Anyone Else Frustrated!!!!

Have you thought about putting together a seminar on raising children? You may be able to get a room at the library (free), set up a snack and coffee and have a lunch brough in (subway sandwiches). Charge $50- $100 per person for an all day seminar on raising responsible and displined children. Parenting isn't taught any more and a lot of kids are suffering. You could advertise with flyers and in the local shopper papers. I looked into this once for a different topic and the newspaper here charges $600 for a ad about 2x3 inches for one day.
Maybe if you offered a seminar the parents will see how they could improve their parenting skills.

I hear ya and wish you a peaceful weekend with plenty of hugs.

I know sometimes I am guilty of doing just that making excuses because also people do not want me to discipline my child in public. They give me looks like I am being to harsh or unreasonable. Parents will never win in the eyes of others.

You are right, 10 different coats gosh one day she will wish she had that money back. I also wonder what the next generation will be like.

You are right on. This is an epidemic and it is the direct by product of the "self-esteem" movement. We have built up our chidren's self esteem at the expense of integrity, manners, respect and SO MUCH ELSE!!

And to add to that-this generation of parents is really the first to come out of the self esteem movement where everyone gets a trophy and everyone is great no matter how little you try or how mediocre you are. Well, they are certainly making mediocre and SELFISH parents that is for sure. It is first and foremost about them. They are the suns and their children are orbiting them.

I am raising my children "old school" and already see a huge difference between them and several of their peers.

I agree that parents today are dropping the ball on many levels in regards to sociallizing their children and teaching respect and maturity. I would have never been a parent to an out of control child. I don't tolerate hissy fits and the like. BUT, I do believe there are a lot of parents out there that ARE teaching their kids with some discipline and only the undisciplined STICK OUT so it seems like there are more of them. You don't notice all the good kids, you only notice that bad ones. And that's a fact with everything if you think about it. You dont notice the 11 good eggs in your carton, only the one cracked one pisses you off. :) Just my thoughts.

I totally agree with you. And I'm not saying working parents are unable to "parent", but being a stay at home mom by choice and trying my darn hardest all day long to teach them all I can including respect and morals- it makes it THAT much harder when I see my kids pick up unsavory words and habits from other kids. There's so much going on that the parents don't know about!!! It also makes it hard to be a parent with high values and semi-strict discipline when other parents seem that they couldn't care less. I'm almost 30, so I'm younger- and I think the "traditional" way is fading fast, and its depressing to me.

This world has seemed to become very self-centered, when parents should be putting their children first.

And sure, there are bad stay-at-home parents, too... and sure, a lot of parents are working only to support their children. BUT, it seems to be the ones that don't care are growing fast in numbers. I personally think it has a lot to do with image and society. Our priorities have changed. It makes it THAT much harder for the parents that insist on raising GOOD, RESPECTABLE, SMART children to do so, cause everything-seemingly- around their kids seem to be pulling them the other way!

Growing up too fast... no longer saying please and thank you and excuse me, empty GARBAGE like miley cyrus, lady gaga and kesha, ETC. sl***y images... expensive material "must-have" items. A stupid toy labeled "bratz". Its all disrespectful and disgraceful. I refuse to give in.

My children WILL be respectful, hard-working, honest people- or my name isn't "M."!

When my kids get older (they are 7, 6, 4 and 2) and I hear the stupid excuse, "but everyone is doing it" or "everyone has that!". It will be give me MORE of a reason to say "NO!"

ADDED: I have FOUR KIDS, and my husband works 7 days a week.

I know SEVERAL families with more than four kids- they ALL happen to be very respectful children!

I had a single mom with two kids. and BOY did she work hard at raising us respectfully!

It can be DONE!!!! NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!

