Ladies, Please Stop Showing Everyone Your A$$ Crack

WTH is the deal with ass cracks being on display everywhere? I can’t even go to my son’s basketball game without being blinded by some person’s derriere. Enough with all the asses hanging out of jeans!

For the life of me I cannot figure out how this has become an acceptable norm. I don’t want to see your ass crack, my kids don’t want to see your ass crack, and my husband (as shocking as this is) does not want to see your ass crack. It is not okay, it was never okay, and it will never be okay.

It’s not like you are completely unaware that your booty is creeping out of your pants. I watch as you struggle to tuck in your too small t-shirt to cover your buttocks, but only after I have had the luck to gaze upon it for a few minutes. Do you even care your ass is on out in the open for all to see? I gotta think you don’t or you would do something about it, but you should.

Here are two useful tools I like to incorporate into my wardrobe to ensure my gluteus maximus stays adequately under wraps:

1. A Belt – This has been around for some time but let me go ahead and describe it just in case you are not sure what it is. See your pants have these things just at the top of the waistband area – lets call them belt loops. You thread material through the loops in the front part of your pants all the way around your body until it meets again back in the front. Then you connect the two ends of the belt via the buckle – often times it is metal but I have seen plastic as well. There is one piece that goes through a hole (very freudian) on the other side securing the two ends together. Voila! Your pants stay tight against your body.

2. A Cami – This is basically a tank top. As I have gotten older I have incorporated this article of clothing into my wardrobe more and more. It is a nice layering option, and typically it is longer in length than most t-shirts. I purchased a shit-load of them at Forever 21 for I believe $2 or $3 each. I tuck the cami into my jeans avoiding all possibility of my posterior giving the old howdy-do. This also works to keep your ta-tas from being on display for all to see. Win-win.

And Ladies please don’t think I have no idea of the many issues facing those with a large ba-dunk-a-dunk. I know the plight very well, I have a very robust ass – there is no hiding my behind. Numerous black men (who for the record are known to enjoy a little more lovin-in-oven – Sir Mixalot I think said it best with I Like Big Butts…) have gone out of their way to compliment me for the amazing junk in my trunk. So I get it, I understand it, and yet I do not flash my ass crack.

I implore you, if you have a been graced with a full-figured buttocks please make the effort to find a pair of jeans that adequately encapsulates all of your body. I recommend using the tools that are available to you (belts/tank tops/cami’s) to keep that shit undercover. I thank you, my children thank you, and my husband thanks you.

Remember…less really is more.

Originally from NJ, Alyson now lives in the Midwest but has kept her sarcastic cynical Jersey attitude. She is the mother of two kids who provide constant fodder for her blog, The Shitastrophy. Her husband lives in fear that every thing he does or says will be highlighted in her next post, Facebook update, or Tweet. Alyson loves her two huge dogs, even if they do eat their weight in food each month. You can also find her on Pinterest and Google+.