10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know As She Starts Dating

I knew that this day would come eventually, I admit that I’m glad it has come later rather than sooner! At 16-years-old, there is a lot of time for dating, and no reason to rush things.

As she has with most things, my daughter is level headed. She wants more from life than just a boyfriend, or series of boyfriends. But as my beautiful daughter came running down the stairs this past week to tell me that the cute boy from school had asked her out on her first real date… I knew there were a few things I still want to tell her.

My daughter and I have a great relationship. We can talk about anything. I didn’t have that with my own mother, and it was definitely a priority for me as I helped to guide my relationship with my own daughter over the years. We’ve had conversations about some pretty uncomfortable topics over the years and it’s made me a better person. I wouldn’t have wanted her to learn those lessons, or have those conversations with anyone but me.

I’ve tried to teach her that no matter what is happening in her life she can come and tell me about it, and even if I am bothered beyond belief, we’ll figure it out together, and I’ll freak out later.

As she enters this new phase of her life, there are a few more things I’d like for her to know. Because dating is a big deal, at least to me, and I want her to know that she sets the rules, and she sets the pace.

• 1. It’s your body, and it’s your rules. No matter what else happens, or anyone says, that statement will always be true. If the person you are dating does not respect that, then they are not the person you should be dating. Period. This isn’t just about sex, or making out, it’s about everything that you do together. It’s about drugs, and alcohol. It’s about going to a party where you are not comfortable. It’s about anything that you say isn’t right for you. If you say you don’t want to do something, drink something, take something, or go somewhere that’s the end of the discussion. Never let anyone pressure you or bully you into doing something that isn’t right for you because at the end of the day, you’re the only one who has to live with your choices.

• 2. Never let anyone else determine your self-worth. Dating, is a bit like the dance auditions you have done most your life. It’s about putting your best foot forward and hoping for the results you want. You want the other person to like you, and if they don’t like you, or they seem to stop liking you, it’s hard not to feel like you’re not worthy, or not good enough. Never, ever let someone else’s feelings towards you dictate your feelings towards yourself. Self-confidence, once lost, is hard to rebuild. Remember, you are always good enough.

• 3. *Someone is going to break your heart. As painful and awful as that is, and as much as I wish I could make that not true, it will happen eventually. You will fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way, or someone will break your trust and force you to learn that hard lesson. Try to learn from each experience that comes your way, and while it’s perfectly fine to grieve for a while, eventually you need to move on and go back to your life.

• 4. Remember what it feels like to have your heart broken. It’s also likely that some day you will be the person breaking someone else’s heart. Try your best not to hurt the other person too badly, always end the relationship with respect and be as honest as you can. As soon as you know that you don’t have the feelings for them that they are hoping for, it’s best to let them know.

• 5. Pay attention to how your date treats other people. Most likely he will be respectful and polite to you, but his true character will show through how he treats others. Is he kind to the waitress when you go to dinner? Is he respectful to his parents and his siblings? These are the true tells of someone’s character because eventually he will relax his manners around you, and how he treats the rest of the world will be how he treats you, too.

• 6. Know the difference between a crush, and true love. There’s a certain magic in having a crush and being infatuated with someone. That magic intensifies if that person feels the same way about you. That doesn’t mean you are “in love.” And, even if you are “in love,” there are different levels of being in love. When you’re older, and you’ve experienced more, this will make more sense to you. For now, trust me when I tell you that chances are you are not in love with the very first boy who asked you to go to a movie, held your hand, or gave you a goodnight kiss.

• 7. Dating should be FUN. Dating in high school and college should be fun! If the guy you are dating isn’t fun to be with, doesn’t make you laugh, and doesn’t make you want to be the best version of yourself, then it isn’t a good relationship. This is especially true early in any relationship. The fun part should always come first —laugh, flirt, enjoy each other’s company! That’s what dating is all about at 16 (and for quite a while after 16).

• 8. Relationships are work. Falling in love is the easy part, staying in love is the hard part. When you do fall in love, remember that just because you had a fight, and both of you said things you shouldn’t have, that doesn’t mean the relationship is over. Real love, and real relationships are work. It means you love each other enough to want to work it out, work on yourself, and work on the relationship. These two items listed one after the other isn’t an accident. Relationships should be fun, AND they are work. It’s a balance and only you know when the balance has tipped too far toward work. Always listen to your instincts, when you feel like it’s time to walk away don’t hesitate to do just that.

• 9. Always remember who you are. You are a young woman with so much potential it amazes me. Never let a boyfriend change who you are. You have goals, dreams, talents, and so much more! Don’t give up a single thing to be someone’s girlfriend, or even, someday, their wife.

• 10. You can always call me, any time, and I will come running. It doesn’t matter what time it is, where you are, or how old you are, if you need me, I will come. If you are in trouble, we will work it out together. If you are hurt, I will help you get better. If you just need someone to talk to, I am here to listen. Nothing will ever change the fact that I’m your mother and you can talk to me about absolutely anything. No matter the time or distance.

I’m excited for you to begin this new journey. It’s part of becoming an adult and growing up! I love seeing your excitement as you realize the boy you like, likes you back! That’s an amazing feeling and I am so thankful that you wanted to share it with me. I hope that you continue to share things with me! Any boy is lucky to have you for a date, or for his girlfriend, and some day, you will make someone very, very lucky by becoming their wife.

But there is plenty of time for that and many, many lessons to learn along the way.

Angela is a social media and online community professional who has always dreamed of being a writer. Blogging combines two of her passions, social media and writing! She blogs about anything that strikes her fancy and is always thrilled (and a little surprised!) when someone lets her know they enjoy reading her work. You can find her on her blog www.writermomblog.com, Google+, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.