I agree with you. I only have two kids, too, but so what? If you aren't able to PARENT more, then you should stop at two... or sooner. I agree with you, that it seems that a lot (not all, but a LOT) of the younger people having kids are SO immature. They weren't taught that the world doesn't revolve around them, and so when they decide they want kids, they still expect the world to revolve around THEM. It is hard work to tell a child "no" and stick to it. It is SOOO much easier to just give in. Easier on the "parent", not the child. Not in the long run.
I know people in my own extended family that have wanted kids their whole lives and finally got what they wanted and their whole world revolves around taking cutesy pictures of their kid. Not getting a decent job providing for their kid, and having a good home life for their kid. Not teaching morals and discipline to their kid, but giving every single FUN thing to their kid. And never denying them anything. They can't afford groceries without public assistance but they get professional photos of their kid in new outfits every 4 weeks. They take school grant money so the mom can stay home and then she doesn't go to school. I feel sorry for their child. Not that she isn't loved, she is. But it isn't a mature love that will teach her how to be successful. It is the kind of love a kid has for a doll. It's all about the parents. What they get out of it, not what they are doing for their kid.
It saddens me.

And you are right... kids today often don't know the meaning of the word "no". And I am not being judgmental... or trying not to be. If my husband were not the strong man he is, I'd be SOOOO tempted to be the same way. Being told "no" builds character, something that seems to be seriously lacking in today's younger generations.
Our kids have lots of things. Many people that aren't as financially healthy as we are would say our kids are spoiled rotten. The fact is, they are not. Yes, they have a lot of "things". But they are expected to be responsible and DO a lot of things too. They each have chores. They are expected to help around the house, be respectful (to adults, other kids and EACH OTHER), etc. They don't get whatever they want. And are told "no" OFTEN. They don't even get to spend their own money on whatever they want. They have to get approval. They have limits on their choices and they have to do things they don't like or want to do. Such is life. The kids that aren't made to understand that early on have a sense of entitlement that is scary. It is not the real world. They will be in for a very rude awakening one day.

Hi D.,

I feel you... I deal with this on a much smaller scale, and it is very hard. All I can say is that you can only do so much and you have to focus on the positive side of the care that you are able to provide and the children (and parents) that you are able to reach.

I feel like in some cases parenting has swung to the other extreme. From strict disciplinarians of my generation (be seen and not heard, spare the rod spoil the child etc... ) to a loosey goosey parenting style that gives children all the choices and no boundaries or consequences.

Don't overwhelm yourself by saving them all. It can't been done. What you can do is build a library of helpful parenting books, meet with parents who seem receptive and discuss the issues calmly and come up with some plans to help the parents and the children. It's a lot of work, and will likely leave you frustrated in some cases because the parents won't follow through. But at least you'll feel like you tried to help in the ways you are able, and if it does help one parent understand that their child's behavior will be a detriment if it isn't changed and it gives them resources to make a change now, you've done well.

Hang in there., and keep smiling. There's a shortage of good providers out there and people who care as much as you do!

Oh my goodness, hear hear! I hear you! I do not own a preschool, but work in a school. You have said everything I have ever thought. I am watching children become monsters because not only will some parents not parent them but some teachers won't do anything about these children. I have had children stick their faces in my face and tell me they do not have to take tests, then take them to superiors who don't make them take them and therefore I look like a fool and the parents and the teachers look the other way all the time.I have found these same children sleeping it off on desks and I am a bother to administration. But I am not worried about that, I am worried about a couple of years down the line when no one is stopping them and their indulgences and they wind up in hospitals and I have clearly seen this I mean it.Then there parents are broken hearted. I stopped an older(!!) child from licking a computer keyboard, THE TEACHER TOLD ME IGNORE HIM and asked me what I was doing that he wanted to annoy me in front of him-How do you teach a child respect for other adults when you downgrade other adults in front of them I was told I should give him a tally mark and he wouldn't get to go to a party in a couple of weeks in the classroom. HELLO what ever happened to taking away the computer and giving him a time out?So there is no respect for all the things people work so hard to buy. There is no respect for the adults who are trying to guide them, and sadly the children oftentimes have no respect for themselves later down the line. The only funny thing is that after 16 odd years or so working with children every once in awhile, just once in awhile a child will come up to me and say thank you. You see, I think they do want to be told NO, they want to feel protected and they want to know THEIR OWN LIMITS which means WE have to say no to them. Now I am the same as you, I didn't do everything perfect, but I am happy with my attempts. I know parenting children is oftentimes inconsistent when we want it to be consistent, but seriously it is up to us to protect them and if they want to go to a therapist later on down the line to complain about me-let them. THERE. That felt good.Bless you for letting me vent, too.

