2 Yrd Old Eating Patterns and General Tips for Wrangling a Toddler

I agree with Peg. At this age, they don't have the ability to really reason or see long term like "if I don't eat dinner now, I will go to bed hungry". And I guarantee you not one of the moms on this site have ever gone to bed hungry.
-Give her a snack of something she will eat before bedtime (cheese etc.)
-Try making different foods to see what she will eat (mac n cheese, cheese and crackers, spaghetti, whatever works).
- This stage will pass and she will eat something when she is hungry.
Going through the same thing w/my little one. Hang in there and try different things.

Give her healthy choices to eat. Cut out a before dinner snack and it should help. If she doesn't eat dinner, wrap it up on a little plate and offer that to her later for her snack. Also, some kids fill up on juice or milk at dinner, so that is another reason they aren't hungry until later.

Time outs help if you remain consistent, but really, giving her clear directions, helping her accomplish tasks, giving lots of praise and attention, getting down on your knee, eye-level to her and simply stating the need.

Dr. Sears has lots of tips on eating obstacles
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/3/T030100.asp:

and wonderful and effective discipline tactics:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

At two, I would reserve punishments (and even then, I'd use them seldom to never) for actual impulsive behaviors or times when she's about to put herself in danger. Your response needs to be pretty immediate to make an impression.

Because of this, I would NEVER punish or deprive a 2yo for "poor planning," which is simply not in a young toddler's skill set. She knows she's distracted and not hungry at dinner, but she has no idea that she won't be hungry an hour later at bedtime. By age four, perhaps even 3 for some children, but a twoser is far from getting that connection.

And sitting through a half-hour at table is really a lot to ask of a little busybody – my grandson couldn't do it and wasn't required to, but for the past year he's had very good table manners (now 5). He learned as he was able, and dinnertimes with him are very pleasant.

We also tend to expect children's appetites to be as consistent as adults' are, but littles aren't wired that way. Their stomachs are still very small, and their energy requirements fluctuate with growth spurts and activity levels. Even their sleep cycles are still subject to changes at two. So I'd save her dinner, reheat it, and offer a few bites before bed if she's hungry.

And no, 2yo's are not particularly good listeners. They are very wrapped up in the thought and activity of the moment. It helps to get down to eye level with them, get them to face you with a hand on their arm or shoulder, make your statement, and ask her to repeat what you told her. Then tell her what will come next that SHE likes just as soon as she's done what you need. At two, she may need to be escorted to the task and directed or assisted. That willl gradually change by the time she's four or so, but for now, she's in her own world, making her own discoveries and connections, a good part of the time. Normal!

Toddler's are such grazers it's really remarkable. I think that as long as she's getting the nutrition that she needs, it doesn't necessarily have to be in a formal, sit-down meal. I love Dr. Sears ideas on this, found in his "Baby Book" -- he advocates little bite-size morsels of healthy food available for toddlers and he suggested putting them in a small ice cube tray and within reach of the child. Personally, I wouldn't send a toddler to bed if he/she was hungry. Now, say a 9-year-old still having these issues (not eating enough at dinner), that's something different altogether. Our 5-year-old will sometimes pull this as a means to stay up later (this is my feeling) and somehow my husband and I do give in and allow a yogurt before bed because we hate to see her go to bed hungry -- and she really does eat it. But it's generally a rare occurrence and as long as it doesn't become a pattern, we don't see anything wrong with it.

This is a really great question and you will get lots of opinions!! My son is this way too and lots of people tell me to be hard on him and put out the food that the family eats and if he's hungry, he will eat. I am not so sure about that. I mean, maybe eventually, sure! To me, its not a big deal that he eats at different times and different food than we do. I mean, my husband and I eat different meals than one another and at different times. So I guess it depends on your family dynamic. I personally would not let her go to bed hungry. I would keep offerering the dinner but before bed give her a nutritious snack. As far as dicipline, I am a believe of preventative measures. I give my son very clear and age appropriate directions. If he doesn't do it the first time I go over and get him and we do it together. Sometimes I actually have to take his hands and do it. Other times, we take turns like when we clean up. I personally don't think time outs are that effective because dicipline should be a teaching method not a punitive method. I also think kids really want to be good. Different things work with different kids. They key is consistency.

2 books that saved us with our 2.5yo.

Toddler 411
and 123 Magic

For eating, the breakdown in Toddler 411 says that you're lucky to get a whole meal in them in a given day. It just breaks down some averages, and describes what you've mentioned above...and what we all deal with.
For us, DS has gone to sleep tons of times without dinner. You can't make them eat. Don't drive yourself crazy. And there are plenty of days where his dinner has been cookies or chips, because that's all that he'd touch. Try to create a balance, and don't stress about it. They're so busy at that age.

123 Magic worked almost instantly when we started doing it, and it's worked for a lot of friends, too. Again, the book is an easy read, and you'll go through it going "OMG, that is exactly how it happens" when they start describing situations. When DS doens't listen - if we make it to 3 - I either take away when I've been threatening, or he gets a time out in his room. There is hysterical screaming every time, but it works as long as you're consistent.

