11 Month Old Still Not Sleeping Through the Nigth and Refuses to Ween

hi S.. My daughter was up every 3 hours at night, even at 11 months old. I read several books and talked to my pediatrician. She should have been able to sleep through the night by then. Physiologically, they don't need to eat at night at that age. I had wean her off ME at night. As hard as it was, I ended up doing it over several nights. I put her to bed and listened to her cry, but didn't go in. I made sure that she was safe. It was hard, (I'm a single mom so I had no emotional backup, therefore I got a friend to be with me during the beginning of the night). After 3 nights, Ellie was sleeping through the night. From what I read, it was so important for Ellie to get sleep for her development, that I had to do it!! p.s..... she now sleeps from 7:30 pm until around 7 am... mom and daughter doing great!!

She's 11 months old, and it's completely normal for her to wake in the night and need contact with you. Can you cuddle and nurse her in bed, lying down, so that you can both fall back to sleep? I found it very easy to fall asleep with my son in situations like that, and it meant WAY more sleep for both of us.

I think you should check out the Dr. William Sears book, The Baby Book. He's got some very helpful, very realistic, very HUMANE (for both baby and parents) suggestions. By contrast, the Ferberized, Babywise approach is emotionally painful for everyone. I'm a preschool teacher with an infant-toddler specialty. I hear stories from all sorts of parents, with all sorts of backgrounds, etc. I am firmly convinced that your baby needs responsive care and "nighttime parenting" AND that you can both sleep more. Check out The Baby Book.

I had the same problem with my 2nd daughter, and it is not fun! You will make this end though! Whatever technique you chooose, you do have to be 100% consistent, as i'm sure you know. I tried cry it out technique but was never able to let her cry for more than 20 mins, so that didn't work. I have heard very good things about these books that others recommended, but for me, i was so beyond tired that i felt i couldn't muster the energy to be consistent. What worked for us in the end was that I weaned her down to just bedtime plus whatever happened in the night (only once or twice). Then, a week before i was planning to wean her completely at 12 months, i started talking to her during the bedtime nursing and saying that she was a big girl and that soon she wouldn't drink milk from her mommy's breast but rather from a bottle. I swear your child will understand on some effective level that kind of explanation, even at 11 or 12 months. On the last night of nursing, i told her that this was the last time i'd nurse her and that if she woke up in the night she was not going to be able to nurse and that daddy would come in to tuck her back in (If i went in, i would have caved). It took two weeks of her waking once or twice a week and my husband having to go in to hug her and tuck her back in- sometimes rocking her for up to 15 mins- but finally she gave up. She wasn't getting what she wanted so she started sleeping. This was not easy to ask my husband to do when he had to get up for work every day, but i think he realized we'd all be happier once i was less tired and after all, you've been getting up for over a year! Good luck. *You could wean to a cup too. i chose bottle b/c it seems closer to breast and she was taking a bottle while i worked already. when it came time to wean from bottle, i just explained what was happening again and it was not an issue. however, she has an older sibling who was using a sippy cup and i'm sure that helped.

Hi Stepahnie, I can give you a bit of adive that I have given my day care parents. I am a mother of two, now 16yrs & 18yrs and have been doing daycare for almost 17 1/2 years. Have dealt with lots of kids and this typical problem. My advice works, but it's hard to do at first. At 11 months, your baby has figured out how to get your attention until you cave in. As a mom, I did the same thing....I wish I had the advice given to me. It will take a week or two, but you need to ignore the crying out at night. She may cry for 15 minutes up to an hour, but don't give in. I suggest to get a TV monitor (which I use for my daycare) and you are able to see that they are not hurt, they're just mad that you are ignoring them. I had one little girl with the same problem and the parents were losing sleep. I had given them this suggestion and though it was hard, after one week she bagan to slow down on her crying and now sleeps through the night with no problems. At this age, it's hard to believe that they can be so smart, but they are. She has you trained, so now it's time for you to train her. Like I said, it's really hard at first. I did it with my first child and found that after a 1/2 hour of crying, he actually had his foot stuck in the crib. I felt aweful. This is why I suggest to have a TV monitor to relax you because you can see that they are not hurt, just mad. I hope this helps.
L.

You poor thing! You must be exhausted! Perhaps you can nurse her less often than every hour. Is she getting enough to drink? If you have doubts, you may want to consider supplementing with a bottle. Even still, every hour is extreme. Have you tried letting her cry a while, to see if she will fall back to sleep? (Set a limit for yourself, and stick to it -- unless her screaming sounds like something is terribly wrong. Watch the clock, since it always seems like more time has passed than actually has.) Increase the time before you go in to check on her gradually. She might surprise you and fall back to sleep. After you feed her, make sure to put her back down awake, so that she learns to soothe herself to sleep. This is the most important advice I can give. And read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. There is indispensable info in there about this very topic. I won't go on and on; hopefully, you'll gradually build the time between wake-ups, or at least between times that you feel you must go in. It's hard, but it's a wonderful feeling when you know that you are helping your child learn to fall to sleep on her own. Best of luck to you. You can do it.

I think that some babies just need more than others (more attention, more cuddles, more comfort...) I just weaned my daughter in the last two weeks and she will be two next month. I tried to wean her at 12 months and she was hysterical. Same thing at 18 months. But at 23 months, she was ready and it was so easy. Instead of nursing her to sleep, I lay down with her and tell her a story while I rub her back. She is out within 5 - 10 minutes! And, she stays asleep all night - A major accomplishment! It took a long time to get here, but I think it was worth it as she is happy and I am happy... And we didn't have to go through hours of crying to get here!