bravo!
My husband is in retail and has to deal with the "not my child" syndrome when explaining to parents that the reason their child is banned from the store is because they were caught stealing. It is hard to be a parent and no one likes to discipline- it's not fun- but I want my kids to grow up and be responsible, compassionate adults and they won't get that if I don't start teaching them that at a young age and continue to enforce it. We are not helping our children at all when we allow that kind of behavior.
Thank you for your post!
~C.

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I agree with you and I don't think you are judgemental at all!

thanks for your vent...

I agree with you on several of these issues. Parenting is NOT easy and it's not for the lazy, however so many parents that I know and am close with just think about the right now and not the later part. It's easier for them to just worry about what's happening right now and get through the moment that to plan for the future and think about how their decision to "let it go" is going to effect their childs behavior later.

there is a serious epidemic of entitlement in the youth of today and I think it totally comes from lazy parents that don't have the time and don't want to put in the effort for their children!

Dear MOMOF3 sadly all children dont turn out just fine. I have a dear sweet cousin who was always told he was the smartest thing ever, at age 50 he still cant hold on to a job, his social skills are sadly lacking and all his intelligence and education cant get him a permanent job in this economy. D.'s point wasnt about clothing it was about parents who are too quick to make excuses for their children's misbehavior. "he's bored in school cuz he's too bright" "she's going thru a tough time because we got divorced"(so did 40% of the parents in her school)"He's a very high spirited child" "He's a difficult child" "I have too many children"
All children misbehave. Mine are FAR from perfect, but I never say its because of the difficulties they've experienced in their lives(maybe it is) but I still let them know I hold them to high standards Just look at them and tell them it's not appropriate rather than giving excuses.
I also work in a school and see the decline. I dont think it's tiredness. some of these parents are SAHP and/or have lots of help. It is our society. I read a post about a preschooler who ran around the class during circle time the mother complained "his teacher doesn't value uniqueness" this sums it up in a nutshell. We teachers are being told to value each child's uniqueness. We teachers are feeling pressured to stop worrying about behavior problems that KEEP children from LEARNING and instead value their delightful uniqueness. Now I DO believe teachers should search to find each child's learning style and remember that children NEED to be active (physical activity. like rest, helps the brain remember what was learned) and most children respond to humor and fun. BUT children who are taught they do not have to follow any rules, even rules that are meant to keep children safe and healthy, will be adults who will have trouble in society and will not be able to keep a job. Parents give students the message if they misbehave in school it is the teacher's fault, or maybe the other kid's fault. Children who say they are bored in school are usually Not the smartest kids in the class! they are the kids who are upset they cant play games at reading time and color at math time and choose their own activities when the teacher asks them to follow a routine. The smartest kids finish their work quickly and go on to do something else, they enjoy being children and singing songs and listening to stories. Gifted children are creative and challenge themselves writing notes and stories, creating projects out of scraps, reading books when others are looking at pictures, Most school now accomodate differing levels of skills by putting each child on their own reading level and allowing them to write about any subject they choose at writing time , but this is not enough for parents who believe their children misbehave because they are bored. Our reading evaluations demand children can comprehend and talk about stories they read. parents constantly complain their children can decode much harder books and tell their children "tell your teacher this is too easy" We go to school to become educators, we continue our education to get Masters we read up on latest theories and we use the state mandated and district mandated evaluations BUT parents know more than we do about education. Parents who dont listen raise children who dont listen.
Children go home and say so and so picked on me and the parents without discussing it further write a note to the teacher They dont bother to ask exactly what happened, or where this happened the teacher is not in charge of after school programs or bus rides home but parents dont take the time to ask any questions they just leap to defend their children and accuse the teacher. This year's kindergartners chew on their clothes, are over tired, over stressed. they interact with each other like 3 yr olds even as they are turning six. Some children are very insecure because their parents overpraise and the poor kids dont value the praise and cant tell when the praise is sincere. Other children are over stressed and Very Unwilling to work and try because the parents force them to complete lots of worksheets at home and lead them to feel they arent measuring up. Uniqueness used to be a child who searched out his area of interest and learned about it or excelled in singing, motor skills etc. Now it applies to children who feel exempt from rules. which will soon be a majority. and so I'm not accused of being a dictator the way teachers were in the olden days., by rules I mean taking turns, valuing others feelings and contributions, not disrupting other's learning, and listening to directions the first time, asking if you dont understand, not hurting others, the things a DEMOCRACY is built on not a dictatorship.

