Young Daughter's "Wardrobe Malfunction"

You are over thinking this big time. As a Mom of two girls I've done my fair share of on the job tailoring. Snapped tank top straps, loose tops, swimsuit slippage, broken belt=plumbers crack the list goes on with active little girls. We patch 'em up as needed right then and there. If it bothered you why not ask for a safety pin?

She's 7, it didn't bother her and those boys have already forgotten about the "stripper" chase game. If they are really tweens/teens a seven year old's nipples are the last thing on their minds!

The only thing I would say that hasn't been covered by all the other moms..... is that a 7 year old girl and 13 year old boys are not a good mix for a play date anyway, so I would question continuing on these playdates - just from a devleopmental standpoint.

Are there other girls her age there? If so, try and separate them so that she is playing with kids her own age.

In general, kids have attention spans the size of a gnat.
Don't give it another thought.
No big tank tops next trip!

Accidents happen. Please don't over analyze this and end up with your daughter being ashamed of her body. The LAST thing you want is for her to have a poor body image.

I really don't think the boys were thinking about "nipples" on a 7 yr old. I am sure host mom is honest with her "don't worry about it". The bigger deal you make of it, the bigger deal it will become.

Have you ever jumped off the diving board and lost your top? Water skied and lost your top (or bottom). Accidents happen and they will occur again. Even girls in very modest clothing occasionally have a wardrobe malfunction.

The kids were playing. Next time you have a play date, make sure her clothes are properly fitted for the activity.

Stop over analyzing..... She will not be called "stripper" in school.

If, and that is a big if, they continue to call your daughter the stripper that will be all on you. Why on earth are you making such a big deal over this? They weren't teasing her, they were running from the half naked girl who's clothes are falling off.

No one cares that your daughter lost her shirt. I say that not like no one cares about your feeling but that no one cares that you put your child in an overly large shirt and she exposed herself to a bunch of kids. That is the only issue, your daughter was running around exposed. The rest of this is kids being kids.

So if you make a big deal over something that everyone else is over, if you keep bringing it up so that everyone knows you are over reacting to the kids response, so that those kids over hear their parents saying what the heck is wrong with Amber, she brings a half naked kid to this gathering and then gets mad because kids are kids, then your daughter will have the nick name stripper continue and that will be your fault and yours alone.

Just make sure her clothes fit next time and this won't be an issue.

How would you feel if one of the other moms contacted you and said your daughter's nudity made her son uncomfortable?
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After reading your what happened, you saw kids were running away from her and you told them to stop, grabbed your safety pin, fixed her shirt and they still teased her?
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Okay seriously, the ETA, do you think you are the only person on earth that has had a daughter leave the house with an improperly fitting shirt?

You did allow her to continue to walk around naked. She had already shown the lack of concern for your advice to monitor her straps yet you pulled them back up and said it again. Did you think that pull negated the effects of gravity? Did you think somehow that time it would sink in that modesty is your friend? Nope you sent her out to do it again and it happened again and that is why they called her stripper again because BOTH of you didn't seemed at all concerned that your daughter was stripping!

I have used what ever items I could find in my car to secure a shirt, I have taken tanks crossed the arms and put them back on, I have asked the host do you have a small shirt I can borrow. What I have not done is shrugged my shoulders, let my daughter strip for the group and then get mad at the group for reacting like normal people.

If this really is going to be the hill you die on, don't worry, you probably won't continue to get invitations.

I think my question would be "do I want to have playdates with families who allow their children to tease other kids over a small mistake?" My guess is that if you let it go, let it die, the moms will do any follow-up in the moment if their kids bring it up again.

Amberlou, when I was a kid, I was naked at the beach half the time until I was at least three or four, and then it was still not a big deal. I was allowed to run around with no shirt until *I* felt a little uncomfortable with it at 9.

What you have is a situation that many people are inappropriately overreacting to. I hope your friends would have the good sense to tell their own children not to repeat that again, and that they would have enough compassion and sympathy to shut it down immediately if it started up.

Everyone's child makes mistakes. No one likes to be teased for mistakes. In your daughter's case, it was a very, very innocent mistake-- far more innocent than calling other people names. If it were my child who was calling another kid 'stripper', I'd be livid at MY kid, not upset with yours.

