If there was a possible chance of finding out if your husband cheated on you from the past, would you try to find out? If you're marriage was already (currently) in trouble would you want to know anyway or do you think it would be irrelevent?
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Been there, done that...yes. Knowing is painful and messy and awful and changes everything but who wants what should be their most trustworthy, honest, important relationship to be a lie?
I would want to know. I cannot stand liars. Lying is one of the worst offences in life in my opinion.
be prepared for what you do find out. either way.
I would absolutely want to know.
I'd rather deal with a messy reality than live a tidy lie.
Yes.
- STD tests for myself & my kids being the #1 reason.
Yes, I'd want to know. But how relieable is your source? What are you going to do with the information which ever way it is?
Do you have a desire to make the marriage work or are you looking for an excuse to get out? Of course it takes two to make any marriage work.
Just throwing questions out there. Just sayin'
Yep--the first thing I would do is get myself tested for STDs, and then give him a choice--counseling, or splitting up.
I'd want to know. Living with the uncertainty would be depressing, and lead to permanent insecurity. Better to know up front and deal with it. Sending comforting thoughts your way.
I'd want to know. There are issues in my marriage that I have chosen to accept and work with - and they would make this a bigger deal than it usually is - and it is usually a very big deal!
yes, I cannot live with not knowing what directly impacts me & my future.
I always knew when my ex cheated. Believing what I was seeing was much harder but I always knew.
You already know, why do you need evidence? Every women I've ever known that has "suspected" has been correct. When we know, we know.
My husband / SO having sex with another wouldn't be a "deal breaker", lying about it might be.
Absolutely, positively!
Listen to yourself.....If your marriage is in trouble already, what is the difference whether he cheated in the past? Clearly your gut is telling you what you already know, make a decision and move forward, not backward by digging up the past, that I assume is sitting right in front of you in the present. Let it go and move forward.
Past - over and done with? No I wouldn't want to know. If he was a serial cheater, then yes, I would want to know.
If my marriage was in trouble - yes I'd want to know then. It may be the straw that broke the camel's back. Or if we were trying to work through our issues, we may as well throw all of the issues on the table and start with a clean slate.
I would want to know but I would already have an action plan if it turned out to be fact: money stashed, a place to go, clothes at a friend's house...
I would want to know. I don't believe that cheating situations that are kept secret are ever in the past. It's a vital piece of information that the spouse has every right to know for a few reasons.
1. The marriage isn't what the spouse actually thinks it is.
2. The spouse isn't who the other spouse actually thinks s/he is.
3. The spouse deserves the chance to decide whether or not to remain in the marriage.
4. Lies and deceit in a marriage are never, ever acceptable.
5. The spouse deserves the chance to get tested for STD's.
6. The spouse deserves to know that there's at least one third party that's been invited into their marriage that may or may not have expectations of their spouse and may or may not bring complications (such as a baby) into their marriage.
Cheating is ALWAYS relevant even when it's supposedly "in the past." A marriage is only as strong as its weakest link.
Why are you asking? What was your (or what did you think), your marriage was based upon? How long did you know your man before you made the decision to marry?
I would want to know. It's a dealbreaker for me, too. I don't trust liars, period.
What is in the past is in the past as far as I am concerned. If you dig up the past you will find things you don't like, continue resentments, etc.
I would let it go. However, I have not been in a situation where my hubby cheated nor is my marriage on the rocks.
Agree with Kim and TF. No, I wouldn't want to know if it was in the past and over and done with.