I am an educator, and a parent. I understand that you are ranting...so I am going to take this from your parent perspective. I would hope that as an educator yourself.....you would realize that most of the children you are complaining about spend the majority of their waking hours in your care. So thus, not only do the problems lie in your hands, but so do some of the solutions.

As a caregiver, you are in a unique position. I know when I was a full time working mom with one in daycare, I was overwhelmed a lot. Sometimes it was whatever it takes to get through this morning, or the day. If it meant donuts for breakfast to make it easier, I just didn't have the energy to argue. (I need to add I was caring for a seriously ill older child in addition). I can think of a number of times when the daycare "teacher" modeled some great ideas for me. In your instance, if the teacher took the coat and said "Tom, you know that we don't go outside without a coat, here let me help". Even though my youngest was my fourth - he had a different personality and I was often at a loss for how to handle him. One day, he started to fuss about something they wanted him to do, and the teacher said "I know that you mean 'yes, ma'am" and she said it very sweetly - He straightened up and said "yes, ma'am" and hopped right to it. How freakin' simple was that? I just had never thought about it.

But on the other hand, I work in a high school, and am appalled at the way kids talk to their parents, order them around and expect outrageoug things, so I totally get what you are saying.

Agree! I was raised by pretty enlightened parents - socially very liberal BUT my mom always said, if raising children in a traditional way has worked for so long, why change it? So I was raised in a very "traditional" manner and I am raising my children in the same fashion. They have rules and boundaries, and consequences for breaking rules. If they screw up, they're not allowed to blame it on someone else or make it "not their fault."

But I'm really surprised how many parents don't do this stuff. You know what I think? We now live in a society where running a household is not as hard as it used to be. We have better equipment (washing machines, dishwashers, vacuums), more convenient choices (ready-made foods), so honestly as moms we have WAY more time to spend fixating on our kids, even IF we work full time. Kids are not as independent now, and depend upon Mom to do every little thing for them, and she will because she has time and/or because it has become expected in our society. But instead of producing a better child, it produces a needy, dependent, entitled child. My parents were telling me that when they were kids, in the days of having to hand-wash a lot of the clothes, and much bigger families, and no processed foods, and cleaning products not working so well, their mothers had to work HARD to keep the house clean and everyone clothed and fed. There was just not as much time for them to spend with the kids, AND kids had to spend a portion of every day helping clean the house, care for the younger kids, etc. Therefore, kids walked themselves to school or rode their bikes, did not have the after school activities, and just didn't have as much "stuff." Switch gears to now, when kids have tons of toys, most households have several TV's, most moms not only do ALL the cleaning themselves with no help from the kids, but then they have to shuttle them all over the place for sports, school etc... bottom line we have set ourselves up as our kids' servants, not their parents! I am amazed at how I see moms who won't correct their kids' terrible behavior. It's almost like they're in their kids' employ. Totally backward.

