What I Expect from Teachers

I guess I don't understand why you didn't talk to the teachers right then and there. I mean, you weren't shy about confronting the girls. "The look on her face was priceless cause I scared her". A kindergartener! But you said nothing to the teachers. That's kind of mind-boggling.
I wonder if the teachers will hear from the other mother about you confronting children.
I might be more concerned they didn't notice what YOU were doing.

No offense, but I would have just said, "Excuse me....I don't understand why that little girl keeps taking my son's homework packet from him". If you want the teachers to handle it, make them aware and let them handle it.

Just my opinion.

Why didn't you quietly walk over to one of the teachers & ask her to observe? I think you could have settled it right then and there with ALL parties involved. By waiting these little girls are not going to remember exactly what they did and why. Kinda like a puppy, you got to discipline them while it's fresh.

I would hate to teach kindergarten or any lower grade, you see picking on, I see hitting on. Little kids have a limited ability to say what they mean so they grab stuff to make others talk to them. If I were to look at the same thing you did I would be rolling my eyes and the girls attempts to get him to interact with her. She likes him, ya know?

I think you're being over sensitive. Stop being a drama queen and just talk to the teachers about your concerns. You really can't be upset with something that you haven't raised to them. After you calmly address your concerns to the teachers, see if the behavior of the little girl changes. If they don't address it after you raised the issue, then you have a reason to get fired up. But right now? You're getting all worked up over something that you haven't even addressed with them yet.

And regarding that whole preamble about "precious cargo"? Gag me. Honestly, all of our kids are important to us. Your child is no more precious to you than mine are to me, and they are all equal (or should be) in the eyes of a teacher.

And...perhaps those "slick moves" to get your young child into school before he is socially ready weren't a great idea. They have age cut-offs for a reason.

This is not "bullying" btw. It's a little girl who is being bratty and whose behavior needs to be addressed. But really, bullying is going around and telling everyone to not be friends with a kid because of (insert reason, true or untrue, here), or harassing a child relentlessly day in and day out, or stealing things, or smashing a kid into a locker, or spreading rumors that a girl is a slut or that a boy is gay or whatever.

If you want to be taken seriously, you need to take a step back and tone down the rhetoric a bit or the teachers will see you as "that mom" and may minimize your concerns. Just take a deep breath and step back from the situation a bit. Approach the teachers in a reasonable way and give them a chance to do their jobs.

I think you may be overreacting to the second child. Did your son owe her an apology? Not really. But in her little 5 or 6 year old mind your son was trying to take her notebook. Which is the very same thing, I might point out, that you are angry about with the first child...taking something that didn't belong to her. Now with the first child I think the teachers should have stepped in and told her to stop and to give your son his assignment(s).

Maybe your child just wasn't ready socially for Kindergarten and, because of your *slick moves*, he is suffering. But is he? Has he complained about bullying or did you just see this behavior and decide for him that this was some big, horrible problem? Was this a one time little girl hissy fit or is this child a habitual offender and thus truly a bully who needs intervention?

So you're saying the teachers were standing there watching this and saying nothing?

Or were they present but preoccupied with rounding up other children, finding lost things, answering a ton of questions, breaking up other altercations, talking to parents and making sure everyone was getting out ok?

My heart breaks for kids who are shy at first or have been treated this way, but I don't know any teachers who allow things like that to continue if they are aware of it. Please, you need to realize that while your child is your special angel, there are 15 special angels who also require attention, education, protection and provision at the same time which means it is not reasonable to expect their teachers to catch everything. You were waiting for your son, watching only him, so of course it stood out to you.

In addition, at this age, kids are learning how to get along with each other. Every little spat does not constitute bullying! They are learning to share space, work together and communicate appropriately. Shocking as it is, many children do not come to school with these skills already taught at home, so yes, there are things like this to work through. It's a LEARNING PROCESS for them and a more helpful approach would have been to address the girl and question her ("what are you doing? Is that a nice way to talk to someone?") as opposed to jumping to the conclusion that this is or would result in a serious bullying situation.

We need to teach our kids how to respectfully defend themselves when they encounter these opposite personalities. I know your son is young, but the sooner, the better! Neither they - or you - will be able to change or control everyone else who challenges them in their lives. Please start equipping your kids NOW! If you get in the habit of jumping in to resolve all of their problems, that can not only be a hard habit for YOU to break, but will ultimately rob them of the opportunity to take charge of their own business down the road.

Please be reasonable when you approach the teachers tomorrow. Being defensive and assuming the worst about them (that they don't care or are negligent) will not bode well for anyone. Get the full story before judging. Remember, they're on your side.

