Late 5'S in Kindergarten -- Ready or Not?

I was a young five, now a mom with a B-day of Oct. 2. I loved school and did well. I was also very petite, so being younger didn't help.

I wouldn't be concerned with how he will do now, but how he will do when he is in high school. If he will want to play sports, he will probably be smaller than the other freshmen. If he wants to drive like all of his friends, he has to wait an extra year.

As a young five, I can tell you that the advantage of getting through college earlier isn't much. Not being ablet to see a movie with my friends because I wasn't old enough was rough.

I have three boys - one who is a 10/4 birthday and one who is an 11/1 birthday. My 10/4 just finished 1st grade and he is 6 (so he started K when he was 4). He is doing great, but I now wish I had kept him back one year. His older brother is one year ahead of him, and I always joke that if we held him back he would have gotten a cab and hired a lawyer. Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, my 11/1 will probably go at 4 too, just so my husband can go back to work. But if you have other little ones, why not keep him back? It gives you one more year to save for college and he'll be more emotionally ready - not just now, but in middle school and high school, he'll be ahead of the game.

Hi F.,

After having two children go thru all this already, I have some thoughts on this.

First, in my opinion, they can never be too ready. It's not like you miss the boat, so to speak. It's not now or never.
Even when they are smart there are social issues. Remember that the older ones tend to be leaders and not followers.

When at this same fork in the road, my scale tipper was: I thought about the maturity required for college. I felt that when they would need to be strong, independent and wise thinkers, w/o their mother hovering, that the older they were, the better. I think that extra year before college may be more important than the kindergarten issue.

Just my thoughts, good luck,

C.

Hi F. (I have always loved that name!)
My son's birthday is October 6th, so we had the same decision to make. I talked to family, friends, teachers, etc. but the person who made the biggest impact on our decision was our 18 yr. old nephew who asked me if my son (his cousin) would be starting kindergarten when he was 4 or 5. He was asking because his birthday is October 7th, so his parents had to make the same decision when he was starting school. My son was only 2 when he asked this question, and I told him that we hadn't decided yet. He then told me that he wished his parent would have waited until he was 5 to send him, because he always felt like he didn't fit in. He was always younger than everyone else, and he said it affected him a lot. His parents went through a divorce when he was about 13, which took a toll on his schoolwork, and he ended up having to repeat 7th grade. This put him with the kids he would have been with had he started kindergarten at 5. He says it was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he finally felt like he fit. I was floored! His personal experience meant more to me than any other advice that I received. My son was in preschool for two years, and started reading when he was 4-1/2. Academically, he was ready to go to kindergarten at 4 (almost 5) but he is a very bashful kid. So, to allow him to mature socially, we waited to send him to kindergarten and he is now an amazing student! He was in a 2/3 split for 2nd grade and we contemplated moving him up to third grade. His teacher gave him the third grade lessons, and he did great, but his principal was concerned about the emotional impact of jumping a grade and suggested we leave him right where he was. So, since it wasn't broke, we decided not to fix it. He just finished 4th grade, and just seems to fit well with the kids in his grade. He is smart and confident and has really come into his own, and I think that starting him later really made that difference. He likes being older than, taller than, "smarter" than his classmates. He has a very "type a" older brother who tends to overshadow him, so I think having the "upper hand" in his academic life has helped boost his confidence. If I had it to do over again, I would do exactly the same thing and have given the same advice to people in the same situation. I know someone who put their son in at 4-going-on-5 and he had to be held back in 1st grade, because he just wasn't making it. I think that would be much more traumatic for a child than waiting another year and being "just right", or even being a little ahead of the pack academically and socially. I've been told that "girls mature faster than boys" many times...but I would have done the same thing with a girl. In the end, it really comes down to you and your child...you know them best and YOU will know if they are ready or not.
Good luck!
L.

Hi F.,

You probably alrady know that Michigan is one of the later states, in terms of starting times for kindergarten. Many states have the cut-off in the summer, and fall birthdays are put into the following year. But, in Michigan, your child is going to be in a classroom with kids of all different birthdays, and by the time they reach 2-3rd grade, the late birthdays aren't going to matter. Most of the kids'even-out' by then. Keep in mind, that your option would be to put him in a private (tuition-paid) kindergarten, and then transfer him into a public school kindergarten after that. So I think that if the private schools are telling you that he might not fare well emotionally, they mayjust want your tuition money. An October birthday is far from unusual in kindergarten, and if you know your child is ready then I say you put him in there. You know your child. And he won't be the only fall birthday in there. I have a child that I did need to have 2 years of kindergarten, because he needed a year for spech and occupational therapy to catch up with his age group, and it was a very difficult decision to make, as he was the tallest and biggest kid in the class, and he stood out. But now that he is in 2nd grade, so many of the kids are his size or close to it. If you have a chance, take him to the school and have him do kindergarten round-up or an orientation, and you can see the other kids that would be in that class. Also, have him meet the teacher, and ask her what she thinks. Good luck.

trust your gut instinct - if you think he is ready then he is!
I have twins who were 6 weeks premature with a birthday at the end of Sept and went into kindergarten. They were the youngest in the year but have consistently been at or near the top of their class for most stuff. We are originally from the UK where all kids must start full time school at the year they turn 4 so I felt they started late here not early.There there is absolutely no holding back a year which I think is good - someone has to be the youngest in the year! Now finishing 1st grade they are still ahead of most of their peers.....

