Young 5 Dilema

I would hold him back. Boys mature slower then girls already. And then when he is older, the other kids will still be older...and more interested in trouble. Keep him home, enjoy him one more year.

Absolutely hold him back. It will only be a benefit. I struggled with the same issue for my daughter who had a perfect June birthday. Her teachers told me I should let her "play" for another year. I went ahead and sent her, and while she does ok...I really regret not holding her back. She would have been that more solid academically and would have had one more year to play instead of rushing into the intensity of todays academics (my son is in second grade, my daughter now in first and i can't believe how much homework they have!). You will never regret giving your son an extra year...but may always question/even regret sending him too soon.

I would recommend waiting. Even if you were to send him now and he seemed to do well, problems tend to show up in later grades. Some academic, mostly social/emotional. It's a lot harder to hold them back in 5th or 6th grade. I have a Sept. birthday daughter that I wish I had waited on. I have an older son who I'm very glad I waited on. Hindsight is everything. Think how much better his self esteem will be if he's at the head of his class for the first few years, rather than the youngest and possibly middle of the grade.

I have the same problem with 2 of my boys. One actually turned 5 the day school started last year....and wanted to go to school badly with my oldest. The kindergarten teacher along with the principal said that if you can keep your child (especially boys) home with you until they turn 6 and then put them in kindergarten - they are more mature, more prepared, and in the end - they become LEADERS! The last part I thought was amazing. Instead of being the little guy in school - they become the one that the others watch because they're older and more mature. So...that's what we did....Talk with the kindergarten teacher and principle - see what they say. If they're wishy-washy - keep him home. Better safe than sorry.

My son's birthday is July 28 so he is also young. For what it is worth, he has struggled every year to keep up with the older kids. It has been hard on him. He does well, but I always wonder if he'd have been stronger if I had put him in a pre-K or young 5's class.

Good luck!

With the trend in education to make the primary grades increasingly more academic, I would advise that you wait to start Kindergarten. Ask for advice from your son's preschool teachers, and ask the Kindergarten teachers what their expectations are. With a solid fall birthday, to err on the side of caution may be beneficial. I've never had a parent regret waiting to start Kindergarten, but many have said they wished they had waited to start.

S. G--mother of 3, early childhood professional

I had the same problem with my 5th child. She was born Nov 27th and was preemie by 5 weeks. I took her to the school where she would be going and asked the teacher to evaluate her. Many schools these days evaluate kids entering K. She told me that my daughter was a little behind in fine motor skills but because she was the 5th child in a family of six children she was ready to start. She is now doing her clinicals in nursing and is 34 yrs old. She benefited from starting on time. Iwould find someone who knows what they are doing and have him evaluated. he may have a good eval because he attended preschool. Good luck. M.

When my son was small he turned 5 in Oct, hes a minister now and i kept him back in first grade. My great grandaughter is in kindergarten she is 5 and doing great so smart. She also went to pre-school when she was 4 so good luck on your son. God Bless you. M. N.

My advice is to hold your son back. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Boys mature later than girls....I had a brother who was not held back and he always felt inferior to others in the class. It wasn't until he was an adult that he realized why. I wish I had held my own son back. I don't think of it as a holding back as much as a helpful year of growth. Again , you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Trust me.
Pat

My boys are July 21 and June 12. With my first one I did not think he was ready for K, but everyone else did and he ended up repeating. My youngest is also the youngest of 3 and he is socially ready but is having a very hard time in 1st grade and being tutored for reading. He has second grade math skilss though.

I know I should have put my older one in a young 5's program and am very sorry I did not. At our school they are suposed to be ready to read coming out of K, mine were not. They really push the reading. Go with your gut instinct and make sure those reading skills are ready.

Good luck!

M. - I don't know what school district you are in, but the Anchor Bay Schools have an amazing young 5's program. I decided to send my son, who was turning 5 in Oct as well to it - he wasn't terribly behind, but with the way the kids are pushed to do so much, so early, it was like a gift of time to him.

