I know with 100% certainty that he has never heard this from my mouth, or from my husband's. I have never heard my 5 yr old say it, and the 1 yr old obvisouly doesn't say it.
One of my babysitters heard him say it today. Yesterday a different babysitter was watching them, and when I got home I could tell that she was stressed out. That's the only other person he is ever alone with.
I want to ask her about it, but don't want to sound accusatory. Would something like, "Jack told Mike that he was going to "kick his @$$." I was shocked, because we've never said anything like that to him, and I know we don't have the kids watch any shows that would use language like that, so I am really confused where it came from." Is that obvious enough that I want her to respond to it, without saying, "Did he hear it from you?"
I like Kristina M. response. I would include "let me know if you hear anything like this from him".
If you take him out in public, he will hear and possibly repeat things. Just
ignore it. In the scheme of things not something to get worked up over. Kids
just want a reaction and if you do not give it to him, he will forget. He does
not realize what he is saying in bad. Too young to know.
Updated
If you take him out in public, he will hear and possibly repeat things. Just
ignore it. In the scheme of things not something to get worked up over. Kids
just want a reaction and if you do not give it to him, he will forget. He does
not realize what he is saying in bad. Too young to know.
Okay, the thing is you do not want to make a big deal of this. Simply say to the sitter, hey we heard Jack say "kick your a$$" the other day, we are ignoring it and not making a big deal of it. Not sure where it came from hopefully just picked up from the play ground. Either way let us know if you notice it getting out of hand or heard him say it. Again, do not make a big fuss, just keeping everyone in the loop.
I like Kristina M's idea. Just wanted to add: You don't really KNOW where he heard it. Around here kids pick up a LOT in public around the teenagers. I notice adults are able to filter out a lot of noise around them but kids your sons age pick up everything.
The problem with your plan is you are making a big deal out of this. If you don't make a big deal they will forget and not use it anymore. If you make a big deal out of it you have handed them a new weapon. Expect to hear it at the most embarrassing moments possible.
I mean really, does it matter where they heard it? If they didn't hear it from whoever they were going to hear it. I have heard a fair few times on those stupid shows on the disney station. If you want it to stop work on that, ya know?
I would not ask her. I would tell her that he said it, and let her know We All have to be so careful not to say anything around him that he should not repeat, as he will repeat it. IF it was her she will get the message. If it wasnt her (you really dont know for sure) then she will not feel unfairly accused.
Wow-- what a spot. Instead of asking the sitter directly, ask yourself-- do you have any reason not to trust this person?
Having worked with kids for a long time, there were many times the parents came home and I was pretty stressed out. That's pretty natural, esp. with young children. (and of course, I didn't threaten them :))
I also wonder what sort of answer you expect: I hate to say it, but it's highly unlikely that the sitter would say "oh, yes, I did tell him that...." Most people with any common sense know that this isn't something we say to children.
On the other hand, is she bringing her own music/cds/ipod that the kids can hear? Sometimes people aren't very aware that kids do pick up on this sort of thing through music.
The question you are asking is open-ended enough, but will still be uncomfortable...I'd encourage you to go with your gut. And if you have her sit for you again, ask her to keep a journal of what the kids did/watched. Also be very clear which shows they can watch-- what people think of as "appropriate viewing" really varies widely these days.
I would be a little less confrontational and say you heard him say X, which you had never heard him say before, and ask if she had heard him say anything... then you can try to try to judge her reaction.
Good luck!
I don't think it necessarily means he heard it from the babysitter. He could've heard it from a stranger at the store, or from a TV that was on, on the radio, or from another kid somewhere. Even if your house is "clean", it doesn't mean he's not going to pick up bad things elsewhere.
I think a gentle reminder is in order, but I wouldn't accuse her of anything.
If he says it again, "kick his @$$." But do it in a non-abusive way. That would surely teach him.
The other day my dd (almost 3 yrs) handed my husband a plush pony, took the other one for herself and said 'ok daddy, now we are going to fight these ponies to the death'. The only thing I can think is she must have heard it on tv, we certainly dont go around talking about fights.to the death. Who knows where they get this stuff. If he doesnt say it again I wouldnt worry about it, you can always let the sitter know and make sure they are supervising his tv time.
I admit, that if I had heard my child say it (and I would have had to hear with with my own ears), I would have spanked his bottom. My kids said "damn" and I washed one's mouth out with soap with the other one watching, and neither said it again for 10 years.
Dawn
For 15 years, I ran a nanny placement service where I offered background screenings and complete profiles on candidates I sent out. It always amazed me that great moms were so trusting of strangers coming into their homes to watch their children because they did not want to pay me fee to have a complete background check on who was coming into their home. I'm sorry if this sounds tough, but if the babysitter did say it, it was not a one time thing and she most likely is a person you really do not know. Do you really expect her to admit to saying it? Personally, I w/direct the child that this is not appropriate to say and drop the subject as any attention to it will promote him saying it. Kids hear a lot of things today we do not wish them to say. Listen to today's music and you will get an education in inappropriate language! I had a nanny candidate come to me for a job because she wanted to leave her present position to earn more money as she felt she deserved it. When I did the background screening, I found she had an FBI record of theft of over $10,000. When I asked her about it, her response was: "oh, that was a long time ago....just my girlfriend and I fooling around". I asked if her present employer knew about it and she said: "oh, yea, she knows, it's fine with her". Your son's comments are a hint. Follow your gut feeling and check out who is coming into your home with your children and don't just go on references. Nannies create references from friends all the time who lie for them.
to what you wrote out to say add "have you ever heard him say that before?" She will deny it. But you will have let her know that you do NOT want those things said again and she will not do so again probably.
Someone once insisted that my son said that to him. Same kinda thing nobody used that kind of language in front of him. This man would bring it up for years.
When it happened we still acknowledged it and took responsibility. He apologized, I apologized. He was told it was a bad word and not to say it again.
Fast forward 13-14 years and my son is 17. He's very respectful, an honor student, athlete in 3 high school sports, the list goes on.
I, to this day, believe that the man just didn't want little kids around his house so he made it up and always referred to his wife that my kid was a brat. Whatcha gonna do? Even if he said it, he certainly didn't know what it meant.
It's a good parenting moment. Take the responsibility that he may have said it and tell him it's a bad word/phrase. Perhaps ask him where he heard it. Tell him not to say it again. Then be done with it. He could've heard it on tv. Rather than blaming someone else, teach him that it's wrong to swear.
I'm not sure if it matters where he heard it. I think I would start by telling him that we don't talk like that and he is not to either. If he does it again than it is a punishable offense.
If you stop and think about it, anytime you are out in public anyone at anytime could say something equally or more inappropriate. You can not control what everyone says so the lesson begins at home/with you.
On the other hand you can control who watches your kids. So I would probably ask him where he heard that before? If it was indeed her than I probably would come straight out and tell her that you do not approve of such language and she needs to stop or your kids will not be left in her care anymore.
Did you asked your son where he heard it? I highly doubt the babysitter will say "oh wow, i said that and had no idea he would repeat it." You might as well write off this sitter before accusing her of this and asking "did he hear it from you?" If she says "no, i have never said that." would you believe her?
If she is a teen and this phrase just pops out of her mouth (maybe while on the phone) i highly doubt she remembers saying it.
If you plan to use her again, let her know he said the phrase and it is not acceptable. This is not accusing her and it lets her know this language is not allowed in your home. You can also let her how she should handle him if he says or does something unacceptable.