ETA: Cheryl, it is very unfortunate that you seem to think that MOST teachers only care about getting home or getting paid (our big fat paycheck - HAHAHA!) I know and work with hundreds of teachers and I can tell you that MOST of them are the exact opposite. In addition, most schools have a zero-tolerance bullying policy and require teachers to step in when they see bullying. Many kids, esp girls, don't do their bullying out in the open.

What would bother me is you popping your head in to make comments to the kids and then walking across to scare one of them. Totally inappropriate in my opinion. That may fly at home but it wouldn't with me. You were right there, should have waited and have a discussion with the teachers AFTER class.

ETA: No Holli H, C. has an adult child in college. C. spent hundreds of hours volunteering in classrooms and the school board. It is in C.'s opinion that the teachers should be talked with instead of scaring a child when said parent isn't even helping in the classroom.

You haven't even talked to the teachers, yet!! I suggest you may be over-reacting a tad. You don't know what the teachers do all day, to curb this behavior. Your son is not being bullied. A girl had an attitude, which is quite common. She simply has to learn (hopefully, the teachers are working on this) that it's not an acceptable way of reacting. I really think you need to talk with the teachers, before you assume so much. I think judging a teachers ethic, based on the end of the day rush and chaos, is very short sighted.

You said you worked your son into kindergarten. Perhaps, HE isn't ready and that needs to be addressed. Perhaps, he is not yet emotionally mature enough. Just a thought.

I'm really sorry, but I also think you're mis-reacting here. The first girl was only picking on him if she KNEW he was supposed to get the folder and kept it from him specifically. Did you ask the teacher? Are you sure the girl didn't make an honest mistake (like the one your son made with the composition book?) The second girl doesn't sound like she was picking on your son at all. It sounds like she was advocating for herself in pretty much the way your son should have with the first girl. "Hey, why didn't you give me one?" would have gone a lot farther and been way more appropriate than mom coming into the classroom and addressing a child.

How is what the first girl did to your son any different than what he did to the second girl? She didn't give him something because the thought she wasn't supposed to. He took something that belonged to the other girl because he thought it was his. Teach him to handle this and the LET HIM.

Honestly, I am shocked that you would enter a classroom and say anything to a child. If something was going on why wouldn't you address the TEACHER?

Anyway, maybe I'm being heartless or misunderstanding the situation you wrote. I hope you get it worked out when you meet with them.

I agree with you on the teacher's responisibility, but I also think that your son should have waited a year for elementary school. My son, also an October baby is in Pre-K, will be 5 for a few weeks at the start of K then turn 6 in early October, I am glad for this. I think the schools have reasons for the age rules and I think that being emotionally ready is VERY important. I think your son should still be in pre-k, not kinder. I also agree that you should bring this up to the teachers - and I would have done it right then. Were it my son's teacher I would have gone to her and pointed it out and said "what's the protocol here?" If she seemed confused I would have clued her in and given her the opportunity to address it. If it was not addressed to my liking I would then discuss it further w/out the little ears around to understand her policy and the school's policy regarding these types of interactions.

I'm hoping to avoid all this by waiting and sending my kid to kinder when she's a little older and less likely to get picked on. She'll be five, nearly six, by the time she's in class and from everything I've heard, as well as suffering as a "young student" myself as my own mother had some "slick moves" to get me into kindergarten when I was four going on five, I've chosen to wait. He may do better and be able to hold his own ground without mommy needing to swoop in and save him if you hold him in kinder another year. If you let him move on, he'll ALWAYS be the youngest and always be at the mercy of the older, more confident children. It's like the runt of the litter being pushed aside to wither, unable to get the attention away from the older siblings.

I understand your frustrations. What I don't understand is why you didn't go over and speak with one of the teachers right then about it. Tell them what you observed and also speak with the mom about what you saw. I wouldn't have left without this being resolved. It wasn't your place to intervene and address it with the girl. Why not step back and see what the teacher would have done vs going into rescue? I do understand the mama bear instinct and wanting to protect your child, but he wasn't in physical harm and you didn't give him an opportunity to fight this battle on his own. You swooped in and scolded her, and fought his battle for him. Speaking with the teacher would have been more effective.

So sorry this is happening. As a teacher, I would be very upset to know this was going on. Please communicate this to the teachers.

Bullying happens when teachers don't see or aren't around. I had a student my second year teaching who was a MAJOR bully, but I didn't find out until the year was almost over. Why? He hid it pretty darn well and no one told me!! Turns out he was physically hurting another child by snapping rubber bands on his back. And, the entire class knew!!! I felt awful when I found out, and I took care of the situation. I guess I'm sharing this because the teachers may truly not be aware. I know the ratio is small, and we do our best, but I'm always amazed at the things I don't see. Maybe they truly don't know what's going on.