I truly felt he was ready for kindergarten about half way through the year, so I knew it was the right choice. We went through the same dilemmas that most people posting here did, but I think it was the best thing we could have done for him. He has more confidence and skills and fits in great.

When he entered kindergarten this past year, it was amazing the changes in him. He actually started class with 4, 5 and 6 year old kids - tough on the teacher and to be honest, the young ones struggled to keep up.

Our thought was why not give him the extra time now, when it's not as big of a deal socially, rather than possibly hold him back in 1st, 2nd or 3rd grade when there is a huge social stigma surrounding being held back.

Good luck with your decision!!

Hi M.,

I am a secretary at a school that offers a developmental kindergarten program, (young 5's). Check with your local schools and see what they offer. Maybe they test all children who are kindergarten age and then decide whether it should be kindergarten or young 5's. That is what our school does and it works wonders! I would say if he's in preschool, you should definitely send him to school. He will be so bored without it! Good luck.

My son is currently in a Young Fives Program due to having an October Birthday. I was so ready to send him to kindergarten but my hubby talked me out of it. You may think they are ready but until we went to his first parent-teacher conference and got his first report card we are so happy that we made that decision to hold him back. I think especially boys are still a bit immature at this age and don't have the attention skills that they need to sit for a long period of time that they will need to do in a kindergarten setting. Plus, if you decide to do a Young Five Program he will be a little bit ahead of the game going into to kindergarten becasue it is slow version of kindergarten. And of course my hubby's big agrument he will be a better athlete because he will bigger and older than the other kids. If you need any other advice on this matter just let me know.

Good Luck!!

M.,

My daughter just turned 5 in September. I decidedto go ahead and let her go to Kindergarten rather than the young 5's program, because I didn't want to hold her back. I figured the worse that could happen, is that she gets held back for a year in kindergarten, but so far she is doing rather well. In the end, no one can make a decision like this for you. I say follow your heart and your gut. If YOU think he is ready, then by all means, send him off.. If not, wait a year. Neither option is either right or wrong.

J.

Edited to add: My daughter did not attend preschool, and is currently in a K-1 classroom. As long as he knows the basics ans is social, he should be fine.

Okay, correct me if I am wrong but Kindergarten is for 5 year olds right? I can understand if there is a late buirthday such as November and December babies, but I really don't understand children who are turning 5 in Sept (especially) and maybe Oct being held back a year. If the school administration didn't think that 5 year olds were equipt to handle Kindergarten then they probably would have changed the age by now.

I was a November child and NEVER had any problems with my education. I was on the National Honor Society when I graduated and in the top 10% of my class. Yes it was a bummer not being able to drive when everyone else did but I got over it.

How is he 15 months younger than the other kids? I actually live in Windsor where the children can start at 4. My daughter's bday is in Feb and she was chomping at the bit to start with her friends when she was about 3 1/2. I told her she couldn't start until she was 4 and trust me when I tell you when her bday hit, she wanted to start the next day. If I could have started her that previous Sept. I think I may have seriously considered it. She was ready.

Hi M.! I too have children that have birthdays in the questionable range. I come to you from a mom of 3 but also as a former 1st grade teacher and I say.... hold him, hold him, hold him. You will not regret it. He will have such an advantage over the other children. There are so many aspects to consider but in my experience the younger children ALWAYS struggled in one area or another. My mother also teaches 1st and feels the same way. Does your district offer a program for young 5's??? Mine offers a class called beginergarten. My son started a year later because I wasn't aware of that program but my daughter will participate in beginergarten. I've struggled with her this year because she seems so advanced but I always remember those sweet little children having such a hard time in school! Hope this helps! Good luck!

Plan on starting him when he is 5 (the normal age) - but have a discussion with the prinicipal and explain your concerns. Then, monitor your child the first couple of weeks in school. Between your monitoring and the teachers reports, you'll know if he needs to be pulled out, if he's just not ready, etc.

Our neighbor had a 5 year old girl (who's Bday was in the spring) - but she just wasn't ready yet, even though she was older than most in the class. So, they pulled her out and waited until the next year and the results were very different. Each child is different and the age requirement is just the starting point. So, try it, see if it's working.

