3 Year Old Hitting / Kicking / Punching Siblings

If you cant be nice, then you cant play with us. Thats what I tell my three year old. She then is immediately removed from the room and the door shut or the gate put up. If you are in a communal area of the house then put him in his room. If he wont stay in on his own, put him in and shut the door. Kicking a baby that is laying on the floor is major unacceptable behavior. I tell my daughter to stay out and think about it until she is ready to be nice. Then she has to hug or kiss baby and tell him shes sorry. After a few times of that she was much nicer. Now she only gets sent out for being too wild or throwing toys.

Im sure he just wants attention and is not a mean child. With my dd, once a week or so I let her stay up after the baby goes to bed and we make popcorn and watch a movie or show together. That seems to help.

You may want to deal with him on two different levels --first the practical more rewards and consequences method can work but if you end up giving him more attention after his negative actions then it won't. If he won't stay in timeout, what do you do? Also a visual reminder of his behavior can help. My 4 year old daughter went through phases where she would be verbally and physically mean to me and other children so I set up the 3 stars and 3 strikes board and wrote her goal of "Gentle Hands and Kind Words" at the top. I give her stars for meeting her goal and after a verbal reminder for minor infractions she gets strikes for inappropriate behavior. She has to earn 3 stars and also not get 3 strikes to earn her t.v. time each day. The other level you need to deal with is modeling to him how to express his jealousy in a better way. I read lots of books on sibling relations to her while pregnant with my second and by the time the baby came my oldest was able to express very clearly "I'm feeling left out" or "I'm feeling jealous" when the baby was the center of attention. We'd read books like "Julius, Baby of the World" and then talk about why the big sister was doing what she was doing and what she should do instead. It would help if you could catch him right before he abuses them and model the substitute behavior you want him to exhibit. "We don't hit when we want mommy's attention, you say Mommy I need you too!" Hope this helps. There are still randomn times when my oldest gets a little too rough but 99% she is super trustworthy with the baby and adores her but it does take tons of modeling and discussion of jealousy and how to deal with the feeling. Hang in there--you're doing it alone and he has to deal with two new siblings not just one. Is there anyway you can take just him out and have a family member watch the twins even for an hour? Just have some mommy and oldest son time?

I'm glad you realize your little guy is frustrated, confused and Jealous as all hell. You need to spend as much time as you can cuddling with him and talking to him and reading to him. Give him a firm NO and put him in the corner every time but also try hard to praise him any time he is nice to them. They are so lucky to have you as a big brother, let him over hear you telling other people what a great big brother he is (even if you have to say cuz they get to watch him build cool stuff with blocks, or cuz they love to imitate his words rather than because he is nice to them) You're trying to brainwash him into thinking he IS a good big brother and to feel good about himself because he is a big brother. Read The Happiest Toddler on the Block to help you understand him and what he's going thru right now. And find ways to take care of yourself cuz you've got a lot on your plate right now and no one to take care of you. Hope you have support for your wonderful family. And Please don't listen to those who will tell you you need to PUNISH, and punish frequently.

Added- to the poster who said this mom is in denial: What more do you want? She left the guy! That's the opposite of denial. Making the assumption that her son has fetal alcohol syndrome is really reaching. This mom deserved more respect than this...

Original:
Please read the following threads:

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/10726954065918623745

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/6565941444056645633

I realize that leaving your husband is certainly a stressor, but you are right - you have to stop the hitting, punching and kicking. I wrote on both of these posts and I would give the same advice to you as I did in both of those posts. The way to finally get a child to stop doing this is to take your attention away from him. Negative attention is STILL attention.

If you are 100% consistent, he will finally stop what he's doing. However, you must really suprervise these kids.

Dawn

That's a tough one and I can't really think of a quick fix. I have a 3 year old and I know how they can be. He sometimes just goes over and kicks the dog in the face. I get in his face and firmly tell him no, then I say that it really hurts the dog, then I have him apologize. Time outs don't do anything for him either. Luckily his two siblings are older but he still can hurt his 5 year old sister. He can be sweet as can be and also be a demon - it's the nature of 3.

Your situation is much worse because of the changes. Not only is he still dealing with 2 newer siblings and the loss of all of your attention, but he has lost his dad. Another thing I would really try to do is spend as much 1 on 1 time with him. When the other two are napping sit down and do a project with him or bake together. I know you prob. want to relax as I am sure your life is super tough right now, but I think it will help him.

Good luck!!