My son just misses the cutoff so he'll start kindergarten three months before he turns 6. I'm thrilled. Academically he could easily hold his own with older kids. I'm happy he'll have another year for social and emotional growth before making the change. He was in day care full time before starting a montessori preschool program where he is enrolled full time. I'd rather err on the side of the conservative and give the child more time to, well, be a child rather than rush them into "real" school. Why don't you talk to someone about his emotional and social development?

Hello F.,

I am the proud mom of an 8 year old and a 10 month old - both boys! My 8 year old went into preschool turning 4 and kindergarten turning 5 (his birthday is Oct 22). We worked with him at home to prepare him for school but we worried about the social aspect as well. My Pediatrician suggested that we hold him back to allow him to be the top of his class (meaning he would be the oldest in his class and therefore know more) but that didn't seem right when he was already getting tired of waiting for his older counter parts and the things that they did - he was ready for more.My mother was a teacher and said that if he can "hold his own" intellectually, the other students would help him with the social aspects. As mothers usually are, she was one hundred percent correct. He is an out-going 3rd grader, oops 4th grader now and he has tons of friends, plays age appropriate games, reads and writes at a 6th grade level and can hold his own in any argument :-) Do what you feel would be best for your child - try a half day kindergarten and keep in touch with the teacher on a weekly basis. Ask for progress reports outside of the scheduled ones. The teachers are super with Kindergarten classes now and they will do what is necessary to see them succeed. Good Luck with what ever you choose - hope I helped a little :-)

I am not for or against sending kids early. Every child is different and therefore the circumstances/outcome may be different. We totally agonized over sending my (appropriately aged/late June birthday) daughter to Kindergarten after her preschool teacher strongly suggested we first do a Jr.Kindergarten. The teacher felt she needed another year to play. I finally had her tested (Gezelle)and she tested at or above her age all across the board. We also looked at the kids she would be attending with in both scenarios and felt that if we held her back it may not be a good thing for her socially/emotionally (there were a handful of girls in that grade who could be downright mean). There was a lot to think about, but we ended up sending her to Kindergarten instead of holding her back.

So....when she started, she was indeed better off with the group of kids in that Kindergarten class. And that was a great thing for her confidence and self-esteem. However...she had a VERY tough time transitioning to a school day that was 85% schoolwork and only about 15% "play". And that was just a half day of school! She used to constantly tell us how she just wanted to play. Her teacher truly knew she needed to play for another year. She is now almost 7 years old and will be going into the Second grade in the Fall. While she finished first grade above hgrade level in reading, she struggled to get to the class averasge in math (but did finally get there). I am nervous for her for Second grade because my son just finished and so I know firsthand intense the curriculum is for Second Grade in this day/age. We don't regret our decision, because we have seen a lot of issues unfold in the class behind her with those meaner girls---and a child's confidence and self-esteem is more important than academics in our book.

but all that being said, here are some things to think about...

Although your son seems ready, more and more children are "waiting" a year. Therefore, there MAY be quite a difference in where the class average ends up falling.

Today's curriculum---even for Kindergarten---is almost criminal it is so advanced. They now have homework in Kindergarten (typically once a week but every night in First).

The children he will be going through Kindergarten with are the ones he will go through school with for the rest of his schooling (unless you move of course). Keep that in mind.

In your situation, you may/may not want to hold him back if his younger sibling will end up in the same grade with him???

Remember that school today is real work and it is the official end of sweet carefree playtime.

Most importantly, follow your gut instinct, no matter how slight it might be. To this day, although my daughter struggles a bit with math, she is a really happy girl who likes to go to school every day...and I'm not sure that would have happened had I held her back.

Hope I gave you some good things to think about and didn't confuse you even more. It was shocking to experience how agonizing that decision was (it was even worse than deciding between public vs. private!). Good luck with your decision F.---it is a confusing one!

My daughter just completed kindergarten this year as a young 5 year old. She's very bright and extremely verbal and as my husband and I are both tall she looks older. That said, emotionally she was behind the other kids. She had been in day care from 9 weeks and it was a big adjustment leaving friends and teachers that she knew and trusted so well. My biggest clue that there was a challenge was when the school sent home reading material describing the emotional characteristics of a typical 5 year old and she wasn't doing those things yet and it was September. By January she was starting to exhibit some of the behavior as described. She finished up the year with good grades but I had a lot of hurt feelings and tears and frustration and her confidence level was poor. Overall, knowing what I do now I would have put her in a "young fives" program.

He will be fine - don't stress. I have a son who is finishing kindergarten today and one who is entering in the fall as a 4 year old (will be 5 in Nov.). You know your child and his preschool teachers know your child.

