16 Month Old

You did the right thing. When you do it tonight, he will cry a much shorter time. And the same for tomorrow, until eventually he will not cry when you put him in there.
I have 3 kids, I've been through it.

I don't think you should feel guilty about letting him cry it out. He knows exactly what he's doing when he carries on at night and gets you guys to cave to his demands. I put fans in both of my kids' rooms, one to drown out the howls (and they did howl at first) and also to produce white noise in the room which soothes them. Try not to let guilt sway you, kids need to learn to soothe themselves to sleep, and he won't end up any worse for wear.

Yes, you absolutely did the right thing. It is tough to have to listen to them cry themselves to sleep, but it usually doesn't last very long(maybe a few days of what you went through last night). In the long run, it will be much better for your whole family if he learns to fall asleep in his bed at a reasonable hour. Hang in there!

The idea is that each night the crying will decrease in intensity and time. Please be consistent and do not pick him up or appease him after you've started to let him cry it out. Inconsistenty is what hurts you both. He needs to learn how to put himself to sleep instead of relying on you and your husband. Give him some tools to do that - does he use a pacifier still? What about a 'lovey' or little blankie or stuffed animal? Sound machine or radio?

I set time limits and each night that time limit increased. Example - first night crying it out after 5 minutes of crying, I'd go in pat belly or back and tell them I love them and it's time to go to sleep (twins). Second night 8 minutes. Third night - 10 minutes. Go in each increment you want to make you and baby feel better and loved still. This can be done until he finally goes to sleep. Best of luck!

Do you have a night time routine? Quiet play or reading, brush teeth, change, hugs, kisses, good nights, sleep. We established a fairly set routine early on along with playing calming music when we put our DD to bed. The crib is also the only place our DD gets a pacifier and her lovey.

It also sounds like you may be letting him stay up too late since he is falling asleep in other locations. It can be scary to wake up in a place other than where you fell asleep. Think how you would initially react if you fell asleep in bed and woke up in the kitchen.

Every child is different, but we put our DD to bed at 8:00 and we get her up at 7:00 so we can get her ready and to daycare.

It's up to you, but I would try to set a bedtime routine if you don't have one. Once you put him to bed say your good nights and if he starts to cry let him cry it out for a bit. After a few minutes you can go back in and reassure him you haven't left, rub his back, and leave again. I wouldn't pick him up, otherwise he will expect this when you come in and will learn that if he crys he will get picked up.

Hi S.! My advice would be to put him to bed in his crib while he is still awake, but make sure that he is sleepy. He will have to learn to fall asleep where he should- his crib. Just like the posting below, it usually takes 2-3 nights of crying it out before they figure it out. But if you are consistent, his crying should become less and less until he falls asleep on his own. I had to do this with my first son around 11 months old. He insisted that I be in the room with him until he fell asleep- otherwise he would cry and scream for me to come back into his room. Someone told me to just leave the room and he will figure it out. Guess what? He did! It took about 3 nights until I was able to tuck him in, say goodnight and leave the room without any crying. If he cries for as long as you say, I would check on him just to be sure he is okay, then I would leave the room. Most importantly, make sure that he is tired when you put him to bed. Otherwise, he probably would scream and holler like you said!! A good night time routine is a good way for him to wind down at the end of the day. A warm bath, cozy pajamas and a few stories is a great signal for him to know that it is almost time for bed. Both my boys, ages 2 and 6 months, are great sleepers now. Good luck, I hope you can get some sleep!!

