10Yr Old That Takes What Does Not Belong to Her and Lies About It

I think, especially since you're in therapy for other things, that this could be an emotional problem. Maybe she is trying to self-soothe through eating. It's not uncommon at all. Tons of adults do this. I could even say that I do it. I guess I would try to talk to her with less accusation and more concern. I would make guesses about how she is feeling, maybe scared or sad . I'd try to give her alternatives for taking care of those feelings, like talking to someone, taking a bath, asking for a hug. These are life-long issues though, so be patient with her.

When I started reading your response, my first thought was that maybe she needed some type of therapy to help identify the underlying problem behind this behavior. I see now that you are already doing this, so I want to commend you for taking a proactive approach to dealing with this problem. Even if therapy is a slow and frustrating process, stick with it. It sounds like there is definitely an underlying issue and it just may take time to figure out what that is so she can begin to deal with it. Does she ever see the therapist on her own? If not, maybe she should be given that chance. It may not be something she's ready to talk about in front of the whole family. Also, if she doesn't seem to be responding to this therapist, you have the option of finding someone else just for her. It may be a style thing...she may not be connecting with your current therapist.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. I just wanted to encourage and support you for being such a good mom!

Hello L.,
Sounds like you have your hands full. I suspect that she may have something internally going on with her that she needs to act out in the ways you mentioned. You certainly seem to have tried to give your daughter all the good reasons not to eat so much sweets and steal. It might be an over eating disorder. She might be craving something in her life. Has she experienced something tramatic in her life recently? Family events good or bad can trigger such events in a child's life. I would suggest a medical exam and possibly counseling.

You might consult your doctor about this one. After watching 20/20 so many times, I am wanting to say there was an episode about kids that just can't quit eating. She may just be embarassed that she feels like she has to eat consantly. It might also be that she is going through a growth spurt and is hungry that way. Try getting rid of the junk food, trust me I know this one is hard, and put lots of fruits and veggies in the house. This way you wouldn't feel so bad with how much she is eating.

First I want to say goog luck & your a brave woman. Blended families can be some of the hardest things to tackle BUT yet it can be done. I'm sooooo glad to see youe in counseling, that's a major step. You might have to check & see what type of friends your daughter has for starters, take her to a child facility where they can show her where liars & thieves will eventually end up & then to an adult facility if they don't change their ways. I don't know how bad off your daughter is but you might ask around for "Boot Camps" that can get children on the right track. I've seen several show's like that on Sally Jesse & Maury. Try asking your counselor & local authorities. Good luck to you & be BLESSED!

If it was up to me I would by a lock to put on the bedroom door just like the one on the front door and buy a little safe to put my wallet in. I always keep my keys close at hand. I would start buying healthy snacks. I would also talk to the family doctor just to make sure there is nothing physical wrong, and pray that this is just a phase that she is going through. Talk to her teachers, find out how see acts at school and with her classmates. Or she may be acting out just to see how far she can push you. Does the father of you child spend time with her? If so, You all may need to come together and talk about what is going on with you daughter. I hope this helps.

Signed

K.M

Laren,
I'm not sure what other issues are being discussed with your therapist, but to me it sounds like she may be doing this for attention and even though you are getting angry with her and "catching her in the act" she is getting exactly what she wants...attention. With 5 children I'm sure you have your hands full. Is there any way you can have a mother-daughter day with her alone?? A special day to show her just how much you love her...even if the 2 of you just go for a walk together without the other children. She may be acting out some jealousy issues and this is the only way for her to tell you that she needs some love and attention...or even help. Let me know how things are going if you wish.
Barb

All of the responses I've read seem to have good advise. My daughter saw a great individual counselor who comes to the local pediatricians office, and he was great. He was a real expert in how to manage anxiety- which comes out in so many ways.
Be as positive as you can with her any chance you get. At some point, it would be worth explaining to her how important it is to be known as an honest person. My 10 year old was exaggerating a lot last year, and I told the story of the boy who cried wolf to her and her little sister, and we talked about how bad it was that noone believed him. Then I talked about how much easier it is to get what you need in life and have people listen to you and trust you when they KNOW you are an honest person. If you steal, or make up things, or hide things, then when you really need something from someone and need them to hear you, it can take a lot of work for them to believe you. I used their grandpa (who is a respected and humble man) as an example. When people come to him for advise, they believe him. How nice it is that people just naturally believe what he says, because he doesn't have to work hard to convince people of things. My kids get it; how nice that would be to be that person who is trusted, to not have to "prove" yourself trustworthy. I still call my daughter on it when she seems to be exaggerating; sometimes playfully. I don't want her to think she is bad, just that it is bad for her if she is not honest.
I also agree with the responses suggesting there is a possible emotional "eating disorder". I absolutely recommend removing the "bad" food from the house, and being sure to sit down as a family at least one meal a day, and taking time to ask her specifically if she wants more of this or that. For her, eating has become something SHE does for HERSELF ALONE. It may help to remind her it is a community event.
Eating could be a way of isolating herself, comforting herself, doing her own thing, controlling her eating (in a similar way that anorexic's may hoard food)- all of which have a strong emotional component.
Also, sugar is a drug, and some of us CRAVE it until we get it out of our diet. My five year old does all the things you describe in your daughter, yet because she is five, I have chalked it up to her inherited sugar lust. But I DO call her on it when she sneaks, I DO keep sugar out of the house now, and DO talk about good food and the benefits of different foods all the time. She still begs for candy, and I offer something else instead and she just has to deal with it. She knows that every now and then we get ice cream or candy, so she is also learning about patience!
Good luck- she needs to get comfortable with how to handle her emotions now, before puberty brings her new feelings that cause increased anxiety. I highly recommend her own psychologist.

Have you tried one on one with her by yourself like go to the store or play a game just you 2? My step-daughter is like that and since we play games with her and do one on one things to shopping,watch her shows and things like that she is doing better. It is a very hard struggle and you are in my prayers and hope it gets alot better for you.Maybe explain if she stops you will treat her to a shopping trip or she can do more things but stealing is very wrong.

I have a 10 year old that was doing the same things, he was always coming home with things from school saying "My friend gave it to me..." Many of times did i find moldy food and trash in his closet and under the bed. He was lying about things and blaming it on the dog or the cat... He was also having alot of trouble in school. He is a very smart kid... he just had more fun being the class clown. He was on the verge of failing 5th grade and i finally took him to the doctor. He was diagnosed with ADD. We had had some trouble a few years back and i refused to have him put on medication, thinking "we just moved... he'll adjust". But know that i have broke down and have done something about... I realize it was for the better. I have my bright little boy back! Hope this helps. D. S.