Nine year olds are going through huge changes, this is the time of a big turn over, so to speak, in life.
And in many ways it is a time when a child is coming to a cross roads, which one will she take. I strongly suggest you google, 'the nine year change.' it'll give you lots of food for thought.
Don't use God to try to make her feel bad or punish her emotionally or mentally. This is a huge turn off. God should be presented as a loving God and something that is within her own being and within everyone. I don't think I'd even bring God into it. Besides as a mother, my children knew I that KNOW when they lie or have something they know is evenidently wrong. It may be time for some carefully choosen stories or Aasop stories not to use against her but to be told and let her figure out the moral. After you tell a story a few times, have her write out what the story is about in just a few sentences and draw or paint a picture. This could be something you do on a weekly basis. She could put a book together of these after she has some done or buy a drawing pad for this.
(this is only one suggestion, but it works wonders, if the stories are the 'right' ones) What about the story of the boy who cried wolf, every kid needs that one sooner or later.
Sounds like she has no feeling or thought as to how what she is doing is affecting others. This may sound strange, but you may want to take a thing or two from her room (when she's not around) and place it away where she won't find it. Then just see how long it takes her notice and what she says, let her look for it or complain or whatever and don't say a word. Let her just get a good dose of how it feels when something is gone even if takes a few days or weeks. Then when all is exhausted. Bring it out to her, 'well lo and behold, I have your....' When she asks where it was or how did you find it Tell her, 'as your mother I decided to remove it so you could get the feeling of losing something. This is how it feels to others when you take their things.'
Mind you, I'm not even sure I'd do what I'm suggesting, but I might if I sense this is what will get through.
There are obviously some issues here and she is doing this for a reason. You have to find the reason. Sounds like there is a great need for healing emotional pains and that can be very difficult to do. You need to show her lots of love and tell her the things that are positive about her. Make a choice to get in the habit of telling her specifically what you love about her every day, that you like when you........ you are loyal, honest, kind, helpful. Tell her stories of saints and heros, of tricksters. She is dealing with both her light side and dark side, as must us all. She now knows the world isn't what it's crack up to be, what a shocker. This is part of the nine year old change and transition from childhood to preteens. She is now at the apex of childhood.
There is a good book that you may want to read to her, it's called, Stories of the Saints, A collection for Children by Siegwart Knijpenga. It's an intelligent and interesting book that does not dumb the child down. It is based on what a child from ages 7-11 is truly seeking. Some of the stories may seem a bit much to some adults, but they speak to the mind and soul.
Well, I suppose much more can be said, but this gives a bit of a different look at your situation -- perhaps.
Be Well and ask for guidance, be willing to step out of the box
http://www.waldorfinthehome.org/2012/02/parenting_the_nin...
Here is one site there are more. This will give insight.
Peace
I don't usually do this but - Just wanted to say after reading Dana K post and looking through the site she linked, I'm not advocating indiscriminate praise, I've never believed in that and my children have never gotten it. They know when I give a compliment it's real. And our society as gone crazy with all this constant "good job" stuff for so long, makes me cringe, always has. But I don't think we should go back to the days when parents did'nt give a encouraging word or say anything that they fear might lead you to believe you might think too highly of yourself. Balance is key and sincerity is always welcome and gives a sense trust and appreciation. Also the boy that cried wolf story may have a nasty ending, but these are still archetypical stories that a soul needs to hear. Just as the soul needs to hear the story of someone like St. Columba or Christopher. Although every kid should hear the story of G.Washington and the cherry tree, it is just important for them to hear the opposite type, like the boy who cried wolf especially when their 8 or 9 and up. It addresses both sides of human nature and brings balance and meaning. Let the stories speak for themselves.
Anyway, the site she put up looks good and there are more and more people coming out with the fact that kids get too much praise. But personally, I remember two times in my whole life my parents said something of praise to me, once when I was 12 for something I thought was very little to receive praise for and the other when I was in my mid 20s. Like I said back then parents thought if you gave praise, you'd spoil the child. Now we've gone to far the other way. But I personally try to always remember to say something specific to that child every day that is distinctly for them that is praising in a balanced way.
Your child has a lot going on and there are insecurities that need to be address. It cannot be easy to have her going to her dad's especially if he's part of the problem.
I've gone on all too long, sorry, but I wanted to clairfy a bit.
Anyway, I hope all be worked out for you all. Peace
