15 Month Old Discipline Advice

I like the redirection suggestions. They worked most of the time for my son. However, for serious things, he got a time out. I disagree that you can't use time outs with a 15 month old. We started time outs at 11 months - he didn't "get it" then, but a habit was established. At 15 months, he did understand but wasn't ready to be there by himself. So I sat with him, but didn't talk. By 18 months, he could sit on his "naughty step" for one minute on his own and now at 2 1/2 can sit for his 2 minutes and wait for the timer.

Hi J.,
One mistake we made was saying no too much. Since that seemed to be the word he heard the most (because he was always getting into stuff) that is the word he spoke the most. Yikes! So we found that saying, "no" once and then moving him to something he could play with worked more effectively for us. A few times he went right back to the tv or throwing toys down the stairs, but we would do the same thing everytime and now when we say no he will just stop. (He gets time outs now) We started the time outs around 18 months. Whatever you choose to do, be CONSISTENT. The only way they will learn what you want is if you do the same thing every time.
S.

I consider a tap on the hand to be similar to spanking. It may not hurt much (if at all) but it doesn't teach children right from wrong. I believe it teaches children that it is ok to hit.

At this age for this situation, I don't think it is about punishing or disaplining them but teaching them appropriate behavior. I think punishment is more for when they already know something is wrong and they choose to do it anyway. In their eyes not getting to do what they want is punishment.

What works for us is to use a stern voice say "No, you can't play with ______." If she does it again repeat the words and either move the child or the object. Our daughter usually cries for a little bit. I usually say something like "I know you what to see that but it's not for playing with". She is usually easily distracted by something else.

I don't think there is one disaplin/punsihment that will work for all situations and you need to change things as different things happen. I also think making a big deal out of little situations can make things worse. Sometimes kids will do things they know are wrong because it gets your attention quickly. Kids feel that negative attention is better than no attention.

Hope this helps. :)

After you give her the tap on the hand, physically move her away from what she's messing with. Repetition and patience is the key.

We had a lot of problems with this with our daughter and touching the VCR. You may have to physically remove her from the area. We would tell her no. Then if she kept touching it, we'd pick her up and move her to another area of the livingroom and distract her with a toy. Toddlers have a hard time remembering what they're not supposed to touch, and they have zero impulse control, so you have to just keep at it and be consistent. It takes time. After about 6 months, my daughter has learned not to touch the electronics, but even now at 18 months, she still has a lapse every great while.
Repetition is the key to success! Good luck!

I have a now 14 month old and what I am finding most effective with him is to redirect his attention and not make a big fuss over things. The bigger fuss I make, the more inclined he is to do it again. And the word no is just funny to him at this point.

Hi! About this time I saw some advice from a Grandma on PBS who said that she bought some of those ball pit balls from the store and put them in a pack and play. That was the time out area--I don't know about you, but my little guy would not just stay in a corner at that age! Anyway, the balls make a safe, soft spot to land in the event of a fit, and they stay put! When he stops fussing, we'll go get him out. So far it has worked really well. Pretty stress free way to go at that age!

J.,
I started a modified form of time outs when my little boy was this age and testing the limits. I had a little step stool that I would put in a place away from toys and fun things. When he would misbehave (after one warning) I would tell him we were going to time out. I would place him on that stool facing away from me, tell him he was in time out because he _________, and hold him there by the hips while counting to 60. At the end of one minute, I would tell him why he was in time out, and what to do correctly the next time (i.e. listen to Mommy), then ask for a "sorry" and a hug and kiss. This is straight out of SuperNanny by the way. It took the attention off him, and was not a preferred activity for him. By the time he was 18 months, he was staying in the stool by himself. These time outs have been very effective for us in reducing his misbehavior. He still tests new limits all the time (we have now entered the terrible twos), but it is an effective, calm way to help him know he's crossed the line. Good luck and try to be consistent! Now's the time!
Amy K

At this age, the most effective thing is to redirect their attention to something else.

Mine has a thing about climbing. And any "no's" we give are ignored due to his determination to figure out whatever it is that's caught his attention. Try to follow a no with a short note on what to do with whatever is being misapproached by her. Like, mine clims on a chair and stands up, we tell him chairs are for sitting and help him sit. When he climbs on the toy table, the only thing that works for us is telling him to stay down and showing him he may sit in a chair at the table, and evey time after I tell him time out and buckle him into his booster seat (high chair). I wait a very short while and then say lets try again, time to go play. After being removed and restrained several times, he gets a little tired of it and does it less.

I have a home childcare business and currently I have a 15 month old boy who gets into everytyhirything! Removal and distraction work the best. I can't even tap him on the hand! He likes to dump stuff out so I give him a bucket from our shape sorter to carry around and I fill it with shakers both homemade and purchased. He likes to carry it around and dump it, refill it. He gets very upset when he gets romoved from something he knows he's not supposed to be into. He did manage to break my VCR! He likes to shove things into holes. Anyway, he likes to play in the toilet so I put a cake pan on his high chair tray and put somewater and toys in it. That way he can still play in the water and maybe he won't be so set on running to the bathroom every time he hears the door open! If you have extra time and she wants to play with some pans, let her. They are exploring themselves and boundaries. Hearing NO all day and not hearing any yes's is enough to stress anyone out. Especially a toddler. Enjoy her age. It really goes by fast.

