Sitter Letting Toddler Watch Tv

Well, you could say nothing and disable the tv(s) while you are not home.
A simple plug lock will keep it from being powered up.
Since it's not suppose to be on anyway she can't complain.

http://www.amazon.com/Roride-RRKA-StoPower-Power-Plug/dp/...

Ask the sitter directly. Hopefully she will tell you the true.

Also, is it possible she was with dad or a grandparent who allowed her to watch TV?

Why did you let your mother put it on? Do you have different rules for different family members? How is it that your daughter watches that much television and has never mentioned it before? Most kids tell their parents about their day.
I think if you don't want your daughter watching TV then you get rid of your TV, and you make sure EVERYONE in her life follows your rules.
As far as the sitter, well, how much do you like her and how worth it is it to find a new one?

I guess you need to decide what matters more, how much you (and your daughter) like your sitter, or how much you hate your daughter watching TV.
Actually, why don't you just get rid of your TV and keep the sitter? Problem solved.

You're so quick to blame the babysitter.

Where else does your child go? Daycare? Your parents or other grandparents homes? What about play dates?

If it bothers you that much then either disable your TV's or fire your sitter. They seem like the only options, but remember that the next sitter will probably do the same thing.

Also just curious, If you despise TV that much why own one?

How old is your daughter? Does she go anywhere other than to the sitter? Preschool, daycare, playgroup, playdates? Does she watch dvd movies that might have previews for Nick Jr?

Does the sitter watch her in your home? If so, how would she access Nick Jr? If you don't allow it I would not have it available. Does she watch her in her own home? Does she have kids of her own or watch other kids (who may be watching tv) while she watches your child? I have watched kids who weren't allowed to watch tv. That didn't mean my kids weren't allowed to watch tv. I found another activity for the non tv kids in another room, but I am sure they were well aware of what was going on in the tv room.

I realize you were on vacation (and rules may have been relaxed during vacation) but if you are that strongly against tv, I'm surprised that you were ok with your mother letting your daughter watch. It seems that it's ok for her to watch with grandma but not with the babysitter, who you say is like family.

I would straight up ask the sitter - hey, I learned that Emma knows all the Nick Jr shows, which is strange since I don't turn that channel on. Do you have the TV on during the day when you are here?

If she says no, you can simply reiterate "That's good, because you know I'm really opposed to kids watching TV during the day, and I don't want it on." And you've given her a good reminder of your policy.

If she says yes, don't fly off the handle, but ask why. Maybe she turns it on to occupy your daughter while she gets lunch together. Or maybe she is playing with your daughter but is one of those people who don't like a quiet house and she turns it on in the background while they are playing. You don't have to agree with her, but if you can stay calm, you can have a conversation about it and help her come up with other strategies (eg, when I make dinner, I keep her entertained by having her do XXX, or I don't like a quiet house either, so I turn on XX station on the radio to keep the house a bit more lively, or whatever).

Does the sitter watch other children? Many in home daycare providers will turn on the tv during pick up hours so the kids will sit still and watch tv while the sitter picks up the house and is ready for the parents to come get them. When my first son was an infant, when I would pick him up the other kids would be watching tv, while 1 little girl whose mother wouldn't let her watch tv sat in another room coloring. She couldn't see the tv but she could hear it.

Did you have a written agreement about the service your sitter provides? And how do you know that the television is on while you are gone? That would be my big question. And if you are dropping off at the sitter's house-- well, her house, her choice.

I like Mamazita's response--- put the television away, keep the sitter. Personally, I think you need to decide if this is a preference issue or a trust issue and respond in likewise fashion. If you don't trust the woman, period, then you don't take your kid back or have her come again. If you are just peeved that she's got the television on instead of playing with your kid, be honest. I was a nanny for a long time and did what families requested. I preferred the television off, anyway, when I was working, unless the child was ill. I figured I was getting paid to watch the kids.

Geesh, I can't believe you don't let your child watch TV, ever. That's sad but I guess you get to choose for her. If you are going to be like this I suggest you stay home with your child and make sure she's not exposed to cartoons made especially for little ones her age.

If the baby sitter is watching her at her house then you need to stop telling her what she can or cannot do in her own home. If it's in your house then by all means, turn off the internet, cable or satellite or anything else she could turn on.

That's all I'd do, just turn it all off. That way if she tries to use the internet to let her watch streaming she won't have a signal, if she tries to do a DVD then she won't have access.

Either make it all the way your issue and put a stop to it or just let it be.

Probably the bigger concern you have (or it would be for me) is of trust. You say she knows she's not allowed to put the TV on. Does she know that in no uncertain terms? Or does she just know that you frown upon it?

