My daughter was dignosed with ADHD about 3 months ago. She is doing excellent in school with behavior and grades. Her problem is her self esteem and confidence. She has a very hard time making friends (Which is caused by ther ADHD).
She has problems with this group of girls in school. They call her "stupid", "weird" and tell her that no one wants to be her friend becuase she is a Freak. They often leave her out of stuff such as "telling secrets".
She crys and tells me that she is an idiot and no one wants to be her friend.
Her self esteem is so low and I don't know how to boost her confidence. She is talking to a counselor.
It breaks my heart to know that she has to go through this every day. She does not want to be mean to anyone. I just wish everyone would see her the way I do. She is a bright, creative, child who has a heart of gold.
I know there is no easy fix to boosting her self esteem/confidence, but I don't know were to start.
I was wondering if anyone, who has gone through this, has any ideas.
My daughter does not know she has ADHD. No one knows (even family). Her teacher knows. I have been very carefull not to let her know, because I do not want her to use it as a crutch and say she can not do something because she has ADHD.
Get her involved in something she LOVES...a sport, drama club, art club, book club (at a library). Preferrably pick something she is good at, it will be a big confidence booster if she has something she is good at & people (other than family) recognize it.
I am a foster mom with special needs kids. Most, if not all, have ADHD. These kids crave friendship just like anyone else. I find that introducing them to kids a little younger than they are often helps. They then feel more "in charge" which helps with self esteem and confidence. Another avenue is to find a support group, where the kids can play with others with like issues.
As far as not telling her, or others, that may not be fair. If she knows the problem, she can learn ways to try to control it. Keep continuity in her schedule. These kids need a regimine to follow, it keeps things less confusing, more orderly. calm voice when addressing issues is a must!
check out websites that suggest healthy diets for your daughter. certain foods trigger more symptoms.
I hope this helps. If you would like to chat more with me, you can find me through my website, http://extremelifechanges.org My email and phone number are there.
That must be so heartbreaking. I'm very sorry that you're both having to go through that (especially your daughter, of course!).
I am reading an EXCELLENT book right now & they talk a lot about ADHD in it (as well as other autism spectrum disorders) and how to cure them.
The book is called "What your Doctor may NOT tell you about Vaccines". It is really a great book! They talk a lot about the connection between the heavy metals (ie: mercury & aluminum) that is in a lot of vaccines and the very likely connection to autoimmune disorders, autism, ADHD and other problems that are effecting our children at such huge rates today.
The doctor's who wrote it are pediatricians and they have had a lot of success using certain treatments in their practice to basically CURE children of autism & ADHD. It involves detoxifying their body so that the heavy metals can be excreted from their system & then they're not poisined by them anymore.
You can get it on Amazon.com and probably at your local book store.
I hope that you both find some relief. Good luck!
Just so you know, my son was diagnosed with ADHD in 7th grade but they were wrong! He actually has Asperger's Syndrome. He too did very well in school but had social issues which is more typical of Asperger's. Girls are more difficult to diagnose with Asperger's because of social stererotypes.
I suggest that you research further so you can properly find ways to help her adjust. Here are some articles that you may find helpful.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/168868
http://www.autismtoday.com/articles/Aspergers_in_Women.htm
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/girls.html
http://autismaspergerssyndrome.suite101.com/article.cfm/g...
Love In Christ Jesus,
D.
Try your very best not to let ADHD overshadow the entire picture. This problem is about mean girls at school, your daughter's shyness, sadness and insecurity, and what you can do. Often, children with ADHD have added insecurity because they've been told they have ADHD by everyone and they think something is wrong with them.
Kids have been mean, and other kids have been painfully shy since the beginning of time. Do these mean kids know she has ADHD? If so, it's been made way too much of an issue for too many ears. It should be private, between you and her teacher, and you should be "ignoring it" while actively treating it. As in, don't bring it up, just do whatever you do for treatment, and continue to be a positive support and let your daughter know nothing is wrong with her and she can do anything. Think back to when we were kids, and no one had ADHD diagnosises, the same thing was happening to kids at school. This is not an ADHD issue. Even if it makes her more awkward or shy, it's still not causing the problem, because these kids are bad eggs, and there are any number of reasons for people to be awkward or shy. Not everyone is smooth and confident as a kid.
As for these mean terrible girls, it's very difficult to handle this without making it worse. I personally would speak to their parents in a nice, positive manner, as if you know they are good kids, but let them know what they are doing, and also tell them you don't want your daughter to be even more ridiculed, so to not tell their daughters that you spoke on her behalf, but to try to work with you for them to lay off of her in case they are "accidently" being insensitive. Then they could monitor the situation by saying things like, "I know you had and issue with so and so, how's it going?" They will get clues. Mean kids always brag about their victims or complain the the victims are annoying etc. The parents should keep tabs and remind them constantly to be nice to everyone. If my daughter was being mean, I would want to know about it.