I'm repeating advice you've already received, but talk to the teachers and see what's really going on the class. Maybe it was an isolated incident. Teachers are there because they enjoy teaching and working with children. Even with two teachers, 15 students (age 5) is a handful!

I will say I do NOT agree at all with the poster that put teachers just want to get out of there on time and collect a paycheck. Have you seen their paychecks? My hubby is a teacher. Salaries have been frozen for several years, yet the work load keeps getting much larger. And what's getting out "on time"? He's never home as soon as school gets out, he speaks to parents outside of school hours, works on IEPs, grading papers, lesson plans, etc. in the evening and on the weekends. Teaching for him is a calling. He believes in his students and wants to be there teaching and helping them succeed. It's time we give teachers the hard-earned respect they deserve!

Ok....the three things I would do......tell the teachers you would like to meet with them face to face....ASAP. Like tomorrow morning. Then....if you have a school directory with the childrens names/phone numbers....I would call the parents of these girls. You can tell them what you observed in a way that is saying...hey I am protecting my son and I thought you might want to know about this so I don't have to involve the principal. If someone called me about my childen and was nice about it...I would listen and talk to my child. Having a line of communication with the teacher and parents is your best bet. He is going to be in school with these girls for a long time. If that fails or is unsuccessful....principal time. Kids are so mean sometimes. And girls can bully too. I have two boys who have both been bullied by girls. However, if there is a conflict between them...the girl is usually believed which sucks. I think principals and teachers need to learn more about dealing with bullies than kids do. They are the adults in charge for heaven's sake. They get paid to make learning safe physically and mentally, right? I honestly don't believe they realize the power they hold in making a child's self-esteem rise or fall on how they react to behavior.

it's never easy to see your little guy getting a hard time and sometimes you have to intervene. you may have started him too young. i was in the same position, my older boy went into kindergarten at 4. he was fine, but in retrospect he'd have been even more confident, i think, if i'd let him wait a year. but that was back in the good old days of half-day kindergarten.
that being said, i think we're too quick to whip out the 'bully' label these days. you've got to realize that these are very, very small children. they don't yet have the skills and experience to understand how WE want social situations handled. they're primitive. they grunt and grab and glare, and sometimes they snarl and hit. it's not okay for them to do this, and part of our job and the teachers' is to redirect this and give them tools to fix it. but this mamabear attitude tends to teach the other kids that they're *bad* and your son that he's *helpless.*
why not empower, rather than defend?
you also don't allow for the little girl in question perhaps just having a bad day. one kid yelling at another kid doesn't necessarily mean 'bully', you don't know what pressures she's under. a little compassion would be a good thing if you want some directed at your own child. i'm fairly horrified at your glee at the 'priceless' expression on the terrified tiny girl you managed to menace. talk about bullying!
what would you have done had you seen another mother do this to YOUR child?
even 2 teachers in a small classroom cannot have their eyes on every child in every situation every second. volunteering in the classroom rather than lurking outside it to criticize would probably be a really good learning opportunity for you. littles are very, very rarely 'malicious.' they're learning. they're tiny. they're figuring it out. if they knew it all already, they wouldn't need kindergarten. i'm a little surprised at this attitude coming from someone who has experience with littles.
step in and protect your son when necessary. i don't think you're over-reacting so much as reacting poorly. work with HIM on tools to handle social situations, work WITH the teachers (not accusing them) on coping techniques, and please please please stop scaring the other kids.
khairete
S.

If you're sure that mother saw, I'd be more angry at her than the teachers. End of the day is likely rushed etc. That said, I've seen my daughters' K teacher step in if a child is being rude. I'd call it rude though vs bullying as bullying is more excluding someone and trying to get other kids to exclude imo. Sounds like you vented so you probably feel better. It's very hard to watch your child be mistreated. It's just infuriating bc that's our job - to protect. Maybe make sure your son is old enough though. You do project an attitude of he's so special and teachers aren't going to appreciate that and it may be clouding your judgement. You think he's ready but it doens't sound like it. It's March so he's been in K a long time to still be very shy about it. I know the extra almost year my daughter had before K (Jan bday) has made a huge difference in her shyness etc. The teachers likely realize that.

It does sound like the teachers might need to be a bit more proactive in preventing this. (And I generally fall on the teacher's side.)

That said, it sounds like he should have waited a year for kindergarten. Being academically ready for the lessons is not the only, or biggest, indicators for going to K. Being socially, physically, and emotionally ready are much bigger indicators. You might consider (just a thought) holding him back next year, giving him another year in K, so he can catch up physically, emotionally, and socially with the peers in his classroom.

