Hi, my daughter is 3 1/2 and attends a mulitage preschool (3-5 year olds) at our church. There is one 5 year old girl she really likes and tries to emulate. Lately I've been noticing that this little girl gives her dirty looks and backs away from her whenever after church she wants to say hi to her. I try not to bring it to her attention whenever I see this little girl and get out of church as quick as possible. This past Sunday there were two other kids who were laughing at my daughter and the little girl gave her the same stink eye.....Breaks my heart, I wasn't sure what to do other than to tell my daughter that I didn't think she wanted to say hello and that it was time to go home. They are in class together and she's told me in past that girl has been mean to her. She still doesn't quite seem to get that the girl doesn't like her though because she'll tell me she wants to have the girl over to play! I think part of problem is that there are no other 3 year old girls in class, other girls are either 4 or 5. In fact only other 3 year old is a little boy, I'm thinking of switching her to a school with more 3 year olds, am I over reacting?? Advice?? I don't know how to break it to her that the other little girl doesn't want to be her friend??
She's only 3, I don't think you should say anything about it to her.
Most 5 year olds don't want to be friends with 3 year olds - they are too young for them.
Yes, switch her to a school with more three year olds, if you want her to have friends her age. That makes sense.
Well that is what can happen... in multi age groups.
5 year olds, are very different developmentally. BUT, many older kids... are also very empathetic with younger children. So... each kid being different. Not all 5 year olds, would react that way.
Over time though, teach your child about people/friends/niceness and that not all people/kids are nice. To have her own self-awareness... and just go play with someone else. It is not personal.
Or, speak to the Adult leader in that class. But, they can't force a 5 year old to play with a 3 year old.
Learning experience.... from this age on up... things like this can happen.
I intentionally put my son in a preschool class specifically for 3-year olds. Even in this class, there is a huge range in development! For me, I ruled out the schools with wide age-ranges because they are at such different ability levels intellectually, emotionally, and even physically. I'm not an advocate of "running from your problems," but these issues will present themselves next year too if you stay in a multi-age classroom, so it may be wise, not over-reacting, to consider a different program. Best of luck!
your not over reacting about hurting for your daughter. you are however setting her up to fail in a classroom with that big of an age group. a 3 year old is a lot younger in what they are able to do than a 5 year old. the other girl is probably feeling like your daughter is too young for her to play with. sort of along the lines of a 5th grader wanting to tag along after her 7th grade sister. at home its fine but in public the 7th grader is a teenager and doesn't want to play with the gradeschooler. at her age thought a play date doesn't have to be with only another girl. why not let her play with the 3yr old boy?
3 is not the same as 5.....& kids know it!
I think your idea to move your daughter is an excellent choice.
Yes switch her. After long battle with bullies and not so nice cliq girls the one thing I found true. The more your daughter will try to copy the popular girls and the more nice she tries to make friends the meaner they will get. It becomes a power thing. I say wow good thing you found out about her before you invested any time in her. You want to find a good pre-school with more than one class so that your daughter has a nice variety. Take a drive by before hand and watch the kids on the play ground.
I'm honest with my daughter about this type of thing cause it is always gonna be there. That one girl who is jealous and uses hate to hide it. So i just tell my daughter that not everyone is nice and if there are kids that are mean, then she should just leave them alone or stay away from them as they will always tend to be mean. She, like your daughter, seems to have that human nature to do whatever we can to make everyone like us though & so she is working through these tendencies & feelings now while she is young rather in her teen years where they are much more damaging. I just talk with her about jealousy & how it causes people not to act so nice. I've read her books etc. she seems to get it. she went to school with her hair braided cute & this girl started calling her applesause cause she's so sweet, but girl says it sarcastically (at least when my daughter did an impression of girl, it was hugely rude) anyway, I told her to call the girl picante if she does it again cause shes so spicy, but to say it nicely like a joke not ugly. She came back & told me that the girls thought it was funny & they played together, but later the girl started being mean again. So, I suggest you letting her slowly learn this part of life as hard as it is, now if they are truly bullying, that is different, but I bet this is more of a jealousy issue. Hope this helps & good luck.
I actually think your 3yo has a brilliant idea. Invite the other girl over to play-- sometimes pulling kids away from the school situation so they can spend time together in a different setting away from other influences is a great way for them to get to know eachother. If you can nurture their friendship outside of school, the 5yo will get to know your daughter. Even if they don't become the best of friends, it will give the 5yo an opportunity to see your daughter as a person which may decrease the bullying. I'm not sure that switching schools because of this one child is the best idea-- what happens when your daughter is in elementary school and it's not practical to switch schools? I think helping your daughter learn how to relate to others (even when they are not being nice) will certainly help her in the long run. Ask her if she likes the way the 5yo treats her & how does that make her feel? Teach her that she does NOT have to be around people who make her feel bad. She has the choice to walk away and spend time with people who make her feel good about herself. These lessons are invaluable in life and the earlier she learns them, the better off she'll be. Good luck!
I don't think you're overreacting at all. No one wants to see their sweet babies being picked on or treated meanly. I think it is a good idea to put her in a preschool with children that are her age. I do think being around older kids is probably good for her development, but she only has 1 other 3 year old in her class. I think it'll probably be more beneficial for her to be around more kids her own age at this point in time. Kids deal with mean-ness from other children plenty in grade school and beyond. No need to be exposed to it at such a young, sweet age. Good luck! I hope you find a good school for your little angel.
I like the smaller age groups as well. My son is a kindercare where there is a 1 year age range and I think it works best. There is such a variation in development just from 2-3 and 3-4. Occasionally they combine a class - like during the holidays when the class sizes shrink; the mix creates a different and not always pleasant dynamic because the older kids are annoyed by the "baby-ness" of the younger kids. I'd suggest finding another preschool where the grades are more age-segregated. She'll find REAL friends her own age.
