Dear L. H, here is my story, and I hope you might find something in it that will help you!
I have a simaliar problem, but I do love the girlfriend. Son is 18, she is 19, and I'm about to be a grandmother of twins! My son couldn't even breathe when he found out. He was having his doubts about how he was going to raise one, haha now there is two. She will not be able to work with two, (daycare cost)kinda blew his plan right out the window.
And I wasn't happy about it at all, at first either. The dreams of my son getting a good education and job, living an easier life than I did, just flew out the window. I was so disappointed in them. But then I got the best advice from my Dad. "Your not the one that has to feed them, they are! And they will learn this lesson, just like I did, just like you did! So let them!"
My Quote in life is this: "You can't live anyone's life for them. They have to live it for themselves!"
I found myself at first not living by this quote, wanting to take control, wanting to fix my SON'S problem. NO! He is a man now, So have at it kid! haha! I get to sit back and watch, not control.
Their Life, Their Relationship, Their Child(Children in my case)!
I will help them along the way, but that is it! I didn't make the children and I'm not going to raise the children. We all might end up living together,(due to money) but they will be right here raising these two little blessings God has given them, NOT ME! If they live in MY HOUSE, they live by MY RULES! They work, they clean, find a way to better their lives and they raise their children.
Their party time is over folks! Their choice in life, NOT MINE! I'm ready for MY PARTY, MY LIFE! The one I gave up to raise my Boys! Hopes this helps. Lovingly P.