And Diane B had some good ideas for the context within which to consider the problem as well as follow through. This is far more about them than it is about your daughter.

I think you're making a much bigger deal about this than it really is. I would bet the majority of kids don't even remember what happened. The mom made light of it b/c stuff happens and you either laugh it off or turn it into something it isn't. Your daughter wasn't aware they were laughing at her so please don't make her feel self-conscious. Now if she was the 13 yo and it happened to her, it would be a much bigger deal in her mind but its not.
the anxiety over the playdate is yours, not hers. Try not to project your feelings of humiliation onto her. There are a lot worse things that could've happened than a 7 yo showing a little of nothing.

I would go to the next event and not mention a thing to anyone. No more apologies or trying to explain yourself. I would, however, keep a closer eye on the kids to make sure teasing isn't happening or that the nickname has stuck. Hopefully, everyone will have forgotten about it.

If it is brought up by the other kids, then you need to step in and explain to them that this kind of teasing is not acceptable, then talk to their parents about it. "I can't believe I let her wear that shirt the other day! But I also can't have the other kids teasing her over my mistake."

If the worst case scenario happens, and she is getting teased and this new nickname has stuck, and the parents are not intervening, then you need to let the parents know exactly why you are leaving and leave, then miss a couple more play dates to let it be forgotten.

Don't initiate anything, but be prepared to stick up for your daughter.

And go through her closet and put away anything that does not fit properly.

ETA: Ahh, now that explains why you were upset by her response!
You told her how you felt but not what situation caused it or how you expected the situation to be amended. I think if you email your concerns to the lady again, she will be more proactive to head this off before you get to the next play date!

Let it go. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

How would you have responded if a mom had sent you an email about this incident saying, how embarrassed she was? You would have told her not to worry about it.
If you meant something else, and wanted some other response, then you will have to communicate that better. Communication is difficult.

Go to the next play date. I agree, if it starts you say, she's only 7. Let's let it go, boys. If it gets worse, ask the moms to quell it, saying it embarrasses your daughter. But believe me, they have seen nipples before. They just saw an opportunity to tease and took it. Your daughter took it well. You should follow her lead.

Never care about something so trivial, more than your child does. That's more likely to cause her concern, than their teasing.

You go, and if the kids tease her then talk firmly with the other parents about the way they are allowing your daughter to be teased by their children and made to feel bad. Don't just sit back afraid to step on toes, if the parents are not correcting their children mention it to them.

When it's obvious the kids are not planning on stopping the teasing it's time to be the momma bear okay? Don't let her be bullied or teased or made fun of.

If anyone says anything that is unkind you look them in the eye and say "That kind of talk is NOT allowed, do YOU UNDERSTAND?". If anyone says anything about it simply say your child was saying inappropriate things and if he won't stop when asked I WILL tell him myself that this is not nice and I will not allow it. SO if you won't make him stop I have no choice but to tell him myself".

If you have brought it to the parents attention and asked them to tell their child to stop and they haven't successfully done so then you have every right to stand up for your daughter.

there was a simple solution to fix that problem. A rubber band, or a piece of string, you tie the straps together in the back, or you knot the two straps at the shoulder, viola not a issue. That you continued to let her run around flashing her chest to all the kids in the play group is, as you have mentioned, your fault. Kids are kids, they are the meanest things on the planet.

You dont want her to get a nickname, but yet you feel mortified by something completely avoidable, and frankly silly. I think by the end of the week they will forget that happened, and as long as they see her for the rest of her life in normal clothing, the nick name stripper would not really work for teasing.

Dont make such a deal of it, or your daughter will pick up on your embarrassment and project it on herself. If she doesn't know what a stripper is, and didn't feel sad about it, then she had a good time and move on.

If those kids keep calling her that, then you know they are low class and their parents are ok with their kids running around calling children stripper and talking about flashing people. They would never be worth my time.

If your daughter had been upset at the teasing, then there'd be more of a dilemma I think. But she was fine/oblivious so I'd let it go. If she had been upset and the boys saw this and kept yelling it, then it's outright mean. I think in this case they were being stupid and immature but they were being kids. Just like your daughter was being a kid. So like someone said, if they do it again, pull them aside and make them feel stupid. A quiet "come on you guys. She's SEVEN. You're really going to keep teasing her?" Likely will shut them up. It likely was funny to them and yes, inappropriate but if she wasn't upset, kids will get carried away with stupid jokes. I'd not worry about this and laugh it off. Taking it too seriously will backfire I think.

