Would You Want to Know?

Yes, I would want to know, and if any of the school moms that I know approached me, I would be happy that they advised me of the situation. However, if it was a person I knew just in passing, I think I'd be defensive.

Whether to inform the mom or not, depends on how well you know her.

I would not I have had bad experience. Some parents don't want to hear the truth about their own kids..which they own some level probably already suspected.

I would want to know! Yes, you might run into some conflict for telling but I think it's worth it.

Your daughter sounds amazing! Good job Mom!

i think you should be concerned about your daughter only. if the word gets out and gets traced to your daughter, her life in school may become hell. why would you want that disrupted? sure, the girls mom needs to know, but not at the cost of your daughter's safety and happiness.

If this were my daughter, I would want to know but without knowing this mom, there's no telling what her reaction would be. A while back, I read an article about a mom who was unaware that her pre-teen daughter was being sexually active until one day she received a letter in the mail from an unknown source -- supposedly from another mom -- and the letter started out with, "It takes a village to raise a child. I am a mother of a daughter who also goes to your daughter's school. If this is my daughter, I would want to know . . .," and then I guess she went on to put all of the information out there in a kind and empathetic way. Obviously, the mom who had received the letter was devestated but it opened the door for her to have a honest and straight forward with her daughter about sex, peer pressure, valuing her own self, and yada, yada, yada. I always thought this was a cool way of handling an otherwise delicate and potentially very emotion situation.

I'm glad to hear that your daughter is making really great decisions. Keep up the good work Momma!

Hi Sheri, i would not go approach the mom at this point. Nor would i go to a teacher or councelor, because it's hear say, and at this point it becomes gossip. This girl may have a real problem or she may be saying these things for attention, she may think it will make her popular. You said you know the mom, so what kind of mom is she? is she close to her daughter, does she keep her daughter well supervised. does she keep a tight rein on her daughter, or is she a mom who is always at work at has no idea what her daughter is up to? Those are things to take into consideration. Has your daughter said anything about this girl coming on to the boys, or flirting in a not so innocent way? you really need some proof before you do anything with this, cause this girl may be all talk, and it can come back with a vengences on your daughter. it's plain to see you are raising your right, so give yourself a pat on the back and your daughter a hug for being awesome.
I think you need to witness what your daughter is seeing and hearing, then it's from one concerned parent to another, at this point, it's my daughter said your daughter said, i can tell you that's probably not going to go well, not that your daughter is not telling you the truth, i'm sure she is, but you really don't want to go into this with a she said she said, but coming from a mom hearing this stuff, that's a whole other playing field. Lets us not how it all comes out, J.

Updated

Hi Sheri, i would not go approach the mom at this point. Nor would i go to a teacher or councelor, because it's hear say, and at this point it becomes gossip. This girl may have a real problem or she may be saying these things for attention, she may think it will make her popular. You said you know the mom, so what kind of mom is she? is she close to her daughter, does she keep her daughter well supervised. does she keep a tight rein on her daughter, or is she a mom who is always at work at has no idea what her daughter is up to? Those are things to take into consideration. Has your daughter said anything about this girl coming on to the boys, or flirting in a not so innocent way? you really need some proof before you do anything with this, cause this girl may be all talk, and it can come back with a vengences on your daughter. it's plain to see you are raising your right, so give yourself a pat on the back and your daughter a hug for being awesome.
I think you need to witness what your daughter is seeing and hearing, then it's from one concerned parent to another, at this point, it's my daughter said your daughter said, i can tell you that's probably not going to go well, not that your daughter is not telling you the truth, i'm sure she is, but you really don't want to go into this with a she said she said, but coming from a mom hearing this stuff, that's a whole other playing field. Lets us not how it all comes out, J.

I would want to know, HOWEVER, I would NOT approach the mom.

My daughter and I have wide open lines of communication and I would not do ANYTHING that might jeopardize that. If you go to the mom, it could possibly come back to you and your daughter.