Your daughter needs to understand that she is a great person (drop the ADHD title) and that everyone is different. It's been established, now move on, so she doesn't continue to define herself that way. Those kids are wrong to act that way no matter what. They have no reason or right. Tell her she has to try really hard not to care what people like that say or do, because they are low class kids of bad parents. (don't say that, in case it gets back to the parents, but let her know they are at fault in every way). Tell her as long as she is a good nice person, she will find the right type of friends, even if it takes time. Tell her if they are leaving her out of secrets, that she wouldn't want to be included in their dumb secrets and if they call her a freak, they are wrong to call people names. My friend's daughter went through this at age 7-ADHD and all. Now at age 9, she has lots of friends and is doing very well in school. The biggest progress came when my friend stopped telling her and everyone else she had ADHD. This will pass. Give your daughter lots of love and praise and don't remind her she has a "disorder or flaw". It has no bearing on her character, talent or goodness. Pump her up and find special things to do with her to make her feel better during this hard time. Good luck, sorry about the dumb bullies.
I too have a bright and creative little girl and school has always been a diff. time for her/us...the pressure to learn for 6-8 hrs w/ not enough breaks as well as trying to be social when feeling unsure of oneself is a lot for an adult, let alone a little kid.....we decided to homeschool which goes well for her....I too, wish others could see her the way I do...I think all moms wish that in one way or another, at one time or another...
I go thru times feeling bad or like I am not doing enough, what impact are my actions having on her.......It breaks my heart too when she is lonely or crying...I a mommy really knows what the word heartbreaking means in relation to our children....kit goes deep.
Parents in her school were given 3 x 5 sixed magnets w/ 100 affirmations for us to give our kids. I keep mine on our refridgerator where I can see it and be reminded to keep up w/ the praises.... those praises can mean the world to anyone, esp a child....maybe that would be an assist you could use, write on a card any affirmations you can give to your children, your sig other, and to yourself.
In time people will see her for more of who she is as she gets older and keeps at it....it takes time.I have noticed w/ myself and my daughter....when I am concerned about the same things, she picks it up....kids need to know that YOU see their potential, the great person they are, their giftings, thata a big part. I am well-aware of how mega important it is to be accepted and even liked among peers, esp for a little kid. But knowing and believeing that mommy and/or daddy see them this way makes the biggest mark and impression.....a big step top helping them feel that way about themselves.
Confidence, I think, is really impacted when parents believe in and praise them as much as possible.....I do my best to not let her know I am concerned about her belonginging etc (although I am!)....her councellor wll give you lots of little hints and helps, and talking to other people w/ the same/like issues is golden...
Remember to take care of yourself as well, a good role model is helpful....many times, a kid wants to be like their parents at time, and they need to see your self- confidence......I guess it's like monkey-see-monkey-do, ya know?
Seek out where it is you get your confidence.....pray,not to air, but to the God who loves you....the best parental example is the example of God the Father w/ us as His children.....remember, He knew your child while they were in your womb (pslm 139)and every hair on their and your heads....He sees you as you are and what your potential is and where you will go w/ it. He wants us to see it also. The same goes for your children. Seek Him for the strength and patience nad wisdom that you need.
God bless!
Since I can't do it, would you please give your daughter a nice long hug from me? : )
My heart really goes out to you and to her. My son has it too. And I've been busy trying to keep up with it. (Sound familiar?) I haven't had a lot of time to look into it myself, due to toggling back and forth between that and trying to find out about ADHD as well, but one of my son's former psychiatrists told me of OASIS. Do a search-it's about Aspergers. See if something on there can help.
I had bullies in school, too, but I don't know if it was for any conditions I had, except that I must have come across as vulnerable. It may be a far-fetched idea for you to consider, but maybe you could try looking into a Christian school-if your beliefs are close. I had experience with that, and the atmosphere was different. That was years ago though, but I certainly noticed it and did better. Think about it. I know it costs money, but I remember the peace of mind I had from it.
This breaks my heart for you and your daughter.
Have you considered enrolling her in a drama class such as "Drama Kids"? This is such a great program (every child is on stage every minute - they do not memorize lines or try out for a part in a play) In my opinion this class helps children find their voice and in doing so raises their self esteem. Both my daughters love this class and there seems to be a really nice group of kids who participate. It is the second year that I have enrolled them. I hope I don't sound too much like a salesperson. I am not affiliated with it in any way other than as a happy mom.
Best of Luck!
Make sure the school is aware of what is happening - and make them get involved. Your daughter is being bullied - it would drag anyone's self esteem down. Most schools have an anti bully policy in place, you have to make them use it.
A.