I would also be upset if my child's teacher didn't step in. I agree with a poster though that it's not really bullying at this age vs obnoxious behaviour by the girls that should be disciplined. Same time, maybe they did discipline during the day, these girls are like this to other kids and to an extent, kids will weed out the obnoxious ones so teachers can't and shouldn't always step in. I also have to question your slick moves to get him into K if he's a bit too young. Maybe the teacher resents it a little if he's not ready. It sounds like maybe he isn't. So that's not the teacher's fault.

WoW! I understand your rant totally, I would not say you over reacted though as I have read in other responses. I am a teacher and I cannot judge what the exact situation was when you intervened but I know what it is to feel like when it comes to protecting your kinder baby no matter if they are an older 5 or younger 5. I think you are handling things well and talking to the teachers, Others are judging and saying that you should have talked to the teachers right then but shoot when you are in the moment and upset over what you are seeing you dont always think of those things right at that moment and you are shocked at what is happpening you dont have time to process and think oh I'm a perfect mom and should do AB&C! I know you have been thinking about this and i'm sure if the behavior is there then making the teachers aware that you are aware and would like action is not asking too much even in hindsight, i dont think your son has a problem or is too young for school, but he does have to learn social situations and how to handle them so think about it that way and go over techniques with him at home cause I've seen even shy kids speak up for themselves when others are wrong or being more assertive with them. Good luck with everything cause this mom understands your frustration!

Good for you for trying to be proactive, and meeting with the teacher try to put a stop to this. The folder girl sounds like she needs more supervision.

On another note, it might be a good idea to do so role playing with your son, to help him stand up for himself more. Socially he is probably a bit behind the other students in the class, due to his age. You can do it via toys (where one toy will bully another, and talk about how it might work), or you could do puppets, or person to person role playing.

Glad you have a good relationship with the teachers, and VERY glad you stuck up for your kid. About a year ago, I was in constant contact with a teacher, starting from week 3 about my kid being bullied. With him, there was no question. His attitude changed, and he started having physical problems. I fought to try to get the teacher, counselor, and principal to take action for six months. After nothing, I finally Just took him out. At that point I didn't have a choice. Honestly, after seeing how it changed him, if I'd kept him there, I know that 10 years down the line he'd have been one of those kids that took a gun to school or committed suicide. But at home, he's thriving. Oh, and his teacher had been talked to several times about losing her job if things didn't change. She always threatened to place the race card and tie up the system in a legal battle.

I have a lot of friends who are teachers. I loved my teachers and am still in contact with a few. But the teacher my son had should not be teaching or in charge of children, and unfortunately she's not the only one like that.

I agree with you. The teachers should have some idea what's going on and be on the lookout for it. If the end of the day is the only time it's happening, it is possible the teachers have missed seeing this event. I probably would have gotten a teacher's attention right then, so they could witness it and intervene. I hope it all gets straightened out soon!

Obviously Christine W. Doesn't have kids because I couldn't stand by while someone picked on my child either and in my opinion any parent would feel the same. My youngest was born in Sept, right before the cutoff for schools, but it's likely (especially after reading this) that I'll be holding him out a year. I was the youngest in my class, but I'm a girl and in my career experience with the schools I've noticed that boys tend to mature slower than girls. i know this isn't the case for all kids and I plan to make a "gametime" decision when that time comes. I totally agree with not allowing bullying although I know it's hard to enforce, but for you to see it that often in such a short period of time the teacher's should have been on top of that.

Hi, Keisha:
This is where it begins, bullying. From what I remember, that school district has Restorative Practices being implemented in the school system.
Check with www.iirp.edu

and see if this is one of the school districts using this "whole school change" model.

Good luck.
D.

I agree, it is their job to protect our little ones while in their care. BUT unfortunately, most are more worried about going home on time, and not having to do any more than is absolutely necessary to bring in the paycheck. I have yet to find a teacher who notifies a parent if a child is being bullied. You see, to do that would be to let the parent know you're aware and not doing anything about it. It's much easier for them to ignor it.

In any bullying situation it is the parents of the victim who has to initiate any action. The school will let it go on as long as no one is complaining. Actually, even if the bullied student complains, nothing will happen. It's only when a parent gets involved that the school pretends to take any action.

As for the mom, she might not have said anything there, but I would hope that she had a talk with her daughter when they got home.

I would have done the exact same thing as you.

I didn't read all the responses, but as a former secondary teacher (who typically had a class of 30+ w/ NO other teachers to help), there is no reason that 2 teachers in a class of 15 kids should be oblivious to that sort of behavior. You have every right to be upset at such snotty and belittling behavior, and every right to be upset specifically at the teachers for being that clueless.