My DS has always gone to bed without a fuss, we have a normal routine of three books, brush teeth, sit with daddy in front of tv for few minutes, then goodnight, lullaby with mommy, and that's that. The last three nights he says he doesn't want to go to bed, but reluctantly does it (though a couple of times he was passive/agressive about brushing teeth too) then gets up three-four times. Tonight it was 10:45 before he finally stayed down, last night it was 11.
Incidentally, he's been pouty about everything (don't want to get dressed, don't want to eat, don't want to take a nap, don't want to go to Nonna's--that was a first!) As you can see there's a common "don't wanna" going on here. He's even faking being sick - at 2 years old!
Tell me this is just a phase and it's short lived...
Update 1/15/08: Not as late tonight but he kept coming out - once even followed me right out the room (stealthy little bugger!) Sitting with him didn't work this time (thankful, I think last night was just that he was exhausted by the time I did that)Hubby took over at 9:30, and actually said that he told him that 'Daddy was getting angry'. I know, it sounds harsh, but it seemed to do the trick! We could hear him in his room whining about 'lay down with mommy' but it trailed off as he fell asleep close to 10.
As you all have said, he's just behaving the way he's designed to at his age. I admit, I probably am more frustrated that I cannot control him, especially being in a professional position that has so much control over various things, including 10 staff members. And besides, he's a miniature version of me, so I should expect him to be defiant!
Update 1/14/08:Funny, last night we did the "no eye contact, just put him back in bed" and by 10:48 he was asleep - but not until I sat there nxt to his bed. Maybe he's having a bit of separation anxiety? I did tell his nanny not to let him nap too long today so that he's good and tired (though it just felt mean), and usually he and my husband run around the block or go to the mailbox or something when he gets home.
Hi Joanne,
He is asserting his personality....better known as the
"terrible twos" Think of all the times you have told
him NO ~ he is flexing his no muscle.
Hi J.,
Sounds to me like he's right on schedule. I believe it's called learning to control things in his amazing little life. My 3 year old was like that for a little while. I read somewhere that she is trying to control her environment. It was suggested to offer several options throughout the day; ie: Do you want the red pants or the blue pants, do you want to go with mommy to the store or stay home with daddy, and let him pick the 3 books before bedtime and select which jammies he wants to wear. As much as you are willing to let go, even if the clothes don't match. I love my pictures of Anna wearing a dress with pants and rain boots. Classic!
This is a time to let him be more involved with what mommy and daddy do around the home. You could try giving him a chore like feeding the cat (I don't recommend feeding fish though, it's a mess) or carrying his dishware to the sink. This is of course all speculation on my part. However, it's a tactic that worked for us.
Best of luck, Jen
Food for thought: Change reading stories to a roll the ball on the carpet, then a large piece puzzle or playdough. Use the puzzle or playdough activity to encourage him to tell you the story. He could be tired of the routine and may want more control of what happens before bedtime. Let Him choose the order of brushing teeth before or after activities when directly finished with his meal. He may be ready to make more decisions about himself and what he wants, just guide him in what is the safest and healthiest with encouragement. Teriffic two's are in the stage of growing independence and self awareness. Keep firm in respect towards you and others with key phrases "those words hurt me" or "others" to keep empathy presently developing without guilt. "I'm sorry you feel that way son". and the famous "as soon as you finish this you may..." has been a great success with my own children as well as the hundreds in my educational career from birth to disabled adults.
You are lucky to have made it 28 months with a son who hasn't yet made a fuss about bedtime! It was only a matter of time...
My son is 2 1/2, & is generally a very agreeable boy, but bedtime can be a struggle. It depends on how much naptime he has had, how much activity during the day (enough playtime outside & running around seems to be the key for him), & whether it is a day mommy & daddy are both working (we share childcare, so this is only 1 day a week--he is at grandma's).
You have a pretty set routine, & I agree, he might be just wanting to assert his independence & make some choices himself. Just relax, pick your battles & don't worry about it too much. Keep his naps to a shorter time increment, or run him around more during the day in active play, so he is tired & really ready for bed when the time comes; this always seems to help us. I don't know many parents whose kids DON'T try to delay or prolong bedtime; this is normal...do you remember doing it? I would bet you did, at least on a few occasions...
J.
Sounds like things have gotten better. My daughter did the same thing at just about the same time (baffling aren't they)? Anyway, stay firm, "this is what we do at bedtime". Once you know he's clear on the rules or expectations - talk about it during the day or morning when things are nicer - STOP talking about it! That makes it clear that this is not up for negotiation. If you have to go in again to comfort fine but don't talk to him, don't turn on the light, and don't change your rules. Make sure they are rules you can stick to (are you really willing to sit by his bed night after night?). Sleep is a serious issue in my house! I know I waver on things but not my sleep. Be strong I can promise you this too shall pass -just keep your parental control intact. Good Luck
I found out that it was just a phase for both my boys. They are starting to see what they can get a way with. Like every kid they find a favorite word and that happens to be "don't wanna". This is the point of parenting that I feel some parents mess up, by not keeping to their word and let the kids start runny the show. Keep to your word and the night time routine, it will get hard at time but once your son sees that he isn't going to get away with it he will find a new thing to try to get his way with.
Good luck
Hey there J., I have a 4 year old who at 2 was an angel, and now at almost 4&1/2 he has decided to be difficult as I call it. I have talked to other Moms who had 2 year olds hit the terrible 2s at that age and some like me are puzzled why ours waited so long. I think the bottom line could be that they are learning to assert themselves and see what they get away with and what our reactions will be. There is so much for them to learn and they are. The only thing I can say I do is be consistent!! Whatever works for you, do it and do not give up. I am a stay at home mom and I have a hard time, I give you kudos for working. I can imagine the patience gets thin at 11 pm and you have to work the next day, but I have found with all our sleep issues that if I am consistent with him, it always works... eventually. As for everything else, my son has decided lately to question everything and push all the boundries, that takes all the patience I have at 36 weeks pregnant but I give it all I've got and I figure it will be worth it in the long run. Good luck and take care, A.
Hi J.. I recall those days when my now 11 year old daughter was in her "terrible" two's stage, and I never liked that term, because our own children could never be thought of as terrible, but all of a sudden it's like they turn on you! Well, I can say that it's a stage and it will pass, but he's at the age where he wants to push his boundaries and see how far he can go. It was hard for me to adjust to that, because up until that point she was just my baby, and now she's starting to show me her agressive side and testing her limits. All I can say is that it may be time for you to show your son that he can feel those feelings, but the rules don't change. If he's not happy with something, it's fine, but mommy and daddy are the boss, and he still needs to listen. If that doesn't work, then it may be time for only two stories read, or no TV with daddy before bed, whatever discipline you feel is appropriate, but as I said before, he's just testing his boundaries with you to see how far he can go. Hope that helps you! N. :)
Sounds like she is flexing her independence. Keep the rules but pick your battles. Let her have some control like what she wears, if she wants a bubble bath or not or what book she wants to read. Sometimes a mom who whats total control will drive the mother crazy....good luck....
