2Nd Baby Advise

I had my 2nd baby when my son was 19 months old. My plan was to keep them close in age, so that they would be good play mates:) (They are 2&1/2 years apart) Plus, I wanted my kids to be on the same page, so to speak, when traveling. Both are out of diapers and I love not having to lug all that stuff on the plane etc.

It is a personal decision that you and your husband make. Have the baby for you and not your child. As you have read on here about siblings and how they do or don't get along.

Consider your finances before getting pregnant as to whether this is the right time. My questions to you: What is your relationship with your husband good or so so? Will you work or stay home with both? Will you provide all of college funds for them or partial? How is your retirement plan? Are you paying a large mortgage? Do you have car payments or college loans? Do you have a rainy day fund?

Many people don't think about those questions and come up a bit short as we have read. Make a plan and then have your second. Just make sure you two are on solid ground before adding to the family.

Have a good holiday season.

the other S.

PS I do have two children one of each. They love each other. Daughter loves brother "from a distance". So be careful of what you ask for.

This is no one's business but your and your husband's. No one should tell you if/when to have kids - not your mom, your mother in law, not your aunts, and especially not your 3 year old!

You and your husband are the ones who have to want another baby with all your heart and soul.

First of all... You owe no one an explanation for choosing to have or not have another baby.

This is a joint decision between you and your husband. No one else has a "say" as they are not the parents who solely support this child financially or emotionally.

This is a very personal decision for you and hubby. Think about the extra financial stretch it will take, how your lives will change etc.

We were both on the same page and felt very complete with our one child. No regrets whatsoever and she's had a full 19 years of support, guidance, financially, emotionally and having a stable home.

Think long and hard about what you and your husband want and forget all the busy bees trying to get into your business.

Ignore everyone else and focus on what you and your husband think is best for your family. Some families are complete with just one child, there's no rule that says every kid needs a sibling (despite what MIL might say). Personally, we are expecting #2 in the spring. We had several discussions before deciding it was the right time for us. Having a baby should never be something you feel pressured into by others, they're not the ones putting in all the work, you are!

Okay....but do YOU want another one? If not and you aren't ready yet then don't. There are no right and wrong age gaps. It all depends on your own situation

We just wanted another one. That was all we knew. We were okay financially and just went for it.

Don't let other people pressure you into having additional children. It's something that's up to you and your hubby. I love how people who won't be waking up all night with a newborn or worrying about putting food in their mouths and keeping a roof over their heads feel it's necessary to tell you when and how many children you should have.

My husband and I talked about it. We almost waited longer but then decided he especally was not getting younger. He was 30 when we got marred. I had a 2 1/2 year old. They a 3 1/2 years apart and I don't think I would want then much further apart. But you have to do what you and your husband feel is best for ya'll. We had some other issuse that came up like I couldn't take the pill we discovered after a few months of being sick from them. So I had the baby and got my tubes tied and didn't have to worry anymore. Don't let anyone presure you into something you are not ready for!!!

Our second was a surprise. He was born when our older was 21 months old.

People constantly telling me to have another baby would make me absolutely refuse to have another one. Heh. If YOU feel like having one, regardless of the people harassing you about it, then go for it. If you don't feel compelled, then don't. Feel free to shut down further conversation about it when others bring it up.

Do YOU want another baby? I had to wait a while for my second for financial and other reasons. My son was 7 1/2 when she was born. I did it because I felt like my life would not be complete without another child. Truly, I wanted 3 more in my ideal world but that will not be my reality. But I NEEDED to have at least one more.

I never got pressure from any family. I was SHOCKED at how many strangers would tell me I needed another and that it wasn't fair to him. Actually made me angry at times. What if I had been trying, or was unable to have another? I have plenty of friends who had to go to extreme measures to get pregnant or adopt. I hate to think of the heartache they feel when someone says something like that to them!

So, really, it comes to do YOU feel ready? Don't let anyone else push you.

My Mom planned my younger sister (she's 22 months younger than me - I think there was a miscarriage in between me and her) - so I wouldn't be lonely.
Worst mistake EVER!
We were not and are not compatible and we fought like cats and dogs till we moved away from home.
Even now we can't be in the same room for 15 minutes before a fight breaks out.
I'm 51 and my scalp still can feel nothing from all the hair pulling I endured while growing up.
Gee, thanks Mom.
I always wished I was an only child.
My husband is an only child and he loved it!
Our son is an only child and he wouldn't have it any other way.
He's popular, has great friends and is always busy - there's never a dull moment!
It's true some siblings are close and are friends for life.
But sometimes they turn out to be enemies for life.
You just never know what you are going to get!
No 3 yr old that asks for a baby brother/sister has any idea what they are asking for.
They think it's amusing for awhile then wonder when you're going to send the baby back.

Well, I had some trouble conceiving my first child. During the emergency c section, they also removed my left ovary (and the rather large tumor surrounding it. They were not sure I would conceive again.

Well, the first two kiddos are 14 months apart...and the 6th and 7th kiddos are twins!!

Guess that right ovary preferred to do a solo act!

It is such a personal and individual decision...and should be made just between you and your hubby...IMO!

Best!

When or if to have another child is up to you and your husband and no one else. I don't know why people are such busy bodies about it. They aren't the ones who have to carry the baby for 9 months, birth it and then take care of it. All while taking care of your other child/ren and household.
I knew I didn't want my first 2 that close together. I didn't get pregnant or even start trying until my first was 2. They are 3 years apart. There were times when I felt that was sometimes even too close. But we made it work and we were ready at that time to add to our family. My boys were 8 & 5 before we had their sister. Up to that point we didn't want any more children at all and considered stopping at he 2 we had even. We'd throw it around but ultimately decide against it. I got pregnant and had a miscarriage a year and a half before getting pregnant with my daughter. It was terrible timing and, while a part of me was sad to miscarry, the rest of me was relieved. That year and a half later was perfect and exactly when we needed to do have another for our family.
We waited 5 years after we got married to even try for our first. Before that we just weren't ready for various reasons.
Do what's right for you. Tell the others you'll do it when you are good and ready and ask them to stop asking, it's none of their business.

It is so much easier to have the kids close together so they don't have so many years between them. They'll be at totally different developmental stages until they are both adults. So that's why everyone is saying you should have a second soon.

I think the closer together the kiddo's the better. But that's because I know from a child care perspective that it's so very hard to keep that baby out of a big sister/brother's room. They cannot play with the same toys until younger kiddo is past 3 years old. No Barbie shoes laying within reach, no jewelry, no hot wheels, no lego's, nothing that will fit through a toilet paper roll can be where the little one can get it, at all!

For the kids it's better to be closer in age. For the parents it's their choice. I always wanted 3-5 kids. I know I'd have done better with several instead of just the one I was able to carry. One child is so demanding and time consuming where more are less work.