3.5 Year Old Driving Me Bananas!

My 3.5 year old girl is the same way. I have no solutions, only commiseration. My girl LOVEs time in her room alone so that doesn't work.

Good luck!

This may be a hard concept but, get a babysitter & do things with your little girl deliberately & not with him make sure the sitter knows why & what they are up against. Tell him why you are doing things with little sis & not him. I believe that will do the trick.
Don't give him a time out anymore, Just don't give him attention, that is what he wants. If he won't take the positive attention you want to give him then he gets none. Grab you daughter & go in a room & shut the door & spend 3-4 minutes playing with her when he acts up. You get a time out away from him this way.

Everybody always says the terrible two's, but 3's are worse. I would go to the dollar store or something and get a bunch of little toys. When he has done something good, praise him, and give him a reward. There is something also called a marble system. I don't remember the whole thing, but you have two jars and he gets so many marbles for doing a particular thing or whatever you want. He gets marbles taken away from the good jar and put in the bad jar when he doesn't. Example: He gets two marbles for not saying the phrase you said in your post. But gets one or both taken away when he does. Make a list, discuss with him what should be his goals and the consequences of it. Make it simple, work on one thing at a time. Then decide how many marbles he is have to get a reward. Toy, money, or anything you decide. A special day with mom or dad. Whatever motivates him. It won't catch on probably till he gets his first reward, so make it easy at first so he sees the benefit.
Good luck.

I feel your pain, and have no advice...just to tell you you're not alone. My DD is closing in on 4 (in about 2 months) and I swear this 3rd year has been VERY challenging! Especially the last 2 months! Does it get better at 4??? PLEASE tell me it does! My Dh is deployed and I would give my left arm for some peace!

Our son is also 3.5 and this sounds all to familiar! What I've found that works the best is when he's happy and content and calm is to reitierate to him the things that are not ok...like, "you know when you hit your sister earlier-that was not ok, it's not nice to hit , right?"...stuff like that or as I'm putting him to bed I leave him with a nugget of some kind. I find that he really does absorb those things and it helps.

Granted there are still the -MOM, you have to do it-you do it, do it NOW....times. And generally I just say...Hey, that is not ok to talk to me like that, that is sassy. And I give him the "mom" look. I generally leave it at that, because then if he does ramp it up he usually knows that he's risking it. :) And for those times I just set the limit-...like he loves to scream so loudly that the paint could crack off the wall...so I tell him..Ok-one more time and XXXX. Usually it's me taking away a toy or no snack, etc. "Usually" that works.

The one other thing I can suggest is praise the heck out of him when he's done something great like helped pick up toys-or when he's being really sassy/bossy...get down on his level and say something like-ok, what's going on, why are you being so sassy...he won't have an answer, but often what they really want is just acknowledgement that they are heard and are given some attention. So then a hug and kiss and move on and forget it.

I don't have any suggestions either - just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. We have the same problem with our 3 1/2 yr old. It used to be that he was just whiney, now he also has an attitude and talks back. And taking things away doesn't always work for him either. So I feel your pain. Oh, and we have a 7wk old baby now too who can be very irritable. I can handle his crying/screaming over my older sons attitude anyday! Good luck to you!

Take time out away from his room. My boys each have a corner of the hall that is their "time out corner." Set a timer, and let him know that if he gets up before the timer goes off you will restart it. (Set it for only 3 minutes).

Also, it may be possible that you are over-using time out. The walk-away thing is a good idea when he's being nasty to you. Yeah, he follows, but pretend he doesn't. Or just say "I can't hear when you talk like that." Especially with you being pregnant and on restrictions, he's probably trying to get attention. Give him as little as possible for misbehavior, and make sure to praise him and give him positive attention when he does something good.

Nothing will make it go away really fast. This is a stage many kids (especially boys, it seems) go through, and you just have to be patient and consistent. This is what makes parenting an adventure!

When my dd turned 3.5, she became a teen. I couldn't believe the mean things that were coming out of her mouth and the demanding demeanor that she hadn't possessed before. I went to the Supernanny website and made the pirate rewards chart for her (she isn't much of a princess girl- but they have one there, too). This helped for the first 6 months and then I had to try something new and started taking away activities that we did regularly- classes through the rec center. We were signed up, but she missed a few before catching on and it sinking in. That lasted for a few months and she stopped caring if she missed a class or not. We then went to missed playdates and that lasted for over a year. She just turned 6 and things started looking up at about 5.5, not as bad with the behavior, anyway, but we still have some issues now and then. I just changed the way we use the pirate behavior chart, again. It seems to be working now. She now is in the ignoring phase. If I pretend not to hear, I don't have to do it...