Hi M.,
My advice is "if in doubt hold them back." My educational background is in elementary education so I have always been interested in such things. I am a mom to 3 adult girls so I never needed to make this decision but it is something I have always felt strongly about. If I had a son with a fall birthday they wouldn't have gone. How we feel about ourselves is just that important! My daughter had to make this decision this year and decided to keep my grandson home. They live in Oregon and the cut off there is Sept 1. My grandson's birthday is July 13 and his development has always been on the slow side. She does have him in an older 5's pre-kindergarten class in the preschool he went to. I also think it has a lot to do with what other parents are doing. This is one time I do think we need to consider what others are doing. You don't want him a class with kids who are mostly 9 months older than he. Hope this helps.

It's a tough decision- I have 3 children, and I also wondered what to do; my eldest and youngest are both Nov. birthdays. I wasn't at all sure with my eldest, so I decided to send him to a private kindergarten; if I found that he needed another year, I would enroll him in the public school for another year of kindergarten, and if not, I would enroll him the following year as a first grader. As it turned out, he needed another year, but the additonal year of kindergarten really worked in his favor. Also, the State of Michigan has a law that says any 6 year-old is entitled to a full day of public schooling- my son went to "extended day" kindergarten for free, and that helped him prepare for first grade. My youngest was more ready for kindergarten- she began in the public school before her fifth birthday and that worked out well for her. Every child is different, but if they show signs of staying on task and have good verbal skills, then perhaps they're more ready for kindergarten than you think. If it would help, inquire at the school (I assume it's public) if there are other "young" students enrolling in the kindergarten program - they can tell you without revealing names or personal information. As it turned out, my daughter was one of many children starting out as a 4 year-old! My children are now 15, 12, and 11, and they are all very comfortable in their learning environments. Good luck to you; you'll make the right decision.

From my own experience, I would advise holding him back. When my oldest daughter (who is now almost 30) was going to be 5 in November I had the same decision. She attended Montessori school and was reading, loving math and seemed to be socially fine. We had no "cut off" in Indiana meaning as long as she was 5 by December 31 she could go to Kindergarten. The Montessori Directress recommended I NOT send her, warning me that problems with late birthdays don't show up until the child is about 12. Boy was she right! She started highschool at not quite 14...way too young emotionally to be in school with some kids who were almost 18.
Not to mention the "boy" thing and "getting into cars" thing. Things worked out, she graduated from college with wonderful grades, earned her Master's Degree again with wonderful grades, chose the best guy on the planet for her husband and now is an incredible mom! Had I held her back, all this wouldn't be the same, but on the other hand it made middle school and high school more of a challenge than it should have been. Hope this helps!

M.,
My daughter entered Kindergarten this year as an older 5...her birthday is in late March. I spoke with several veteran kindergarten teachers about how I could prepare her for the experience, and every one of them told me that academic preparation doesn't matter. They all said that age matters most of all...the young fives have a really hard time and aren't usually ready for it. But really, it depends on your judgment. You know your son best, and if you feel he's up to the challenge, then go for it! Good luck with this very tough decision.
-M.

I started my twin daughters when they were 4 and their birthday was Nov 9th. It was in agreement with the teacher that if they were to immature, I would pull them out. They did well and now one of my twins is an attorney and the other has a business degree. Both doing very well.
E. S

Wellness Educator

My son will be 5 on Sept 28th. We debated too, and the final decision came when I realized that if we put him into kindergarten in the fall, he would be 17 when he starts college. Personally, I know I wasn't emotionally ready when I was 17 and I know boys mature later than girls. Plus if he wants to play sports in high school and college, an extra year could give him a developmental leg-up. Once we started thinking long-term like that, there was no question. My son is very smart and loves his preschool and right now there was no question that he could do well in kindergarten next year, but long term it wouldn't be in his best interest, especially since there is a program here designed for kids this age that they can take advantage of (for free!).

I am going thorugh the same thing with my son..he is 4 going on 5 in August..and i am wondering what to do myself..mine has some speech issues and i have no clue if its due from where he is from or just a prob that is normal and so on..i feel for ya..decisions arent always easy. But i suppose giving it a try wont hurt ither ???

