3 1/2 Who Refuses to Potty Train!

hi danielle
I boughthave a great book in pdf file, what is you email address I can forward it for free. maybe there are some usefull tips in it for you.
I have a 4 year old boy (with autism) and I just trained him succesfully last may. We still have some accidents and at night still a pull up but for the rest he is good.
Mirjam

I have a 3 1/2 year old girl as well. We tried candy, pull- ups (which she just saw as another diaper), reward charts, etc... Finally we just stopped putting any diapers on her and started putting underwear on her. The first 2-3 days were a little messy, but after that it's been really great. Every now and then she would have an accident, but as time went on they became fewer and fewer. It's been about 5 months since we did this and now she only wears pull ups at bed-time (and even then usually wakes up dry).
Also, the potty chair was more of a toy for her than anything else. From when we started putting underwear on her she mostly used the "grown up potty".

Good luck!!

Have you tried using cloth diapers for her so she feels the wetness and discomfort? Disposables are convenient; however they work so well that there's no incentive for the children to stop using them since they're comfortable and don't feel the wetness. If you do try cloth, also buy plastic pants to go over them to cut down on leaks to the clothes.

I do agree that when they do that they should be ready. However in order to potty train you do need to have her cooperation. If she isn't ready then you will have to wait it out. Perhaps all she needs is a little break and she may turn around in time for going to school in the fall. I recommend just letting her have the diaper and not doing any potty training for the next few weeks so that she feels like she gets a break, don't even mention it. She may bring it up. Then maybe mid july talk to her about school and how fun it will be and all the stuff she'll be learning. Then once she gets excited about school spring it on her that she needs to pee and poop in the potty. If she has done it before and regressed I think this may be her motivation to finally get rid of the diapers completely.

remember that no 2 are alike. I was blessed when my oldest potty trained and was dry at 9 months. However,my next 2 daughters were both nap and bedtime wetters( dry during the day). The older of the 2, had problems at night til about 4th grade.Even my son,was as easy as pie. I would back off and not even try. Let her be in charge and as the saying goes...when she's ready she'll let you know. Maybe she just isn't quite ready. When she decides she is ready, it'll just be like an overnight thing!!! I would still continue to let her be in the bathroom with you or the older one so at least she is "exposed" to it and maybe she'll realize that's what is expected of her as well.Do you know did something happen that caused her regression??? like do they go to a sitter's that maybe upset her?? the smallest thing could definitely cause a regression. Good luck and don't despair....she will decide on her on soon and you will be happy!!! J.

Hi D.,
My girl friend went through the same type of thing with her daughter. I personally am not there yet with my son, but her solution worked for her. What she did was set a timer for every 15 minutes. When the timer would go off, she would take her daughter to the bathroom and put her on the potty to see if she would go. Her daughter was able to tell her when she needed a diaper change as well. It took her about two days to have her potty trained. She said it had something to do with her daughter not wanting to be inconveinenced with the potty. Your daughter might be the same way. I hope this helps you in overcoming the hurtle.

The fact that she can communicate she has to go (by handing you the diaper) is a good sign.

Rewards, underwear, stickers...none of that works with my 3 1/2 year old daughter. If I wait until she's ready, she'll be going to the prom in a pull-up. The only thing that has had any effect has been routine, routine, routine. Make sure she goes at all the key times: before/after going out, sleeping, meals and bathtime.

Going with regular underwear and not pull-ups has also gone quite a way with helping her develop bladder control. You want to keep a lot of paper towels and extra clothes on hand at first:^)

Good luck!

You are right. When she hands you a diaper and puts it on herself...she's more than ready.

Get rid of the diapers and pullups (I would put them in the car for trips to the store). Put her in big girl panties that she picks out. If she refuses to put on her panties then leave her to run around in her naked behind. When she potties in her panties or on the floor make her clean it up. Tell her that big girls go on the potty and when they make a mess they have to clean it up. I bet she will be going potty in a day.

Don't allow her to have the diapers.

Now make sure she has a potty chair or seat that she isn't afraid of. Make sure she knows she has to go on the potty or she will have to clean up. Even give her a little treat when she goes on the potty...I used m&m's and chocolate chips...just one or two. After awhile they forget about it.