If I may make a suggestion, as a childcare professional, you might consider putting some helpful tips in the weekly newsletter. For instance, an excellent preschool my older daughter attended would put in child development tips, such as, toddlers tend to do better at "transitions" (i.e. going from playing to cleaning up for snack time) if they have a few minutes' warning. Telling them, "Three minutes until snack time!" can avert a meltdown. OR, instead of asking a child if he wants to do xyz (when there is really no choice), simply tell him it's time to do xyz. ("Bobby, it's time to put your jacket on!" is not the same thing as "Bobby, do you want to put your jacket on?" and then chasing him around with his jacket.) This is not the stuff you just naturally know as a parent - and it IS helpful to have someone older and wiser clue us in on this stuff! It takes a village, after all...

It sounds like you've had a discouraging day, or month, or year. I'll bet that's an experience every thinking adult has had, but maybe everything isn't as dark as it looks to you right now. I've got a few lovely, lovely 'rules' for mental health and happiness that have served me well in my adult life:

1. I've learned that other people's choices, or any actual situation, don't "make" me happy or unhappy. It's the thoughts I HAVE about those choices that keep me suffering, and if I know that, then I have a great deal of choice about what I want to think. I was taught from the cradle that I "make" Mommy happy, "make" Daddy angry, etc. Probably most children throughout human history grew up being taught that they are somehow responsible for other people's moods, especially our own families'. It is important to know that my choices ripple through other people's lives, but believing I must behave a certain way for another person's happiness is actually a tragic situation. That belief can take away spontaneity, joy, and personal power.

2. I watch my pronouns. I try to be aware of, and avoid, the "editorial we" or "royal we" unless I'm clear that I'm choosing that for some specific purpose. In other words, I don't say 'we' if I actually mean 'I' or 'you' or 'they.' Sweeping people up into groups is seldom accurate or particularly useful – 'we' are simply not that homogenous. (And yes, 'we' collectively have a very hard time avoiding this manner of expressing 'our'selves.)

3. Another pronoun gaffe that complicates things when I'm not looking is to think in terms of "us and them." "Us" are the ones with the right values, morals, education, upbringing, etc., and "them" are the ones who missed the boat. "Us" is friend and "them" is enemy. "They" are ruining the world for the rest of "us." This thinking is subtle and insidious and can do tremendous harm at personal, social, and national levels.

4. I seriously avoid playing "Ain't it Awful" – a game people play that keeps the participants feeling angry, helpless and overwhelmed. Gossip is one form of this popular game. It does absolutely no good to fuss and worry about what "they" are doing. And it's entirely possible that some really great stuff is also happening, or will happen as a result of what "we" are learning now.

5. This one's hard for me, and I have to keep working at it. But I avoid being in other people's business – assuming I know why or how they made the choices that I so disagree with. I have no control over anyone's decisions but my own, so I figure I do well to be as conscious of what I'm doing as possible. Responding to mamapedia requests gives me lots of practice in this, but even here, I slip, early and often.

6. The Good Old Days mostly weren't. Some things were better, at least from some people's perspective. Some things were much, much worse, especially from other people's perspectives. I was raised by an authoritarian mother who permitted no argument. My childhood was absolutely miserable. But it also got me to look closely at child-rearing and make better choices for my own daughter. I wouldn't be half the person I am now if my childhood had been happy. Everything brings trade-offs.

7. I don't watch commercial television. I do sneak a peek every once in awhile to remind me why I don't. That medium is designed to shamelessly grab the public by their eyeballs, hearts, and guts (not to mention pocketbooks) and hang on relentlessly. It's as irresistible as watching a car wreck, and about as uplifting. My mother, bless her heart, watches endless drivel and is convinced society has died and gone to hell.

8. My spiritual life gets regular maintenance. Very, very important.

The society I hang out with are actually pretty positive, ethical, hopeful, ambitious, and dedicated. Many of my circle are young parents, working to build a better world for their children's generation. So I keep my focus there!

