2 1/2 y.o., Hitting Adults

Punishment won't work. You need to address the problem... that he is frustrated and can't come up with the words to expess it.

Show him how to stomp, or acceptable things to hit, or whatever other response would be acceptable for you, but can vent pent up frustration. He wants so badly to behave, but when the feelings build up, he needs a way to get them out and express them. My 20 month old son hits a table or wall. He also does sign language, so we taught him the sign for "frustrated". It would also help if you verbally told him what his feelings were. Instead of saying "no, you can't have candy now", say " I know you really want candy, but mommy said no" when you see the frustration building, act frustrated yourself and say "I know, you are so frustrated because you want it!". Show him by example what you expect him to do. After all, you are frustrated that he can't always have what he wants too.

When he gets more words, this phase will pass as long as you don't let the behavior become the only way he knows to express himself.

Cherie,

Hi. I think what's most important is that your son isn't seeing what he's acting out. What does he watch on TV? How much? Does he see other children hit? And I definitely don't recommend spanking. Spanking just teaches him that it's ok to hit. Also, catch him being good before he hits. His Grandmother and Aunt can say something like, "I sure love it when you give me hugs." Some other things to consider: is he bored? Getting enough sleep? On some kind of schedule that includes time to run around and get out 2 year old energy? Play with other kids? Sometimes toddlers will act out just because they get a reaction or attention. To a toddler, negative attention is better than none. Also, pick one thing to do when he acts out. Don't just keep trying different things. Toddlers thrive on consistency. If you choose time out ( a very good one ) pick a spot, and no longer than 2 minutes, and explain to him why he's there. If he won't stay. Stay calm and keep putting him back there. The first few times it could take a while, since he'll have to test you to see if you're really serious. But don't give up, or he'll only be more challenging. Part of being a good parent means giving your child the gift of discipline. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Christy

Do you notice what is triggering his hitting?
If you see a specific trigger ex: telling him it's time to clean up, try changing the whole situation. Instead of just telling him to clean up give him warnings that clean up time is coming in 5 minutes....2 minutes.............1 minute...............whoo hoo time to clean up.
For my kids it was making them share. So I would set a timer and warn them when the time got closer (like I described before) Now a days when I let them know there is 2 minutes left they usually just pass off the item without waiting for time to be up.
If there does not seem to be a specific trigger you'll have to give him other ways to express his anger. Hitting or yelling into a pillow, alone time, or just using his "expressive" words (that you may need to give him). When frustrated my son loves to hollar "WIGGLEY WORMS" :)
Not sure if this helped.

My daughter went through a phase like that. I started saying "OUCH! That hurts. This is not fun!" and walking into another room. At first I did it because it was honest. Then after the fact I realized I was modeling what I would want my daughter to do in the event anyone ever hit her as she got older, say a boyfriend. I wanted her to recognize that is not fun, safe, or healthy and leave the situation immediately. The only problem I found is that it seems to take a bit for the natural consequence to kick in to their little heads. But it worked. You just have to be consistent. If needed, when your son wants to re-engage in an activity after he has hit and you've walked away, you might try cautiously responding "I don't know, I only want to be with you if you being fun." Be a broken record with your words and actions. Eventually the too get tired of hearing the same thing over, and over, and over, and over.... :-) Don't explain - just repeat.

If this occurs in public, one suggestion is to set up a "training session" where you think it is likely he will mis-behave and you have the time and energy to specifically address the issue. Arrange for a trusted individual who can play the "gruff babysitter" to be on standby to pick him up at the store and take him home - not to play but to be in time-out. Then when he makes a bad choice you can say "Uh-Oh! That hurts, this is not fun! I would be happy to have you shopping with me when you are fun." You could either then buckle him in the cart seat and walk in a way that he can't touch you or you call the gruff babysitter, meet them at the front of the store, send him home, and finish your "shopping". Try it a few times, and maybe even at places where he would like to be shopping with you as opposed to being home. I did this with my daughter when I needed to teach her to stay close and keep her hands to herself when grocery shopping. Worked wonders! I gave her the choice of walking and holding onto the cart or sitting in the cart buckled in. You might look at www.loveandlogic.com I got the early childhood package and it gave me all sorts of great tips!