Unless there are other concerns you have not mentioned I think he will be fine.

Have fun!

I also have a son with a late birthday, late November in fact. When he was "eligible" to enter kindergarten the fall he turned 5, we elected to put him into developmental kindergarten, and regular kindergarten the following year. He was also totally academically ready to enter when he was 4, but we felt being 17 and entering college might be a hindrance in the long run. He is now in 2nd grade and we are thrilled at waiting a year! he is top of his class, but more importantly he is one self assured little boy. We feel giving him that extra year to mature, while maybe not quite so important when this young was so very important to his growth in the later years. And, with developmental kindergarten (or young 5's as some call it) they teach the same things as kindergarten, just in a different way so at the end of the year if the teachers say he is ready you can put him in 1st grade (at least here in Troy you can) and he will not suffer whatsoever.

I have twin girl's who also have a late October birthday. I sent them to young 5's not because they were not ready for kindergarten but because I wanted them to be older rather than younger than their peers. There is a great deal of peer pressure today and feel it be better that they are older and as a result more mature. I gave it a great deal of thought and spoke with a lot of teachers and all of them agreed on one thing, "You will never regret sending your child too late but, you may regret sending them too soon." That confirmed how I truly felt. I have heard boys mature slower than girl's. My girl's start kinndergarten this fall. I am very happy we made the decision to hold off. Keep us posted and good luck!!!

The advice I got from everyone for my Nov 5th son was WAIT. Especially boys, since puberty will arrive later. I just couldn't see it with my son because he was so smart and if he was bored in pre-school he'd get into mischief. My sister, who has a Masters in early childhood education, had been saying "wait" all along. Then she came for a 6 week visit and after 2 weeks said "send him!" So, it really depends, and its a very hard call at 4! I never regretted it with him. Luckily he's developed along with the other kids and is actually one of the bigger kids (he's going to high school next year) I did notice a lack of maturity especially with organization in 6th grade, but he's where he belongs. Now, my middle son was a Nov 28, and as infants I said whatever I did with 1, I'd do with both since the younger would feel like he was held back. By 3 years old I knew he was not going to be as emotionally mature as my eldest, and I waited. Again, I never looked back. If your gut is speaking to you, listen. I do think its easier to advance a child than regress them, so if there is doubt, wait. Unless he's super smart. and then boredom can be a serious issue, but I still think thats easier to supplement with a private school if you can afford it. Good luck! I know it kept me awake many nights! Trust yourself and then continue to trust your decision, with appropriate attention to his being a young or old 5.

Felecia, My advice is to look at your child's readiness and not the age. You know your child and your teacher knows your child. It sounds like he is ready! Follow your own intution. Those Admins are just looking at a number.

I have had two early 5's. My oldest tested high and ended up being bored in Kindergarten. The teacher gave him more challenging work to keep him excited about school. He just finished 4th grade and is still excelling. My youngest tested well except for fine motor. They talked about having him go to the jr. K program. I decided to put him in regular kindergarten and he also has been doing very well and just finished second grade. K.

Hi F.,

I am a former Kindergarten teacher and currently a preschool director. Yes, with the current "No Child Left Behind" standards, schools and often kindergarten teachers are leary of late birthdays especially for boys. Current trends are often to give late birthdays a growth year before starting so they are more ready to meet the standards. (This may change with the current economy).

However, it is the job of the schools (public at least) to meet the child where they are and bring them up to the standards.

The preschool teacher has seen him in an educational environment. She knows how he attends at group, follows directions, if he stands out with any atypical behaviors, etc. If you trust her and feel he had a quality preschool experience, I would feel very comfortable that he is ready.

Private schools may have different standards and expectations, so this advice may not be relevant to that school.

Good luck with your decision. I know it will be the right one!

My son has a late September birthday so he was a young kindergartener. I put him in at 4 and felt that if he wasn't ready I would rather have him repeat kindergarten than preschool. If he is in a daycare/preschool setting I would think he would be close on the social skills also. Work closely with the teacher if you can but if he is smart enough you dont' want to wait a year and then he is bored..........

Hi !! This is a tough decision. I am a mom of a son with an August Birthday and a teacher. I have struggled with this with my son. We sent him to kindergarten because he had been in preschool 2 years done well, his teachers and my husband and I thought he was ready. In October, we were approached and recommended to move him to DK. We were so surprised. They said that he was behaviorally young... never would have said that. We approached his preschool teacher about this issue and she said no he was fine in her class. But we came to realization that the kindergarten classes sized increased and teachers were feeling overwhelmed with varying abilities and any child with a slight behavior problem was asked to move to DK. We moved him to DK because we liked the teacher and a smaller class sized. He unfortunately has not been pushed academically or behaviorally.
My suggestion like many others is... you know your child best. Maybe spend some time in a Kindergarten classroom and see what is expected of the children and if you son would fit well. But know you mind going in and stick with it. Do not let someone else tell you something different.
One thing to remember is that Kindergarten is not required (recommended but not required). Good luck in your decision.