Because you said the step-mother pays attention to your daughter, I suggest you talk with her. She does the packing, sees to her personal care, etc. She knows what your daughter needs at her house. Her Dad doesn't know or understand what your problem is. Make friends with the Mom. Be a part of the team that cares for your daughter.
I suggest you're looking for trouble; that you are acting in an adversarial instead of a cooperative way. Your negative attitude is making it difficult for your daughter to fit in. She's caught in the middle between you and her father. I suggest you get counseling so that you can change your focus from proving he's a lousy father to how to make this situation work. You cannot change your ex. Accept that he's moved on. Accept that you cannot control your husband's relationship with his daughter. Accept that the stepmother is involved with your daughter, is looking out for her needs. Become a part of the team. Make helping time with her father to work.
Child support is an entirely different ussue. When you think of the lack of child support as related to parenting time the issue gets more complicated, emotionally. I wonder if you were more accepting of your daughter's other family, he would be better at paying? You give him a bad time, he gives it back.
If you don't think a change in your attitude will help, then make an appointment with the court's child support office. Be willing to go back to court to get enforcement. Also be willing to try other ways. I suggest that when you take care of the child support issue you can be less angry. Take back your power to effect change. Stop blaming your ex for not doing what you can fix.
I suggest he told you to look up the weather for yourself because you asked him what clothes she needs. Stop with the verbal harrassment. Find a way to accept that her father and her stepmother will take care of her even though not in the same way you would.
As others have said, send a suitcase with a variety of clothes. Don't ask what to send. Trust that you are able to figure this out and that the stepmother will fill in where it's needed.
You have the power to make your daughter's visits with her new family work for your daughter. I suggest you feel helpless. You're not! Go to counseling to learn how you can make your life and the life of your daughter happier.