20 Mos Old Boy Wearin' My Nerves!

I have 21 month old twins (plus 3 older kiddos). When they are doing a behavior (like hitting, hair pulling etc) that is not acceptable I have a play pen set up in another part of the house that is for "time-outs". Since I have lots of kiddos it is away from the main action of the house (tv, toys, siblings) but close enough that I can hear them. Just remember if you use any kind of time out method that the rule of thumb is 1 minute per year of age. ( I set a timer so I don't forget, plus its a auditory cue for them)
After the time out I take them out and say again "no hitting, ouch!" "nice, gentle" and demonstrate this by stroking there arm or face and then taking their hand and showing them how to do nice, gentle.
Sometimes one of them will go right back and hit again the second they are put down! But you just have to stick with it and be consistent and keep doing the same thing. Eventually they will get it. Hang in there....it DOES get better :-)

No spanking. Be gentle and kind, but it's okay to let the baby know what is inappropriate. Say, "no" and look sad when he hits you or hurts the dog. Tell him, "That hurts Mommy."

He is still a baby though and you have to keep your expectations reasonable for his age. He may just need a little more attention. I know you are pooped. Bless your heart! Being a Mommy is tiring. Have a few scheduled activities. A walk in the stroller. Playdoh time, reading time and yes, I believe Sesame Street for awhile is just fine. If you have a support system then let a parent or friend babysit once in a while to give you a break.

Toddler hitting others..........
Toddlers are fascinated with what they can make happen over and over and they are also curious about how people react in different situations. Hitting people satisfies both of these interests. Furthermore, toddlers see the world only from their own point of view and therefore don’t understand that other people have different ideas and feelings than they do.

Don't be afraid to let your child know you are angry. Use it as a teaching moment. You are not trying to frighten or browbeat the child into submission. You are trying to express anger constructively, so your child will know how it's managed.

1. Stop the physical aggression immediately. If your child has hit you, don't let him/her hit you repeatedly. Grip their wrist firmly, and say with equal firmness, "No hitting. You do not hit me. You can be angry, but you may not hit."

2. Expect compliance. Do not let go of the wrist until you can feel the tension leave the child. If you misjudge, and they swing at you again when you let go, repeat the step above, and hold longer. Wait for him/her to relax. Repeat your words. Keep this up for as long as it takes. Be gentle, be firm, but be unyielding.

3. When they begin to relax, praise/encourage them.

4. When the child is no longer coiled to strike, praise them again. Give, and receive, a hug with the child. This is not letting them away with it. They need to know it's all right to be angry, that they can be angry, they can express it in other ways, and that they're still loved, even if they experience anger.

5. Quickly move on to the next thing.

Remember, that just as your child has the right to expect you to treat them respectfully, you have the right to be treated respectfully by your child. If this is your consistent response, you will greatly reduce or even entirely eliminate hitting in a matter of weeks.

It's so weird, I just posted the same thing about my 22 month old son. I got this from a baby magazine. His behaviors have not stopped completely but using this has def decresed them. It takes a little while, but try this. He will get the idea. Hope this helps.

My son is 20 months also. He recently finished the hitting phase, THANK GOODNESS!! I, too, tried everything to get him to stop. I started with little swats on the leg and realized I was trying to teach him to stop hitting by hitting him. Didn't work. It took several weeks but what finally worked for me was to acknowledge his frustration and give him an alternative way to get out his aggression. I directed his hitting to the couch, by telling him he could hit the couch when he needed to, but don't hit Mommy. I found that the root of his hitting and even most of his throwing was his inability to communicate what he needed me or wanted me to do. It's been a couple months since he has hit me or even tried to hit me. He does still take a swat at the couch or some other inanimate object every now and then. Hang in there Momma, you're doing a GREAT job!!!