I'd like a little more back story. I don't know why he would fall asleep in his high chair unless you are feeding him WAY too late. My sons eat between 6 and 6:30 and go to bed at 7:30 and have never fallen asleep in their chairs. It sounds like you have no bedtime routine. Start doing the same thing EVERY night. Change him, read to him, brush his teeth, sing to him. It can be 10 minutes or 30 minutes, but if you are consistant, he will learn what to expect and that it's bed time. Your son is a little old to need to be rocked to sleep, but if you can start with getting him really close and then putting him down and patting him to sleep, then maybe you can wean from patting him to sleep. I'd put a heating pad under the sheet so that the bed is warm when you put him down and he's hot hitting a cold sheet all of a sudden.
Good Luck:)

I am the mother of the worst sleeper ever who woke up every 45 minutes for the first year of her life so I know how frustrating it can be when they don't sleep where (and when!) you want them to. And while I wouldn't spend any time feeling guilty, letting them cry it out is NOT the right thing to do. They don't understand what you are trying to teach them and only feel scared and abandoned. And this will only serve to give him a more negative association of his crib if it's a place of fear. So, now you can move on to something more effective. Will he play in his crib? Maybe putting him in there a couple times a day and staying next to it and making funny faces or playing with him a little will give him a positive association with it. And a book I've recommended to everyone I can think of is "The No Cry Sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She has some real insight as to how to help children sleep peacefully and her techniques really work. I got mine cheap on amazon and I think her suggestions would really help you. As an alternative, what about letting him sleep in your room? Maybe move the crib in there and once he's comfortable sleeping in the crib for a month or so, start gradually moving it closer to the door and into his own room. It may be inconvenient for a while, but so is not sleeping!

hi S.,
only you know if what you did was right. i personally do no believe in letting children cry themselves to sleep. it can be very scary for a baby/toddler and lead them to feel abandoned. not to mention, every child is different and has different needs. an hour is a very long time to cry. did you check in on him at all during that hour? i would never recommend to anyone letting there child cry, but if you are going to at least check in periodically to let him know that he is not being completely abandoned.

also, if he is falling asleep in his highchair then he is overly tired and needs to go to bed earlier. i would suggest a nice night time routine that begins bout an hour before he is sleepy. read a book, bath, jammies, then play comforting music or white noise in his room. have you tried letting him sleep with you? my 15 month old goes to sleep in her crib and when she wakes i bring her to bed with us. it works well for our family.

the book "the no cry sleep solution" is wonderful and gives valuable advice on how to get your baby to sleep well without leaving him alone to cry. it offers a guilt free aproach that has baby's best interest in mind. if you are feeling guilty about it then i would listen to your gut instinct and try another approach. good luck. i know it is frustrating.

Buy and read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He is a pediatrician with decades of research among tens of thousands of infants and children with sleep issues. You will learn why he is doing what he is doing, when you should try putting him to sleep, how you should do it, what you should do, and how to read and respect his sleep cues. Feel free to send me a PM; we used the book with our child around 6 months. We had three nights of crying; 45 mins, 15 mins, then a few mins. Our son is now 22 months and sleeps from 6:45 pm until we get him up (anywhere from 6:45 - 8:00 on the weekends).

It is possible to help your child get the sleep he needs.

Our pediatrician recommended the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber, MD. Although crying it out is a controversial issue, we did it with our girls, and they are now great sleepers and loving, confident children. The key is to go into the room at intervals so that the child knows that you are there and they are safe. I think we went in immediately when they started crying, then five minutes later, then ten minutes later, and then every fifteen minutes thereafter to reassure them without picking them up. Usually, they never cried more than fifteen minutes. Good luck!

try putting a shirt that smells like u or your husband in the crib w/him. i don't know what it is but it may help. i use to put a cloth diaper w/my son and for some reason he liked when it was up against his face. LOL but he would sleep. good luck.

My 10 month old was still waking up every 2-3 hours when we started letting him cry to sleep. I felt awful!!! He cried in his room, I cried in mine. He cried for an hour the first time, 30 minutes the second, and by 3-4 days, just 10-15 minutes. By two weeks, he was not crying at all when we laid him down. We went by the 3 day sleep solution, which helps you to get them on a tight schedule, and it helped tremendously. You can buy it online for about $50. After we used it, I told my husband it was worth millions!!