I am going to put my picky eater plan below. As far as your specific questions - if she doesn't eat dinner at dinner time, that should be her snack before bed, imo. Or you can follow the picky eater plan and do a snack that offers all four food groups. But since she is 2, my recommendation is to not have a snack before bed. I also would honestly move her bedtime WAY earlier!! Unless she is sleeping in till after 8 she is not getting enough sleep. You said you work so my guess is that she is overtired. A two year old should be getting 12 hours of sleep at night, actually all kids under age 7 should get that much at night, and then she should be getting 2 to 3 hours of nap every day for a total sleep time of 14 to 15 hours in a day. I bet if you have her get enough sleep you will see ALL behavior problems disappear. I have seen it work miracles, sleep is the key to behavior management!!

Picky Eater Plan
There is a great book by William G Wilkoff, MD called Coping with a Picky Eater that every parent or provider of kids should read and have a copy of. http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Picky-Eater-Perplexed-Parent...

This book has what I call the Picky Eater Plan. I have used this plan with kids that literally threw up at the sight of food and within 2 weeks they were eating normal amounts of everything and trying every food.

First you need to get everyone who deals with the child on board. If you are a provider it's ok to make this the rule at your house and not have the parents follow through but you wont' see as good results as what I described up above.

The plan is to limit the quantities of food you give the kid. When I first start with a child I give them literally ONE bite worth of each food I am serving. The book suggests that every time you feed the kids (breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner) you give all 4 food groups. So, for lunch today I would have given the child one tiny piece of strawberry, one spoonful of applesauce, 3 macaroni noodles with cheese on them, and 2 oz of milk. Only after they ate ALL of what was on their plate would you give them anything else. They can have the same amounts for seconds. If they only want more mac and cheese, they only get 3 noodles then they would have to have more of all the other foods in order to get more than that. If they don't eat, fine. If they don't finish, fine. Don't make a big deal out of it, just make them stay at the table until everyone else is done eating. They don't get more food until they are sat at the next meal and they only get what you serve. When I first do this with a child I don't serve sweets at all. So no animal crackers for snack but rather a carrot for snack. Or one of each of those. I don't make it easy for them to gorge on bad foods in other words. Now if they had a meal where they ate great then I might make the snack be a yummy one cause I know they filled up on good foods.

Even at snacks you have to limit quantities of the good stuff or else they will hold out for snack and just eat those snacky foods. I never give a picky eater the reward of a yummy snack unless they had that great lunch prior to it.

It really is that easy.

ps - proper eating schedule for under 5 yrs old - times are just for demonstration purposes to give amount of time between things
7 eat breakfast
8:30 snack
11 lunch, followed by nap
3 snack
5:30 dinner, no further food for the day unless under 2 yrs old, then a bedtime snack is ok

My 2 year old is the same way with eating. She is not hungry at dinner, and then needs a huge snack before bed. I've stopped fighting it for now. I make dinner, put hers on a plate, invite her to the table, and after 3 minutes of her taking one bite, she announces she's full. So, I put a cover over her plate and reheat it for her snack later. She usually eats it all then. I figure that when she's older and her stomach is bigger, she'll be more hungry at dinner time. For now, I'm content with having her sit with us for as long as she can, and then dismissing her to play when she says she's done.

save her plate and keep serving it to her until she eats it. that way she doesnt go to bed hungry. now for the wrangling a toddler buy a lasso :) but realisticly time out worked with both of my kids. my oldest would do a dance the whole time he was in the corner and I made his stay there till his dance was done and a little beyond. my 2 yr old responds real well to time outs make the time outs longer. I do them til they stop crying they decide how long they are in the corner. I dont agree with a minute per year old they are.. and as for the head strong she got that from her dad :)

Thank you so much for asking this question. You could be talking about my daughter. Now all she wants to eat is chicken nuggets... I haven't made a big deal about meal times, if she is done I let her go play, but if she is hungry soon after I give her something healthy like a banana and a cheese stick or something.

I agree with keeping the plate for her for later, except that a lot of meals just don't reheat well and if you wouldn't want to eat it reheated, why would she.

The discipline is soooooo hard. I have no idea what to do with my daughter (she turned 2 in november). She is also headstrong and really opinionated. I am still trying time outs but they don't work, so we are now trying putting her baby on time out. ( she loves her baby and brings her around with her everywhere) This works a lot better, but still getting her to listen is hard. I try to go with the flow with a lot of things, but if she is hurting, or doing something dangerous she is disciplined.

Sorry I am not much help, I am hoping you get lots of answers to this one though :)

I'm sorry for your frustration. I have 2 thoughts: 1) Is she getting a snack from daycare too soon before you pick her up and so she isn't hungry for dinner? or 2) Could she have food allergies/sensitivities that are making her so busy and unable to listen to discipline?

My daughter was more #2, but we didn't know it until she was about to turn 4. Turns out she's HIGHLY sensitive to artificial color, flavors and preservatives. We had no idea and spent 4 years in torture for all of us. If that seems at all like you...look at Feingold.org. Since I only have one, to be honest I don't have a good understanding of what's a "normal" kid's speed and distraction level...her's was always MORE.

BTW, our daughter eats dinner with us now, but still gets really hungry close to bedtime and gets a big snack. I could be also just how active she's been during the day.

I totally agree with Momma L.....Thats exactly what I would have said.