I would go, but I'd show those boys REAL anger if they do it again. And I mean real anger. Any kid who would continue to do something after being told not to has not been blasted enough.

Make sure your daughter knows to come right to you if they say it. You should talk to the other mothers there and tell them what happened last time so that they are perfectly aware of it. Only an awful person would allow their teenage son to call a 7 year old a stripper. And if a mom gets mad at you for letting her son have it, you stand up for yourself. You won't want to be her friend anyway.

If you think the mom will bring it up, call her up before the event. Tell her to let it go and please not perpetuate it with any more comments. It was a mistake. Her kids need to let it go, and so does she.

When I was in HS, my entire bikini top flipped down and flashed the MYF group. It happens. What shouldn't continue is the teasing. If the boy starts calling her stripper again, very firmly tell him to stop, that he's being inappropriate, etc. If THEY cannot behave THEY should leave, not you.

Honestly, I might even teach my daughter what stripper really means so she can say, "You don't even know what it means if you're using it about me. So who is the dumb one here?" and go do something else.

I would also tell the mother that any allusions to strippers or Mardi Gras are not necessary and inappropriate. These are children.

If you really think it will be a hassle, you can also cancel with them and go on your own or with other friends.

The word "stripper" the boys used, is an issue. And it had to do with your only 7 year old daughter. Not a nice word. And they were teasing her.
If that were me, I correct the kids, myself. Sure, even if the Mom is there.
That is just how I am.

When my 10 year old soon to be 11 year old daughter, has friends over, and they are around my 6 year old son, some of the older girls, banter with him. HE knows it is "teasing" and I do too.
*I*, correct them, even if the Mom is there, and I TELL THEM "REMEMBER, my son is only 6 years old, YOU are older by several years... and HE does not think about things or react to it the same way you do. So, stop it. It is not funny. You are older. He is not. Remember that."
I, REMIND older kids, if they are around my son, that he is YOUNGER than them. And thus, certain things are not appropriate, per HIS age.
I tell them.
And I do so even if the Mom is there.

And per those boys that were teasing your daughter, I would have told them, sternly "STOP TEASING. You are picking on a 7 year old child. STOP IT now."
I don't care if the Mom is there or not.
I, tell kids.

Per play date scenarios, it is typically best, if the group of kids are of the same, age group.
With older kids, it is much different.
I personally would not take my son to a play date, that was with 13 year olds. There would be nothing in common, nor per developmental aspects.

Just go to the next event. The kids will have forgotten about it by then, really. No one is as mortified about this as you are - it's a thousand times worse in your head than in reality.

Yikes! I'd talk to my friend again and emphasize your concerns. I'm worried that both the boys and the mom kinda sexualized a 7 year old girl's chest.

Explain that this kind of teasing is not acceptable and isn't good for the boys either. If they are saying this about a 7 year old now, in middle school they'll likely be teasing the first girl to actually develop breasts.

Go to the next event if you want and don't mention it if no one else does, but you really can't have a girl running around with her nipples showing in front of teenaged boys. You could have tied the straps up higher or together in the back. If your 7 year old is at events with teen boys, you need to be careful. Really those are not ages to mix together at a playdate/outing. While it may be rude behavior, it's also typical for boys of that age - they ARE going to notice and they ARE going to say something, especially if they have younger siblings they are used to teasing. However, as the mom of teens, I would want to know if my kid had made those comments.
A change of well fitting clothes kept in the car can also salvage any future wardrobe malfunction :)

My concern is that the other kids (and maybe even the moms) may have misinterpreted your daughter's "unphased-ness" as a conscious act of shirtless-ness. (Basically, "wow, this girl seems to really enjoy running around flashing us.") Which would explain the "stripper" and "mardi gras" comments.

Clearly this was not your daughter's intent. But you might need to talk to your daughter about the fact that she is getting older now and - although you're not blaming her for the fact that her shirt was too big - she needs to be more alert about making sure her shirt stays on. Some girls begin developing breasts at 9 or 10, so by 7 she should at least have some awareness of why it's a good idea to keep her shirt on.