You are in a position where so many influences cross, D. – child care, wow, you see it all. Some of it must be infuriating or despair-inducing. Don't you also see signs of hope and growth and positive change? In your position, you might be able to provide some of those: How about including on your weekly calendar, or a send-home leaflet, an uplifting quote, a parenting tip, an inspiring story? Make your mark! I wish you the best.

Every parent learns how to choose their battles.
Some things they are willing to fight over and other things they are not.
Sometimes I think it would be nice if we could all throw out the tv and live as the Amish do, but we don't and kids pick up behavior that is best left for soap operas or The Jerry Springer Show and sometimes it plays out at school.
I think a lot of teachers eventually burn out wondering about the things you are wondering about.
Try to look at the successes and not so much at the ones you can't help wonder "what they heck are they thinking?". You can't change how they parent.
Parenting and teaching are so often such thankless jobs.
Praise the ones you think are doing well.
I've had more than a few of my son's teachers tell me I'm doing a great job with him and how well behaved he is. I really appreciate the validation.

Things are complicated, so it's hard to respond to your post. I agree with much of it, (though definitely not the coat part), but don't think you can categorically say that children's problems come from lazy or permissive parenting.

Personally, I think that most children's problems come from the breakdown of the American family. Fifty percent, people! It's very difficult for one parent to do it all and children are traumatized from the loss of a parent they love equally. That's not to say that there aren't some good reasons for breaking up at times.

I agree with what you're getting at. I have 3 boys 8,5, amd 11 months. They are wild and crazy(the 2 oldest) and my 5yo is my strong willed child but he rarely wins. I am the boss he is the child if it will hurt him or make him sick then it's no if it won't hurt him say he wants to wear his jammies to the store on Saturday who cares! I handle my kids just fine. I have a friend with 5 boys and her kids are nothing like the ones you are describing. You know why because WE PARENT our kids. We are the parents and they are the children! And to the mom who said all kids turn out fine that is so not true!!! I think it's fine that you ranted on this site. What should you have done sent a letter home to your kids parents? You would be out of business! Just keep being constant with your charges that is all you can do. You can't make these parents shape up.

I feel your pain.

You know, it only gets worse as they get older. My kids are in 7th, 4th and 2nd grade and I see those "never told no kids" all the time. They are the teacher's and administrator's worst nightmares. Their parents have the same old tired excuses for them too.

But when I volunteer in the Library or classroom, I don't put up with it. When the kids boo hoo about following rules, I say, "Didn't you know? I'm Kira's (or Jenna's or Dana's) Mean Mother! You will do as I say!" I'll look at my kid for confirmation and they nod their head. It's really funny.

And guess what? The kids listen to me and follow my directions. It also helps that I'm kinda loud, so if I'm talking to you about not listening or following directions, everyone will look at you and wonder why you aren't behaving.

As you can gather, I'm an old-fashioned mamma a home too, but I'd rather have my kids act up at home than at school.

Something happened to these parents when they were children too, to be raising kids like this. Perhaps it started with our parents generation and the way they parented all of these, now adults.

Most of my friends parents were absent in the 80's and 90's and they were all pretty much latch key kids. You learn from your parents and there was a new style of parenting going on then, with the beginning trend of divorce and both parents working. So, I guess where does the fault begin, with parents nowdays, or with their parents for raising them to be like this?

I totally agree...! Also you cannot catch a cold from just being in the cold, HOWEVER you can lower your immune system & be more susceptible to catching a cold when you are exposed to germs. So it is my opinion that parents should make their kids wear jackets in freezing weather.

