3 Year Old Putting Holes in Wall

Hi S.,

The poop little guy has been thru alot. The fact he was so well behaved in the begining is great, but rare. He has been with you long enough now to realize that something is totally off in his world. A 3yr old doesn't understand that mommy & daddy are gone - he just figures they will be comeing back later. Now that time has passed and he realizes that he will be with you - he is testing your bounderies. I think counceling is a great idea for him and your family (it is a big change for all of you). Good luck!

My nephew has been with us for almost four years now and we went through the same thing. He had about a month in the "honeymoon" phase then his behavior went downhill from there. When he put the holes in the walls my husband had him help fix them. We also made an angry board out of plywood,so he can throw rolled up socks at a picture we drew on the board when he is angry. We just made an angry face with permanent markers. He still uses it every once in awhile. With our nephew, counseling has helped alot. It sure has been a slow and bumpy ride,but he is so much better. We learned that he was testing us to see if we would "get rid of him" like he thought his parents did. Just now at almost ten he is getting a better understanding about his parents issues.We went to an agency that specializes in families and children. Luckily the state insurance he has covered it. They also had great kid groups that met once a week. I wish you the best of luck. Just remember that no matter how hard life gets these kids deserve a second chance to have a better life. I had to tell myself that alot and I wouldn't change things for anything! It is a big adjustment for the whole family.

My suggestion is to put him in bed with you. He may need this extra cuddling to help him get through losing his parents. It sounds like he is going to need a lot of reassurance right now and is acting out.

Bravo to you for working so hard to help your family. This poor guy is dying for stablility and reassurance. Everyone has made great points and I'm sure counseling would help. But in the end it's your relationship with him and his ability to believe that you love and care about him and that while all the adults in his life are not responsible- you are. It will be hard to discipline for a while, and you may have to start soft- making it clear that it's not acceptible behavior but that you love him. And as he develops the trust that you are going to be there, you should be able to be more defined- rewarding him for not doing something and taking something away if he does- but untill he trusts and believes in you it won't work.

First off, bravo to you for taking these kids in. Obviously you realize they just need love. Secondly, I'm surprised the court system hasn't ordered counseling for the 3 yr. old. Not only did his world just do a 180, he's probably not able to express all his questions, feelings, concerns, worries like an adult would. He DEFINITELY needs counseling. Just to deal with the trauma of leaving home, if not for his current behavior issues.

Also, his behavior sounds like it could easily progress into Self-Harm if not dealt with soon. What he's doing is basically destroying (picking at, gougeing out, etc) something to make himself feel in control of something. Older children and teens have been known to do these things to their own bodies because it gives them some, albiet not much, control of their own lives. Or they'll do it for attention. I think this little guy is asking for special attention....he's getting it now negatively....but he needs positive attention too. One on one with a therapist would help tremendously.

If you have temp. custody, you should have Medicaid, and TONS of resources available to help you find counseling for him. Does he have a CASA (Court Appointed person that stands up for him in these situations)? You could contact him/her for assistance. Or talk to his caseworker at children's services. That's what they're getting paid for.

Whatever you do, please get some kind of counseling for him. Even regular visits/playdates with a pastor/priest would help him release some of his attention seeking behavior.

Good Luck to you and God Bless!-A.

Hello S.. I'm sorry to hear about your nephew, poor child. In my opinion I think your nephew may need counseling to help deal with the issues with M&D. I think he might be feeling a sense of loss or confusion still and doesn't know how to deal with it. My husband & I also took in my nephew also under rough circumstances and counseling helped some. It's not a quick fix, but it helps. My nephew also had other disorders to deal with but his biggest loss was his M&D at the age of almost 3. His father died, & his mom went to rehab. & disappeared for 7 yrs. Then came in & out of his life again. I could not even imagine doing that to my child. Even at a young age they need to feel loved & safe. You can always talk to the pediatrician to see what he/she thinks. I always feel bad for the kids when their world as they know it is turned upside down. You have to discipline him just like your other children, but a counselor may be able to suggest a productive way of getting him to stop his destructive behavior. Just remember to show him he is loved no matter what. I hope this might have help a little. Your in my prayers. Good luck.