If a 7-year-old boy ran around "unphased" by being naked from the waist down...well, that might provoke comments too!

I would not cancel. Go. Have fun. Do not let their bad behavior dictate where you go or don't go. I would completely drop it and in the event that they do continue just pull them aside and let them know that their comments are not appropriate and to KNOCK IT OFF! If the moms get their panties all bunched up because you said something, let them leave. I know kids will be kids and that teasing happens but calling a 7 yo "stripper" is never appropriate.

It'll be yesterday's news before you know it.
The teasing would irritate me quite a bit.
It always comes in handy to have some all purpose play clothes - tee shirts (that tuck into your pants), shorts/jeans - something that covers everything no matter if they are hanging upside down on the monkey bars or climbing trees or turning cart wheels - and doesn't matter if it gets dirty/muddy/grass stained/etc.
I was a total tom boy growing up.
I played with the boys and for the most part I dressed like the boys.
I built tree houses by the time I was 7 yrs old.
When you're playing, you're not dressing to achieve a look so much as you are dressing so you don't have to worry about your clothes.

Just forget about it! Go to the next event. Make sure her bathing suit fits well. I am sure the kids will have forgotten about it.

Wow, I am sorry, but I hate to say it, kids are cruel and will not have forgotten about it, not in three days, especially.

You have a few choices:
(1) make the trip and prepare your child/ren in advance so that they know that if you have to leave it is not due to them, but rather the impolite behavior of others AND as you go to leave, I would make sure that the parents present are aware as to the reason you are leaving
(2) Make the trip and stick it out. Show your daughter how to stand up to a bully(ies) like this and make sure she understands that if she becomes uncomfortable with the teasing that you are happy to leave at her request. This will put the control in her hands. Also, I hate to say it but you may have to have a discussion not only about wardrobe malfunctions, but also about the negative connotations surrounding the word(s) the boys were using. We live in such a sexualize society and the fact that a 13 year old knows enough to use such a word in a derogatory manner, to tease a 7YO, is proof of that. How far you go is up to you, but she should understand that this is not a good way to refer to a young lady which is what she is becoming.
(3) Decline the invite and avoid the trip all together and make sure the hostess understands why. Tell her that you felt that the teasing, particularly the choice of wording, is what is most upsetting to you and that for the protection of your child, you cannot take these types of actions lightly. Suggest that for the next play date, you host or get together with a slightly smaller subset of the group, especially if one or more of those boys who were teasing your daughter will be present.

I was bullied for a long time and it started so young... According to my peers, I had a "pig nose" (in like first or second grade!) and it only got worse from there - from being too fat to too smart, etc. My mother always made sure I knew that they were in the wrong and always stood up for me when I was little and then stood with me as I got older and had to defend myself. I was fortunate that things never came to blows - I always walked away but was told if I was ever touched, I was allowed to hit back.

Its a tough place to be. Good luck supporting her. This will not be the first or last event.

~C.

you and your daughter didn't do anything wrong. she is 7. even if the shirt was completely falling off her body, who cares. the teasing though should be nipped in the bud. if it happens again, ask for the other moms' help. point out that your daughter does not know and hopefully won't know what the word stripper means for a long time to come.

It's not a big deal, she's only 7. I don't think you should say anything to your daughter about it, and I don't think you should cancel.

Yes, they will probably have forgotten it in three days. Make sure she wears a t-shirt next time.

This is pretty much a molehill, so don't make a mountain out of it.

I think you are reading more in to this than there is. I don't see that the kids were teasing necessarily. They were playing tag and they came up with a nickname for your child because of the wardrobe malfunction.

I would not cancel; if it's mentioned again, then I would address it but it will probably be forgotten.

Have there been incidences like this in the past? anything at all? If not than Yes I would go to the next event. Most likely everything will be fine. At no point should you have apologized for a little girl's strap being loose. You should have spoken up and said those boys are completely out of control and rude. PLEASE, please, if anything like this happens again make sure all the moms are aware of what their sons are saying, do NOT take any of the blame because your daughter showed her 7 yr old shoulder! Do not sneak quietly out of the event in shame. Dont teach her to be ashamed of her self when other kids are rude and mean. If something similar has happened with this crowd--then do not go, they are trash, and you need new friends. I've been around 12 yr old boys and that is not typical.