HEY!!! Nothing wrong with fake boobies!!! lol.
First of all, I understand what you are saying, and perhaps you get more sensitive because you deal with many kids at difference of me that I only see mine and just a couple minutes of others in the park.
Parenting have change (and will keep changing) over the years, it will take a while to find the perfect balance. My grandma use to tell me about how in her days it was and honestly it was scary! Now I can see we go more to the other extreme. Unfortunately as a humans we can learn from our mistakes our other people mistakes (if we are open to it) but is hard, it is really hard to find a balance.
I think I am a great parent but many times my kids do things, like the coat thing, difference mine was 13 and she didn't want to wear a damn coat!!
Her teacher may think I didn't care of I didn't want to deal with it but I did.
You are in a hard position, is not just 2 (like me) kids that you see all this things and I admire that you care, rest happy knowing that you care and that kids can learn more then one way. My mother never teach me how to cook, which is weird because she was strict, but guess what I did learn any way, she did teach me how to obey her and that is something I still don't do very well, lol.

Wow, judgemental much? Just because someone else has a different parenting style than you doesn't mean that they aren't parenting their children. You only see a small portion of how these parents interact with their children. Things are often very different behind closed doors. As the mother of a spirited little girl I learned to pick my battles a long time ago, so if you saw my parenting you might think I was too easy going. However, you have no idea that I just spent twenty minutes disciplining my child for being disrespectful. You come across as very judgemental and honestly just sound like you have childcare burn out.

As for the worries about what our world is coming to, I always find these comments a little amusing. There was a time that a lot of parents thought Elvis was the beginning of the end of morality for the youth of their time and yet we have managed on quite nicely since then. It's all in perspective and prior generations tend to wear rose colored glasses.

As a mother who loves her children very much and is a full time SAHM who is VERY present in the upbringing of her children's lives, I have to say that I have selectively chosen to pick my battles with my children. My childrens ages are 11, 8 and 4. The two oldest are in school, the youngest starts kindergarten this year. My 8 year old is a strong willed, stubborn, strongly opinionated child. Disciplining her is not only a challenge but a struggle most days. My oldest is mouthy and rebellious. We are a Christian family with a strong focus on Christ yet my childrens behavior in the home would suggest otherwise. In public, they are perfect angels. Just a few months ago my 8 year old daughter INSISTED she would not wear her jacket to school. I scolded her, yelled at her, refused to take her to school until she put the jacket on. Yet she still refused which forced all of us to be late to school. So, I relented and let her go to school without her jacket. We got to the school, were walking through the parking lot when she asked me if I could have lunch with her....and if I would bring her jacket to the school at the same time. I told her no. I refused! You bet I did. She wouldn't wear the darn jacket when I told her to wear it and suddenly she realized just how cold it was...and wanted it. Later that day she informed me that her teacher made an announcement to the classroom that ALL the children must be dressed appropriately for the colder weather. Don't you think for one moment I felt like that announcement was intended for my daughter and perhaps the teacher for just a moment thought I was careless mother for sending her child off to school with a jacket? Of course I felt that the announcement was directed at me and it made me feel bad. But I selectively picked my battle and let my child have it her way...and she found out the hard way and realized just how cold it was. Not all parents are "not present." I don't know what has happened to this generation. My husband and I are not raising our children to be belligerent hoodlums. We use Scripture from the Bible to back up our ways of discipline, we have "house rules" posted on the front door as well as two sheets of paper, typed, full of Scripture to serve as a reminder for various issues that come up in the home. My children claim they are deprived: they have no cell phones, no electronic toys, no ipods, no games, no computer, no TV. We have ONE TV in the house and they must ask permission to watch it and only me or their daddy has control of the remote. Some children are extremely hard-headed/head strong and I can certainly understand any parents frustration with a child like this. I have one and with my children, when one misbehaves, the others follow. I am teaching my children morals and manners and how to live their lives like a Christian. I can only hope they are holding everything I say/teach them so that should they depart one day, their faith will bring them to the right path one day.

You're preaching to the choir on this one :)
Can you expell kids in pre-school for bullying?