Good luck, and try not to feel guilty. He will feel so much better when he starts getting more sleep. And so will you!!!!

M.

We had the same problem with our daughter. We all go through patterns of sleep where we awake then fall back to sleep by ourselves. If a child never falls asleep on his own then he expects someone there every time he awakes for comfort. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own so that he will be able to fall back to sleep on his own throughout the night. Unfortunatley sometimes you have to let him cry it out. The amount of time that he cries each night will lessen. It is one of the hardest things you have to do, but it is so worth it. You will all get more sleep this way. If you feel better, you can go back into his room every 5-10 minutes to calm him down. If you start by picking him up when you go in, that's fine but then try not picking him up then try just going in and calming him with your voice and not touching him. Good Luck and Have a Good Night!!!!

Perhaps try using a different "go to sleep" routine that can be consistent during daytime and nighttime sleep. Some people use darkened curtains or shades, put on music and a nightlight. My daycare provider uses really loud nursery rhymes. The music drowns out noises that might wake her up during the night or day. You can also try statis on a radio station. You might also trying a CD with calming ocean sounds or an island CD.

You might try just putting your hand on her back and patting her to sleep, but not picking her up. Or perhaps just sit with her quietly in her room until she falls asleep. She's so young that you can't really reason with her. I have heard of other parents letting little ones crying it out. I don't think it's terrible, but I might try some of the above suggested items to help lull her to sleep. Good luck!

I agree with the other ladies. My suggestion is to also put him in the bed while awake. It can be scarry when you fall asleep in mom's arms and wake up in the bed. Also if you are concerned with him being scarred of his bed, stay with him next to his bed with him in it for up to 5 minutes talking/singing and or rubbing his back to him. Let him know it is an ok place to be. Then walk out telling him where you are going and what he needs to do. If you want to check on him every ten minutes or so to check on him that should be fine. Remember, like the other ladies said, it will take a number of days for this to work out. It may take up to a week or two. Just be patient. If you stick to your procedure and gradually spend less time putting him to sleep it should finally get better and hopefully stop.

I ABSOLUTELY recommend the book mentioned below!

My son cried most of the night in his crib, he fell asleep crying and sitting in the corner, it made me feel awful. It was very unnerving and very emotionally upsetting, never again. We had the same problem with our son. Get rid of the crib. Child beds cost about 15.oo at a second hand shop,you can use the crib matress for the bed. We put his in the living room. slowly it went into his room , but he rarely slept in it. Eventually we got him a cool car bed, that was just a wooden frame that goes around the outside of the bed. he also has a cars night light that is on every night, then a fish tank, I thought him watching the fish swim would relax him. now he is so tired he agrees with the routine, bathe,jammies, pee, brush teeth, and prayers, stories in bed until he falls asleep. (usually 3 books) We do not get into his bed there is a nice comfy chair next to his. Sometimes we put a movie in the vcr, but he is usually asleep in 15 minutes . I started the routine and firmly stuck to it. I said ok its 10 oclock time for bed ,firmly, lets do your teeth , go pee, ect. Tucked him into bed , let him pick out the stories. He also had a barney musical bear that plays 8 minutes of music, the warm bath before bed helps him sleep better. Some times just slowly stroking his back would help too. Slowly week after week I put my son to bed 15 minutes earlier. Now
his bed time is 830 ( hes 5 now)he will get
into his bed and be asleep before I start the stories. Also even on weekends he keeps to the same schedule, but we dont' push it as much, but he is still awake every morning at 7 am including saturday and sundays . My own mother told me its hard for a child to sleep if they are hungry so make sure that is not an issue with him. I took it a step farther and made sure he got play time to wear him out.