I second the recommendation of Dr. William Sears "The Baby Book". All of his advice made perfect sense to me and really validated some of my own instincts/feelings. Especially about having my daughter sleep with me. (That's how I made it 23 months with her nursing. When they sleep with you, you get into a routine where you barely wake up to nurse them. You get a lot more sleep this way and baby gets what she needs, too.)

I know it is rough and I hope you find the solution that works for you. Good Luck.

my experience is different from many others who responded. i had a family bed so my daughter was in bed with me. not by choice at the time. she got really sick.. use to sleep through the night.. crib was in our room due to space issues in our home. she slept with us until she was almost two.. when i did wean her. it is a comfort thing. and if you put your foot down, it will get better. but it takes time. and alot of frustration on both parts. for me it was difficult because i didn't want my husband to get bad sleep and then have to go to work. so i gave in until we were both done nursing. everyone has their own take on it. if you want her to sleep through the night, you just have to make that mental decision... and they do have to cry it out. its not fun but i did it and she is doing great.. almost four now. :) bunkbeds with her sister... give it time. won't happen over night

Hi S.,
If your baby is growing/gaining weight well, then she probably won't need to nurse during the night. It's probably more of a comfort thing for her to go back to sleep. My pediatrician told me that by 9months, a baby should be able to sleep through the night without a feeding. If you're exhausted and you want to do away with the feeding, then you may want to try sleep training her. I would highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits,Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I actually worked for him as a nurse back in Chicago, and saw the amazing results of so many babies/kids with corrected sleep issues. He did years and years of research in the subject of sleep, and knows what he's talking about!His research backs up his methods, which I didn't find in all the other sleep books. It was THE hardest thing I did as a parent thus far, but it was the BEST thing I did, too. It wasn't just for us parents, but for my baby as well. He never seemed fully rested from waking up 3-4 times in the middle of the night, and he would suck a few times each time and just want to be held until he fell asleep. Even though I worked for the guy, I doubted myself during the first few nights and needed my husband to encourage me to hang in there. My son cried over an hour the first night (pretty hard), and then went to sleep. He cried for the next few nights, less and less, and now (he's 10 months), he whines for a second and goes right to sleep and stays asleep until the morning. He sleeps from 6:30pm-6am. I know he wakes up several times during the night as all babies/adults do (I see him moving around on the video monitor), but he knows how to put himself back to sleep by sucking his thumb instead of needing me to nurse/hold him like I used to. Now, he's so much more rested in the mornings, and he goes down easy for his naps and at bedtime. I believe that learning to fall asleep is a learned behavior and they need to be taught it. Some babies get it quickly, but some others are more difficult. But if you're not comfortable with letting your baby cry, then I don't think you should be pressured to do this. It was hard for me..but I knew that I always attended to him immediately throughout the day and therefore he is secure and loved. Just as I can't let his crying stop me from changing his poopy diaper (which my son hates), he'd rather play and not sleep, so he fights it and cries. But you will be so happy when your baby knows how to fall asleep and stay asleep on his/her own. Hope this helps!

I had some of the same issues with my daughter. I also used the BabyWise strategies. It wasn't easy, but I found that it only took 3 nights, and each night got a little easier. It is so important for babies to learn how to put themselves to sleep, and the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be for them. I tried going in and holding my daughter for a minute (without nursing) and then putting her back down, but it made her angry, so I had to just let her cry it out for a while. good luck!

Wow...that would be super tough...I can only imagine how tired you must be!! I found the book 'Babywise'a great guide for teaching your baby great sleeping habits. It addresses eating and sleeping ideas and you might be able to find some useful info. in it even if you are starting at 11 months. It was a HUGE life saver for us and our baby (now 15 mos) has been sleeping through the night since 2 months, thanks to this book, and I nursed until he was a year old. The hard part, as always, is that regardless of your baby's age, they will cry anytime they have a change. But it seems like she nor you are getting any sleep and that can't be good for either of you.
hope you find rest SOON!

Have you heard of the book, "The No Cry Sleep Solution?" This book was helpful to me, and the author is available via email to answer questions.

Our daughter sleeps on a twin bed next to ours, and at 14 months old was still nursing every 2-3 hours a night. When I became pregnant again, I simply couldn't keep it up. We went through a few weeks of challenging transition where I would nurture her back to sleep without nursing. It was painful to hear her cry throughout the night, wanting so badly to nurse. (And I confess I gave in a few times at first.) But I reminded myself that I was still patting her back, talking softly, etc; reminding her that I loved her and she was not alone. ...And eventually it did work. I still nurse her between 5-6am to keep her in bed a little longer, but she has learned to fall back asleep in the middle of the night without nursing.

Good luck to you with whatever transition you choose. I hope you catch up on your sleep soon!

Make sure your daughter DOES NOT take any naps at or after 5:00PM. Perhaps limit her nap time to an hour during the day and keep her up until it's your bedtime. That's what I do with my ten month your old and it works for me. Every child is different though.

Also, give your child a meal an hour before she goes to sleep. I give my son organic yogurt at night. Yogurt is good because it has similar properties that your breast milk has.

What brand of baby food do you give your daughter? Perhaps try Earth Best, if you haven't already. My son loves that brand so much that he crys for it, when I try breast feeding him sometimes.

Hope some of this information helps you. Hang in there. Things will get better in time. You're doing great because you care.