It might be a little dramatic the first day but she will get the hang of it. Does she know about school? Does she want to go? If so, then push the issue and tell her she can't go unless she can go on the potty by herself.

Good luck!

Anything change since 3 mos ago? Has she heard you discuss going to preschool when she is trained? (could be simply that she is afraid of what that will bring) I do agree that children show readiness signs and when only when they are ready, can they be potty trained. (Though we can help them get ready to a point.) I saw the readiness in mine and jumped on it! Mine are 12 mos apart and when my son was 2, he wanted to stay at preschool as we dropped off his big sis. It helped to say, "oh, you can't go there since they do not take kids in diapers..." Fast forward from October to November and he was trained! Now, this is one strategy that worked in combination with the charts and reward systems, etc., but perhaps pointing out the benefits of being trained will help. Good luck.

Hey Danielle! Don't loose hope! I have a 6yr old boy and a 4 yr old girl. Both potty trained super easy. With my son, I started trying too early so we stopped and waited a while and then tried again in a few months and he did okay for a day or so and then wanted nothing to do with it, so again we waited for a couple months. Shortly before he turned 3 I saw a Dr Phil episode about potty training your child in 24 hours. You can view all the steps of his process on his website www.drphil.com and then type potty training in the search. So a few months after he turned 3 I tried it and he truly was trained in 24 hours. He had only 1 accident in the following week and was bowel trained by the end of that week as well. 3 months later he was wearing underwear through the night. With my daughter we used the same technique and although initially she had a few more accidents in the beginning it worked wonderfully! I think the key is waiting until they are ready. Also the great thing with Dr. Phil's method is that it is 1 day of really concentrated effort and then if it doesn't work, then just wait a few weeks and try again. My advice would be to not even talk about potty training right now for a month or so and then tell her all about the Potty Party (you will read about in on Dr Phil) and see how it goes. Just a side note..I did not get the doll that wets...we just had potty parties when ever anyone else in the family went potty! =) Good Luck~

Hi D., hang in there, I know it's hard but keep doing what your doing. When your home, put her in underwear and put the potty out where she can see it. 20 mins after she has had something to drink, try to make her go, sit there with her. Keep doing the promises of candy and stickers, cookie,etc. Read her books about the potty, that what we do and it hepls. Huggies have a free potty training DVD you can get, go to there web site. You will have good days and bad days with the potty training thing, but don't give up. Good luck, she will get it.

Have your caregiver keep her in a contained area all day with lots of activities and drinks (like the kitchen). Keep a potty chair in the room with her and do not put her in a diaper or a pull up. Keep her in either underwear or nothing at all. After some mistakes, she will eventually go on the potty and not down her legs. Do this for a couple of days if needed and tell her that going back to the diapers and pullups is not an option. I told my son that the store would not sell them to me if I had a big boy, only to babies. My oldest son trained at 3 1/2. I also was afraid that he would not make it into pre-school, but all of the sudden one day in the summer he was interested. It will happen. Just give tons of praise and say nothing negative. Only claps and dances for good attempts. And praise her in front of all of your friends and relatives telling stories of how good she is doing. Best of luck.

We were in the same boat as you. We resorted to taking away of favorite things as well as rewards. We had a sticker chart and when she earned enough, which was a lot of them, she got the Curious George movie. We also took away lovie and plug (pacifier) which she used to go to bed at night. Let me tell you, she has not had an accident since the threat. We never had to take away the items. My friend also had to resort to this with her son pooping and he too complies now.
Good luck!
K.

Hi D.. Its a hard thing, potty training! I went through it with four of my nieces. However I found using the underwear and plastic covers work best for potty training. Have you tried this? If she doesnt use the potty and goes in her pants she will feel uncomfortable and wet. This usually gets the kids on the potty. Good Luck! Also do you tell her she needs to be potty trained to go to preschool? If so maybe she regressed and refuses because she doesnt want to go?

