If You're a Mom, Chances Are Your Phone Conversations Sound Like This...

I was never a huge fan of talking on the phone. I’m a highly distracted person, and walking around with a phone attached to my ear is not something I enjoy. However, I never knew how much I’d miss a straight forward phone conversation until I became a mother. No one understands this more, than your friends with children.

Just the other day I was on the phone with my writer friend Sarah Cottrell. She has two young boys so she is totally a member of my tribe. We were talking writing and the conversation went like this:

Sarah: Just checking in to see if everything is alright… Hey, I’m on the phone. Remember, we talked about this?

Me: Oh, yeah. I’m fine… Tony, stop putting your face so close to Rosie’s. Do you want to get bit? Again?… I’m just taking a short break to get focused on my writing goals.

Sarah: Is Rosie your dog?… Who wrote on my wall?!

Me: Yeah, She’s ten years old and grouchy… I’m not going to yell at her for biting you if you don’t. Get. OUT. OF. HER. FACE! … I haven’t written anything new in weeks.

Sarah: I was wondering… Finn, you need to keep that in the Kung Fu Corner, do you hear me? …because I saw your Facebook post. IN. THE. CORNER. MISTER.

Me: Yeah, I just get overstimulated… Seriously? Jimmy, did it occur to you to just ask? …by social media sometimes. You know what I mean?

Sarah: Yeah, I can see how that would happen. (Muffled talking that I can’t comprehend.) We probably all should take a break.

Me: It’s crazy, isn’t it? I should be concentrating on the essays… Where did I put my pen? Jim, have you seen my pen? …with deadlines that are coming up anyway.

Sarah: I have so much writing to do. I’m swamped… Alright, now you have to sit on the bottom step and think about what you did.

Jim: Hey, is that your friend from Maine?

Me: Yes.

Jim: Good, she can kick you in the butt and get you back on track.

Sarah: Is that your husband? … Yes, I love you, too.

Me: Yes. He and the kids are equal opportunity annoyers… Geez, Rosie! Just step all over my feet! Ow

Sarah: That’s funny… Oh, don’t cry. Hey I’ve got to go. Poor, Max is crying.

Me: Aw, poor guy. Talk to you soon.

You see, it’s phone conversations like this that make private messaging on Facebook so much easier to follow. Granted, I have to write down my every thought, but the person I’m chatting with isn’t exposed to the mundane details of my life.

I recently chatted online via private message with my best friend, Renee, about an upcoming event that I’m excited about. She missed out on me having to remind Tony for the nine millionth time to use a pot holder when pouring the water for hot chocolate. She also missed out on me reminding Jimmy that it was trash night and the cans needed to go to the street. And she didn’t have to be exposed to Rosie’s vocal stylings while Tony practiced the clarinet. That private message made me sound so much more together and with it. So much more like a real person.

Oh, well. I’m a writer so text messaging should be right up my alley, right?

And people wonder why motherhood can feel isolating. What do your conversations with other mother’s sound like? How do you manage to communicate?

Miranda Gargasz is a writer from a small suburb outside Cleveland, Ohio. She is a contributor at What the Flicka? and The Huffington Post. In February of 2014, she published her first collection of essays entitled ‘Lemonade and Holy Stuff’. You can read more on her Blog, or follow her on Facebook and Twitter.