I Taught My Daughter that "Being Too Busy" Was Good

A few weeks ago my daughter Lili, and my niece, were playing together in the living room. I had front row seats to their imaginations as I was folding some clothes on the couch. It is interesting what you can learn by just observing their play.

Lili was the mommy, and my niece was her baby. Lili was wearing her fanciest dress, and her hair was all piled up on the top of her head. Her tiny little feet looked lost in my shoes as she pranced “busily” around the room, pretending to make dinner, work on the computer, and check messages on her phone. Her “baby” was sitting alone on the floor watching her “crazed and panicked mom” rush from one thing to the next. It was exhausting just to watch.

Lili kept repeating, ”I’m just too busy. Can’t you see that I am just too busy.” This was followed by loud and dramatic sighs.

It was almost amusing, but she was pretending to be me, and it broke my heart.

The truth can hurt. Especially when it comes from your children. I don’t want to be the mom who is “too busy” all the time. That makes me sad, and yet that is how she was perceiving me.

Later that day, I pulled my little momma on my lap, looked her straight in the eye, braced myself for what she may say and asked her, “Do you think Mommy is “too busy?”

“Yes!”, she responded proudly.

The awe in her little voice hit me, somewhere along the way, I had led her to believe that being busy was a good thing. That it meant you were special and important. Which, wow, that was not the message I wanted to give her.

After that conversation I have been more aware of my words. I don’t ever want her to think that I value my work or interests over her. It is in my nature to have a lot of things on my plate all at the same time. I enjoy the stress of a challenge, I love to create, and I am a hard worker. But I am also a little bit of a nut job when things get too crazy. ( Insert the loud and dramatic sighs ) However, my children are my priority, and I want them to know that that I am never “too busy” to be their Mama. I’ve been attempting to stop more often, relax just a bit, and just tone it down a notch or two.

I am looking for tips on how to navigate this all better. How do you all balance motherhood and work? I would really love to hear from you.

Cari Dugan is a lifestyle photographer and writer in Minneapolis Minnesota. She writes candidly about everyday life and experiences on being a wife and a mother on her blog Dugans in Cahoots. Her husband, three children, and chocolate lab make life what it is – A Beautiful Mess. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.