I agree, an adult needs to know. I would start by alerting a teacher or guidance counselor ( making sure your info is confidential and your name will not be used).

A coach got wind of some online activity at our school and then she took charge of it. The parents (and children) involved in letting her know what was going on were never exposed.

Just my two cents worth.

I would not say anything to the mom, but perhaps take the idea to the school that kids are talking about finding sex and other inappropriate sites on the internet and perhaps it's time for the school to host a parent information meeting on the subject. (Our school district happens to be having one next week so it's on my mind). It's a great way for the school to get information out to parents and get them talking to their kids about this stuff and put the appropriate filters in place on their computers.

I know there's a lot of dangers out there for our kids, but I also know that I said things in school that I shouldn't have and I would have been mortified if my mother was notified about everything I said. If she was talking about chatting with people online or possibly going to meet someone obviously then I think you should say something. But she might just be all talk, and even if she did find a few sites it's not the worst thing in the world. I remember a friend of mine found her father's Playboy when we were kids and we looked at it.

Good luck,
K.

I personally would want to know. If you know the mother well enough, I would mention it in a casual way.....
I think you have a smart little girl there based on her actions in the uncomfortable situation. And what a great thing that she can talk to you about it! Way to go, Mom!

Yes, I'd want to know. I actually just went through this with a family friend's son. My 14 year old hesitantly told me (knowing she should and worrying what it would do to their relationship). My husband talked to his Dad and he was very appreciative. My husband actually got a call from the boy apologizing for putting us through this.....

Parents can't control or protect their children if they don't know what's going on. If the family doesn't appreciate it, so be it. As far as your child being harassed at school, I'm sorry I can't help there. Just keep close tabs on her and make her promise she'll tell you if the kids do bother her. Your job is to protect your child. You may have to take steps you don't like if problems occur, but you CAN do it!

God bless!

M.

Yes, I'd tell the mom. It sounds like the other kids don't like this girl that much, so I doubt they'd care if your daughter told on her.

Also, I work at a middle school, and at that age they still happily tell on each other. One time I asked a group of kids which one of them did something, and a dozen arms flew up and pointed at this kid.

If it were one of my kids, I would certainly want to know. She is much too young to be getting into all of that - she's naive and it could wind up in chat rooms, or other online sites that she doesn't understand the dangers of.

She could also get herself into quite a bit of trouble in the real world. I would talk with her mother and let her know whats going on.... if nothing else to help protect her.

And also, to possibly keep her away from your daughter, or to stop the foul language and sex talk.

If it were me I would definitely go to her parents.

Perhaps a combination of the previous responses. Talk to the principal (or someone) at the school. Tell them what you know. Let THEM tell the girl's mother. That way no other students or parents have to be mentioned.

I also think you should tell--somebody. I hadn't thought about telling the school until Krista said it. That may be the best approach. I was going to suggest telling the mom, and then asking her to not tell her daughter that she heard anything but just putting a parental block on the computer. But you couldn't be sure the mom wouldn't tell her daughter, and then it could be hell for your daughter at school. But if you call the school--you could possibly even call anonymously. Or if you have to give your name, I think the school official would be more apt to not give his source away and the girl wouldn't know who told, since she apparently announced it in the lunchroom where anyone could have overheard and said something.

I would want to know. However, there are many people out there who think their children can do no wrong and so you can't be sure as to how she will receive this information. The mom may think your daughter is just saying that cause they aren't friends anymore. The world of girls and bullying is terrible. There are people who are so nieve to think their kid wouldn't do anything like that.

Hi Sheri.
What a horrible position to be in for you and your daughter. I think that as a mom, I would want to know. If your are friends with this girls mom, maybe you could talk to her directly. Let her know that even thought the girls aren't close anymore you still care about her and want her to be safe. Remember, you aren't telling to rat her out... you are telling to protect her.
Another way to approach it might be by talking to the counselor at the school. My daughter had information about a former friend of hers being suicidal. I didn't know the other mom well enough to call her up and tell her, so I talked to the counselor and asked if there was anything she could do. She called the mom in to the school and told her that the information had been given to her by a concerned student's family. The counselor got the girl and her mom together to talk and the girl ended up going to an inpatient facility to get help. If saved her life.
You know the old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." I know some people don't want anyone in their business, but it is much better than letting something happen to the child without at least trying to intervene.
I also want to say, props to your little girl for having the courage to tell you about the problem. You are doing something right!
Good luck!

