18-Month-Old Early Terrible Two? How Should Pregnant, Insomniac Mom Deal with It

Even though he seems like a "big boy" he is still very much a baby. He won't really be able to understand discipline at this point. I'm afraid you still likely have several months of constant redirection. In other words, you can (and should) be firm and use the word no, but you will need to physically redirect him from what he was doing. In taking him away from the cabinet door you should have said no and at the same time physically picked him up and put him somewhere else. At 18 months he's not going to take the subtle hint of gentle nudging. No need to yell, just be calm and consistent. If he comes back then do it again, he will eventually get tired of that and move on to something else!

I started timeouts at this age with my son. He also wasn't clearly talking until around 22 months. When he was doing something that was inappropriate, I would say no firmly and try to redirect his attention to something acceptable. If he did it again, I put him in timeout for 1 min. (1 min per year of age). Find a spot that is easy for you to see him from about every vantage point, but clear of anything he could knock over/play with. I always had my kids sit on the floor next to a cabinet in the kitchen and set the timer. We had to practice some keeping him in his spot because they will crawl away at first and think it is a new game. Just keep your cool and consistently put him back in his spot. Eventually he will learn this is the consequence for undesired behavior.
Also check out Jim Fay's Parenting with Love and Logic (Toddler Magic). These are awesome strategies that can grow with your child into adulthood actually. I used these discipline strategies as a teacher and now as a parent. Really wonderful stuff. There are classes you can take as well. Go to www.loveandlogic.com for more information. Good luck!
HTH,
A.

He's still little, but he also needs rules. Next time he does this, place him in a play pen or his crib for a minute and a half for a time out. Keep repeating this every time he doesn't listen. He may not fully "get" it right now, but it's a good foundation for clear expectations & will show him that there are consequences for breaking rules. I firmly believe that if you don't start laying it out for them at a young age, you will have a harder time with it down the road.

I think it's normal for kids that age to push the boundaries. Not sure if it's early terrible twos because 3 was much worse for us, personally.

Handle him and his undesirable straightforwardly and consistently. Start with time outs so he gets the message his behavior has consequences. Praise him when he behaves, and encourage him to use his words, "tell me what is wrong, use your words" by about 2 years he will have mastered his vocabulary better.

And, yes, Terrible Two's can start now, my daughter's did and lasted until she was 3.5 :-/ Also know he may use the arrival of his new sibling to act out, so best to get a handle on his behavior now.

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Yes it starts at 18 months. In our child development/parent education classes through coop preschool we learned that the latter 6 months of every age is the hardest, and I've found that to be very true. Patience, naps, consistency, friends who know what you're going through will all help!

Ours got wilfull and determined at just around that point. Also, he doesn't talk. We make sure he gets out a lot, a well worn child tends to be more placid/ malleable in the house. The other thing we've got going is, I now know what the I need help whimper sounds like, sometimes I give him a few chances to work it out for himself, sometimes I offer him a helping hand.

If in the case of the cabinet door, he is doing something which he really ought not be doing, we might say - No, no opening the cabinet, that is not a toy. then follow with a gutteral, "eh!!" kind of like you might hear Ceasar Milan doing with his dogs. If he doesn't relent, we pick him up bodily, kicking and screaming, and move to a totally different part of the apt and get involved in something totally different.

If it is something which is dangerous, the intervention is swift and immediate. No, you may not go into the kitchen when there is broken glass on the floor. Remove DS from the kitchen, hold him kicking and screaming if necessary. Have a conversation about the broken glass, that its sharp and that he will hurt himself, and that mommy & daddy love him and don't want to see him hurt once the kicking and screaming have stopped.

He is 20 months now, and has a solid understanding of "no." He qets quite upset actually when grandpa says it. He doesn't always comply, but I am confident that he gets it.

Keep at it, I hear it gets better when they hit 18 years old. Meanwhile, if you can get yourself a few nights/ days rest, you will be better able to deal with your little one.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Yep, that's when our strong-willed girl got started too. She was an easy baby before about 18 months. Looking back, I would have empathized more, redirected gently and not gotten so frustrated. Easy to say now though!! It's hard when they are so stubborn. In their mind, the whole world revolves around them and what they want right then. If you think of it from their perspective, you might be able to help them through it without resorting to a battle of wills. Wish I had known that then!

I always expected my young kids would do what I say, because I'm a gentle, loving mom. HAHA! You need to teach them to want to do the right thing by making it fun and rewarding. I was the kind of kid who did what I was told for the most part and I expected that I could be the same kind of mom with my kids. Instead I had to jump through hoops and stay on my toes with my daughter. Talk about exhausting! My son was much easier! They are just different kids and react to things in completely different ways. In any case, at 9 and 6, things are MUCH easier. They listen, want to please and are so much fun. All of your hard work now will pay off, guaranteed.

Yup. That's when it starts. Good luck!

Around this age kids become easily frustrated, mostly due to their lack of ability to communicate. It's as if they understand that communication exists, and they know there's a way to express what they want. If he's not talking yet, you may want to consider having him evaluated for speech and language services. If there is a deficit, some of his frustration should dissipate once he can more effectively communicate. Good luck!