bed and told her that she didn't need to sleep but rest. Eventually (a few weeks later), she went back to naps. Now, at 3 years old she's growing out of them :-(

For night time I started playing CDs while she fell asleep. I guess it kept her company.

good luck!

Everything takes time and lots of patience!! That is one thing my 4 yr old has taught me. LOL

My girl kicks, moves and rolls like a crocodile taking down a gazelle - really! Transitioned the crib to a toddler bed, moved on to a Disney Princess bed and then into a full size bed. Why all the moves? She did not have enough room to flop around during the night. The bigger bed ended the midnight crawls into my bed, everyone is sleeping through the night and waking up happy in the morning again :-)

Good luck!!

Hi J.,

We transitioned our now 2-year-old at around 17 months and dealt with him getting into our bed at night or in the early morning because we didn't want to try to put him back down when we were tired. However, we have done two things that have been really helpful. At first, we put a pressure gate across his door and would leave his door partly cracked open so we could hear, but if he got up, he didn't have the run of the house (especially since his room is upstairs). We completely baby-proofed his room so he couldn't get hurt if he woke up and decided to play. Once he started being able to climb over the gate, we put a safety door knob cover over the inside of his doorknob and started shutting his door. Again, we can hear him if he gets up in any distress, but he can play quietly if he wakes up early. He usually ends up staying up a little after we put him to bed and we find him sleeping in a pile of books. You will find a consistent routine that works for you! :)

I would tuck her back in her own bed a few times however if you see she is making a game out of it just walk her to her door and let her get in her bed. just calmly tell her she needs to be a big girl and go back to her bed and that it is not time to wake up yet (you can show her its still dark out). Also maybe she is afraid of the dark so what you can do is get one of those small outlet night lights for her room. you can let her go with you to pick it out herself. you can also try asking her during the day why do she get out of bed at night. you may be surprised at her response (its worth a try.) the nap thing what you can do is get black out curtains for her bed room which will make it look like its nighttime so she may be more willing to get into bed. also you may have to push her nap time a little later if she is not worn out by any morning activities (i know its hard with it being cold outside.)if she will not sleep tell her its quiet time where she lays in bed and looks at a book or listens to soft kids music ...she may eventually fall asleep but if she doesnt at least she will be resting. hth...

The non napping sounds very normal. My now 2 year old rarely naps. Many kids I know were not napping at 3 or occasionally doing so.

I think it takes time and consistency to keep your kid in bed at night. I would try and take your daughter back in bed everytime (unless it is clear she is sick) and she will eventually understand that you expect her to stay in the bed at night. It is a normal response for a kid to want to explore. First I would see what is waking her up? Is there a TV on, noisy street, neighbors? We try and keep very minimal toys in their room. My kids also have a *special stuffed toy* that they love and it brings them great comfort at night. I was against them bc of allergies, but you can wash them in a hot washer anytime! Be sure to keep the monitor on so you can hear your child if she wakes, get up and put her back in bed.My boys were both right around 18mos when they went to big kid bed and the oldest one never got up and the youngest was very minimal and short lived. Every morning though we allow them to come to our room and we all snuggle, or occasionally they wake and play a little first. So I think there is something about mom and dads bed that they want to be apart of so perhaps sunggling there before or after sleepytime might help.

I am in the exact same situation right now actually!! I moved my 2.4 year old up to a toddler bed in his brother's room about two weeks ago. At night they were playing, getting out of bed and turning lights on. During the day I have to have the 3 year old in my bed with me to nap or he won't nap (I only make him nap 4 days a week or so - I had been letting him not nap, but he was miserable!!) That means the 2 year old is in his room by himself at naptime and he was doing the same playing thing as at nighttime with his brother. A few days ago I read another post on here and got the idea to sit in his room until he falls asleep. During the day I lay in his brother's bed until he is asleep (usually only takes five minutes as opposed to the hour and a half it took last week!!) He knows I am in the room so he won't get out of bed. Then at night we have started putting them to bed a little later (realizing that they were playing until then anyway and we were just getting frustrated with them!) and now they are just talking a little but staying in their bed for the most part. I will go up there twice and talk to them. If I have to go up there a third time I will sit by the door until they are asleep. It has not gotten to that point since I have started putting them to bed a little later (usually like 9:30 instead of 8:30). This is what is working for us. Good luck!!!

Oh I have so been there! It was awful-3 weeks of fights and little sleep for either of us- so we put her back in the crib and got a crib tent. It bought me a year more naps and good night's sleep and then when she finally transitioned to the big girl bed at 3.5 yrs old she was ready and able to stay in bed on her own. I can't say enough about the crib tent! It saved my sanity. (we used it again for #2 and it will be ready again for #3) Worth every penny- get the Crib Tent 2 with the lining that goes all around inside the crib so your DD doesn't reach out and unzip like our little Houdinis did.
Good luck!

My son turned 3 last month and we moved him to a twin bed in November. He was very excited about the big bed in his own room. But we kept the crib up in our room for a while. Several nights he kept getting out of bed at bedtime and just went into the crib. After a week or so he got the idea. Strangely he never climbed out of the crib--even though he definitely would have been capable if he wanted to. I was going to just put the crib matress next to our bed for a while be we didn't need to. Also I would often sit with him for a little while--up to 15 or 20 minutes at most--and read by book light. I do like the crib tent idea though and plan to try it with my daughter when she is bigger.

Hi J.
This sounds pretty normal to me.
Stage of getting used to the change.
Praise her when she stays in her bed, tell her to stay in her bed, but time means nothing so she has no idea she isn't supposed to be awake. Worked for some of mine to say when the sun is shining come and get me, stay in your bed til the sun is shining. Didn't work with all. I think some just needed more time than others and it was their way of getting it.
Have you ever heard a mom say they were in my bed when they were 10, no of course not, so they grow out of it.
Enjoy it, they will soon be out of the house and on their own.
K. SAHM married 38 years -- adult children 37,33,and twins 18.

First totally baby proof her room. Make sure that her dresser and other furniture are secured. Then just put a baby gate in the doorway once she's in bed. I didn't worry about my son getting out of bed as long as he stayed in his room. This way she is safe and in her room. And if you need to get her you can just "hop" the gate.

I had the opposite problem. I co-slept with my daughter until she was about 2 years, 4 months - not always by choice! She has been sleeping in her own bed since October and sleeps through the night most of the time. About 98% of the time, I lay down with her (sometimes nurse) until she falls asleep. Could you try going in to her bed instead of encouraging her to go into yours? I'm not sure you want to start that habit, but once she falls back asleep, you can go back to your own bed. I listen to the monitor, so I can hear her waking up and then I go to her b4 she can come to me. Best of luck to you!

~Annie