Boys Really That Hard to Potty Train?!

Dear M., Some children want to be in control. He sees how much this means to you so he is not doing it. He also may not be ready... back off and he may come around on his own. I have also seen some moms tell the child to clean up after himself, they say it works.... Grandma Mary

Being physically ready and being ready mentally are two different things.
We didn't get our son really potty trained until just about now, age 3 1/2, even though he could use the potty by age 2. We had him in a soccer camp a few months ago... and for the month before it started, we told him there's no diapers allowed at soccer camp.... We told him he had to practice on the potty, because he could only go to soccer camp in underwear. This worked wonders on his progress. We still had lots of accidents after that, but still a lot of progress.
I think it is all about control...when our son decided that the potty would be an agreeable task, he's been great. Before that, it was war... with screaming fits about using the potty..... oh, such a big waste of our time.
In my opinion, you need an incentive that works for him. Soccer camp was the turning point for my son!!.

You should find out what the pre-k is doing for potty training. Even if you send him in a pull-up, they should still be taking him to the potty.
The "newness" concept is very true. It wore off in our case too..... but hang in there.. our son sort-of regressed once or twice in our year-long process to get him 100%.
Even now, he tries to hold it when he's engrossed in some toy ... we see him get all fidgety.. and then we chase him off to the bathroom before he has an accident.
I don't think you are as far off as you think..... if other kids in pre-school use the potty, he will want to do it too ... practice practice practice. (and lots of good luck. )
(by comparison, I have 2 yr old boy/girl twins too. The boy won't even sit on the potty without screaming in protest, yet his twin sister is totally mentally ready. She rips off her diaper and sits on the potty, but nothing comes out. Then she wipes and flushes and fights to only wear underwear.
i think that is the perfect example of boys vs. girls. Theyeven have their big brother as a guide, but still they behave completely different on the subject.)

I fell your pain. My son just finally started going poop on the potty. I just let him take the time he needed. It was to the point that he would bring me a diaper so he could poop. He just turned 4.
I just wanted to let you know that your not alone

You're not alone! My 4.5 year old is finally *almost* accident free. When he goes now, 99.9% of the time it really is an accident. However, after months of no issues, we went through a spree a few weeks ago where he peed himself at school (and it was no accident) twice and pooped himself in our own backyard simply because he didn't want to come in. UGH! I will say I've been relieved at how well he's done at PreK except for those two incidents. He was on a pooping binge for a large part of the summer -at least once a week. I have a friend who has a 7 year old son, and I remember her freaking out that he was still not going to be "poop-trained" by kindergarten! He did though. We tried everything, and for us it seemed to be a combo of going back to a chart and rewards system, "threatening" the doctor (I don't like to do it, but I got so desperate at one point I told him we would have to start going for shots to make him stop -this is against pretty much against everything any child rearing expert will tell you -but it works with my kid AND he doesn't freak out about going for check ups), telling him he should be REALLY disappointed in himself when he could have made it to the bathroom (again -not supposed to shame and I NEVER do when he wets his bed at night -but when he's too lazy to go poop because he's outside in the sandbox or he does it because he's mad at us -sorry!) and going to school full time. If we travel or camp, he still wets the bed every night, but not at home -that's rare. It's just a long process! You will get there though -just keep slogging through. On a good note -his 2 year old brother is fascinated with his older brother's ability to use the potty, so he's training like a champ!

Well, my son did not make it easy either. He's 4.5 now (5 in Feb.) and even though he has been in underwear for 10 months I still have to drag him away from what he is doing ( sometimes literally) to go potty every few hours. He does fine at pre K and can do everything himself there, where the toilet and sink are kid size. At home I think he fights for the sake of fighting (he is oppositional about other things sometimes too). Accidents are rare unless we are out and can't get to a potty in time. He is good about pooping in the potty and will go on his own when he needs to. But he is still in pull ups at night. He is also in no hurry to change out of the wet pull up in the morning (yuck). He has known for a while he needs 3 dry mornings in a row and he can try sleeping in underwear but no luck yet.
I would not yell at him or punish him for true accidents but if he refuses to go potty when asked and then has an accident then he gets consequences. I saw a potty watch with an alarm you can set in a catalog but have not tried it.

You are not alone in being frustrated. I introduced potty training to my son at 2.5 and he was almost 4 before he was ready for underwear. He just wasn't ready (then I had another baby when he was 3).

My son was really easy to train too, but my nephew was hard. One of the things we did, that my sister didn't, is to allow my son in the bathroom when Daddy has to go potty. This way it was viewed as an natrual occurring thing that adults did. We also let him pick out Buzz Lightyear underwear, "Big boy underwear." We gave him special treats only for leaving a deposit in the potty. One gummy shark for pee and two gummy sharks for poop, but there had to be a deposit. No deposit, no treat. We also explained what a "poopoo belly" feels like, so he knows when he has to go potty.

