Would You Say He Is a Dead Beat????

He certainly doesn't sound like Father of the Year. I hope he pays child support. If not, I think you need to see that he does.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like he has a alcohol/drug problem. It is always hard to watch a loved on go down that path. Even if he isn't doing much he is still her father so of course she loves him wants a good relationship with him (even if it is not realistically going to happen). If you can find a way to say he has problems of his own that get in the way of him being as good father as he could be maybe that is one way to put it. It can be tricky to not bad mouth him to your daughter while you clearly don't approve of his lifestyle. If he is smoking weed he probably has very little motivation to do anything. Eventually your daughter will figure that out. (We had family friends split up over drug problems when I was in my early teens and you can be sure I avoided drugs completely as a teenager and adult having seen their example.) Also, it may not be fair for you to do all the driving but it may be a LOT safer for your daughter.

I worked with kids in foster care. Nearly every parent said they loved their kids, even if they couldn't do a good job being a parent for some reason. Nearly all kids wanted to be loved by their parents, even if the parents were abusive or neglectful.

Yah, he is. To put it nicely.
There are other words to describe him.... not as nice.

Well it certainly sounds like he has his priorities in a jumble. Continue to take the high road and not bad-mouth him or put him down in front of your daughter. Teenagers are a lot more observant than parents give them credit for. She knows he's screwing up. Just keep the lines of communication open with your daughter and be there for her when she needs you. :) Good luck.

Dead beat is probably the nicest thing you can say. You are doing great. If she wants to see him you keep taking her. Do right by your daughter. She will give you the red light when she is DONE dealing with the BS. Trust me she will remember everything you've done for her with this situation. And It doesn't sound like you are but never NEVER bad mouth him in front of her or to her.
High Five to a Good Mom!!!

He's a loser. But you are doing the right thing by not bad mouthing him. My mom let me find out for myself. My dad (may he rest in peace) wasn't there less than half the time! He'd say he was coming to get my sis & I but never showed up. He didn't use the best judgement when it came to me either. Once he took me to the movies & when we left, he actually walked me to the curb & put up his thumb to hitch us a ride!!! In NYC!!!
Anyway, your girl is lucky to have you & your hubby. Just do the best you can. Maybe your hubby can spend one on one time with her so she knows how a real man is suppose to treat their kids. And let him continue. If she wants to see her dad, drive all the way there. And when she wants to leave, pick her up. You're doing great things for her. You're showing her you trying to be the best mom & give her what she wants. She'll come to her own conclusions about him sooner than you think.

As a side note, be careful that he's not spiteful. Maybe you'll want to consider getting full custody of her so if she desides she's done with him, he can't do nothing about it. Just a thought. And good luck.

So sorry your family is going through this! I would encourage your daughter to establish a great relationship with her step-dad if he is a good provider for her. Tell her that some people are capable and mature enough to have kids, some are not. Some do the right things, some do not. Tell her its not her fault what her dad does or doesn't do. If he doesn't contact her for 6 mos or a year-- its not her fault---its stuff that has to deal with him. Reassure her of this! Then say your step-dad would love to have a relationship with you (if thats true for him) and have him start making efforts to get to know her better and do dad/daughter stuff together. Best wishes....

M

He absolutely is a dead beat dad. Hopefully your husband is more like a father to her. Very sad, but you cannot change him. You can, however, demand child support from him. Get a lawyer!!!!!!!!

I am sorry to hear that. It doesn't sound like he will win any awards for being a great dad. But when your daughter asks about him, encourage her to call him, and keep communication open between you all.

When she says "I haven't heard from my dad" what if you said "how does that make you feel?" Ask her if she's told him how she feels when he doesn't call her. Once SHE opens up and if SHE starts to say "well, I think he doesn't love me and he certainly doesn't show it, etc." then you can just go from there with things like "honey, I'm sure he loves you, but I'm not sure he knows how to show you. I don't understand it b/c you are really great and I feel like he's missing out on something special, but sometimes people just don't do what they should do and they won't even know that they've messed up until much later. That may be able to lead into something along the lines of "you are old enough to decide if you want to see him or if you want to move on more with your life and maybe not see him as much." See how SHE says. You don't have to bad mouth him to let her express her feelings and it's ok to agree with her and tell her it frustrates you too.