Four Year Old Issues Help!!!

Is there a specific reason why he must be in preschool at all this school year?

This isn't about a child who is already within the elementary school structure. He is four and in preschool -- which is not required by law where I Iive but is optional. It sounds as if he would benefit greatly from another year with no school at all, followed by preschool next year (yes, when he is five) and putting off kindergarten until after that year of preschool plus this year at home maturing and, if needed, being further evaluated.

You may be operating under the idea that you absolutely, positively must send him to kindergarten at five so he must have preschool right now, this year, but have you checked with the local public school system? I know many parents who did not start their kids in K at five but waited.

If your son is getting evaluations, what's really going on? Are preschool teachers and others telling you he is hyperactive?

If the old school complained about him, I'm not sure that putting him back there for three hours of pre-K (each day? Five days? Fewer?) would really help, and certainly it sounds like he does not belong in the more intensive program. I would really sit down with whoever is evaluating him and together consider having him stay home this year (if that is an option for you -- do you need preschool as babysitting due to work, for instance?) and then do a year of preschool after that, starting fall 2014, so that he is more mature and ready when he begins K in fall of 2015.

There is NO rush to start K for a child who is not mature enough, if maturity is the issue. And if there are other issues that require evaluation - there is still no rush to get into K at five. If you are worried about his being older than other K kids, please don't worry. He and they will not really know or care that he's older; he will start when he starts and they will be his peers in the classroom. And it is always better to be the older kid in a class, I think - you get to shine and be more confident, whereas the kids who are younger than the rest of the class (or less mature and less able to handle a classroom environment) often struggle hard.

You aren't very clear about his issues other than wiggliness. Be careful that his natural activity isn't labeled too quickly and consider that he may just not be ready even for preschool yet. I DO think that a good preschool for at least a year is really important to helping kids be ready for and succeed in kindergarten and beyond! But if he's not ready -- he's not ready.

If you do keep him home: Do a lot of activities where there are other kid around, structure, and other adults whom he must listen to and obey. For instance, do a lot of library story times where he has to sit and focus (or be removed and miss the fun); libraries and recreation departments do kids' craft events; recreation departments have lots of low-cost "mommy and me" classes in everything from tumbling (great for his energy) to kids' art and so on. Get him into limited but classroom-like settings frequently to help build up his ability to listen, pay attention and hold still over longer and longer periods gradually.

Nutrition is a HUGE part of behavioral issues. There is so much being done now (and over the past 15 years) to get comprehensive nutrients to the brain. The quality of our food supply is a key reason why all these behavioral issues are on the rise and are an epidemic.

The other problem is that your child has no structure - he is being moved from program to program, hoping that the next one will be perfect. This is very ver hard on any child, particularly a 4 year old. He needs to feel secure and to know what's happening next, and that's not happening. I'm not sure why you feel you need to teach him at home. He's 4 and does not need academics. He needs social skills, stimulation, activities, and a variety of experiences.

I think you need a better evaluation, and the willingness to stick to a program. I also think more effective supplementation for brain development would help a lot with his behavior and focus.

What Mamazita said. Find a preschool that emphasizes learning through play.

Is there a reason he needs to be in school...before Kindergarten?? Maybe he is not ready. There is a reason formal school officially starts at age 5/6.

Let him use this year to get the wiggles out, romp and play til he is dog tired at the end of the day.

We never put our kids in formal pre school and they are excelling in school, sit quietly, follow the rules, are involved in school sponsored extra curricular activities and have great social skills. They are 13,11 and 7 now.

I really think you can relieve a lot of this unnecessary frustration and pressure on yourself and your poor little guy by just pulling him out of formal preschool.

Find other ways to learn. Let him play,create and have fun while learning about the world around him in natural settings. A park, the library's story time, grocery store, your neighborhood and yard are some places that he can learn so many lessons. Heck..just having him help you with simple tasks around the home helps a kid learn basic skills. Social settings can be found everywhere..it doesn't need to be in a classroom.

I think your boy is stressed out by a formal school day and he is not ready yet...plus moving from school to school and put in a class with special needs when he is not needing that.

Good luck and best wishes!

I agree. Nutrition has a lot to do with everything! Everyone should avoid processed food...and most don't. Little ones get more toxicity simply because they are little. Hyperactivity (especially labeled ADD or ADHD) is new to our culture, at least within the last 40 years...Processed foods are about that age as well. A good absorbable multivitamin (I emphasize absorbable because most don't) and Omega 3s will do wonders as well.

Another point I want to make that goes to basic behavior is that boys don't sit down well..Jonathan Linvall, who I would call the father of the contemporary homeschool movement did not sit any of his children down until they were 9 years old...they all ended up graduating with honors from ivy league schools. Do what you think is best for your son and your family. I'm a true believer that if you teach a child how to think, you've already surpassed 80% of most..

God bless!
M.

Hi. I am no expert.
From the mainstream press -- I intuitively believe that naturally energetic kids are being mis/over diagnosed...for a variety of things. Sometimes kids also learn differently. Sometimes kids need more fresh air and activity. Or to eat more frequent meals. So much.

From what you write I would take him back to his old school for 3 hours of pre-k....Let him be a kid. Cooperate with the teacher on any issues that arise of course. Ensure plenty of outdoor time.

I am including a great ted talk by ken robinson that impacted my thinking on such issues. (and I also teach -- albeit at the college level :))
http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_c...

Best of Luck.

He's been moved and moved and moved. He made friends, got settled in a classroom then got moved again. He needs to be at one place. He may be acting out because he doesn't like what's going on around him.

I think he probably just needs to go to his local pre-K classroom and be done with the moving. The teachers in Pre-K have experience working with kids that have multiple issues. They can also get funding and get an aid in the classroom. This person will help manage your child while the teacher is teaching.

I am truly grateful our school district does Pre-K full days every school day, 8am-2:30pm M-F. The kids get such a good integration into the school mindset. They go, have class, go outside or play, do story time, do some more table activities, go to lunch, take a nap, get up, do computer time, play, do some crafts, etc...

If the ESE person recommended your son go into that program based on his evaluations then why did they decide he doesn't belong in that program? Didn't they know what that program was?

What diagnosis did they give him? To be put in a special program he has to have one.

Our little guy had some sensory issues at that time and the evaluation was really helpful. They were able to offer a lot of ideas to help keep him centered and able to focus for longer periods of time.

He's on Ritalin now and it's like a miracle. He takes a whole pill in the morning and a half at noon. He's able to focus, sit still, listen, etc...and the med is totally out of his system within 4 hours. I like that for sure. It does not build up over time. It's gone in 4 hours, period.