D.,

I read a few posts and they agreed with you. I am sorry, but I disagree with you. I then loooked at your profile. I know you said your children are grown, but I was wondering how many children you have (I guessed no more than two and I was correct). I think you are most definately judging these other moms who are not doing it as good as you did. Well, Maybe these other moms have more than two kids (three kids is the new two these days). Maybe they have even three, four or five kids that they are shuffling around. I have three small boys, and having my third child really put me over the edge. Two kids is easy, especially if they are spaced at least three years apart, and especially if they are a boy and a girl, or two girls. I have three boys and they are crazy when they are all together. I often ask myself how is it possible that I am raising wild animals?? I teach my kids manners, I have them do chores, I have them say their prayers before dinner, etc. I feel that I am a good mom but they are just crazy. I feel that having young boys is harder than having young girls (girls are calmer than boys). My boys are ages 7, 4, and almost 3. The two little ones are 15 months apart and it is very difficult!!!! What gender are your children, a boy and a girl 4 years apart???? I don't think it's a big deal if a little girl comes to your daycare in shorts and uggs in the winter. Sometimes it is necessary for our mental sanity to give in. This girl will not get sick if she wears shorts in the winter. The only she will get is cold. Same goes for the boy who refused to wear a jacket and his mother brought 10 jackets to school - he will not get sick, just cold. People do NOT get sick from not wearing warm clothes in the winter. They sick from viruses!!! Only a virus or germs can get someone sick - NOT from not wearing a jacket, or wearing shorts in the winter!!! And so what if the girl wanted to wear her shoes on the wrong feet, and so what if the mother didn't want to fix it. She obviously knows what her daughter's reaction would have been and didn't want to deal with it. If her daughter would have had a huge meltdown, I don't blame her for not doing anything about it. It's called survival, D.. Some days, my kids cry, scream, yell, and tantrum (over nothing), that I just want to die. As a mother and owner of a childcare facility, how can you not sympathize and empathize with these moms??? One would think you don't have children of your own. You have absolutely no tolerance for these moms and their kids - NOT a good quality a daycare owner should have!!!! Your job is taking a huge toll on you! You judge these moms all day long and are so angry that you need to make a post on a public forum - not good! Regarding the children who refuse to wear jackets, pants and put their shoes on the wrong feet - they will ALL TURN OUT JUST FINE IN LIFE! They will NOT be doing this in elementary school - this is just preschool and they are acting their young age!!! Young kids are notorious for giving their parents a hard time! These parents must be picking and choosing their battles and feel that clothes and shoes are not something to pick a battler over and I couldn't agree more. What a shame that these parents are financially supporting you and your bad, judgemental attitude. I'm sure your tuition is expensive, and here they are giving you money and all you do is criticize them on a website. This is very sad to me. I hope you will find a way to be happy and get rid of your unnecessary anger.

I completely see where you're coming from and don't think you're wrong or being "too harsh". And I don't think it's fair to almost blame you for kids' behaviours bc you're their daycare provider. If that's not passing the buck... Fortunately, most of the kids I see are being parented well. I wonder if it's bc I am not in the childcare business or a teacher etc. But there are a lot of kids in our neighborhood and I've been struck by how nicely mannered most of them are. So don't give up hope! Maybe what you're seeing is a bit of the minority of what's going on out there. (nevermind Jersey Shore... ugh) Oh - and if someone can't handle disciplining their kids bc they have more than 2, they should't have had more than 2... I think people have a good idea of what it's like to have kids once you've had one or two so you've made a conscious decision to have more.

I have to weigh in on this one. To me, for the majority of kids, evidence of good parenting comes when a child is not in the presence of their parents. Yes there are a exceptions but the majority of kids who have behavior issues have parents who just don't or won't take the time to teach their kids. They either scream them into submission, beat them into submission, bribe them, or just ignore them. I saw it all as a teacher. The "blame everyone else instead of taking responsibility for your actions" society we have become is also to blame.
I must add that I taught some amazing kids who were very well behaved. I am referring to kids with major behavior issues in elementary school. They often were the ones I wanted to take home with me.

We are NOT perfect parents but anyone who knows our kids would say we are doing something right. Love and logic!, a few spankings here and there, spending quality time together, prayer and faith.