10 Month Old TERRIFIED of Other Babies and Kids

Updated on July 23, 2008
S.Y. asks from Pittsburgh, PA
6 answers

Sorry, I have yet another request...
A month ago my friend came over with her rather boisterous 18 month old. My dd got increasingly stressed and ended up having what I would call an emotional meltdown whenever she came near her. I ended up having to sit with her in another room until the movie we were watching was over. I tried again going to lunch with the same girl but the minute her daughter screached in delight my dd lost it. I had to leave the restaurant and send a waiter to get our stuff.
Now, for the record my dd NEVER cries...she communiates well, though, she just isn't a crier unless in pain, and now this. It has gotten so bad that I had to spend July 4th alone on the porch with her at a family gathering. Even at the grocery store a kid said, "Hey, Mom ..." she was hysterical. On our walk last week a 2 year old got withtin 10 feet of her and you would have thought he was brandishing a knife. I feel terrible for her, it is soooooo upsetting to see her like this.
Consequently I haven't been able to get together with friends and can't do Mommies groups or LLL meetings. I am a very social person feeling very alone and isolated. I still take her with me for errands, but if I see a kid coming I sneak away.
I have callous friends who say, "take her to a nursery school...force her to stay"..please if you have advice like that, I don't want it. To me that's like saying "if she can't swim, throw her in the water, she'll learn".
Had anyone been through this? It seems she is okay just until the kids open their mouth and go over a certain decibel. I am REALLY upset about this, so PLEASE be gentle, ladies...thanks..

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So What Happened?

Wow, that was some GREAT advice, ladies, thank you so much for taking the time to write. I called her Doctor and he referred us to the developmental department at Children's Hospital and we are going for an evaluation nesxt week. I am hoping to see if there is something up with her hearing, and if they have any suggestions. In the meantime, I am going to be on a quest to find "calm" kids to have around her! :)

More Answers

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H.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Your description at the end about her being ok until noise reaches a certain level, perhaps it is more about the sound than the kids. Perhaps even more specifically the range of the loud sound. Little kids tend to have pretty high sounding voices and screetches which only become more so when they are louder. If her ears are very sensitive it might be painful to her. Perhaps check with her ped about any thoughts and see if they might even want to do a hearing test to see if that might shed some light.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi S.,

I am sorry you and your baby are going through this situation. Does your child also react negatively to other loud noises or adults with loud voices? I would observe her to see if she is having other reactions and speak to your pediatrician if it is a more widespread problem than you have noted initially. Also, did the 18 month old do anything other than be loud? I am just wondering if she is now associating "kids with loud voices" as possibly harmful...it would explain her reaction. I think you might want to expose her slowly to children you trust and who might be a little older. If the kids can help you by being quiet initially, engaging her in play slowly, and eventually helping her become comfortable it could be very beneficial. I understand that you don't want to overwhelm her and I would not suggest just throwing her in with a group of kids and letting her adjust alone. She is too small to understand such a situation. I think with support from you, trying some distraction to help her cope with the situation, and slow reintroduction to children she will do well. Please keep in mind that if you immediately remove her from all social situations with other kids she will likely develop a learned reaction and react even more quickly as her expectation will now be that you will get her out of the situation. Try to reintroduce her to other children slowly and in a controlled environment. Good luck with everything.

1 mom found this helpful

B.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I don't think you should focus on other kids or babies...I think you should focus on sound. You should take your baby to the doctor and tell him/her what is going on. Kids do speak at higher tones/and sound levels and it may be that her hearing is very sensitive...or this is an indication of other hearing problems. Get her checked out as soon as possiable. Babies aren't "terrified" for no apparent reason. They don't have the emotional history etc. Good luck and best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

S.,
Maybe take her to a baby lapsit story time? She's be with you and (with any luck) the kids should be fairly quiet. I'm sure this is most likely a phase and I'd bet by the time she's O., this will be behind you!

1 mom found this helpful
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E.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I agree with the other moms that this is probably just a stage, but I would mention it to your pediatrician. It could be a problem with her ears, or a problem with sensory processing. Again, it is probably just a stage, but worth checking out.

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L.C.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I've never experienced a problem like this, but I'm a big believer in trying to re-examine what it is she might be getting upset about. Could it be that she's worried that the other child might be taking your attention away? Babies can get both stranger anxiety and separation anxiety at that age. Maybe you could try leaving the room and having your spouse, a relative, or friend be with her before and when a new child is introduced. Is she exposed to kids at all, if she is, maybe something happened that scared her. If she isn't, maybe she needs to be introduced to them through play -- start with baby dolls. You could also read her books where kids are playing together and stop and talk about the pictures. IMHO, it is very important for both you and her to spend time with other families. All the best!

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