There are several different schools of thought on this. First, you haven't ever seen a child go to college in diapers and so eventually she will learn. One school of thought from the "responsive regulation" or "attachment parenting" school of parenting is to just let her be. Let her know that she won't be able to go to preschool or find a different preschool and see if that makes her want to do it but in general let her be.

the other approach is to set aside a week for potty training and then have her go without diapers all the time and work on getting her to the potty. You will have a lot of accidents but at the end of 7 days, you normally have a potty trained child. This is a little like potty training a puppy and a very popular approach in some parts of the world (other than the US).

You could also move to cloth diapers. They feel wet and are a strong motivator for a lot of children.

Go back to rewarding the trained child and making a big big deal each time she "goes" and no praise to the 3 1/2 for anything she does. See what happens in a few days to a week. Be patient. You said she was trained and regressed. Something caused this. When she starts "going on the potty" again, then it will be fun all over....make sure the younger one praises big sister also, very important...then rewards can be walks to the park for both of the and things like that. Good luck

We're having a similar problem w/ our soon-to-be 3 yr old. My sister just e-mailed me this link:

http://www.bootycampmom.com/

It's a one day camp that is 98% effective. I've been considering, but it's expensive at $250.00...but when you think about the cost of diapers and frustration, it may be well worth it...good luck!

The folks that told you she will do it when ready? They are correct. Do not try and rush it (even though you want her to go t pre-school). I think that is a real problem these days too parents try to rush their children into things and we are all put together that way, they will do things when they are ready to, not like the other did or a friends little one did, it will be done in her time!!

I will only say this much -- when they are ready, they are ready and you won't have to fight it. I do agree that 3 1/2 would be my breaking point as well. With my son (now 5) we fought and fought with him and he wouldn't potty train. Then one day he looked at me when he saw his cousin (who is younger) use the potty -- he announced he wasn't a baby and didn't want diapers anymore. My daughter is in the midst of trying to train and again has no interest ... I've decided to not fight it. However, I plan on pointing out younger children who use the potty chair and see if a little competition would work with her as well!! :)

I have a 3 year old and in the process of training. She only wears diapers at night. I told her when she turned 3 she was a big girl and the diapers go away. That Monday after her birthday i put underwear on her that she picked out and only diapers at night. Shes had 4 accidents but it's worked for us. It's been 2 weeks now. And believe me i got the tears especially when it was time to poop. Does your daughter want to go to school? I found that when I told my daughter she needs to be potty trained to go to school she really refused because she does not want to go to school. Good Luck!!!!

I had a 2 1/2 year old who finally got it and a 3 1/2 year old boy who, I thought he was NEVER going to potty train. Go figure! Sounds like you are doing all the right things and, sadly, it really does come down to - they will do it when they are good and ready! It doesn't mean you will quit trying. I remember being so frustrated - and, yes, they were able to hand me the diaper, too! I hope someone has a great idea for you....just know there are others in the same boat, I hope helps you!

My friend went thru the same thing with her daughter. What she did seemed to work. When her daughter came up to her to get changed she wouldn't do it. She would wait until she got involved with something and then it was time to change the diaper. Her daughter got sick of being interrupted all the time and started to use the potty.
My mother also had a rule. At four years old the diaper fairy comes and takes all the diapers and leaves a pile of pretty undies. When there's no diapers in the house there's no other choice.

Rewards and punishments should not be given since reliving yourself is a natural function; that is why they usually do not work. Just put her in regular underware. Since it is summer have her play outside as much as posible so if she has accidents it won't be in your house. When she does have accidents have her help clean them up; if she can hand you a diaper and put it on herself she can help you clean up her own mess. After a couple days of that she will want to go on the toliet. It will be a bit frustrating for you and whomever else will be helping; just be consistant and she will be trained in no time.

Danielle,
I thought our daughter was never going to potty train. We'd been trying over a year. I finally gave up trying, but let her pick out underwear and let her decide when she was ready to wear them all day, making it clear she would have to use the potty if she wore them. One morning, just shy of 3 1/2, she decided she wanted to wear them and she never looked back. So, it might just happen overnight, hopefully before September!

who is at home with her during the day? i would just stop putting the diapers on her, honestly. when she brought me a diaper i would just shake my head and say something like - you have a dirty diaper? time for you to take it off and use the potty! i would not give rewards or time outs, i would just take off the soiled diaper, put on the regular clothes, give her clean clothes when she wet/pooped on herself and clean up the messy ones, and just comment on how uncomfy it must be to sit in wet clothes all the time when the toilet is right there. she can obviously communicate well enough to understand you, and prefers to be cared for. if she throws a fit, ignore it and leave the room.

