My three year old son, Walker will not sleep in his own room and sometimes will not go to sleep until late at night. I am aware that my husband and I let him sleep in our bed since he was baby probably out of quilt from working all day and wanting that time with him but now we want him in his own room--HELP!! Our one year old daughter, Maddee has never been in our bed and we give her a bottle and put her in her bed for the evening with no fuss what can we do with Walker!!??
I would start by moving him once he's fallen asleep to his own bed so at least he's waking up in his own bed. Maybe give him a special treat for setting a goal of sleeping in his room for so many nights.
I wish I could help but I still allow my children to sleep with us. We are a cosleeping family. My oldest son is five and still sleeps with us. We have a three year old that will sleep with us too. Even if we put them in thier room for "alone time"(since we dont feel that is appropriate to do around kids even though some feel it is ok when they are infants not us ever) they will come into our room at about 3 in the morining (trust me we have stayed up to see). We dont mind cause they dont wake us up normaly and the like to snuggle with mommy and daddy (daddy is a marine and is gone alot) so i understand we need that sometimes. Also to me it is a wy of parenting even when asleep they need us and we are there for them. That is just a personal belief for our family but you have to do what you feel is right for your family. I hope you find someone that can help but i will tell you that they do eventually get out and stay out of bed. My sister had one that would sleep with her all the time and about five and a half he was out and hasnt gone back unless really sick or has a nightmare and then they go to the big couch or she goes to his room so that daddy doesnt get woke up since he has wierd hours. hope I helped some.
You are not alone and many of us have faced this problem. We began by weening our son out of our bed gently. One night a week he had to sleep in his bed, then slowly increased the number of nights that he spent in his bed to 50% of the time. By the time he began school he was sleeping in his bed during the school week and with us on the weekends. Now he is in the first grade and occasionally ask to sleep with us on the weekend and we readily agree. Of course we rewarded every step along his journey to becoming an independent sleeper. Explanations don't mean much to a 3 yo, but toys and attention do. Just speak his language and he'll listen.
A. B.
we're doing things gradually ourselves. Started out sleeping with her on her bed in her room, then holding her hand but sleeping in a bed next to hers, then every few days moving the bed away from hers and toward the door. Next, we'll put up a chair for only bedtime for us to sit in. The hardest thing is being consistent and not back-tracking--or staying stationary instead of moving toward the door!
Sounds like yours boy also needs a more consistent bedtime. Our girl did too. She'd always wake a couple times a night, but now when we're consistent with getting her to sleep by 7:30-8pm, she will sleep through until about 6-6:30 a.m. Her naps have to be consistent as well, or else she'll be overtired and won't go down to bed easily come 6:30-7 p.m. bedtime preparations. If she misses a nap, she'll be a complete wreck and will take at least an hour longer to fall asleep, plus she will wake up several times during the night screaming because she's so tired that she can't transition properly between sleep cycles.
We're definitely putting our next child in her own bed. I really want to keep her in our room cuz I'm a lazy nursing mama, but I know that if we do, we'll just end up with the same situation as with our first child! We were in the same room, then I always co-slept because I was so tired, and we both would sleep horribly, so I'd keep co-sleeping, then I'd get her back in her bed, then I'd go back to co-sleeping cuz she was just the sweetest thing, then I'd continue sleeping horribly.....she usually woke 3-5x a night, and with my hubby off night-duty becuase he was in grad school, well, that was enough to drive anyone crazy!
My youngest son slept in our bed till the week before his 5th birthday. We had been "prepping" him for a few months that when he turned five and started school he had to be a big boy and sleep in his bed. The week before his birthday he just starting going to his bed as long as we laid down with him till he fell asleep. After a little while we started leaving his room sooner and sooner till now he lays down we cuddle a few minutes and then he says, "See you in the morning" and puts his back to me.
I guess my advise would be to talk about it for a while with your son and then work your way out of the room.
I saw on super nanny where a little boy would not sleep in his own bed and she had the father because he had custody of his kids to take his son to his room and make him comfortable nite light if he needed it and tell him he could not sleep in his bed. I'm sure in the beginning they explained why. Anyway the little boy kept getting out of bed and coming in his room and he had to keep taking him back. Several times that night. It took him doing that about three days not giving up and each night it took less time for him to finally go to sleep in his room. I think the first night it took about 2hours and then less and less each night there after. I would give it a week at least and don't give up. Stick to what you mean no matter how exhausted you get. Remember the out come will be well worth it.
I agree with Sandi. A gradual weaning is probably your best bet. I know a LOT of people who have toddler in their beds! Don't feel like it's a terrible thing at all. There are many ways it's good for them. Of course, if you're done, it's good that so many others have done this, too, and you can get ideas.
I know a lot of people, myself included, started out by sleeping with the child in the child's bed for about a week. Then getting up after he goes to sleep and coming to lie back down with him if/when he wakes. Over time, as he adjusts, you'll be lieing with him less and less. The last step is usually getting him to fall asleep by himself in his bed.
One thing that worked with our almost 3 year old when getting him to go to sleep on his own. We'd lie with him for a few minutes and then say something like, "I'm going to the bathroom. Be right back." (when we were going to the bathroom) or "I've got to get something. Be right back."
Then we'd come back in a few minutes, even if he wasn't fussing. We'd leave for increasingly longer periods of time. After he fell asleep a few times while we were gone, he started doing it a lot.
A gradual weaning from all strong attachments seems to be the most gentle and nurturing, to me.
Hi J.,
I don't think there's going to be a quick fix, but this is what we did. We let him fall asleep in our bed, then moved him to his bad. If he woke up in the night, we let him come back (mostly because I was too tired to march him back to his own room.
Once he mastered staying asleep in his room (which didn't take long), we worked on him "getting" to sleep in his room. At first, we stayed with him, then we'd say we had to do something, but we'd be right back. Each day, the time we stayed away got a little longer until he fell asleep waiting for us to get back.
It's gradual, so it didn't upset him. It mostly took patience on our part.
Good lcuk!!
I have never known this approach to fail, however it takes commitment. First, set a bedtime and stick to it. Second, explain to Walker that it is time for him to start sleeping in his own bed and let him know his bedtime. Make a routine, ex: brush teeth, go potty then read a story. Sit next to him and tell him you will sit there until he falls asleep but he can't get out of bed and he must behave. Each night sit closer to the door then move to the hallway. The process shouldn't take moer than 2 weeks. If you stick to it it's worth it. Of course all kids are different so you can tweak this to work for you. Just remember, he can't get out of bed and he has to behave. Good Luck.
Hi J.,
I made the same mistake with my daughter who is now 5 years old. I am not sure where his room is located from your room but what I did was I put my daughter in the room across from us, placed her bed long ways so when she sleeps she can either face the wall or face inside my bedroom. This gave her more confort knowing that she could still see mommy and daddy but not be right there in the same bed with them. I keep telling her how much of a big girl she was to sleep in her own room and made sure that she knew we were right there next to her. We are a christian family so we also prayed with her and told her that God was with her as she was sleeping and he would also protect her through the night. It took a few weeks of this but she now happily sleeps in her own room and refuses to sleep with us even when we ask her to now for a cat nap on the weekend or something. Good luck and I hope this helps a little.
D. A
