I am home with my 2nd child and she is miserable when I am not around. I only leave her about once a week for a few hours. She woke up from nap yesterday and only my husband was home and she was mad for over an hour! She will go to my MIL since she sees her every Friday but not my FIL. I've left her with my parents and she is not happy for them. I have a babysitter that she's seen about 6 times and she just stares at her and signs for her pacifier. If I am in the room she won't go near anyone else. I tried the Y day care twice and the came to get me. I know a good attachment is positive but I want her to be able to play happily with others. We go to library, my older daughter's activities and her own Toddler Tumble class but I am still present. This is not new, preferred me since beginning, most noticable since 9 mos old. My older child has been in day care since infant and was more independent. Ideas?
Now 24 mos not much change..............?
it's likely separation anxiety kicking in.
Totally normal and she will grow out of it, nothing you can do to make it better it literally is "just a phase"
Ride it out and know it will get better and then before you turn around you can't get um to come near you cause hugs and kisses from mommy aren't cool anymore.
I just sat sobbing to my husband last night. Big hot heavy tears. I went through that and now fast forward twenty something years. My sons moved away and seldom call. My husband said this will be different when they have children, but they are newly into the world. But-Same creatures who clutched my legs in stores, wouldn't let me move from one spot to another. Please enjoy what you can from this. I hurt and am trying to deal with it. It is truly a form of grieving.
Just go with it. Really! I don't think a parent can teach independence. It comes naturally without having to push or cajole. But to encourage indepencence means you must invite dependence. Sounds strange, but only when your daughter feels safe and comfortable will she venture out on her own. She needs to grow the confidence within and your job is to support her. You are her compass point, her anchor.
My son (now 4.5 yo) rarely left my side at the same age as your daughter. I'd go to playgroups and he rarely left my lap. Kids would be dancing together and he'd sit and watch. I could tell that gatherings with lots of people were overwhelming for him. At around age 2 he'd simply ask to go home. So we went home. He didn't like being with anyone else but me and Daddy.
Fast forward to him as a 4.5 year old now and he's super-talkative and social. He's still a little cautious in large groups, but that's just his personality. He's quieter and introspective. He's not in preschool. He's with me and his brother all day and I did nothing to make him socialize more or push being with kids his own age. The only thing I did was respond to him needing me and I think it's that support that has helped him blossom socially.
But boy were those early years tough. I had a sling where I could carry my son on my hip and socialize with other folks at playgroups. We also did smaller playgroups in our home. I think my son was more relaxed in his own home. I'd have the same friends over so my son could get used to each person. That was better for him than the playgroups we went to where the groups of kids and moms was constantly changing.
Just ride it out and give her the support she needs. Not meeting her needs for closeness with you might cause her anxiety and have her cling to you more. Dependence is a good thing!
Good luck!
Don't push independence in a baby. She will get there. Of course if you have to work and put her in daycare that is a problem. I believe that if you give your baby the security that they require then when they are ready they will be independent. Trying to push independence too soon when they are not ready can backfire and create a permanent state of dependence and insecurity. My DD was with me 24/7 for a long time, very attached. She's 4 now and very independent (and has been for a while now), has no issue at all trying new things, being with new people and in new situations without me, etc.
I'd suggest you honor her needs and trust that she will get there if you wait until she is ready. She will get there.
Totally normal for that age. It sounds like what you are doing is good. Make sure you don't stop putting her in situations like that because you are worried about hurting her feelings. It is a good way of helping her adjust. My son was the same way. When we would take him to daycare he would cry every time we dropped him off. If his normal teacher was not there it was even worse. When we would go anywhere he would not let me put him down the entire time. If I did he would throw a fit. We just picked our battles and got through the stage. He is 3 now and still has his moments, (Sunday School at church and new people's houses) but overall is much better.
Your children have different personalities. What you are describing is normal. She's only 16 months, spend the time with her - it's good for her, and you will miss it when she's a teenager.
She's young and normal. Don't rush it, and she will grow up just fine.
Sheila - the thing that comforts me is knowing that when they have children of their own I will see them a lot more. If we did our jobs well, at this stage they are off having adventures and exploring the world, not hanging around on our sofas.
Hang in there. This is something sixteen-month-olds do VERY well. My youngest granddaughter has long been an expert at the art of Mommy-velcro, but at nineteen months she's now starting to become more attracted to other things and people (Daddy has always been at least tolerable).
When she isn't with you or Grandma, she's thinking, "What's wrong with my world? This isn't the way it's supposed to be! Let's get things back in order!" But she still needs to be with others - that is, you have a few other things you need to do. So keep at it. Maintain your sense of humor as a way to show your baby that being apart isn't really a disaster. She'll catch on.
(Yes, Sheila S., when children grow up they are GONE! And they don't look back for quite a while. My grown children have been gone for years, and are just starting to think that maybe Mean Old Mom is still worthwhile. But the mother-child relationship is entirely different when the child is responsible for him/herself. We have to go on to other important things... and be available for them when the times arise. Hm... life after children. There IS one. And - years from now, when your grandchildren don't call their parents, you can snicker to yourself.)
You are in prime separation anxiety phase. There was a point around that age where my DD wouldn't want anybody else, even if her father, brother or sister were right there. I think it just indicates that this child is different from the first one. My DD got past it and I'm sure yours will, too.
Some websites that may help you:
http://www.drmomma.org
http://www.attachmentparenting.org
Both of those sites will have tons of resources and links to other websites that can help.
Also check out the book "The Vital Touch" by Sharon Heller. Your local library should have a copy or you can grab one from Amazon.com.
Best wishes.