When my daughter was three, she was set to attend a preschool that would not change diapers. I was anxious about trying to potty train her in a short time. Someone told me about Booty Camp, which is run by a pediatric nurse in her house in West Chicago (the suburb, not within the city). I went for one day with my daughter, and followed the program two more days as required. Viola, success! While there is an initial bribe-type approach with treats, it gets phased out quickly. What I liked best was that I never had to ask my daughter, "Do you need to go potty?" It has always been her responsibility to listen to her body, and go as needed. I recommend this program, which is worth the money ($200 at the time, but according to another posting, $250 now).

Classic power struggle and she has the power right now. I had two boys who just refused to potty train, and as soon as I eased up, they decided it was okay to be in big boy pants.

Also, pull-ups are now so dry, even when they're wet, that they really don't care. Invest in a couple of cotton training pants (with plastic pants over them)instead - they'll be really uncomfortable when they're wet.

Good news - they don't go to kindergarten in diapers. Good luck!

I just want you to know that I'm with you! My son is 3 1/2 and couldn't care less about going on the toilet. We've been talking about potty training and trying different methods for 2 whole years at this point, so I'm at my wits end with frustration over it. My 17-month-old daughter is starting to sit on the potty after meals, so I'm hoping she'll pick it up and he'll follow. Hang in there!

Hi
I am haveing the same issue with a 3 and 3 month year old and have been told its unacceptable well they have little minds and will train when ready I am looking for help too so if you have any good ideas let me know at ____@____.com All the books say dont push it and boys train later i have friends who trained closer to four. Continue to try for us both I guess L.

D., someone in this forum I told the story of my grandson who refused to train until he was 5-1/2 and somehow it got thru preschool by holding it in until he got home.

These kids are smart. And peer pressure will get to them eventually.

M.
www.toy-train-table-plans-store.com

My son, who is 3.5 now, was also resistant to potty training for the past year or so. Around January I told everyone (e.g., mother in law, mother) to drop the subject completely and not pressure him anymore. I wanted him to have a few months to forget about all the pressure. When I introduced the subject again 2 weeks ago (I essentially just had him spend the day naked and told him to pee in the toilet if he wanted to), then he peed in the toilet 8 times that day without mistake. He had obviously been paying attention, but didn't want to be coerced into doing it. I think the time off gave him some time to forget his automatically negative response to it. I'm not sure you have time to do this if you have preschool in the fall, but even taking a few weeks or a month without pressure may help. Having her go bottomless also may help because it is more easy to remember that she isn't wearing a diaper (I often also wear shorts without underwear when leaving the house). Also, especially for girls, it is uncomfortable when they pee standing up (goes down their legs). Good luck!

We found that letting our children walk around the house naked for a couple of days did the trick! It requires that someone is at home and is willing to clean up messes, but for both of our kids, it worked.

S.
Mom of Jerimiah (6) and Samara (3)

I had the same exact issue and we thought we were at the end of our rope.

We took our daughter to bootycamp
www.bootycampmom.com
and she was TRAINED IN ONE DAY

The mom was on TV last week on the TODAY SHOW and I gotta tell you - she was worth her weight in GOLD SILVER AND BRONZE -

Here's a link
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25057503/
The interviewer was a snip - but I'm biased because I think this is the way to potty train - you've already seen here - you ask and everyone has their way - this may not be the "way" for everyone - but I can tell you - it was a lifesaver for us (we had fights - got angry - screamed and carried on like this was OUR failure as parents) and within a few hours we have a potty trained little angel

Everyone has an opinion on this - and mine is was and will be that the booty camp was the best investment we've ever made

my dd went on 5/31 and we haven't changed a diaper since.

send me a personal message and I'd be happy to give you my home phone number for a personal testimonial on Wendy Sweeny.