Absolutely you should tell the mother. SHe needs to have a parental block on her computer no 12 year old should be looking at that stuff.

I would definitely get in touch with her mother. If it were my child, I would want to know.

You could also go the other route and call the school. If the behavior is going on in school, they could address it from that aspect and leave you/your daughter out of the dialogue. Either way this girl is screaming for attention and she's going to find it- maybe in some very negative places.

Your daughter may be angry with you for contacting the mother, but at least you will know that you acted on a situation that just doesn't feel right.

If it were me, I would let the school know, and let them be the one to contact the mother. I like to stay out of confrontation, and the truth is a lot of parents are oblivious, and their children can do no wrong, so you take the chance that the mother would get defensive and tell you to mind your own business... You don't want that. Because then there is a whole other problem.

I think your daughter handled herself beautifully in this situation. Kudos to you, mom, for giving her such a good sense of self control and confidence.
I think in the conversation with the other mom I would bring up the subject of Mary told me this is going on at school. That way you are not accusing her daughter but bringing it to her attention that other girls are doing this and she may need to monitor her own daughter's computer time.
If you are very good friends then I say tell her outright, but if you are just Mary;s mommy I wouldn't say anything more.
Her daughter will start losing friends, and all this will be evident soon enough. Take care of yoru own daughter continue building her moral fiber.

I would want know...Kudos for your daughter for leaving the table this is what I teach my children to do if someone is being direspectful or having an issue get away from them you don't want to be a follower...As for telling the mom tell her so what if it makes the girl upset womeon needs to know I hope she isn't playing around with sex at this age she has no idea what she is getting herself into and she needs to be talked too..As for the girls giving her a hard time aboutt it school is almost over with next year there will be other issues to handle..Your daughter is worried about her old friend because she knows this girl is doing some risky behaviors and she doesn't want to see her hurt or in trouble..Have you asked your daughter why they split up being friends oter than what you stated above.. Your a mom you would want to know right

I would DEF. want to know and I have to add that your daughter is brave and awesome for bringing this to your attention and especially for taking a stand by removing herself from a situation she did not want to be subjected to. Awesome job to you as a Mom as well!

The saying "It takes a village" applies here.
We as parents cannot shadow our children every second.
Therefore, we do depend on the eyes and ears of others.
There are two groups of people who NEED to be informed
(whether they want to or not)
The parents, and also the teacher(s), counselor(s), Principal AND any "after-care" adults involved inthe care of these children.

The WORST thing to do would be nothing!

The main goal is to protect our children and keep them safe.
Most times, we as parents have to get out of our comfort zones to accomplish that goal. Telling another parent about inappropriate behaviour or conversation their child is engaging in may be uncomfortable and awkward, and it MIGHT even have a negative effect on your parent to parent relationship, however, that does not even compare in importance to the welfare of ALL children involved.

Of course, you can approach the parents yourself-which I would not have a problem doing myself, but that may be different for you for a variety of reasons, or you can circumvent any uncomfortable confrontation or subsequent conflict by bringing it to the attention of the proper school authorities and have them address it. But I would make SURE it IS addressed.

There are posiive and negative influences throughout our lives. In my business we are trained that you have to limit your exposure to certain people in your life, or sometimes completely eliminate those negative influences. "If you can't change the people you hang around, then you have to change the people you hang around" as the saying goes.

Good luck to you and your daughter and again congratulations for having such an open and honest relationship and raising a child with enough of a backbone not to subject herself to people or things she chooses not to have in her life. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything".

S.