10 Years Old and Headed for Trouble.

This must be an age thing. My son is 12 and has been going thru this in the last year or so himself. Is there anyone else that he might respond to?

M.,
All of these responses are very good ones. I have an additional suggestion. It will take your time and your commitment to see it through, though. It is not an wasy or quick fix.

1. Tell your son that if his behavior does not improve that you are commited to taking a week off work and accompanying him to school.
2. Give him specific behaviors that you want to see change.
for example, this week I do not want any reports about your language and inappropriate comments from school.
3. If he does not meet your clearly defined expectations, GO TO SCHOOL WITH HIM!
4. Explain that if he can not demonstrate his ability to be responsible for his own behavior, that you will have to go with him and be responsible for it (Because ultimately the legal system says you are)
5. When you go to school, stay right beside him. Sit beside him, eat beside him, walk beside him down the hall....

If school is seriously concerned, they will not have a problem with this and if your employer understands that giving you a week now will decrease the risk of many more absences later, they will also be cooperative. Use Family and Medical Leave if you must....

Then be consistent about checking up on him after....
Show up at school randomly and peek in his classroom.
Make sure he sees you peeking in....

This worked wonders for a friend of mine....

L. G

http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081...

http://www.amazon.com/Playful-Parenting-Lawrence-J-Cohen/...

Are two very good books. Have all the methods of discipline you have doled out been consistent? Does he know if he does A- B happens? Kids have a way of retesting boundaries just to see if they are really there for good.
As soon as he feels his own concequences for his actions, kids not liking him because he made those comments- he will realize it himself. Letting him feel it on his own would be the best teacher.
He must be going through a tough time too with your remarriage and the possibility of another brother that takes a lot more attention. Maybe seeing some sort of counselor a bit would help him sort out his feelings.

hi M.,
I too am having problems with my son but he is fixin to be 13. i just did the most drastic thing to him, because of his lying, picking fights with other kids at school, and bullying 2nd graders on the bus, i made him take everything out of his room that holds any form of entertainment. and when I say everything i mean everything!well I made my son remove it all. i even made him remove his bookshelf, matchbox collection, posters, radio, tv,.........everything. I figure once he figures out that his life could be much worse without all of his luxuries maybe he will begin to appreciate waht he does have, if this drastis step doesnt help I am going to Mt Meiggs Juvenile Facility in Montgomery, and talk to one of the onsite counselors and see what we can do to scare the bejeebers out of my son. somehow , someway, im goin to get his attention and make him realize that he has it made compared to some children.
if ya need someone to talk, be glad to listen, i know what ya goin thru and am at my wits end! good luck!
K.

Things to consider:

1. When did the behavior begin?
2. Does it coincide with anything in his home life?
3. Did you recently get this boyfriend? Does he feel threatened?
4. Is his home life stable?
5. Is he hanging around children at school who are accepting and applauding this behavior?
6. Does he have serious, CONSISTENT, consequences that are pertinent to his life -- things that he knows will happen if he does one of those things?
7. Are you spending enough QUALITY time with him?
8. Are you giving him attention when he does things right? Give him praise and rewards when he does good things. If all he gets is attention when he does bad things, at least he's getting attention. This is a vicious cycle that is remarkably easy to fix.
9. Get him involved in giving back or in some kind of learning group (like a historical society -- find things he enjoys that will help him learn more). Yes, he's young, but get out there and pick up trash in the neighborhood, garden outside, do something together to make the world a better place and learn something while doing it. Maybe he just isn't getting enough stimulation?

Good luck!

I Dont know what to do about the comments, I have herd some of my kids friends doing the same thing and I just tell them it isnt appropriate, My kids are homeschooled so I dont have the problems like that as very often. I think it is stuff they pick up from other kids. Have you tried talking to the school counselor? Also consider that he is 10 and begining to go through a change in hormones, My son is doing off the wall stuff that I would never expect from him. Another consideration is if you are fixing to remarry, even if he is excited, he will rebel, just a normal thing when there is a change of life in process. Even the slightest change or thought of a change will disturb the kids and you will see a differance in their attitude. My son quit talking to me about a year ago, we are having to show him that we are understanding and not trying to judge him. Good news though, this will eventually pass and then you get to go through it 3 more times with the other boys, only next time you will be a little better experianced!!!!

M., the best thing that you can do is exactly what Laura said! Been there done that and believe me it works!!!! for the other ladies that are having the same problems with other age kids...do the same I mean it will work. mine was a 4th grader but I never had that or much of anymore problems with her ever again and she was hell on wheels at school before that but I sat right beside her everyday and stayed all day with her and I also made her answer questions and get more invovled in the class...good luck and let me know how things go for you. D.

You should consider that your son could have inattentive ADD, the easy way to think of it is the quiet form of ADD. Do a brief Google search. If that is not close then maybe he's getting picked on in school or is acting out a bit because of your pending remarriage. He might be feeling a bit like he's being replaced?

hey M.-sorry to hear this. We all love our children & want to see them act their best. too bad that's not easy. My sister teaches school and she says when kids get in 5th grade they become crazy, hormonal monsters. =) Her son recently said something to a girl at school that was apalling! he's in 5th grade-his parents have been happily married for 16yrs-they attend church regularly-he races gokarts & makes all A's. so why..who knows. BUT I do know this. I've raised my 8yr old by myself for 6 1/2yrs. I remarried a year ago and we're still struggling. He has always been my only man-the man of the house-only had to answer to me & it's a big change! Maybe it's something as simple as reiterating to your 10yr old that he will always be first in your life & having some special one on one time w/him. I know my son has seen me go through the hard times of single motherhood & prob feels he knows what's best for me(us) & to hand that job over is HARD! I would just try extra time & attention and see if this doesn't help. If not-he's got to know that there are consequences to his actions-now & throughout adulthood(sports-job-etc) & stick to them!! Also make sure your BF isn't the 'boss' right now. I would handle the discipline until things settle down. He's got to understand you guys are a team now & that he's not going anywhere but that just means 2 people to love him & play with him. ? Please let us know the outcome & good luck! I'll be praying for you all! ~L. C.

See if he will talk toa counsler about whats eating him because by his behaviour something. Also does he get along w/ your B/F. He may be having issues there but it could also just be his age, but you know your child and if you think its something serious involve his school counsler. or seek psychartic help for him.