My son (3.5) is starting to mouth off a bit, but he still stops playing just to come give me a hug and tell me he loves me. It was good that I had him around during the past 2 plus years with the "I hate you, mommy" from my dd. It helped balance my hurt. I knew she didn't really mean it, but it still hurts a bit, especially the first time.

I like the baby sitter idea. You might start out by getting a "mother's helper" in and just taking your dd around the block for a nature walk, or something. You wouldn't be gone long and it might send a message quickly. Maybe even just a couple of times with 15 minutes out w/dd might do the trick.

Good luck, I hope I can keep my sweet little boy....please, I've suffered enough for the past two years....

I say get him a "booster seat" with some straps and use that as his "time out" chair. Either that or use his old high chair, hopefully with a 5 pt harness.

The bottom line is, it's not a "time out" if he gets to play or come out of his room. And if you physically can't keep putting him back in his room over and over again, then you need a way to make him stay put.

I agree that you need to get him under control now or you are really going to have a hard time after the baby comes.

I am a firm believer that kids NEED to listen and behave and understand that they are not in control.

If you want to go the "ignoring" him route, then do so. If he follows you around so what? Don't talk to him, don't give him any attention positive or negative. Walk past him, around him, etc. When he talks to you or asks you a question don't pay attention.

One way or another he'll get the message that you won't be treated like that.

I hear your frustration, and I believe I hear a little boy who's frustrated, discouraged, and worried, too. You can't physically "battle" him, but I worry that you can't physically comfort and reassure him, either, and that you may be too overextended energetically to take time to connect with what he wants and needs. This could be especially true if his negative behavior is fairly recent, or keeping pace with your pregnancy. And if he's getting one or more punishments every day.

At 3.5, a child doesn't have a long-range view of life. Everything is pretty immediate. If he's getting several "No, you / we can't do that right now because Mama's pregnant / tired / too busy" for every "Sure, sweetie, let's take some time to do what YOU want," then I'm guessing he probably has some serious misgivings about the coming baby. That's probably only going to get worse, especially when the baby arrives, unless you can make a point of finding special "Yes!" times for him.

An already frustrated or discouraged child who is punished often for being frustrated and discouraged does not have a happy future trajectory. A child's behaviors are strategies to try to get what he needs. Of course, with his limited experience, his strategies will not be the most effective or positive. He needs adult help to come up with better techniques than acting out.

I strongly recommend a lovely, practical and wise little book that I've used very successfully with my grandson since he was 2.5: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.

You will be amazed that even a young child can be empowered to become a part of the problem-solving team, and you'll read many examples in the book of how parents found creative ways to show their children how much they love and appreciate them. This is pure gold to a child – when they are noticed and appreciated for their best moments, they will work hard to create more of them.

I have a difficult to manage almost 3 year old, and we found that the book 1, 2, 3 Magic has really helped. It's really simple, but has worked surprisingly well. You do need to follow it pretty closely though. We took a half-hearted stab at it and didn't see any results, but once we committed it's worked. It's a timeout based method.
good luck.
K.
PS. I almost forgot. We also tried taking toys away, and my daughter really didn't care. Eventually we discovered her weakness though...princess dresses. If we threaten to put one of those in time out, she hops to it. Maybe your son has a weakness that you have yet to discover...

I agree that his bedroom is probably the worst pace for a timeout. Try the stairs or a small throw rug.

Three, IMO, was MUCH worse than 2 ever even thought it could be! The REALLY test the limits at 3, and you need to be REALLY consistent and firm, in spite of the fact that you have another child and are pregnant. Dig deep!

I feel your pain! My 3.5 year old daughter can really be a handful sometimes, doing similar things as your son does. I just know that sometimes giving her extra positive attention and extra playtime with me (1 on 1) for a while seems make her more agreeable. She's at her worst when I'm on the phone or trying to work at my computer. (I work at home and go to school.) We gave up on time out a long time ago. She never stayed there, either. Try to reward him with praise when you catch him doing good things. This seems to help to some extent. However, there are many times when nothing seems to work. Sometimes I just walk away for a minute to collect myself. Trying to reason with a 3.5 year old is very tough. I think it's just the nature of the age/stage. Good luck! Just know that you are definitely not the only one out there going through this!