Hi A.. I just want to share some ideas about what might be coming your way.
IF you don't have a job he can get full custody of the kids based on you not being able to support them financially. You need to go back to work NOW.
Even if he was cheating he is not going to be discounted by doing this. It does not matter in any way. He had one girlfriend or several the whole time they were married. He bragged about how bad she was in bed and he had to go find "it" somewhere else the whole time they were married.
If you go out on a date it will be held against you.
If you expect to live in the family home you will be expected to show the judge how you plan to pay the bills and pay for the kids expenses without any child support or spousal support. He is not expected to provide housing to you or the kids. His income will become his own income the moment he is no longer living in that home. The second you pack his things you are responsible for earning the money to pay those bills. If the home goes in arrears and is put in foreclosure you will be held accountable in court for losing a marriage asset.
The tides have turned towards favoring the husband now. I know several women who were SAHM's and 2 lost custody to the ex. One of my friends hubby's moved out one day and into his girlfriends place. He and the girlfriend bought a house together a few weeks later. He emptied the savings to pay the down payment. He took my friend off the checking, saving, credit cards, both health and car insurance, etc...and she was left with nothing.
She stayed in the family home expecting him to be held accountable for leaving them without anything. He was not. She was told off by the judge. That she should have been intelligent enough to realize the bills had to be paid and she would have to work to support herself now.
He gave the soon to be ex full custody and required my friend to have supervised visits since the judge wasn't sure she had the mental ability to take care of the kids, since she didn't realize bills came due and money had to come from somewhere.
He moved out nearly 3 years ago and he still has full custody of the kids. She does get regular visitation now. My friend pays child support out of her minimum wage job at a nursing home and spousal support. Yes, you read that right, she pays him spousal support.
She makes $7.25 per hour at 40 hours per week. That's $290 per week or $15,080 per year. Minus about 15% for taxes which might leave her with $12,818 per year. Then minimum wage child support is about $168 per month for each child, $336 times 12 months per year, $4032. This doesn't even include if they have insurance she can qualify for, savings, retirement, and any other fees a job might take out.
Take that child support from the adjusted income after taxes, $8786 for spousal support, gasoline, car insurance, rent, utilities, clothing, food, etc....she eats Vienna sausages and cheap mac and cheese most of the time.
Since she doesn't have the kids she does not get any assistance for when they come visit, she has to pay child care out of pocket, she works at a nursing home so she works weekends too.
BTW, her ex makes well over $100K each year and lives in a luxurious home with his girlfriend, her daughter, and my friends kids. While my friend is barely living in a small one room place that has all bills paid.
She never cheated, she never yelled at him, she's a very nice caring person who got the shaft while he walked away with everything.
So you have to be fully prepared. Just because he says he'll be a good dad and do what's right does not mean the attorney he hires won't tell him how good he can have it if he just lets the attorney file all the right paperwork.
Let him live there as long as possible. Leave his stuff right where it is, in your bedroom. Claim he's still living there and receiving his mail there. If he is the primary money earner you need to go to work now. Once the divorce is final and support is set you can always quit if you want to.
I feel bad for you. He's one of the worst kinds of people around.