My daughter is 4, and won't be 5 until Sept. She is in her 2nd year of preschool. This year she goes 3 days a week, 3.5 hours a day. She loves it and can't wait for Kindergarten next year. I will be putting her in kindergarten next year. She will only be 4.

I'm in the same boat as you are. My dtr will turn 5 in Oct too. She is in Montessori preschool right now I don't know what to do either. The teachers said that put her in the all day kindergarten and she will be just fine. Her problem seems more social than academic but I worry about her. I think I will put her thru to kindergarten and if she is struggling then I will hold her back then. In the end, you are the mom and trust your instinct. If you feel like she is doing well for her age, move her on..Let me know what you decide.
L.

Do they have a young 5's program at his school? Some schools may do a Gisell (?) test on him to see if he is ready. My son, Ben, is 9 now and his bday is in Sept. I had him tested and although he is very smart, he did not pass the developmental areas... maturity, sitting still, coordination...those kinds of things. So, although disappointed, I held him back a yr. I couldn't be happier about it. He is the oldest in his class. He loves school and it's somewhat easy for him. Had I pushed him to start.....it may have been a struggle. Plus, if he had to retake Kindergarten, I'm sure that would have been a difficult thing for him to handle, seeing his friends move on. The bottom line is, I would do it again over and over. In his young 5 class there were 17 boys and 3 girls. Boys need more time to mature... Hope this helps.

A little about me:
44 yr old sahm of 3 (ages 9,7,3)

From what I've been reading and hearing from our play group leader as well as my sister-in-law statistically young 5's in boys going to kindergarten have a harder time later in school years moreso than older 5's. The harder time's usually hit more in middle school. My sister-in-law is in the same delima you are and her Pediatrician also suggests putting him in next year. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I had an October-born son who passed all Kindergarten testing with flying colors. Nobody would recommend he start school late even though my heart felt he should. This was in the early 80's. I fretted through 2nd grade until finally that teacher told me to stop. He never had learning issues from that point, however, there were some teachers in middle & high school who told us he was immature. It was then that we'd point out his age and that would be enough explanation.
All that being said, there were some issues that, in hindsight, I might have followed my heart and kept him back.
He couldn't get a summer job with his friends because he was too young. He was unable to take driver's training with his friends, thus making him a whole school year older before he could drive. Physically, in his junior year, when his friends were finding and toning their muscles, he didn't grow them until he was a senior. He was a small kid and that didn't help.
My daughter is a kindergarten teacher, and while they are not to advise, she feels the later start is better on the child's spirit too.
Follow your heart.

My son turns 5 in March and will have to wait until the next round before he can start Kindergarten. I would much rather him be the youngest than the oldest. Younger kids grasp so much and can learn from older children. Being the oldest I am afraid my son will be bored.

My son turned 5 just a few days before Kindergarten. He was actually upset that he couldn't go with a few of his preschool friends the year before! Academically, he was more than ready - emotionally his preschool teacher said he was pretty much on target to start at 5. Now, his Kindergarten teacher says the same - academically he's at first grade in some areas, 2nd in others, but emotionally he's a Kindergartener, though transitioning very well.
I think our greatest asset was that he was going from an all-day preschool to an all-day Kindergarten. The transition was very smooth, even after the initial fear that he wouldn't know anyone (turns out those same preschool friends he had were now first-graders in his after-school care program, so he sees them daily).
I was not aware that holding back boys was so prevalent, and I would have never considered it for my guy. You could talk with his preschool teacher to get a feel for his emotional age which I think is a more accurate gauge for when they should start K.