Tapping her hand when she gets into something she's not supposed to touch is not going to solve the problem. You need to be more up on your game--the best way for a parent to do this is to give the little one choices and praise. Praise her when she is doing something that requires no disciplinary measures. If she is doing something that she is not supposed to be doing, like unraveling the toilet paper in the bathroom or drawing on the walls, calmly tell her "please do not do that" and redirect her to an acceptable activity. Or tell her two different things she could do otherwise and let her make a choice.

By the way, a "time out" for a little one this age will do you no good. Wait until she is at least 2 1/2 years old, and even then, do a time out for the same amount of minutes as years she is old (3yr.old gets a 3 minute time out).

Good luck, and I hope you can get some helpful advice on the internet or at the library. Parenting is hard, especially with the first child because the transition from baby to toddler/kid comes so quickly and requires so much from us moms.

Redirection, ie: turn her away from what she is doing after tapping her hand, get her interested in something else she is allowed to do... That is what worked for all four of my children.

Love and Logic...Love and Logic...Love and logic!!!!! It is an amazing parenting model that helps raise kids that are responsible, respectful and fun to be around. They learn to do things the FIRST time we say something, and with NO YELLING on our part. My husband and I have been implementing if for about 6 months and are now taking a class and we LOVE IT! Check out loveandlogic.com and you can call and find a class. There are classes all over the place, some of them are run by school districts or churches and are very inexpensive. Now is the time to teach good habits (for both of you!) Good luck!

My son is 15 months old today and has exhibited similar behavior. We do the same thing, say no and tap him on the hand or bottom. If that doesn't work we redirect him to something else like a toy, book or game. That usually does the trick for us. I haven't tried a time-out or any kind of punishment because I don't think he would understand that and it would just create a power struggle at this point, but try redirecting her attention to something that is acceptable to play with. Their attention spans are so short at this age, it usually does the trick!
HTH,
A.

she may know what no means, that doesnt mean she can figure out for herself what to do instead... or how to react to a no answer.

the biggest asset you can have with a child is distraction. just give her something else to do. that way you are teaching her "no you cant do that but you can do this"...

kids under age 8 do not have inner speech. what this means is that when told something, when doing something, when experiencing something, they cant stop and say something in their head to themselves to solve their problem or whatever you know? its just not possible. :D
anyway, learn all you can about child development.

oh and one minor warning, you will be unpleasantly surprised when that tapping of her hand to stop her from doing something teaches her to do the same to you when you do something she doesnt like. ive found that its more appropriate and it works BETTER to actually just divert my son's attention than resort to something that hurts. some kids dont even react to a spanking. they just ignore it.

you do your best to keep the things out of reach that your child shouldnt have. half the battle is prevention! your child cant get into something that isnt within reach.

We put our son in time out when he turned a year old. Some people told us it was too young, but I disagree. It worked well. We just set him in a spot without any toys and had him sit for a minute. He learned quickly that if he didn't listen then he was going to time out.

This is such a touchy subject! On average, from what I've read, it says to not worry about real discipline until your child turns 2. I have a 21 month old who we just started putting in time out too and that really seems to work. You know more than anyone if your child is ready for some form of discipline. I have only had to do it a few times but now the threat of it works. Most importantly, I had to reevaluate what I was telling her "no" about because it seemed liked I was saying it all the time. I was getting so frusterated and so was she...so I really narrowed it down to just a few things. Who cares it she takes all the tupperware out of the cabinet, we can clean it later! I hope you find a solution that works for you....it can be so frusterating!

this is what children do.
They see where your limits are.
If this is the only time they are getting your attention, they will continue. If you give them positve praise and talk to them all the time, they will realize this isn't what you like, and will stop. But it does take time.
they need to know your limits, and you must be firm.

J. - I had a very challenging little boy in my life (he is now 16 and still likes to explore where the boundaries are). We tried everything with him as things became age appropriate - time out in the corner, time out on the steps, time out in his bedroom, soap in his mouth, taking away priviledges, taking away allowance. The point is, you need to keep trying until you find something that she responds too. I actually spent many hours talking about spankings and whether or not I believed in them. He had a hitting problem so it was hard to justify "hitting" him as a discipline.

So fast forward 16 years, he stills checks out the boundaries from time to time (make that most often) but the lines of communication are open. When he does something wrong like giving more kids a ride in his car than he should and I ask him about it, he tells me the truth even though he knows he will get grounded.

So don't give up, keep working with her and find a solution that works today, tomorrow may be a different story.

Best wishes

J.,
With my kids the best thing to do was to give them the tap on the and and then move them away from what ever they wern't supposed to touch. For my kids just moving them away even with distractions just became a game. But the tap to the hand let them know that I ment business. I disagree that the tap teaches that hitting is ok, since my kids never really hit others. Although every kid is different. Good luck!