I will say that my kids quickly picked up theme songs without watching a show a ton of times. So .. on the one hand, she could just be putting the TV on now and then to make it through the day (maybe making your child lunch, or maybe as a much needed 1/2 hour break throughout the day). I'm not saying that's ok if you specifically said no to TV. But I've been there.

So the bigger issue for me would be is she lying to me. Maybe clarification is all that's needed. Approach her in a non-confrontational way and say "Just wondering, are you having the TV on with daughter?" and let her answer. If she says she does from time to time - you can maybe discuss other things she could do if she feels she needs a minute.

But if she flat out denies it (and you are 100% sure she's putting the TV on) then that's a bigger issue. Trust right?

Then you weigh the pros versus the cons of this sitter.

I know we all want Mary Poppins because we're paying them to watch our kids, but they're human. So listen fully and ask questions and then decide. But yes, I get why you are upset. We've all been there with sitters who did something we ourselves would not do. And as a former nanny, I'm sure I did stuff the parents would not have done. So long as child is safe, happy and brain being stimulated in a healthy way throughout the day - that's what is important. I'm sure it will make more sense once you actually speak to her. And you'll know what to do.

Good luck :)

Does she babysit at your house? Easy--take out the TV!

While I don't agree with your verboten stance on tv for your kid, it is your stance, and you have the right to it.
If the sitter is not abiding by YOUR rules for YOUR child, then she needs to be replaced.

How old is your child, and how long does your sitter stay with your child? Is this a nanny situation where the sitter comes to your house and spends the day with your child while you (and everyone else in the household) is away at work?

Perhaps the sitter is keeping the tv on for company or to occupy your child for just a few minutes, so that the sitter can make your child lunch, or load the washing machine, or do any other tasks that are required, and rather than put the news on (with its potentially upsetting stories or pictures), she keeps a child-appropriate station on. Maybe it's lonely in your house during the day, or really quiet, and a little background noise helps.

That would be different from plunking your child down in front of the tv for hours, while the sitter does her own homework or chats on her phone or spends time on Facebook.

When you return from your day away, is your child happy and engaged, is your home neat, are your required tasks accomplished?

If the tv is on in the background, it would be very easy for your child to be doing a puzzle with the babysitter, or building with blocks, or dressing up her dolls and playing, interacting with the babysitter as instructed, but still kind of automatically hearing what's on tv.

Have you really instructed the babysitter not to have the tv on at all, or have you instructed her not to use the tv as a secondary babysitter, with your child sitting unattended in front of the tv for long lengths of time?

I'd just clarify what your "no tv" policy means. Your babysitter might interpret it to mean "no plunking my kid in front of the tv while you watch videos on your iPad" instead of "never turn the tv on at all during the day no matter what".

You might make sure that your babysitter has access to a good classical music station on a radio in your home, for some noise and company during the day, or a public radio station (NPR) or plenty of acceptable CDs and a good CD player (not one that requires ear buds or headphones).

It would be a big deal to me too, but I think you need to be very careful that your dd isn't watching tv while under someone else care,

could daddy be putting it on while you are in the shower?
If grandma put it on during vacation does she ever watch your dd like on the weekends or something and might have let her see it there?

the songs could be explained by a cd of the theme songs or other children at the sitters singing doc mcstuffins, I can't explain away her knowing the line up.

I didn't check how old your daughter was, can you ask her what she did today at the sitters? or when she gets to watch tv when you aren't around?

I just sort of think it's odd that she your daughter would know all that and you would never have heard her sing it or talk about it at home when she is hanging out with you? which is what makes me hesitant for you to accuse the sitter.

if it is possible to find out more, that's what i would do first. if you are able to pin point pretty accurately that it is the sitter, i would think alot about how easy it would be to get a new one and how important this is to you. as others said what else is she lying about, but that seems pretty harsh and suspicious to me, having the tv on after you said no would make her seem lazy though.

Just ask the sitter if she has been letting your daughter watch TV and remind her of your policy. Then, let it go. Sometimes people just need a reminder and we all fall out of line from time to time. Also, you may need to be a little more specific on the method by which she watches shows. My daughter has a Nick Jr app on her tablet and she watches shows on there from time to time. This is also true for our computer and the Nick Jr website where she likes to play some of the games and print out coloring pages. Is it possible she was watching through other devices? Right now, you don't know enough to get hurt or betrayed, so get some facts first and then go from there.
Also, if you don't want to confront her directly, there are things you can do to prevent TV watching while you are not there- password protecting channels or simply taking the power cord with you (if you have the removable kind).