Unless he has a medical problem, at 4 he isn't "not ready." If you are waiting for him to decide to use the bathroom, decide for him. Take him to the toilet every hour and a half. I don't believe in rewards and treats for expected behavior. If he has an accident (which isn't really an accident when he just didn't opt to use the toilet when he had to go), I'd send him to time out.
My son trained at the same age as my daughter. I think parents are often more permissive with boys not using the toilet because they think it's normal for boys to be older or more difficult to train

Good luck

YES. Our son was the worst to potty train. Took over a year. Meanwhile, at two and a half, his sister decided she wanted to train, did so willingly and happily and was done with no accidents after about a month. I tell people now that at age seven our son would still be in a Pull Up now if we let him and he knew his friends wouldn't find out. He could care less about going potty. He was the last in his daycare room at three to move to preschool, so we forced the issue.

The key thing was moving our son to underwear. We tried potty parties, rewards systems, you name it. Major fail. He could care less. But what did the trick was ditching the Pull Ups, putting him in underwear and cleaning like crazy for days full of accidents. By the end of the week, he got the message and was staying dry during the day. He still had accidents, but was trained enough to go to preschool. Potty training at night took a good year or two more.

I really know the frustration. At four, I'd say it's time for your son to learn and get it done. See if a move to underwear works. Good luck!

I guess I must be the minority here. I have two boys who both potty trained by age two (the youngest trained within a week at 21 months). I think all kids are different, boys and girls, and get things at different ages.
It sounds like your son realises he has some power because only he can control when and where he pees and poops.
I would just say be consistent in whatever you do. I personally think that positive reinforcemnt usually works better than negative consequences when it comes to potty training.
Good luck, these things are sent to try us and this won't last forever.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time getting him to use the bathroom.
With my boys ages 6 & 4. They were opposite of each other.
My oldest was 29 months old and potty trained himself. Within a week he was out of diapers, sleeping thru the night with no accidents.
My 2nd son on the other hand was much harder. I started potty training him around 2 yrs old. He was a nightmare. lol. It took forever to get him to the point of going in the toilet. He would pee and poop on the floor or outside in the backyard while playing... It was a nightmare. He is now and has been for the last year using the toilet, but he still has accidents at night once in awhile. We started using night pants and told him that if he can wear night pants and not wet the bed for awhile then he could go back to undies. We have been wearing undies to bed for the last 2 weeks with no accidents so far...
At what age did you 1st start with the training?

You are NOT alone!! My first son did not potty train until 3.5 and my second son peep on the potty a month after turning 3, but took another 4 months to go poop on the potty. It was by far the most frustrating thing to date for me to go through as a mom, but we made it through. And now we don't even have to help in the bathroom anymore expcet to button jeans sometimes. Your day of freedom will come!

One thing that worked well for my boys - we took them to the store and bought a toy, one they REALLY wanted but wasn't too pricey - and stuck it up in the living room where we spend most of our time. If they WENT to the bathroom, they got the toy. If they had an accident, it went up on the perch. The toy went to and from day care with the same rules. It can also be done with stickers. Good Luck!

YES they are hard to train, way more than girls. My daughter (last born) got it before she turned three. Although at first she kept trying to pee standing up, from watching her older brothers, LOL. But with my boys, the older one wouldn't go at pre-k for the whole year he went, and the 6 yr old wasn't able to even start pre-k cuz he wouldn't sit on the toilet and wanted his pullups on, refused to wear underwear. Now two years later, he's never once had a accident, day or night. Where my other two have had accidents occasionally now, the oldest pees at night and my daughter just forgets to go once in a while during the day, but never has problems at night.

I am assuming he is in underwear and not diapers. When he wets
himself, do not react. Tell him to go get cleaned up and put on clean
underwear. Just basically ignore. When he poops, he has to help
clean himself up. Again no reaction. Good luck.

If he likes pre- school then tell him he cant go. ONly boys who use the bathroom can go...Is he using a potty chair? Some dont like them. I had to start mine out on the pot,,,,put a step stool up to it and go...put some cherios in and tell him to hit them...have dad take him in and tell him about being aa man....sounds like he is playing you....sit in there with him til he goes,,,,read a book, take things away, put them in a garbage sack and tell him you are taking it out. You can hid it in your closet and give it back to him once he gets in a habbit of going, not the first time he does or he will have you again...wait a week or two of constance......And if all that fells, have him wash out his own underclothes, dont put pull ups on,,once he gets poop on his hands and knows he has to wash them out, he may just change is mind.......good luck