S.,
I know that it is frustrating many times when dealing with our kiddos and at times we probably are losing our minds:) You know your son the best and if your inner wise mamma instinct says that their is something more going on than just a spirited child, then get him evaluated if it will make you feel better. But before you go that route, I encourage (actually implore) you to consider all sides to his behavior and your reatcion to it.
First, depending on the type of eval he receives and the type of Dr that does the evaluation...medication is usually prescribed. It doesn't mean that it really is the best thing for a young child. I also beleive that through well meaning evaluations, children often become labeled as "ADD" or "hyper" or whatever. There is no need to label anyone...especially a child. Your child has a spirited, joyful, determined personality. It will serve him well when his energy is directed in positive way and as he grows, he is encouraged to use his "spirit" for a greater purpose. But for now, understand that he is only 3...a sensitive age for all involved even with the most mild mannered kid. There are some great reading resources out there that can help you figure out how to raise your little precocious son. RASING A SPIRITED CHILD, is a good book. www.inspiredparentingmagazine.com, Mothering Magazine, or mindfulmama.com are also good resources for gentler and compassionate ways to guide our kiddos...in a realistic, sometimes our kids drive us crazy, way:) I also like Dr. Penelope Leach and Dr. Barry T. Brazelton. Both highly regarded child development specialist with many good books. They will help you get a better sense of what is a typical range of development for each age, and good ideas on how to respond to your child. There are so many good resources out there, but you have to make sure that what you read is true for you, and will work for your child. Also, as important as I think it is to be informed, it's more important to really know yourself first. What are your beliefs about parenting? How do you know this to be true? What are you expecting from your son? What would happen if you dropped those expectations? How would things change for you and him, if you just let him be exactly as he is? Yes, as a parent you need to make sure he learns how to listen when being talked to, that there are rules that need to be followed for the good of everyone, that there are situations that are too dangerous for a fearless 3 year old to be getting into. Choose your battles wisely. Take a moment to RESPOND to his behaviors instead of REACT. Check your assumptions before thinking that he "just doesnt' want to listen". Is he involved in something very interesting to him? Are you giving him time to respond to your requests? Why is it such a big hassle? When you feel yourself becoming angry, ask yourself, "what exactly is making me so angry right now? Why is this a problem for me? Is this something that HAS to be done now? How can I best help him do what needs to be done?"
Believe me I am a mom of 4. I know (like all moms), how frustrating and tiring it is to feel like we are banging our head against a cement wall when it comes to motherhood. ESPECIALLY, when we come across something when we don't know what to do. But I do know this to be true, regardless of how one handles situations, or thier ways of parenting or personality styles, or the differences between all kids.....when we really really stop and listen to that loving compassionate wise voice within us, we will know what to do next. We do respond with love, wisdom, and compassion. And it really does help us from feeling like we are losing our minds! As I said before, you know your son the best. You have to figure out if he needs an evaluation or not and how to proceed from there. But for now, just allow him to be. Give him adequate space he needs. Set clear guidelines and rules for listening and following rules, while giving him and yourself a break in expecting too much.
There are also many wonderful less invasive approaches to helping a spirited child "calm" down when you find that it's too much. Try massage, or accessing different energy points in his body through gentle touch, aromatherapy and herbal teas (talk to a professional herbalist though...many children can't handle certain herbs, nor are some of them they good for wee ones), meditation, or gentle yoga poses. Also, getting outside and exploring nature is probably one of my favorite ways to either calm or re-direct a child. Exploring nature also keeps kids in tune with their own instincts. Something that we adults seem to zap right out of them.
Take a needed break and nourish your own spirit as well. You will find yourself responding to your children with more laughter and joy and your sons behavior won't seem like such a battle all the time.
Best wishes and happy motherhood.
A.
mom of 4. Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com