Can you pop in? I've always worked close to home so sometimes would randomly come home. Our nanny never had the tv on that I saw. I think what would bother me is the idea I may have to disable the TV to keep her from using it. Maybe she'll just bring an iPad then. Or she'll get a DVD player. If it is a couple of hours a day, she's a lazy sitter and I just wouldn't want her. I know people need a break but that's usually what nap time is for. Or we had our kids in some classes that didn't require the nanny to have to work so hard. So if possible I would stop by at a logical time she'd have the TV on. If that's not possible, just ask her and explain why you're asking. It's logical after what happened.

Not enough info to answer this question. If the sitter is watching your daughter at your house then I would disable the tv and call it a day. If she's watching your daughter at her house then you have little control over what she does during the day.

Personally I'd address it directly letting her know that you were a little upset that your daughter knew every single word to every single song and the order of shows on nick jr. Tell her that it goes against your no tv policy and you don't understand why your child is being put in front of the tv for hours a day instead of interacting with the sitter.

I understand, I didn't let my DD watch tv until she turned 3. This would upset me big time. I would ask her directly whether she lets DD watch TV. If yes, I would explain that she needs to make a choice. She can follow your rules or get another job. Keep in mind too if you decide to keep her your DD is right about the age that she'll be able to tell you everything that happens all day. So if you want to keep the sitter your DD will soon be able to tell you if they watch TV or not.

Also you don't need to accuse the sitter. Just ask her. People will usually tell you the truth.

Finally, if this is a sitter that is with your child more than say 4 or so hours per day and you really want to keep her, you might want to consider allowing 1 hour for TV time. I am not trying to argue the TV or no TV, like i said I waited until 3 before introducing it. But everyone needs a break and if it is a situation where it is an all day care for the sitter it might be worth giving in one hour a day to give the sitter a chance to have one hour where she isn't fully "on" and entertaining. There are plenty of acceptable programs for one hour. It is hard to keep a toddler happy for 8 hours straight.

But if this is a 3-4 hour a day deal, she should be able to babysit for that length without resorting to TV. Good luck!

I would do some investigating before you go accusing the sitter. I do not see TV as an evil thing unless it is used in excess, but anything in excess is not good for anyone. An age approriate show a couple times a day for 10-15 mins while transitioning activities is not unrealistic. I know my daughter's daycare provider puts PBS on for short periods of time during the day. Nick Jr PBS Sprout atleast have educational programming that is not violent and geared towards preschoolers.

I would ask the sitter directly. You mention only that your child knew all about these shows, and while I do agree with you that it seems very unlikely that she would know every theme song and the shows' running order unless she had watched them while with the sitter -- is there any chance at all that she has seen these shows at another kid's house? Is there another child whose house she visits fairly frequently? Kids are sponges and soak up things like theme songs fast.

This is why I would just ask the sitter point-blank: "When X was put on the TV, Suzy knew the theme song and the order of shows, and I know we have never watched any of this with her. Please tell me, have you had the TV on at all while you're sitting her?" Then see what she says about it. She might deny it flat-out, and it's going to be hard to prove it if you feel she's lying. Or she might say, "Oh, it was only on the background for the music, I wasn't really letting her watch it" etc. Then you have a choice to make about how you handle whatever response she gives. Disabling the TV/cable/whatever during her hours in your house is certainly an option, I guess, but I'm not sure why you should go through that hassle if you were very clear with her about no TV, and she acknowledged that -- did she?

If you feel she's really a good sitter, I would give her another chance and say that you want to be clear that the TV is not on at all during her sitting hours, period, and that it is important to you as her employer that she respect that condition even if she disagrees with it. I would emphasize the "as her employer" part because even if she "feels like one of the family," she is still your paid sitter--the TV isn't. I don't know that I would fire her over one infraction on the no TV rule, or even two, but you and your husband should think this through: Is there a point at which you'd be willing to fire her if she did it? If it's that important to you, you might have to make that stand.

Is your one child the only one she's sitting at these times? Are there other kids around? Is it possible she's sitting too many kids at once, or uses TV as her break time or lunch time? If she says yes, the TV is on at times, explore with her why she's got it on--she might need the break, or might be overextended.

If she sits your child in her own home, did you and she discuss a no-TV policy wherever your daughter is, including her own home? If she said, yes, I get it and won't let your daughter watch TV while we're together, and that applied to her home -- I'd hold her to it. You're not dictating to her how to behave in her home; you're holding her to the terms of her employment.