Send him if you think he is ready both academically and socially. My daughter will be starting kindergarten next year and won't turn 5 until March of 2009. We just made the same difficult decision based on her preschool teacher's evaluation and how we feel. She will be very young, but she's ready so why hold her back?

my son will be 5 in Sept and i am holding him back. He knows a lot too. I have older siblings that are youngest in the class and they are struggling the harder the grades get. There is nothing wrong with holding your kid back, a lot of states cut off is Sept 1!! If you have any reservations at all about keeping him back for another year by all means follow your instincts! You are the mom and you know best! I am going to send my son to a developmental kgtn next year, it is like a watered down version of the real deal!!! Good luck

Talk to his current teacher. Find out if she thinks he is ready for kindergarten. Pre-school teachers are pretty good judges of these things.
I'd worry more about 'is he ready' then when his birthday is.

M.,

I can understand your concern for the age difference. I myself started Kindergarten when I was 4 years old. If your son has the social skills (which it sounds to me he does) I wouldn't worry about him fitting in with the other kids especially with him having two older siblings. School is about learning and excelling and your son sounds like he is ready to excell, as long as he is on the same social platform as everyone else I don't think age will make a difference.

When all is said and done it has to be a decision that both you and your son are comfortable with. I am sure you will choose what is in the best interest for him.

-M.

I had the samething with my daughter. Her birthday is the end of November. She is currently the youngest in her class, I had the same concerns as you. We had her tested and they said she was ready for kindergarten so we put her in Kindergartern. She is now in 8th grade and is in the NJHS, holds a 3.8 GPA and is 69 out of 389 kids in her class. I feel as long as you help and support him he will do just fine.

Good Luck

My daughter turned 5 in June (2006), I sent her to kindegarten and she did just fine. Yes the kids were a little bit older than her, but not all the kids. You never know whose child is going to be the same age. I hope this helps! (I was afraid that my daughter was going to be the youngest but she wasn't. Some of her friends had birthdays just a month or two before her.)

I can relate to your dilemma, but it was with my daughter. Her birthday is Nov. 23. I chose to put her in our districts young 5's program because I did not want her graduating and leaving for college at the age of 17.
Also, I can give you the perspective of a teacher, because I am one. All to often, I see very young children who do well in the lower grades, but struggle later on. The curriculum now a days is very hard. Teachers are hard pressed to get in all the material needed for each grade. I would recommend that you keep him back the extra year because you would rather have him at the top of his class rather than struggling to keep up.
Lastly, my nephew's birthday is Nov. 29th and his parents sent him rather than waiting. He is very bright, but has a hard time keeping up with the pace of the work. His second grade teacher has already recommended that they may want to think about holding him back this year. So, my advice is to wait to send him. Time never hurt anyone.
Good Luck!

I also had the same dilema with my son, I asked his teachers and they said he was ready "for a boy", but we all know like they said girls develop earlier than boys in school. I was the youngest of my class and worked my but off to get the grades I did. I always wondered if I had that extra year if it would have been so tough. Ultimately my husband and I decided to hold him back and he is doing wonderful I had thought he might be the oldest in his class but that is not the case at all. Many people are doing it. Plus they are talking about changing the age for graduating 18. For us the decision has worked out wonderful. Why not give them an advantage that will affect them for the rest of there lives. Hope everything works out.

R.

The best advice I can give is talk to his teacher. You don't want to hold his learning back if it isn't needed, he will get bored with school. On the other hand if he isn't ready to move ahead you don't want to push him either. His teacher would know best as far as academics. They are trained for these decisions.

My sister held my nephew back- his birthday in Sept 10th. He was a little on the small side, but very smart. She is very happy with her decision. He is excelling. On the flip side I have a neighbor whose sons birthday is Oct 31st and she did not hold him back. She regrets her decision. Her son always seems to be behindin his work.

I feel if a child is not 5 at the start of kindergarten you should wait. Its better to be the oldest than the baby and that comes from my husband who was the baby in his class.

My daughter is currently in the Young 5 program at Jackson Center in Livonia. We LOVE it. Honestly, my daughter was ready for Kindergarten - her 4 year old teacher said she would do fine. Our thoughts as parents were that yes, she may be ready NOW, but what about as the years go on? Will she be struggling on down the line? Also, the age thing - youngest vs. oldest. Did we really want our daughter facing the challenges that Junior High brings on being on the younger side or the older side? What about going away to college?

Another really strong point to me is......

