My daughter has been an A student, a good kid overall. Lately, she has been making comments and showing signs of what I think is beginning eating disorder behaviors... For instance, I have been finding her lunch in the trash at home. When asked why she didn't eat it, she replies, "I wasn't hungry". There are days when she seems to be very conscious of what she eats, reading boxes for calories and portion sizes. She went through a period where she was exercising excessively. Last night she admitted she "feels guilty" after she eats. So she skips meals, then binges later. She says she can't stop but she thinks she's overweight. Honestly, the girl weighs about 100 lbs and is probably about 5 foot 4 inches. She has a darling shape and figure, but is comparing herself to some of the very thin people either at school or in magazines. We have always eaten healthy as a family and encourage good/healthy habits... not excessive thinness.
My questions is, does anyone have any experience w/ this? I am not sure where to turn, we need help outside of the family. She doesn't believe me when I tell her she's beautiful and perfect the way she is. I am wondering if I should start w/ our family doctor and just have a physical, etc. and let someone else tell her she's the perfect weight. Does anyone know of a therapist/counselor who deals with adolescent eating disorders?
You could also take her to a nutritionalist and have a counseling session with one of them. If she understands what she is doing to her body by benging and skipping meals, then she may be less likely to do that. Also, the nutritionalist could teach about eating organically and the right portions for her body weight. If I had had that kind of advice when I was 14 it would have made a world of difference.
http://www.glumbert.com/media/beauty
This link takes you to a short video showing how a beautiful billboard ad is created from a very ordinary-looking model. I definitely agree about getting her a counselor, but it couldn't hurt to watch this together!
First let me say it is not about weight at all. It is about control. Your daughter's food intake is practically the only the in her life she has "control" over. Being a teenage girl is hard! Take her to the family doctor but also to a therapist. This needs attention right away. She will start to hide it from you if it gets too far. Good luck to you and I will say a prayer. CB
Like PPs I also had this same issue starting at age 11. It was about control for me. I was going through some trauma starting at age 9. It started out slow and then I could stop it and then something would trigger it to begin again and each time it was much worse than the time before and lasted longer. By 21, I was "dying" from it (blacking out while driving, etc.) So, I would encourage as others have said to seek counseling for the underlying issue while at the same time taking her to your physician to treat the obvious medical need as well.
I'm sorry you are both going through this and wish you all the best outcome.
The most important thing is to let her know she is loved. You need to help her with buying things low calorie, but that are healthy and help her prepare meals that she will enjoy. She also needs to see first hand what she is doing to her body, and for this I would refer to a counselor.
She needs to know that these magazines are air-brushed images, 90% of the time. She needs to see real women, and I would suggest taking her to a photo shoot, a lingerie shop and let her see what they look like in person. She needs confidence in herself, so I again would think that a boost of this in something she loves and enjoys, would be a great way to go.
Also, check into the kind of friends she is hanging out with, you may find a few culprits there that need a little attention..hope all goes well..:)
I struggled with an eating disorder starting at 16. It's very easy to hide and I think you are seeing signs. I would get a professional involved. Even talking to a nutritionist so she can find out how to eat healthy and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
All kids go through this to some degree but it sounds like you are catching it at the onset.
Remember it’s not just about thinking you look good, it’s about control.
Good luck
You did the right thing by not ignoring the signs. I was about the same age when I started having similar problems... Society is so hard on women and girls when it comes to their appearance. I hope that what I'm getting ready to tell you will help out.
For your daughter; I think the first thing you should do is talk to your daughter about your concerns. Don't confront her or surprise her, I think that would tend to make her clam up or be defensive. I would tell her that you are concerned about her eating habits. Try to get her to open up about it. Second, I would make an appointment with your family Dr. I would try to get as much information about it as possible. Your family practitioner should also be able to refer you to a psychologist or a psychiatrist.
For you; learn as much as you can about eating disorders. You absolutely CANNOT blame yourself. This could have been triggered by anything: a fight with a friend or boyfriend, a rude comment, having a bad day academically, or trying to fit in with the other kids. As a mother I know you are trying to figure out what to do to "fix" this or figure out what could have contributed to it. As a recovered anorexic I can assure you that nothing that you say or do will make her see her body any differently. I won't go into great detail about what I went through to recover.
I will say that at her age she needs a very healthy diet because of her developing brain and body. My Dr recently told me that there are studies out showing that brain development continues well into our twenties, which is much longer than previously thought! I wish you the best and hope that your physician can point you in the right direction.
I recommend getting her to attend a few after school cooking classes. Her tastes maybe changing and getting her involved in cooking might encourage her to explore new foods.
Tom in TX