My heart goes out to you and your daughter. My daughter is 11 and she was diagnosed is summer going into 2nd grade. She had the worst 1st grade year. She too had trouble making friends. She is very lovable, happy, friendly to anyone. Kids put a wall up around to be friendly with her but not to connect with her. It took up until last summer that she finally connected with a set of twins up the street from us. Now they (all 3) are great friends. I got tons of advice saying invite friends over. I did that but no one really connected with her. She was friends with them just not that deep connection. It always broke my heart. Now I don't know if they were verbally abusive to her like it seems like your daughter is experiencing. I did have Sydney go to the guidance counsler often to have her talk about friends. Syd's main part was her impulsive behavior. She did not know when she was getting to be too much. I did only tell people that needed to know at first. Now I am at the point where I tell people, that way they don't judge only on her actions. I didn't tell Syd at first either. I think by the time she was in 4th she caught on. She even checked a book out of the library on it in 5th grade. All her teachers have been wonderful with her. This year she has moved into the middle school where it is all different. I am struggling with that. I feel like I have to be on top of her at all time as to not let her forget anything. I think that bothers her me nagging. These twins that she plays with knows about her. They I think help her too when it comes down to it. Now she is at the point where she tells people. At first I was really nervous how people would react but you know there are more like her then we think. There is a support group in Limerick that I heard of but that is alittle too far for me. I wish there would be one in the Harleysville, Souderton area that moms like us could just get together and vent and compare notes. Sydney is getting to be in her tweens and i feel like it is only going to get worse.
My suggest after you read my experience is to get her involved in activites that she likes. My daughter does cheerleading. Which is great she gets to be loud and it gets her wiggles out. She also does softball. She also does the flute which she is really interested in. She does great at it and is doing a solo at church. Get her in groups that will be accepting. Church groups are good too. i also would suggest see the guidance counsler at school that way she knows how to handle the situations that may come up. Ask the teacher who they think might be a good match for her and encourage playdates. My doctor always relates it this way it is not that she can't control it it is that she has a harder time to. So, if you do tell her you can explain it that way. Hopefully you have a supportive husband. See mine is old school (that he got from his dad) He know she has it but still doesn't have the paitence.
Good luck, I am not going to sugar coat it. There have been to many days and nights that I have cried and asked why me.
Email me again if you ever want to chat. ____@____.com
With care,
J.
I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. My kids aren't facing these issues, but I have some ideas to consider.
1) Talk to the teacher to make sure she is aware of what is taking place in the classroom.
2) Perhaps approach the school principal or counselor to discuss bullying in the school and get a program in place that deals with bullying, promotes being kind to others, etc. If you have time maybe you can be someone to help implement it (research programs, do fundraising to help pay for it, etc). If the school already has one, think of ways to make it a prominent part of school life - monthly/quarterly citizenship awards, etc.
3) Get you daughter involved in an activity she would enjoy and maybe is already good at. She can make friends outside of school, develop or refine skills, give her an outlet for some of her energy, boost her confidence.
4) Continue to let you daughter know how special she is. Praise her for the things she does well. Talk to her about how some people tend to not be nice. Role play how to handle these girls when they are mean to her.
Best wishes to you and your daughter.
I don't have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, but I am a teacher. I work with students who have ADHD, learning disabilities, etc. I am so sorry your little girl is having such a rough time. I would see if the counselor has any suggestions for how you can talk to her at home about her social difficulties. I would also ask the teacher if she has observed anything, during recess or maybe during snack time in the classroom...see if there is another student that does connect with your little girl. Try to get them connected more in the classroom, sit next to each other during the day, etc. If your daughter is a solid student, then that can be used to her advantage...for example, if they do activities where students have to pair off-maybe she could be paired off with a student who is struggling with a particular concept or skill that your daughter has success with-it will boost her confidence while helping someone else get better at a skill at the same time.
And as hard as this is...maybe that particular group of girls just isn't a fit for your kid. Kids can be incredibly cruel, I hate to say that but it is the truth. Help her see that it's ok to have just one or two close friends, that she doesn't need a 'group' to hang out with in order to be liked.
Does she have anything that she enjoys doing, outside of school? Dance, gymnastics, etc? If possible, try to get her enrolled in something outside of the school setting-it will allow her to shine in other ways and give her a chance to make friends in a different setting.
I wish you lots of luck, please let us know how she is doing!
I do not have experience with ADHD but my heart breaks for your daughter. Kids can be so cruel and I think her teacher(s) should definitely be aware of how she feels. Do they have a "0 tolerance rule" on bullying? They should!
Is there an outside of school activity she really enjoys? If not, maybe you can help her find O.. Horseback riding, karate, skating, etc. I think if she finds an activity that she enjoys, it will surely help with the confidence issue.
Good luck to you and your daughter. God bless.