I have heard several people who did not participate in the Young 5 program talking on down the road about regretting the choice to not send their child to Y5's
BUT
I have NEVER heard anybody who did send their child to Y5 ever regret it.

That really struck me. We figured "Why Not?" Why not give them an extra year? Why not give them an extra leg up? Why not have them the oldest instead of the youngest? Why not? What is the benefit to sending your son to Kindergarten instead of Young 5's?

Obviously I highly recommend the Young 5's program. My daughter is in it and we having nothing but great things to say about it. She has Mrs. Proben and Mrs. D and they are both great teachers. :-)

M.

Just an F.Y.I. for those looking at the Y5 program at Jackson Center, Livonia:
We received this information home today:
March 10 - Y5 Informational Meeting
March 12 - Y5 Registration (***IF YOU ARE PLANNING ON REGISTERING - BE THERE EARLY***)(I was there, I think, by 5:30am and was the 1st person in line-I had been warned and knew that I wanted AM and Mrs. Proben. Also, if there is a specific teacher you want you need to know their room # at registration. If I'm remembering correctly, everybody else started showing up around 6ish-and there were lots)
March 19 - KSACC Open registration - Jackson Center 6pm - 7:30pm
Also, if you'd like to sit in on the next PTA meeting it's March 11 @ 7pm

Hi M. -

I've read a few of the other Mom's responses and they all seem to speak up on his socialization development. My question is where is he cognitively? Is he writing his letters at all? Can he use scissors properly? Is he drawing at all? If you answer no to these then I would suggest holding him back another year to let his cognitive skills catch up with his social skills. That will go along way where his keeping up with his grade is concerned later on in years. You can always check into whether or not your school district offers a young 5's program, too. Hope this helps - S.

M.,

I struggled with this last year, my sons' birthday are Nov 9 and 19th so both and both of them were/are at the low end of their classes in preschool. I just could tell that although they are smart and inquistive, I just knew he would struggle with the requirements of kindergarten so (and it was not an easy choice) I chose to put him in a Young 5's program in our district. It is kindergarten at a slower pace. I suggest this because if the teacher does not feel they belong then the teacher/parent can progress the child to kindergarten-and after the child completes this program the parent can place the child in regular kindergarten or 1st grade (your choice). I think you will make the best child for your child, you really sound like your concerned and that says alot. My husband was held back a year in school and he bought me a BMW SUV so they are not scared for life.

R.

When my son was 4 he could read anything put in front of him, printed or hand written. He talked about Mazerattis and Lambourginis, slept with car magazines. I was quite shocked when
he was tested and they recommended Young Fives! What I learned was that it wasn't about intelligence. His fine motor skills (scissors and such) weren't as developed as the older boys (Jake's bday is Oct 15). They said he would do okay, but always be younger and smaller than the other boys and it might affect his social skills. We opted to follow their advice and have never regretted it! Jake is now 28. He graduated number 2 in a class of 400. He enjoyed being older and wiser (in his mind!) than some of his friends. I'm very glad we followed the advice! I know a lot of people just hold their kids back without even consulting the cshools, so ther are a lot of older kids. My bday is Dec 24 and I started school at 4 in Delaware, then we moved to CA and I was a full year younger. My Dad said he watched me and knew they should have held me back. I think he was right, but I did fine, it would have just been easier the other way. Jake went to young fives in Lake Orion Schools and loved it! In kindergarten they told us he was gifted and he followed in Lake orion's program for gifted kids. They knew what they were saying! Hope that helps!

M.,
When I saw your son's birthday I just HAD to write! My husband's birthday is Oct 5th and he had always wished that he been "held back" another year. He struggled with certain subjects and now, looking back, says that he would have had a more successful school experience with one more year to mature. He was the youngest of three boys.
You know, they grow up so fast. I have learned not to rush these precious years.
Besides, why not choose to give him an advantage if it is in your power to do so? :)
(I have 4 kids ages 16 down to 5. The 5 year old is a boy and he is not doing any formal school but loves to build puzzles and legos. Great learning activities!)
Hope this helps, J.