Poor Negative Attitude

If she feels like she isn't getting school work why not try to get her a tutor. sometimes someone who isn't mom or the teacher can help out a students feel better about skills, because they aren't the teacher, or mom because they have to say it. I know that when I was in school I felt that way before joining an after school study group. I saw that everyone else was having problems.
You can also ask her if she likes her teacher, Kids can shut down if they hate thier teacher.

Hi J. C, I'm L. S and I am having the same problem with my 13 year old son, maybe our friends at mamasource can help us out.

Hi Ms J. C.,
Your daughter is at that age where acceptance is a big part of her socil output, and my son is 8 I make him understand the real way of life and everyone is not going to agree with everything you do and say. So to say that to say this, encourage her to make the very best choices and work extra hard to be the person she know she can be. Always praise her until she reaches another level.

Honestly she might need prfessional help. I know because I did. Did you get divorced? Well if not it could still be depression. Most people dont think kids can get that but they can. I went through the same thing. I always sadi I was ugly, stupid, cant do anything. My mom took me to a counselor and it helped me so much. I am so confident in myself now. She really might need it. Also try talking to her. Kids in school might be teasing her. They might be telling her that she is stupid and dumb. Kids can be mean. Well i hope my advise helps

I bet she doesn't really feel that way about herself. for some reason she is wanting and craving attention, and somehow feels that if she is negative she will get more attention than if she is positive. Generally someone who says they are dumb want people to say that they are not dumb and then they will build that person up, telling them all the ways they are smart and they can do anything they want to do. It is an attention tactic, and needs to be stopped, because negative people are difficult to be around and I cannot imagine if she does that with her friends that they are going to keep putting up with it. I would definitely sit down and have a serious discussion with her. Find out where she is coming from by calling herself dumb, and not thinking she can do her schoolwork. Has someone ever said anything to her in those regards? also if this behavior continues I would definitely seek out a child counselor. negative people who are so hard on themselves, can tend to grow into depressed teenages, and end up messing with drugs, hanging out with the wrong people, and so much worse. She could be depressed and doesn't know how to explain that to you. She could have a chemical imbalance that would need to be correct with medication, but of course that would need to be determined by a doctor. I would say talk to her, see if things change, and if not get her some professional help. I wish you the best.

My daughter is 6 and has gone though a period like that. She really is smart in school whenever she would say this about herself, I'd ask her why she'd say that about herself when she was doing well. I'd keep encouraging and praising her and she's stopped being so hard on herself. It took months

Just keep telling her the truth and try to figure out when this low self esteem started.when my daughter started the 3rd grade she had a hard time at first adjusting. Kids can be mean, its all about being COOL now. I am sure her school offers a program to help with self esteem and self image. You might try that. <;

Something is obviously eating at her...probably at school. Have you had her eyes checked? Maybe she's not seeing what the other kids see, and that's why she thinks she's "stupid". My own son, who was reading at 18 months, was practically blind in one eye! Who would have guessed!!
She might also have some other perceptual difficulty, such as dyslexia, causing her difficulties with school work.
Once you rule out those possibilities, set her up to WIN at things. Find her strenghts and praise her. Third grade is very challenging! Talk to her teacher(s) and find out what's going on at school that's giving her a hard time.
Remember, every child has different methods of learning. Some are auditory, some are visual, some are physically task-oriented, etc. Do a search on-line for "Howard Gardner + multiple intelligences". (This doesn't mean she's got multiple personalities! It just shows different ways that kids learn.)
There's also a chance that she wants YOU to do her homework FOR her. Kids that age can be a bit insecure, and use this time for "attention", even if you're already showering her with affection. (I know...my granddaughter and daughter have a battle every day with, "Mama, I don't understand this...can you explain it to me?" even though she completely understood it in class that day!)
Hugs!!

I have lead a group of girls from 6th-12th grade and as many as 35 at a time. I have seen my girls deal with so much and change constantly as they grow and mature.

I can say that if your daughter is not already involved in activities that help her prove to herself that she is smart, accomplished, and capable of doing whatever she sets her mind to than please get her involved. I want to say however, many of the young ladies in my group had their plates too full and they barely had down time. Only pick one activity at a time.

If she loves to swim get her into competitions with a swim group, volunteering at an animal shelter or stable where there are horses (maybe horseback riding lessons); if a child feels that someone or something (animal) depends on them and needs them it is a real confidence booster. If she loves sports get her involved in a sport, gymnastics, music, art/drawing, if you go to church have her get involved with programs, dramas, musicals or the children's choir. If you get involved in an activity at church and she is able to come along and help with set up, decorations or food. Praise her and point out the areas where she is valuable and talented. There are so many choices.

If she does choose something it is very important that she not be allowed to quit if she starts feeling it's too hard, she can't do it, or any other excuses (even if it is hard for her) finishing what she starts is a huge lesson!!! Girls that already have low self-esteem will start out strong and excited but have a tendency to want to drop their activity in fear they are going to look foolish or fail at it any way.