Hi S.. I agree with everyone else that your son should fall asleep in his bed instead of you putting him in there after he falls asleep. I've read A LOT of books about sleep and the one that was by far the most helpful was "The Sleepeasy Solution". It was easy to read and VERY helpful at getting my son to sleep well. I also read Healthy Sleep Habbits Happy Child that another mom commented on. It had some good info. but it seemed like the information I needed was scattered throughout the book and not very helpful. That author also suggests letting your child cry cold turkey w/o checking in at all after you put them to bed. In the book I mentioned, the author's plan involves checking in every 5, 10, then 15 minutes until he falls alseep. That way the child doesn't feel abandoned. Those are just my thoughts, though. Good luck! I know it's a tough place to be but you'll get through it!

S.,
Keep with the letting him cry it out, you can go in and check on him but don't pick him up. You can rub is back or talk to him, this is what I did with my 2 yr old and now she tells us when she is ready for bed, it is awesome.

I feel your pain S., I myself have a son 16 mo who HATES to sleep period. He will sleep in his crib and has been since he was 4 mo. He will go to sleep while I nurse him and I put him down and I KNOW he is okay and I will pat his butt and back and tell him it is time to go night night and see him in the morning and he will CRY MOM MOM over and over. I feel SO bad as well BUT he has to learn he can not get his way all the time when I KNOW he is ok he just does not want to sleep lol... He will sometimes cry himself to sleep sometimes between 10 min up to 1 hr. I feel bad but I NEED sleep like he does. He will wake up in the middle of the night and I make sure he is ok and I DO NOT go in to get him up b/c that makes him think OH it got her in here so I do not go all the way in and I walk back out. I know super nanny is so good on this she will say let them cry it out and I do and he is getting the hang of it so it is working it is just the waiting process of it getting done lol.... I have a 4 yr old daughter who gets up in the middle of the night sleep walking LORD this is a FUN house at night lol. Hope things get better for you. I keep saying to myself it will and I am sure it will lol.... Our daughter did sleep good at night when she was about 2 and I was FINALLY getting sleep and then BOOM here comes Mr Quentin lol

I had the same issue especially after my husband left for deployment. I would rock my son to sleep and place him in his bed. Around 14-15 months everytime I would lay him down he would wake up. Or if I got him down in his crib he would wake up every two hours or so. He was tired all day because he wasn't getting good sleep and I was a wreck because I wasn't getting any sleep. Finally, I read as much as I could and it seems that around that age they begin to wake up throughout the night and if they wake up where they fell asleep they will comfort themselves back to sleep but if they fell asleep in moms arms and wake up in a different place they will wake up all the way. Since my son would not go to sleep in his bed on his own I decided we were going to have to try the cry it out method. I felt guilty too and I know lots of other moms don't agree with this method but it worked very well for me. We started a routine at the same time every night. We turn off tv, brush teeth, fix a sippy with yougurt in it, and dim the lights (he loves to turn lights off and on). Then we sit on the couch while he drinks his drink and I read to him. When he is finished we go to the hall he turns the light on at one end and then off at the other. I kiss him, put him in bed, cover him up, sing the same song every night, turn the lights out and leave. We don't do the routine at nap time, I just kiss him and put him in bed and he goes right to sleep. We do everything exactly the same every night. The first night he cryed for a little over an hour. I would go in every 5-7 minutes and hug him, say I love you, and lay him back down. I didn't want him to feel alone. The second night it took about 20 minutes of crying. The third night about 7 minutes...since then it has been a cake walk. If he wakes at night and calls for me (which is rare) I go in and hug him (unless he is wet or dirty I don't take him out of crib) and lay him down and he goes right back to sleep. If he is wet or dirty I change him but turn on as few lights as possible and put him right back in bed. You shouldn't feel guilty. It is important that he learns that sleep is important and that he will feel better. My son is bright and alert during they day, plays and learns, and loves his bed now. I have time and energy to devote to him all day because I get sleep and I get chores done when he goes to bed instead of when he is awake. I get to spend awake time with him. Hope this helps.

P.S. He sleeps 10-12 hours at night all the way through. From about 8:30pm to 7:30 or 8:00am and takes 1 nap a day from 12:45 until about 3:00 usually.