I get the aversion to TV for young kids. Our friends' son was in a day care that the boy just loved and mom and dad were reluctant to pull him out but finally did so because they wondered why he came home talking up Batman this and bang-bang that, and they dropped in one day unannounced to find the kids sitting with glazed eyes in front of cartoons aimed at much older kids. This wasn't even a home-based day care but a facility. They pulled him out because they were not paying someone to plop their son in front of a television set, whether that set was showing Batman or Dora.

Might she be looking up You Tube videos of the songs, or just playing the songs? I try to give the benefit of the doubt first, so I'm reaching for a straw here ;-)

Do you have the ability to lock channels, or set service locks during certain times of the day? (That'd be my passive aggressive way of dealing with it if I really wanted to keep using the sitter, but didn't want the tv viewing to continue.)

If you're thinking about getting a new sitter, just ask her about it.

So it was ok for your mom to put on Nick Jr. but not your babysitter? Is it because you are concerned that your babysitter allows her to watch so much that she knows all the songs and episodes? I guess I am just confused as to why its ok sometimes but not other times. Just state the facts to your babysitter and your confusion as to how your daughter knows all the songs and see what she says. I don't know what arrangement you have, maybe the other kids at the sitters were the ones watching?

We are living in a world where television and media are actually quite important. I know you said you don't want to get into a debate about it, but this is a very strong issue.I am assuming-If you don't watch television why do you have one? While you might feel betrayed by your sitter you might want to take a look at the world a little more carefully. Not only is television use very prevalent but necessary, As well as computers! And as a child goes into school years, there are many shows the children talk about, sing songs from and well, learn from. They talk about it in classrooms.The child is part of this culture. If there is no television in your home, there is undoubetedly a computer or a phone that will have shows like this on. You might want to ask the sitter if she is indeed the one responsible for television viewing. Is your child the only one she sits for? Is she the only other human being your child is in contact with? This program is wonderful . We were one of the first people in our neighborhood to actually have a color tv! We won it.Everyone came to watch it. It wasn't much bigger than an IPad. What a treasure the world has in a television! For whatever it's worth, I would just sit down and find out for sure if sitter is responsible for this, examine who else your daughter is in contact with and if sitter betrayed you let her know how hurt you are, but find a compromise for your child. They often feel left out when they are not doing what everyone else is once school starts.

A agree with B. Also, you can lock certain channels and shows. You can lock any children friendly shows just like you can lock R rated shows from your pre-teen. As B stated, she can't complain or say anything since she already knows how you feel about it. Brilliant!! :D

Besides, regardless how much of a family member she has become, your child, your rules! This shows laziness on her part. Are you paying her to be lazy? I don't think so!

while i'm not with you on your stance, i'm totally with you on being lied to. and since you've been clear on your parameters, it sucks that she's taken it upon herself to violate them.
i'd be upfront about it right out of the gate. sit down across the table, no coffee or smiling small talk. 'amelia, when we went on vacation we discovered that aurora borealis knows all the words and theme songs to nick jr. since we do not watch this with her ever, the only place she could have learned it was with you. can you explain this to me?'
how she reacts would have a big impact on how i proceeded. if she immediately 'fesses up and explains that she didn't really get how big a deal this is to you, apologizes and assures you that it will never happen again, and with her being so close to your family, i'd give her another chance.
if she lies, or evades, or tries to put it on you, or otherwise slither around it, i'd express my caring to her but also my disappointment, and i'd let her go.
khairete
S.

Hello C., I can understand your concern and hear what you are saying. I would feel the same way. Unlike some responses, I feel that you need to follow your gut, and the gut is pointing to your babysitter. I am quite sure you went over this in your head many times and ruled out other things. It is understandable you are hurt. I would approach the sitter for her input to validate what you are feeling... Just approach her in a non-threatening way and be open to what she has to say. Often times when we show the other side our true feelings and we let our guard down, we get equally good response. Although you cold probe the sitter indirectly to get some sort of input or try to get more info from your daughter, but that I feel will not address the loss of trust you experienced.
Best of luck to you! Please report back how it went!

First of all, ladies, she didn't say she never let her toddler watch TV. She simply has requested that she not watch TV during the day with the sitter. A reasonable request. At her age TV should not be a regular thing. Nobody needs TV to entertain a toddler. And knowing every word to every song and the order of all the shows either means her daughter has a photographic memory or she is being allowed to watch TV for extended periods regularly, which is not a good thing. The benefits of a child being brought up able to entertain themselves with rich imagination, creativity, and love of nature far outweigh any slight social benefits of TV. That being said, I agree with others about locking the TV if it s in your home. If she is going to the sitter's house, I would think a talk to her is inevitable to figure out what is going on. You need to be able to trust her.

So what else is she lying about? I would strongly consider getting a new sitter.