Have you ever recorded Super Nanny on TV and watched her with some techniques on how to eliminate bad behavior? She is very good and sometimes uses a "nauty chair" and then re-inforces good bahavior and sometimes a chart system for rewards (no candy) like favorite dinner night, hugs, read a book, etc. Definite guidelines are set, explained and then proceed with low voice and frimness to carry out the discipline. Be consistant and firm and see results within about a week. Also the book Dare to Discipline by James Dobson is excellent. Good Luck

Have you considered his diet? He may be having problems with additives, perservatives, dyes, gluten, and any number of ingestable things that can cause negative behavrioal reactions in children. My second oldest brother was a frequently a terror until my mom discovered that he was reacting to red dye and highly processed sugar in foods. It would be worth looking into outside of addressing any behavrioal tactics/stratagies. He may have food allergies or sensitivities. Possibly he's not getting enough of something his body requires. I notice with my own son, that if i don't give him a well rounded unprocessed breakfast that includes a fatty protien, then he is usually cranky all morning till nap. And, if I wait too long (more than 2 or three hours) without giving my kids something to drink, or a snack, they also get cranky and their energy drops, so they start sitting around acting bored or tired. Giving them too much sugar adds to this. Another thing to consider would be daily vitamins and the amont of rest and fluids he is getting. Structured nap and bedtimes are a win! You may want to pay attention to how much time he's getting to play outside or run around in doors. physical exercise and sunshine are vital at every age. A structured routine and daily meal plan can work wonders, but can be difficult to stick to when your child is moving between households. If he's bored try rotating his toys and shows. let him go 3-4 days without seeing/playing with something and it's new again. splurg a bit on some new things that focus on learning. my kids love the leap frog and brainy baby series. they also love their blocks/building toys, art-doodles, and similar toys. Hope some of this helps. May God bless you~ Chell

Sounds like he is tired and crabby. Does he take regular naps? when children are tired they often resort of that type of behavior. A child that age should have a regular nap time and a bed time. make sure he has no caffiene of any sort. Not tea, coke or anything like that. At that age they should wake up between 6 am and 9 am or so, and like down for a nap after lunch between like 12-3 and then bedrime around 7 pm-10 pm. Im giving ball park rough times because every child is different. but a 20 month old should be getting a lot of rest. Also, there is a great book by Dr. Berry Brazelton and he had a show too. I would also look into his diet. Does he have any food allergies? Also, he isnt too young to start learning boundaries. I think little short time outs are good to start around that age. for just about 1 minute or two.
and say "NO,! Dont hit mommy" and sit him in a spot. But he might be a bit young for that right now. depends upon the child.
Good luck, also you might ask your pedititican as well. Good luck and enjoy your child. The time does pass quickly!

my youngest was much more physical than my first (sounds a lot like your guy) and we had to do a lot to keep his hands busy. We did a lot of play dough, painting, etc. Also, when he went to throwing things, we just went outside and I gave him a ball. Situation solved. Really, at 20 months he is still learning and by giving him safe and appropriate alternatives and the attention he wants/needs you are helping to teach him at every turn.
Best of luck!

Ok all the household stuff can wait-I promise it will be there for you-no one else is coming in to do it. ( Not ever-rats). So why not beat him to the punch---you take him up and hug him till he wants down then hug some more all the while tell him how much he means to you and how much you love him thenmove on to a meal with him-let him help you--he can set the table, put out things that are his size or weight and if yo are making something that needs stirring-let him helpwith that too. Then play time first just like a new puppy-he needs to go out and get some hard exercise like running, jumping and hope there is a playground near where he can climb on things. Then back inside for some learning exercises-make a game out of the alphabet, reading time should be very special and this will help when he gets into school too. Now what about some art things-go for the playdough but stay right there cause you really don't want him to eat any of it. and why not try the bath tub for some rooling around in shaving cream-or if it is still nice outside-why not in a small wading pool-then hose the mess out with him getting wet too. So have him help you with house hold chores-he can pick up and throw his toys into a toy box and then dust his spaces or get him a small hand push sweeper for his side of the room. For the throwing thing he wants your attention so drop your "important house work" and give it to him-you can always pick up when he visits his dad. Besides it will look good for oh at least 2 or 3 days. That sounds great to me. And have special reading books for his bedtime only-not to be confused with more exciting books during the day. Check out the library and bookstores-but the library has a better price most of the time (just don't let him eat the books) Have fun with him mom it will give you a new outlook and the heck with the house stuff. Go for it. If this doesn't work you might want to check to see if he is a bit excitable-may need a new diet for his age. Whole grains really help too and water rather than sweet juices. Good luck