My mother was not my supporter but she would enroll me in whatever I wanted to do. I would go a couple of times and then quit, I subconsciously think I was going to fail and disappoint my mother anyway so I bailed. I took that same attitude in my adult life. I am now 37 and can say that by the time I was 30 I had nearly conquered those thoughts but sometimes deep down I can feel them every now and then pop back up. My mother had even told me that since I was not good at school anyway, why not just go ahead and quit. In 10th grade I did.

I am so proud that you are seeking advice on how to help your daughter. The world is so inundated with the idea of how girls should dress, look, and act that they tend to forget or never learn who they really are. They are too busy trying to conform to an idea or image. Thank you as one mom to another.

Somewhere someone must be giving her the message that she is "dumb and stupid". Have a heart-to-heart talk with her and see if the kids at school tease her and tell her this. Talk to the teacher and see how she is really, truly doing with her school work. School is definitely the first place to start.

I'd suggest complimenting her on things that you can -- try to find things she has done well, whether it be school work, or making up her bed, or how well she sang a song, or whatever. I think kids pick up on false praise, though, so just try to find something good about what she did -- like "I like how you placed your stuffed animals on your bed -- it looks cute"!

In your "heart to heart" talk, see if her appearance comes up. Girls grow up so fast these days. If appearance is an issue, maybe a new hairstyle or a new outfit, if you can afford it, will boost her confidence. Best wishes!

Is this a new attitude? Did it start this school year? I'd find out more about her teacher. Talk to your daughter, see if you can find out how the teacher speaks to her about her work. It could be the teacher is too critical, maybe compares her to other kids in her class and doesn't give enough praise. Criticism can be detrimental to a childs (or and adult) self-esteem if not balanced with positive feedback.

Make sure you aren't saying anything like that about yourself. When my daughter was 5 she would always say she was fat and look in the mirror and suck her belly in and try to look skinny. I could not figure out why a 5 year old would worry about that and I realized because she saw me doing it. I would just be careful and make sure you aren't saying anything like that about yourself or anyone else around her and just try to make her feel smart. Help her with her homework and maybe for a few thinks you can "play dumb" and act like you don't know and then when she figures out the answer to the problem say "Wow! You're really smart! I didn't even know how to do that"

J., I am not to sure i can help, but i can say i can relate to what you are going through. My 8 year old son does(did) the same thing. He would throw a fit about his school work and act as if he didn't know how to do.So me and his dad decided to take his video games away (we did not give a time frame on long he would be grounded)and told him once he could figure out how to do his school and home work he could have it back...So far it is working in the last two weeks he has finished his homework(by himself) and his A.R. reading level has came up.So maybe if she has a favorite thing at home take it away until further notice. I hope everything gets better for the two of you. Being moms we know what our children are capeable of doing, and we know that they are not stupid.

Have you tried finding out if there are kids at school that are calling her these names? I have a 9 year old and he was saying things about himself for a while, and I figured out it was because some other kid had called him names. Kids can be cruel. I would just reinforce the fact that she is intelligent, and not to worry about what other people think. Ask her if she feels she needs some extra help with school work if she is frustrated with her studies. I know there were some subjects that I had a hard time with, and I felt dumb because I just couldn't grasp them. Hope this helps. Oh and be positive about yourself to. Sometimes you might say something like, "That was stupid." I know I have said it out loud about my self and my youngest little boy went aroud copying me. Sometimes kids just hear something and say it until they get bored with it. Hope I made since and helped.

My daughter went through this a few years ago. Is there anything going on at her school? Does she have friends? Is she picked on at school or overlooked?

My daughter went to a very good school, unfortunately, the majority of kids were from big money. They weren't MEAN to my daughter, but she was basically treated like she was invisible. I saw it first hand and it broke my heart. She then started to talk about being a nobody and not good at anything and would call me from school with a stomach ache, headache, anything to get her out of the school. I spoke with the teachers and they really did blow me off like it was just kids.

In a situation like that, it's very hard to talk to kids and convince them otherwise when they spend 8 hours a day with kids who think they are nothing.

I ended up moving out of that area and getting her in another school with a diversity of children. She hasn't called me sick in 2 years now and has friends and been on the Honor Roll for 2 years.

I'm not sure if this may be whats going on, but your situation sounds very similar to what my daughter went through

Hey J.,

My son who is now 12 went through that at about the same age. When I sat and talked with him, I found he was having a hard time concentrating in school and was easily distracted. He would forget things very easily. Upon further discussion with his teachers, I realized what I never wanted to have to deal with. My son has ADHD. Since he was put on medication, his grades have soared and so has his self confidence. I never hear "I'm so stupid" anymore. Might be worth checking into. Just keep reminding her of all the smart things she can do and all the ways she is smart. Even the smallest things, compliment her on them. If it is just a small self esteem issue, your reassurance that she is smart will help her to get pass this self doubt.
Best of luck to you both!