3 Year Old Discipline

Strong willed children can be a blessing. I've posted this suggestion (that's worked for me) before. Keep using the time out but move it to the door or a wall. To do this, have her put her nose on the wall or door for 1 minute for each year that the child is old, with their hands behind their backs. If they move away from the wall/door, the time stops and won't stop again until they are back there. You'll have to be in the same area as they are to make sure they stay where you've put them. After their time is up, have them go to the person to say that they're sorry for what the did and have them repeat what they did. Giving the other person or child an apology has got to be one of the hardest things that any child can do. The reasoning for using a wall or a door is that they can hear what's going on around them but the can't see or participate in what's going on. Since there are walls and doors everywhere this can be done anytime, any place. Even if you're outside, a tree will also work nicely.
Now for the verbal part of this. Ask her to please tell you why she did what she did. In her mind she may not even know but since you're mom you can help explain what she did and why she being punished. You'll need to be on her level, in other words, you'll need to be eye to eye with her. Have her look you in the eyes when she's talking to you. Teach her about how other people feel when someone treats them poorly and how she would feel if someone treated her this way. Keep it simple, short, sweet and to the point.
Both you and your husband will have to be united when you're handing out this kind of punishment. You both have to also treat the other two children in the same manner. Don't let them see that your angry, but show them how disappointed you are at their behavior. Teach all of them about their own feelings and the feelings of others. Teach them that when they are in this kind of time out, that they can't be talked to or make fun of because that person will also get the same kind of timeout. My teenage boys will tell you that this isn't any fun when it happens. Teach them the true meaning of saying "I'm sorry" and mean what they say. Teach them how to love their brother and sister. Have each of them make a picture book of these emotions, and do a section of this book a section at a time and teach them about each emotion. Do this as a group because you'll teach them how to share with each other. Make the book out of construction paper and pictures from magazines and pictures that you can print off the internet. Punch holes in the side of the pages and put them in a binder or even in an old picture album. Sit down with each child after the book is done, and have them tell you about each picture. There again, keep it simple and within your budget.

I have a set of Irish twins 2.5 boy and 1.5 girl, and needless to say we are always working on being nice, and it is hard to make sure that they always have the attention that they want, and not always possible. When one of them is acting aggressive to the other, first time, I will say you need to be kind, and will take their hand and gently touch the other, and tell the other one to say "it's OK". I also am teaching them to take deep breaths. I am also teaching them shortened Bible verses like "Be kind to each other" and "Children obey your parents." If it continues, then we do time out, and eventually seperation. Sometimes, they have to be completely removed from the situation until they are able to be calm and appropriate.

Basically little ones get frustrated and don't have the ability to express their frustration properly, so I think that it is important to give them the proper tools to deal with their frustration. Needless to say this is a work in progress, and sometimes what works one day doesn't work the next. Good luck to you, I hope that you will find something from some of the moms that works, and I will be reading the other answers to see if someone has a better ideas than I do :)

Sounds like our kids are right round the same age! My 3 yr old does the same things, for the same reasons. It's helped us to make 1st nap for the 15 month old Mommy and sibling time. We read a book, build together, or he picks a game for us to play. It was hard on me to give up that time I was using to get things done around the house. But I'm finding other ways and it's really paying off. Something els I've done that really seemed to make a difference is to gently take my big one aside, on my lap, and address the way he was feeling. I asked him if he was sad because Mommy doesn't get to play with him as much, and explained that he doesn't have to hurt brother or throw things to get Mommy to talk to him. Basically just said if you want Mommy to talk or play with you, just come and take my hand, and ask. And Mommy will try to help you. I make sure and pick out things he does well, and tell him good job and I'm proud of him. Random attention for the things he doing good, will win out over negative attention. Be patient and hang in there!

Is it possible to try to set a certain time each day aside for each one? For example, if one gets up in the morning before others, that's his/her time. Wake one up a little earlier than the other from nap time, and call that "mommy and me time". Have her help you in the kitchen - even if it's not really helping. For example, she can squirt water on a window and wipe it with paper towels to "clean". She can set the table. She can get things out of the fridge for you, or put bowls or spoons & forks away. Pull a chair to the sink and have her scrub some potatoes or other veggies (or just play in the sink). If your son is also interested, trade off days when they are mommy's helpers. They can sweep the floor with a whisk broom and dust pan. Find books that show kids helping out. You get your stuff done and spend time together at the same time. Maybe they can sort socks. Make up songs to sing together while you're working. If you have the 15 month old nearby, your older ones can be mommies helper with her too - make up silly dances and songs, play peek a boo, etc.